Love Struck

Chapter 173 – Two Brothers

Shadow's POV

"This is it." I said to myself as I stopped the Humvee outside the cemetery.

I rested my head on the wheel as Ghost looked over to gently rest his hand on my back.

"It's ok. You can do this. I'm here with you." He said with ease as I took a breath closing my eyes softly as he rubbed.

Slowly nodding I lifted up my head and popped the locks on both our sides.

Ghost gave a slight smile as I opened my door to step out into the warm night sky.

Gently resting on the edge of the truck I listened as Ghost walked around to calmly place his hand back on my body.

"Come on." He urged as he began to lead me forward towards the entrance.

Slowly fighting sadness and tears we walked forward and into the dark, creepy atmosphere of the graveyard.

"You can do it brother." Stated Ghost as I replied.

"We've been here more then at the base these past weeks."

Ghost smiled and looked to the side as I heard him say.

"In times of war I'm not surprised."

Nodding my head I asked.

"Do you miss her?"

"Amy?" He questioned as I nodded.

"Of course I do." He stated as I asked.

"What do you think it would be like if she was still here with us?"

Ghost nodded his head and replied.

"For starters I think we would all be a lot less stressed, especially you."

"True that." I stated as we entered into the sites.

"Does it get harder?" Asked Ghost as we looked at each other.

"Does what get harder?" I asked in confusion as he lowered his head.

"As more time passes does it get harder to be without them? Or does it get easier?"

Letting out a sigh I replied.

"It never feels the same Ghost. I don't expect you to bounce back from losing her same as if it was me who were gone now. But yes it does get harder."

"How so?" Replied Ghost as I thought deeply.

"Think about it. Every time something good happens that makes you smile or laugh try and picture it with her there. Having your love miss out on such things kills me. No matter how much I think Amy is there next to me as things happen I always have the truth behind it telling me that she really isn't. She's not talking, she's not seeing, she's not there holding my hand and guiding me. She's just not there anymore. I'm all alone when I make decisions and have fun from time to time. I'm the only one seeing. The only one talking. The only one left in my life. So yeah it gets harder brother, but every time you understand she really isn't there you have to fight the crack." I replied as he looked at me in awe.

"The crack?" Questioned Ghost as we neared the sites.

"That thing in your head that twists and turns as if it is trying to break and snap into tiny pieces. The thing that tries to turn you into someone completely different. That thing that wants you to lose it...to lose yourself." I explained as Ghost looked away.

"Don't let it break you?" He said as I nodded.

"Exactly." I replied as he nodded.

"So what do you do about it trying to break you?" He asked as I looked over at him.

"You mean things that help?" I asked as he nodded.

"Yeah, what do you do to stop it from effecting you?"

Looking away I replied.

"I find it best to relieve stress, but you saw me in action. The cuts. The blood. The drinking."

Ghost lowered his head as I replied.

"Everyone has a way to deal with things like this. Mine are just wrong, but I get past that and see the benefit it holds. I feel good at the end and nearly forget it all, but its still there and it will always remain in your heart, in your head. Knocking for you to let it in...so you just do it again and again and again until it becomes normal. A thing you always do every day of the week. Until you think it stops, but it never will."

Ghost now stared at me seeing a little difference.

"Did it ever get through to you?" He asked as I looked over into his eyes.

"Sometimes yes it did." I replied as he asked.

"What happened?"

Looking away and at the ground I replied.

"I ask myself the same thing. Sometimes you can't tell but others see it in you. I'm sure you've seen a change in me ever since her death."

"I...!" I cut Ghost off the second he went to speak.

"I began to cut myself and drink. The things that help me forget is what it caused. It's like cause and effect. Like a cycle that never goes clockwise. It goes counter clockwise. Bad things happen and when you want them to go away and you see the hardness it has to it you do extreme things that you never normally would think of doing to get rid of it. Things that fuck you up till it cracks you slowly and makes it's changes. For me its anger and sadness coming at random points of times where I was alone in my room crying and hitting the walls. Then it became the cutting and drinking and now it's becoming worse."

"Worse?" Questioned Ghost as I let a few tears roll down my cheeks.

"It's become the question of do I want to end it?" I replied as Ghost widened his eyes.

"I want to kill myself and it's getting harder and harder to fight that feeling. I've rejected the bullet many times and every time it goes away it comes back harder then before. Sometimes I think and ask myself. Did it break me?" I asked as Ghost replied.

"Will you ever let that happen?"

Looking back I replied.

"I don't know for sure, but as long as I see a reason to keep going I won't let it."

Ghost slowly nodded his head as we both stopped at the graves.

Both of us stopped above the sets as I ran my head on all the names.

Amy Rose and Shadow jr. Sargent Frost Danvers. Dove Stargem and many others from over the time of this war.

I began to tear up more as Ghost went over to Dove's grave.

I watched as he got on his knees.

Slowly going behind my back I began to cry.

Ghost's POV

I knelt down in front of her grave and cried my tears out onto the dry soil. I came here by myself a few times during the month but not once did it feel the same with my brother. Having him here made it feel like a moment in time where this was all that mattered. A time where I was truly able to say how I feel.

"Hey baby." I said in tears as I sat up a little to laugh.

"I'm not good at this kind of thing!"

"Just say what you feel brother." Urged Shadow from behind me.

"Ok. I'll try." I replied as I looked back at the stone.

"Midnight and I both miss you. Don't worry she's doing fine. I let Marx talk to her. I know you think I should but I did my best. She was always attached to you more then me anyway. Ha!" I chuckled as I heard Shadow step closer.

"I'm going to try my best Dove to be the father you always saw me as for her. I promise I won't let her down in life. She'll always be able to come see me for anything and when she's older I'll make sure the boyfriend she finds treats her right and if he doesn't well then I'll just get rid of him for her sake. I know she'll hate me thinking she was in love but I know she'll in time see it was the right thing to do." I cried to her grave as I looked back at Shadow.

"And Shadows here baby. It's his birthday and him and all of the guys including me went to have a lot of fun tonight. We shot some bottles and had a few drinks and went to a club. But don't worry I didn't let any women touch me!" I stated as I heard Shadow say.

"Ghost."

In guilt I replied.

"Ok! I got one lap dance but she wasn't as nearly as good as you I swear!"

I heard a slight chuckle come from Shadow as I continued.

"I miss you Dove. Nothing I do with just me or Midnight will ever be the same without you there to spend it with us. I'll be fine I promise and Midnight will grow up the way we planned when she was home the first night after we had her. I won't let you down baby I swear it on my life."

Gently I lowered my head as I heard Shadow come closer.

"You ok?" He asked as I cried.

"I just didn't think it would be that hard Shadow!"

"It's ok Ghost I'm here." He stated as I replied.

"I know, but knowing she'll never be here like you said is painful!"

"It will be ok." Stated Shadow as I went silent.

As more and more long tears rolled down my face I slowly got up to only stare at the grave.

"Ahhhhh...ahhhhh...aghhhh." I cried as Shadow said.

"I'm happy you said what you had to."

I nodded without turning around and replied.

"I just wish she was here."

Letting my head down in tears Shadow replied.

"I'm sorry brother."

Looking back up I replied.

"It's not your fault she's gone. It's mine."

Shadow was crying too I could tell.

Gently placing my palm over my eyes I wiped the tears and looked back at the tombstone.

"I'm sorry Dove." I said as Shadow replied.

"I'm sorry Ghost."

Widening my eyes it was too late to react.

"Ughhhhh!"

Shadow's POV

Letting my tears pour down my shirt I released my hand on the blade inside Ghost's neck.

His blood gently spilled down his front as I backed up a few steps.

"Ughhhh!" He gagged as he looked back at me as I stared at him in sadness.

Slowly his whole body faced me and he tried to walk forward.

"Aghhhh!" He grunted as he fell on his knees only two feet in front of me.

Ghost slowly raised his hand for me and I took it gently.

His widened gold eyes stared at me in shock and confusion as I took the blade back in my right hand.

"I'm sorry brother." I cried as I pushed it all the way in his neck.

The end went through his other side and he just stared at me in pain as his blood squirted on my hand.

I let my tears fall on his chest as he began to fall over.

Gently going with him I got him in my arms and slowly pulled the blade out letting his blood pour onto Dove's grave.

"Ughhh...wh...yyy?!" He asked in confusion as I replied.

"The test of choice."

Ghost now stared at me in shock as I let the blade land in the dirt on top of his blood.

Crying still I said.

"It had to happen."

Ghost slowly placed his bloody hand on my cheek and replied.

"I...th...oug...ht...we...we...r...e...br...ot...hers?

Letting his hand go and fall to his side I replied.

"We always will be. Even in death. I love you brother."

Ghost's stared into my eyes as I went for the blade one more time.

Wobbling it in my hand I said.

"I'll never forget you and what you've done. I love you Ghost remember that. And don't worry I'll be there soon. I'm sorry."

Ghost's eyes widened one more time as I sent the blade right in his heart.

We stared at each other and I saw as his eyes went still. Not soon after his hand that was on my face fell down into the dirt. Letting my tears continue to fall on his chest I watched as he died in my arms. I watched as his head rolled to the side and away from me and knowing I did what I was told I placed my head under his chin and cried.

"I'm so sorry brother! I'm so sorry!"