Hey everyone! Sorry for the wait, but I've been switching my schedule around like crazy the past two weeks, and things have been a little chaotic. Well, I hope you enjoy this, and let me know what you think :)
It was in late January when Hermione began to feel off. She knew there was a stomach bug going around the office, and she was afraid she had caught it. She didn't say anything to Severus, about it, but the morning she woke up and had to run to the bathroom gave her away.
"I feel fine," she protested after she had brushed her teeth and pulled on her robe.
Severus studied her for a while, with obvious disapproval. She promised to make an appointment at St. Mungo's as Severus ate breakfast. Hermione retook her seat, clasping her hands tightly in her lap. A part of her knew what was going on, and she was sure that a stomach bug wasn't the problem here.
"Are you sure you're feeling well? You don't have any color in your cheeks," he said over the top of the paper.
"Yes, I'm fine," she reassured him, standing and moving to the sink to keep herself busy.
Severus left for work, but Hermione could barely muster enough energy to give him a proper goodbye. He studied her with a critical eye for a few moments before closing the door softly behind him. Hermione paced around the house, her hands clammy and her stomach in knots. She was in and out of the shower, dressed, and on her way to St. Mungo's within the hour. Her hands played nervously with her beaded bag, waiting for her name to be called.
" ? We're ready for you now," a witch called.
Hermione went through the usual process before meeting the doctor. She felt childish, sitting up on the bed on the crinkling paper. The room smelled sterile and everything was so plain. Finally, the doctor entered. They went through the usual questions, Hermione's nerves growing and growing until she finally couldn't take it anymore.
"I think I might be pregnant," she blurted out.
"I was just coming to that," the man replied, looking up at her.
She took the test, pacing the small room while waiting for the results. The doctor entered a few moments later, and the smile on his face was enough for her. Hermione found herself sitting on the couch an hour later, contemplating how she was going to tell Severus that she was pregnant, more worried about his reaction than anything else. Hermione occupied her time by making necessary appointments and reading over the materials the doctor had given her. She spent moments curled up and crying, feeling as if her life had suddenly been turned upside-down.
She could still remember the first time they had explored the more physical aspects of their relationship. It was a few days after her birthday, but Hermione remembered every moment – his legs against hers, his hands dancing over her skin, the weight of his body, and his hot and heavy breath against her neck. Most of all, she remembered how gentle and patient he had been with her when she blurted out that she was scared. The two had been using Muggle protection, and once Hermione had tried a contraception charm, and due to timing, it was clear that she hadn't cast it quite as well as she would have liked.
Hermione waited anxiously as she watched the time draw nearer. She was gazing into the fire when she heard the door handle turn. Usually, she would meet him at the door when she was home before him, but today, she could barely breathe, let alone get her limbs to function properly.
"Hermione?" his voice called as she listened to him remove his travelling cloak.
"In here," Hermione replied breathlessly.
He entered the room and was beside her in a moment, pressing his lips to her temple.
"What's wrong?" he asked when she didn't move a muscle.
"I went to the doctors today," she said in nothing more than a soft murmur.
"And?"
She patted the couch, telling him quietly to sit down. He lowered himself to the complete opposite side of the couch, and Hermione was thankful for that.
"Tell me what happened," he stated.
"Severus…I'm….I'm pregnant,"
The silence in the room was roaring in Hermione's ears. She couldn't bring herself to look at his reaction, feeling her heart pounding in her chest.
"I know we haven't talked about whether or not we wanted to start a family, and I can understand if…if you don't want anything to do with this, I'm not going to force your hand,"
Still, he was silent, and Hermione stood.
"The doctor said that because it's my first and because of the trauma of the war, I might lose the baby anyway. I'll go and stay with Harry for a little so you can…decide what you want,'
Hermione wanted to be alone now, and turned to leave.
"Hermione," she froze. "Sit down," he said quietly.
She retook her seat, keeping her hair in front of her face in an attempt to hide her emotions from him. Hermione wanted more than anything for Severus to love their child, if she managed to reach full term. She didn't know what she would do if he stated that he never wanted anything to do with the baby and that being a father was not something he signed up for.
"Tell me everything that happened and everything the doctor said to you,"
So, wrapping her arms around her torso, Hermione told him everything that the doctor that said to her. She fought the entire time to keep her voice strong, but it continued to crack as her nerves got the better of her. Hermione made sure to restate the offer of staying with Harry until he was sure of what he wanted. He was silent for a long moment before speaking.
"There is no need for you to stay with Potter," Severus said.
Hermione clasped her hands together in her lap, noticing how cold her hands suddenly were. Images of terrible things flashed through her mind, mainly of Severus treating her coldly and tossing her from his house. She didn't register his motions as he moved to her side, placing a single one of his hands over hers.
"I'm not going to abandon you," he stated. "I certainly wasn't planning on ever having children,"
Hermione waited with baited breath, knowing he wasn't done talking yet.
"I don't have any idea how to raise a kid…but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to try, for your sake,"
For the first time since he entered the room, Hermione raised her anxious eyes to his face.
"Really?" she asked, attempting to suppress her emotions.
She saw his face was pale and his features drawn, but behind the fear in his eyes, she saw conviction.
"Of course," he said, giving her a small smile.
Hermione flung herself onto him, digging her fingers into his robes.
"I'm scared," she finally admitted as his arms wrapped around her.
"Me too, but we'll get through it," he said quietly.
Hermione sighed deeply and closed her eyes in relief.
Severus was very careful around Hermione from then on out. He wouldn't allow her into the cellar in case she came into contact with something that could potentially put her pregnancy in danger. She still went to work, but informed her boss that she could no longer go on any missions, and therefore was assigned to paperwork. Severus made Hermione use the floo network, convinced that it would take less of a toll than Apparating, but Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Severus, it doesn't matter how I travel," she protested again as she made dinner.
"I would prefer if you used the floo network," he insisted.
He watched Hermione much like a hawk, making sure she never did anything that was too straining, and if he caught her doing anything, he immediately stopped her and chastised her for her lack of attention to her pregnancy.
The two kept the pregnancy a secret from their friends, unsure if Hermione's body would fully accept the baby. Her morning sickness came and went, but Severus made sure he was there every step of the way. Hermione made a point of buying books when they were out one day on pregnancy, and spent the rest of the day reading book upon book about what becoming a mother would entail. Severus stood in the doorway to the living room telling her it was time for bed, but she barely heard him.
"Do you see all of this?" she asked, holding a book up. "Do you see how many things could go wrong in the course of nine months?"
Severus took the book from her hand, closing it softly and placing it gently on the table. Hermione's head was filled with the horrific facts of the terrible things that could happen at the various stages of a pregnancy.
"Severus, what if something happens?" she asked as he held her hand to lead her up the stairs.
"Nothing is going to happen," he said into the darkness.
"But what if something does?" she pushed.
"If something does, then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it,"
In the second month of her pregnancy, Hermione and Severus were invited to Harry and Ginny's wedding. Hermione bought a dark purple dress that was loose enough to hide her stomach.
"You aren't even showing yet," Severus said as he was propped up in bed, flipping through a book with his glasses propped up on the end of his nose.
"Yes I am, I could barely button my pants the other day," she replied, turning different ways in the mirror to make sure the fabric didn't cling to her.
Severus didn't particularly want to go; seeing two of his students marry each other was not high on the list of things that Severus wanted to do, but Hermione stated that she was going to go with or without him, insisting that she was not going to miss her best friend's wedding just because he didn't like such occasions.
Hermione found herself seated in the third row on the Weasley's lawn, with Severus seated beside her, his fingers intertwined with hers. She brushed a few tears from her eyes as Harry and Ginny exchanged vows, giving Severus' hand and extra squeeze as she leaned her head against his shoulder.
"Do you ever wish you had this?" Severus asked as they stood outside the tent, listening to the laughter and music from inside.
"What? A wedding?"
"Yes,"
"No, I think the way we did things was fitting for us. I couldn't see us having a wedding like this," she said with a smile, leaning up to press her lips against his.
"Would you want one?"
"No, I'm more than happy with how things went and I wouldn't want it any other way,"
As more time passed, the doctor became more confident in the stability of Hermione's pregnancy. Hermione was happy, and became even happier when she found Severus reading one of the books that she had picked up during the early months of her pregnancy. He was taking his duties as father-to-be extremely serious, afraid that he was going to be a disaster once the baby came.
"What if we can't do this?" he asked one night in the dark, like he always did at least once a week.
"We're going to be fine, we'll wing it," she said, keeping both of her hands over her stomach.
"Wing it? We're having a baby, and you just want to wing it?"
"I don't think that a book can prepare you for something like this, I think each experience is different,"
After four months, Hermione was officially starting to show. The two made the mutual decision to tell their friends. Hermione took the brunt of the excitement as she stood in the doorway of Grimmauld Place at a get-together with everyone present. Severus stayed behind as everyone dragged her into the room, hugging her and touching her stomach.
"I'm not showing that much yet," she explained, positively glowing.
Hermione's eyes flitted to Severus who stood awkwardly against the wall, knowing that everyone was most likely judging him for taking advantage of her, that and the fact that he was twice her age. Remus shook his hand, congratulating him and clapping him on the shoulder.
Though Hermione left the two men alone, she knew Severus was hanging onto every word Remus spoke about becoming a father. He was very unsure of himself and how he would take to being a father. Hermione didn't know the whole history of Severus' childhood, but she gathered enough to know that his father had been more of a negative influence on him than a positive one, and Hermione knew that he feared the idea of turning into a monster. She was more confident in him than she was in herself. She was young; she was more than aware of that. She would have to put her career on hold and become a stay at home mother. Severus was so mature and had so much more experience under his belt. What if she didn't take to motherhood? What if she couldn't be everything she needed to be for her child?
People bustled around her, congratulating her and smiling, and Hermione did her best to smother her doubts. The women were seated around Hermione, asking her questions about how she was feeling and if she was craving anything yet. She did her best to answer them, becoming uncomfortable with all of the attention. Ron was seated at the end of the table, listening to everything, but clearly upset, and Hermione made a point of avoiding his eyes.
The men had conversations around Severus, but Hermione knew that he was barely talking; he was intensely private about the baby. When the two first started discussing the idea of telling people that she was pregnant, Severus didn't want to, telling her that he didn't want people interfering in a very private part of their lives, so the fact he was barely speaking to others did not surprise her.
They stayed much longer than Severus wanted to, but Hermione couldn't help but bask in the joy of finally being able to tell her friends that she was going to have a baby. The sense of relief was wonderful for her. Once Molly had gotten them to eat, Hermione finally stated that they should be going home being that she was exhausted. Severus was more than happy to finally go home.
As the months passed, Hermione became bigger and bigger, but tried to keep her complaints to herself. Severus became more accustomed to the idea that they were to be parents, spending large amounts of time feeling the baby kick when he spoke to Hermione. Most of the doctor's appointments Hermione attended without Severus, seeing as he was at work, but she made sure to relay every detail of the appointment, reassuring him that they baby was healthy and on track. It was at one of these appointments that she found out she was having a baby girl, and immediately told Severus the moment he arrived home. She knew he was more worried about the health of the baby than the sex.