Love Struck
Chapter 168 – Do It Or Die Trying
Shadow's POV 1 week later
Gently running the small blade over my wrist I watched as my blood dripped onto my fur.
"Ahhhhh...hhhhh...?" I breathed in and out slowly feeling as the warmth rolled under the fur and on my bare skin. It felt good...really good.
Slowly looking up I pulled the blade back and rested it on the table next to my bed.
Gently then I lifted up my blood covered arm and began to lick the blood off and into my mouth gently swallowing the now cold liquid.
It covered my teeth and tongue as I thought deeply about something...something really important.
I had a small feeling about what death was going to have me do in order to bring back Amy and my son and I never dreamed it would come to this. Of course I don't know for sure yet, but as I said...it's just a feeling.
Slowly picking back up the blade I looked at my other arm.
The skin had grown back and the fur was starting to come with it. It was black at the least. My head was doing better especially because of this relief and well...everything else was just falling back in line healing steady as I prepared myself for the times ahead.
I don't know what I've managed to come to but at least I still have people beside me. Like Ghost and Raptor.
Despite the fight me and Ghost had before I sent Carver and Dom to work we still managed to make up. The thing that bothers me now is that how many more times can we call it even? How many chances do both I and him have left? Now that Dove is buried along with Frost what do we do? I lost all about my life after Amy and being there I can see Ghost is starting too as well. I don't know what to tell him anymore and all I can do is watch, but that seems like everything till now. I watched so much...never once could I stop it from happening. Ghost is trying his best to keep me here with him mentally but I don't know...the only thing that matters is bringing back my love and my little boy. Ghost can't stop that from happening, I already promised both death and myself I would do everything he wanted to, to make it happen and it will happen. I just don't know when or how.
More blood spilled down my arm as I moved on to Raptor deep in my calm thoughts.
Raptor is getting better. Marx got his tongue back and slowly it's getting back to normal. I don't know about taste but at least he sounds better. Alicia is with him nearly all the time along with Smoke and his men from special forces always trying their best to get his memory back on track. So far he's remembered me and Ghost along with Archer and Hannon. He's getting there but certain things keep evading his grasp. I think by next week it will be much better and maybe soon after he'll be able to deal with fighting again. I can't lose him though. He's special and the only couple left I care about is him and Alicia. I let mine die and Ghost's fade away in a flash of a muzzle. His though...I will make sure it lasts. Even if I die trying.
"Knock! Knock! Knock!"
Gently I heard the door open and it was Ghost.
"Hey, Shadow." He said calmly as he shut the door entering.
Quickly I covered my arm with the covers and looked back his way to see him there with a confused face.
"What's wrong?" I asked as he looked at me.
"Are you ok?" He asked as I hid my arm badly.
Quickly he widened his eyes and rushed me to uncover the bloody sheet.
"Oh my god Shadow!" He shouted as he pulled out his bandana from his back pocket.
I flinched as he held down the blood and quickly he asked.
"What the hell is wrong with you?! I thought you were ok?"
Looking into his eyes I replied.
"How can I be when things are going to hell?"
Ghost lowered his head as I took over with the bandana.
"What's wrong brother?"
I didn't reply as he took my shoulder.
"What's wrong?" He asked as I replied.
"I can't handle this!" I stated about to break down.
Ghost took me in his arms as I said.
"I'm not able to lead Ghost! One war was enough! I can't handle a second!"
"Relax! Relax!" He begged as he ran his hand over my red streak on the top of my head.
"It's too much." I cried as he replied.
"Let Hannon handle things for a while."
"No!" I shouted as he asked.
"Why not?"
"He runs troops Ghost! I run the whole fucking army! He can't do what I do!" I stated as he replied.
"Have you talked to Marx about this yet?"
"Yes, but he says the same thing. I need to take a break, but look what happens every time I do! Someone dies and I wasn't there to save them!" I shouted as he lifted me up.
"You can't save everyone." He stated as I asked.
"What if it was you? What if you died tomorrow if I decided to go on break?"
Ghost looked away as I replied.
"See what I mean? I can't stop leading this Ghost. I need to continue but its just fucking hard!" I stated as he nodded.
"I understand Shadow it's hard but you can't lose faith this close. Just relax, you still have me here with you. I haven't died yet." He stated as I asked.
"Do you plan on dieing soon?!"
"No of course not! I just mean you haven't lost everyone yet and Amy is still looking down on you, watching as you do this to yourself!" He stated as he got me to look at my arm.
"You need to stop and if not for me then for her! Please just take a breath and do what you have to do to make this work out." He begged as I nodded my head.
"Come on." He urged me as he raised me up off my bed.
Slowly I followed him. Most likely off to another session.
The next like two chapters are short so I'll get them up as well for you tonight if I can handle it all.