The characters belong to JE. I receive nothing from this, but it sure is fun.
Chapter 8
Ranger's POV
I never realized just how much of a nightmare Morelli's life is. After I left Rangeman yesterday, I spent the rest of the day looking for my Babe and avoiding Terry Gilman. That mob princess is downright crazy. She practical stalked me all day. Normally I would have put a stop to it, but I keep driving around Trenton looking for Babe and calling her on Morelli's cell phone. Everywhere I went, she followed. I lost count of the number of phone calls she made to Morelli's phone. I refused to answer, since I was more concerned with finding my Babe.I would have turned the phone off, but I was hoping that Babe would call me back. Terry even followed me around in the grocery store I stopped by on my way back to Morelli's house. I ignored her as she followed me down each and every aisle.
That evening when I pulled in Morelli's driveway, I couldn't avoid her any longer. Terry walked up behind me as I climbed out of Morelli's truck.
"Hey, Stallion. Why haven't you been answering my calls?" She asked, attempting to press up against me. I quickly moved out of her reach.
"Busy." I replied.
"No, you haven't. All you did all day was drive around Trenton. You started off at Rangeman, drove by the Bond's office, Pino's, the Plum's and finally the grocery store. Don't tell me you're trying to get back with Stephanie again." She said making another attempt to press herself up against me.
Instead of answering, I took another step away from Terry, this time folding my arms across my chest and raising my eyebrow.
"What's the matter with you, Joe?" Terry snaps, stomping her foot like a five year old that lost her favorite toy. "Everyone knows that she doesn't love you. She's in love with Ranger. And all of Trenton knows that he's in love with her. You can't stay in denial about this. They belong together, just like we belong together!"
Everyone is Trenton knows that I'm in love with Babe. I've worked hard to keep my emotions hidden, especially in public. I guess all those trips to the alley with Babe didn't go unnoticed like I had hoped. I should have taken the time to go deeper into the alley. I was always in such a hurry to kiss her, to touch her. Way to be aware of your surroundings, Manoso.
"Can we do this later?" I request. Joe can deal with her after we switch our bodies back.
"Fine, but if you go back to her again, we're done. I mean it this time. The next time you and Plum break up, don't call me to pick up the pieces." Terry said, storming back to her car.
Well, at least she's gone. I reached back into the truck, grabbed the bags of groceries headed into Morelli's house.
I went into the kitchen and turned on the oven so it could preheat while I put away the groceries. There's one advantage to being trapped in Morelli's body. I've always told Babe that I am an opportunist and I was taking this opportunity to eat all the food I normally avoid. I really bought too much junk food, but I couldn't resist. I bought three pints of ice cream, bags of chips, countless candy bars, a half a dozen cupcakes, and a chocolate pie. Once I slide the lasagna into the oven, I couldn't resist going back to the freezer for a pint of chocolate chip ice cream. It took a couple of minutes to find a spoon, but when I did, I ripped off the lid of the ice cream, took a bite, and moaned. I haven't had ice cream in years. By the time the lasagna was done the ice cream was gone.
The next morning I regretted eating the entire lasagna, and all of that junk food. I spent most of the mornign resting my head on Morelli's bathroom floor trying to recover from my food binge, when Morelli's cell phone rang for the third time this morning. It was Terry so I hit ignore. Morelli's mom had already called twice this morning . The first time was to remind me that I was expected at dinner tonight. The second time she called she told me to go by the store and bring wine to dinner tonight. I had tried to explain to Mrs. Morelli that I was sick, but she wouldn't listen. She just said to take some Maalox and to be at her house by six. To be honest, if this is what Morelli put up with on a daily basis, I feel bad for him. I actually think his mother is as bad as Babe's mom.
So at 1730 hours, I was standing in a store trying to pick out a couple of bottles of wine for dinner when Morelli's phone rang again.
"Yo." I answered.
"Really Joseph, what's gotten into you? Since when do you answer the phone with 'yo'? You sound like a thug. What would the neighbors think if they heard you answer the phone that way?" Morelli's mother ranted.
Maybe I could shoot myself in the arm and get out of dinner tonight. "Do you need something?" I asked.
"Don't forget to bring flowers for Abigail. And don't forget dinner is at six. Don't be late. It's -bye, Dear." She said before hanging up on me.
If that lady thinks that I'm going to bring flowers to a woman that I don't even know, she's crazy. I only send flowers to two women in my life. I always make a point to send flowers to my mother on Mother's Day and my Babe. I don't send flowers to Babe very often, but I plan on changing that as soon as I find Diesel and make him change us back.
I arrived at Mrs. Morelli's right at 1800 hours . When I climbed out of the truck Morell's Grandma Bella was waiting for me on the front porch. Babe has told me countless stories about Morelli's grandmother. The lady goes all over the 'Burg threatening to put 'the eye' on anyone that doesn't bend to her will. That reminds me, I need to send her a gift basket for the whole 'vordo' incident. Not that I really believe that Grandma Bella put an actually curse on my Babe. I that all that 'curse' did was give Babe the excuse she needed to give herself permission to sleep with me without feeling guilty about it later. Real or not, Morelli's grandmother deserved a thank you gift.
"My little Joseph!" Bella said, wrapping her arms around me. I had to smile at the thought that my Babe is willing to tackle at FTA that is twice her size, but she's terrified on this tiny elderly woman.
"Let me look at you, Joseph." Bella ordered, bringing my head down far enough that she could look me directly in my eyes. She used her frail hands to move my head side to side, before looking at me directly in the eyes a second time. "This is not right. Something is different. Did that gypsy girl put a spell on you? Tell me Joseph, if she did, I will give her 'the eye'. I will make her barren and cause her hair to fall out. She cannot us gypsy magic my favorite grandson, unless she suffers the consequences."
I could feel a lump forming in my throat. Babe's right. Morelli's grandmother is nuts. I thought my Babe came from a scary gene pool, but her family has nothing on Morelli's family.
"Gypsy girl?" I ask. I'm almost positive that Bella is referring to the fact that Babe is half Hungarian.
"Yes, that Bounty Hunting Bimbo that tricks you into living in sin with her on occasion. She is not a proper match for you, my Joseph. She is only half Italian. She is not good enough to marry a Morelli man."
I was about to inform her that Stephanie Plum was too good to marry a Morelli when I heard Morelli's mother say, "Joseph and that Plum girl are no longer together, Grandma Bella. Now behave yourself tonight. If you start talking about visions and curses during dinner, you scare of Abigail. She may be out only hope for Joseph to settle down and raise a good Italian family. He's not getting any younger."
"Fine…Fine. I will behave myself." Grandma Bella said as she walked passed Mrs. Morelli , into the house.
Unfortunately, Grandma Bella going into the house meant that Mrs. Morelli's attention was entirely on me. "Young man, where are the flowers that I told you to bring for Abigail?" Well, at least you remembered to bring the wine. Come on in the house, were having pot roast, mashed potatoes with gravy, and brown sugar glazed carrots. I put extra brown sugar in the carrots just how you like it. What are you standing there for, come in. I'd hate for the pot roast to be dry because you were standing out on the porch.
I can't believe that I'm doing this. I should have called Tank and asked him to shoot me. He can't stand Morelli any more that I can. He would have been more than happy to shoot me in the arm or leg. All it would take is a flesh wound to get me out of coming to dinner. Morelli could have time off from work to heal. It would have been a win/win situation for everybody.
I followed Mrs. Morelli into the dining room, where there was a woman in ther early thirties already sitting at the table.
"Joseph, you remember Abigail Romano. Why don't you take the seat next to Abigail? Your grandmother and I will bring dinner in from the kitchen.
Abigail was a petit girl, much shorter than my Babe. She had straight blond hair and green eyes. She was pretty in a plain sort of way, but she couldn't hold a candle next to my Babe.
"I go by Abby now." She said standing up and shaking my hand. Then she leaned over and whispered, "No offense, but I've already heard all about you. You seem like a nice enough guy, but I'm just not interested. I'm only here because my mother made me."
"No offense taken. I'm only here out of obligation." I said glancing towards the kitchen door.
"Thank God." Abby smiled. "I was worried that this would be awkward. I have a friend that's supposed to call me with a fake emergency. I was concern that your feelings would hurt if I just got up to leave."
"I should have thought of that. I'm afraid that I may be stuck her for the duration."
"Do you want to give me your number? I could call you after I leave. You could say it was an emergency at work." She offered.
"I owe you one." I said, giving her pulling Morelli's business card out of his wallet and handing it to Abby.
"You can pay me back by letting me know if you hear of any good jobs in Trenton. I don't know how long I can survive at my parent's house. So far the only job I can find is a waitress on the graveyard shift at a truck stop." Abby said rolling her eyes. "I'm almost desperate enough to take it."
"I might know of something. I'll get back with you." I have been meaning to hire someone to work the first floor reception desk at Rangeman. I need my men working out in the field, not sitting behind the desk answering the phone. I know better than to offer the job to Babe. It would be too boring to hold her interest. I need to ask Babe if she thinks Abby would be good for the job. I'm sure she know Abby from growing up in the 'Burg.
"Oh look, Grandma Bella! Our Joseph and Abigail have already hit it off. He gave her his business card. This is wonderful!" Mrs. Morelli exclaimed as she carried the pot roast into the dining room.
Less than ten minutes into dinner, Abby phone began to ring. She excused herself to the living room and came back a few minutes later.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Morelli. My friend Jenna was in an accident. She needs me to give her a ride home from the hospital." Abby fibbed.
"I'm sorry about your friend, Dear. I'm sure my Joseph understands, don't you Joseph?" Mrs. Morelli said. I had to concentrate to keep form laughing. Mrs. Morelli continued, "Your friend will probably be hungry after going through such an ordeal. Let me wrap up leftovers to send with you. Joseph, I'm sure that Abigail is upset about her friend's accident. Why don't you drive her to the hospital and help her take her friend home.
I nodded in agreement. There was no way I was passing on an opportunity to get out of this house. Morelli is going to owe me for suffering through tonight.