Chapter 19: It Only Gets Worse

"Lily? Lily! Lily, where are you?" I heard a voice say. It sounded troubled. I felt really weird, like I'd just woken up from a coma. I felt numb all over. The feeling in my toes was slowly coming back though, and I started to feel the weight on my legs again, and even the cool breeze against my ears.

"Lily!" The voice gasped. It sounded hurt and distressed. "Merlin's beard, that is Lily!" The voice said a lot more clearly. I felt this weird urge to go towards the voice, but then I realized, I couldn't see. Everything was dark.

"Prongs, come on. We should just go and leave them be." Another voice said. What? Who's we? Who else is here besides me?

"But Pad-" The first voice protested weakly.

"Prongs, come on." The second voiced repeated sternly.

"Why, why would she do this?" The first voice asked sadly, but it was moving away. The voices sounded familiar, I realized, really familiar. Wait, it was James. And the second voice, that was Sirius! My eyes shot open. I saw a tan face, brown eyebrows and the eyes were closed. My nose was touching their nose. And my mouth…was on theirs? I staggered backwards. The boy's eyes shot open. He looked alarmed. His blue eyes flashed dark, almost black. He spun on his heel and ran. As he ran, I could see his hair turning darker. That definitely wasn't normal.

This was all too confusing. What just happened. I sat down on the nearest bench. Alright, what did I know? All I knew was that I was supposed to meet James, I was going there, I felt a weird tingling sensation, then sometimes later, I hear James' and Sirius' voices and I open my eyes to find my mouth pressed against some random kids'. That would explain why James ran off. I sighed. James thought I kissed someone who I didn't know I was kissing because I don't even remember who this kid was, nor do I remember ever seeing him. But then, there was the person I knocked into right before I felt the weird tingling sensation. But no, how could their lips just end up on mine, and how could I not remember?

"Lily?" I looked up quickly, hoping it was James so I could explain what happened. But, it was Marlene cautiously walking towards me. She sat down gingerly next to me. "Why exactly were you snogging some other kid?" She asked slowly, her face full of shock. I put my head in my hands.

"I don't know Marlene. One second I was running towards you, then I felt this weird tingling sensation, then another second, I open my eyes to find my lips pressed against someone else's! I'm so confused, Marlene! I don't know what happened or why! And James and Sirius saw the whole thing! And I don't know how I'm going to explain this to him. Knowing James, he won't even want to come within a mile of me! Everything is so wrong right now! Nothing makes sense. I'm horribly confused and it's annoying me that I'm this confused. I don't like being so confused!" I spilled out. She studied my face a little and then probably realized I was telling the truth because her brown eyes were filled with sympathy and she hugged me tightly.

"We'll fix this. We'll find a way." She promised. "For now, we need to get back in the castle and think about all this." I sighed and nodded. We stood up and started walking towards Hogwarts again. People along the way gave me dirty looks that made me want to hide under my bed forever. How did they know already? It was probably Sirius yelling about it and everyone else heard. Marlene probably realized the same thing because she muttered "Sirius, I'm going to kill you!" under her breath. "Just ignore them, Lil." She told me. People were even starting to scowl at me. I really hope I'd be able to explain all this by Monday. Classes would be awful. "Lily, Lily, look there's Remus and Peter!" Marlene said, grabbing my arm. "Maybe you can tell them, and then they'll tell James!" Marlene said excitedly. My spirits rose. I walked quickly towards them. However, our plan died even before we could actually talk to them because they started glaring at me once they saw me. I slowed down my walk and cautiously approached them.

"Remus-" I started.

"Lily, I don't want to hear it, really." Remus said, looking me in the eye. His eyes were filled with anger. I looked at Peter. He scowled and looked ready to murder me. I stepped back.

"Just let me explain, please!" I begged. Remus and Peter just turned around and walked. I sighed. I felt tears form in my eyes and I didn't want to wipe them away.

"Well that was stupid of them." Marlene said angrily. I was glad I had at least one person on my side.

We walked back to the castle in silence and I kept my head down the entire time. When we reached the castle, I was hit by a rush of warmth, but I felt really empty, like I just faced a dementor. Each step was harder to take than the last, and by the time we reached portrait, tears were rapidly falling down my face and my feet wouldn't even lift themselves anymore. "It'll be okay, Lily, it'll be okay." Marlene told me, rubbing my back. It only made me cry harder. She told the Fat Lady the password and we went inside. "Lily, whatever you do, don't look up." Marlene said worriedly. I obeyed. It was probably wise. The Gryffindors would probably be more furious than anyone. Someone must have been brave enough to try to approach me, because Marlene strictly told them off. "Get out of here, she doesn't want to hear it!" Marlene said angrily, pulling out her wand. She led me up the stairs, and Merlin knows where I got that energy from, and into my room.

"Lily!" Marissa gasped when she saw me. "I heard the most absurd thing! Mary told me and Helena that you slept with some random kid! Is that true?" She asked as I sat down on my bed.

"Wow that explains a lot." I said weakly. It did, the whole school probably thought that, too. News passes quickly and usually the rumors are wrong. "And no, I didn't sleep with anyone." I murmured, putting my pillow over my face.

"Yeah. She had a…situation…" Marlene said and proceeded to explain what I told her.

"Ohhhhhh." Marissa and Helena said in sync. Why couldn't James, Sirius, Remus or Peter be more like them? They actually realized that I would never do anything like that and asked me about it before they jumped into conclusions. Of course, James was probably so torn up that they were blinded by anger. I started to cry harder. I realized then, that there was a better place to sit and cry, the place I normally go to cry, before I had James. I got up off my bed and walked towards the door.

"Wait, Lily, where are you going?" Marlene asked. quietly.

"I'm going to the bathroom." I said.

"There's one in here." Helena said softly. I nodded.

"I'm going to Myrtle's bathroom." I told them and descended the stairs without waiting for their response. I ignored the people in the common room, kept my head down, and walked out, trying to ignore the whispers and comments. I walked quickly to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom on the second floor, not paying attention to who I was bumping into. I reached Moaning Myrtle's bathroom quicker than expected and pushed open the bathroom door. Myrtle was sitting on the ledge, looking out the window.

"Hello." She said, not even turning my way.

"Hi Myrtle," I responded dully.

"I see you've decided to join me." She said, now turning to me.

"Well, I guess." Except I'm kind of living…

"Oh, well, have a seat." She said, moving over. I obeyed and sat next to her. She looked at me sympathetically and stared out the window again. I cried harder, and put my hands in my hair.

I really felt like jumping off the Astronomy Tower, but didn't want to; because I knew I could fix it somehow. I really wanted to fix it, to get James back. It was all a misunderstanding and I wish he'd listen to me and realize that. But, he wouldn't listen to me anytime soon. He was still probably shocked over the entire thing. And if he was in my place, I'd do the same thing to him. I'd ignore him, no matter how much he begged and pleaded. But then, would I realize it had been a misunderstanding? Or would I be too stubborn and blind to see anything else?

Kind of like that situation with Snape. A voice in my head said.

No, this was nothing like Snape. He meant what he said. And, he even attacked me. I argued back.

Then why did he come, initially pleading and crying?

Because…

It was an accident, he never meant it. What if he only turned to their side to get back at James? It would be your fault that he's ruining his life. And he's a Slytherin, obviously he was driven by revenge.

No, it's his fault. I didn't do anything. Neither did James

No, I mean to get back at him for instigating him. He never would have called you that if James hadn't humiliated him.

That's true. But he's a Slytherin and they tend to do that. Getting revenge on people. And he's weak. He's weak. Better people than him would've ignored all the peer pressure.

But-

Shut up! I sharply told the voice. I sighed. I hated these inner arguments sometimes. And where did this Snape thing even come from? I conjured up a flask and threw it. It shattered into pieces in front of one of the sinks.

"What do you think you're doing?" Myrtle asked. I ignored her and conjured up several more flasks and threw them too. It was weird, but that's how I get over this stuff, throwing things.

"I'm sorry, that's how I usually control my anger." I told Myrtle sheepishly. when I was done. She nodded and backed away from me.

"That's quite alright. I really don't mind having people here. You've stayed here the second longest." Myrtle told me, smiling.

"Mmm…" I said, and looked out the window. The sun was up…? "Myrtle, why is the sun up?" I asked her slowly.

"It's morning silly. Curious, that's what a boy, who came here a few months ago, said to me after he cried for as long as you did, maybe longer. He either fainted or fell asleep for the night. I'm guessing you did the same." She said airily. I sighed. I probably did faint or something.

"Do you know what time it is?" I asked her. I hoped it wasn't too late.

"Oh, it's twelve, the clock just rang." She replied, twirling a piece of her hair. How was that even possible? She was a ghost!

"Wait it's twelve?" I clarified, only just realizing what she said. She nodded and adjusted her glasses. "I need to find some sort of a solution." I muttered to myself.

"I'm starting to think you're more insane than I am." Myrtle said, casually sitting on the ledge again. I raised an eyebrow.

"Myrtle, what would you do if you couldn't explain something that happened, because it was a freak thing? Like you have no idea how this thing happened or why, what would you do?" I asked her.

"Hmm…" She said, furrowing her eyebrows in thought. "I think I'd go to Dumbledore. He always has the answers." She decided. My mouth dropped. Why hadn't I thought of this?

"Wow, that's a good idea, Myrtle, thanks!" I smiled, for the first time in a long time.

"Well, I was a Ravenclaw." She said, huffing out her chest in pride. Why didn't I ask her before? I knew she was a Ravenclaw, it shows on her robes!

"Thanks, again Myrtle!" I said, leaving the bathroom. I walked quickly to Dumbledore's office, this time paying absolutely no attention to anyone. Of course, that didn't work out too well when I knocked right into someone. I looked up. Of all the people in the school, of course the person I knocked into is the last person I want to see. "Snape." I said bitterly.

"Nice job, I thought I'd have to crush James somehow or another. But, you already did it before hand! It's a great plan, really. I didn't think you had that much hate in you!" He said, his eyes were bright and had a light I'd seen missing for a while now.

"This wasn't planned. It wasn't revenge. Revenge is for narrow-minded idiots like you!" I sneered and bumped passed him. How dare he think I 'planned it all out'? Or that I was trying to get back at James for previous year? I arrived at Dumbledore's office in a less elated mood. "Treacle Tarts." I told the gargoyle bitterly. It just raised an eyebrow, once again, I found myself wondering how that was even possible. The stairs moved me up to his door by themselves. I knocked on the door.

"Please come in, Miss Evans." Dumbledore's voice came from inside. I blinked twice. It was weird how he knew it was me. "I thought I'd see you soon, with all the rumors flying around." He said, smiling a little sadly. I sighed and nodded. "Please sit down; I'd like to hear it from your point of view."

"Thank you, Professor." I said, and recounted the story. He nodded and understandingly. When I finished, his eyes were grim.

"Now if I understand, after you felt this weird sensation, you don't remember what happened, but you ended up in a situation you don't remember getting yourself into?" He asked. Well, if you put it that way, it sounds really wrong. But, I nodded nevertheless. "And what you think brought you out of it is Mr. Potter's distressed voice?" He clarified. I nodded once more. "Then Miss Evans, I believe what I originally thought is correct." He paused. "I believe you have been placed under the Imperius Curse." He said gravely.

"The…Imperius Curse?" I stammered. If my parents ever got word of this, they'd pull me out of the school!

"Yes, I believe whoever this boy was, he casted it on you, or was a distraction so someone else can cast it on you. The Imperius Curse can be thrown off only if one knows it's being casted on them, or if they've been Imperiused before, and they know what it feels like." Dumbledore explained.

"How can you be so sure, Professor?" I asked.

"Well, you didn't remember anything that happened in between the two events. And, unless you throw the curse off yourself, the only other thing that can bring you out of it is something that really affects you emotionally, that you're attached to that emotionally, that it brings you out of it. Usually that thing is love." Dumbledore said. I almost smiled at that. Of course Dumbledore would say love was the answer. It surprised me he didn't have a wife. Sirius, on the other hand, thought he was gay…

"Thank you professor, that definitely answers a lot of my questions." I said politely, standing up.

"You're very welcome, Miss Evans." He said with a smile. I left with a final wave and let the Gargoyle bring me down again. I sighed. Now I knew what happened. I just needed to get to James, Sirius, Remus, or Peter and somehow explain everything. I went down a few flights of stairs to the first floor. Luckily, Sirius was right around a corner.

"Sirius! Sirius!" I called out. His head turned and his eyes were full of sorrow. I instantly felt guilty, knowing it was kind of my fault. But then his eyes narrowed and they turned angry, really angry. He advanced quickly towards me, and somehow swiftly backed me up against the wall, his wand pointing to my throat. I gulped. This wasn't good. My eyes met his. He was glaring at me. His eyes were dark, full of hatred anger. "Sirius, please let me exp-aarhg." He stopped my talking by shoving his wand into my throat. I bet he was thinking along the same lines as Snape. I bet he thought I was doing this for my own sadistic revenge.

"Don't even think about saying a word, Evans. My best friend, my brother, is in the hospital wing. And it's because of you." He sneered. My eyes widened. Why was James in the hospital wing? "Yes, we knew he was crazy for even falling in love with you in the first place! You've broken his heart more way more times than he deserved! And now, after making him think you've fallen in love with him, too, after going out with him for so long, you turn it on him? You ungrateful little…." He sneered. I wanted ask badly, why he was in the Hospital Wing, what happened. "And I'm sure, because you want to know the outcome of your wonderful plan, you'll be absolutely delighted to hear that he jumped off the Astronomy Tower. Sadly for you, he wasn't killed, Remus slowed down his fall. He still fell and was hurt very badly, though. I'm sure that gives you a lot of pleasure." Sirius scowled. I gulped and tears formed in my eyes. James…hospital wing…jumped off the Astronomy Tower? All because of this?

"Sirius…please…" I said, tears falling from my eyes.

"That's right, beg. Beg, feel the pain." Sirius said, throwing his head back and laughing, similar to what Bellatrix would do. When he looked at me again, his smile was creepy and twisted and his eyes were delirious.

A/N: I'm really glad I managed to get this in by today, I didn't think I would!

My mom's been in the hospital like literally this entire week, so I've been taking care of my brother and Grandmother. I took 3 midterms this weeks, and it was a lot of stress. But I'm glad I have this story to fall back on, so I can let all of that out.

Thanks a lot to all of you who reviewed/favorited/alerted!

I'm just curious: How old do you all think I am?

Next chapter's my twentieth :)

Love,

SAM :)