Ch.5- Scars of the past
My body spins around and faces the intruder; who has seen the outer scars that I wear. I don't even make an attempt to shield my body due to the fact that it would be pointless to try to cover all of my body with only my two hands. The battle wounds that cover my entire body are all cut in either a zig-zag motion; like pieces from a puzzle, or they are stitched up like a patchwork doll. Sometimes my scars remind me of Sally from the Nightmare before Christmas. Once I have fully turned myself around, my wide shocked, dark blue eyes connect with two sympathetic, equally shocked, and worried filled green eyes. Standing before me is someone who I least expected to see... Raphael.
The most hot-tempered turtle out of the four turtle brothers is the one to have found me like this. All of my life, I have kept these scars from being seen and now suddenly one person has seen them all. It seems that my past is unravelling one string at a time the longer that I stay with the turtles and their master. I built up walls around me to protect myself from being hurt and adding to what I hide inside. I made myself a promise that I wouldn't get too close and attached to someone again; not after what happened the first time.
"What happened to you?"Raph questions me, his Brooklyn accent dripping into his shocked and worried filled voice, as his eyes stare at my hideous scars. I take a large breath to calm myself down before turning and grabbing a new long sleeved shirt from the bag that April gave me. I pull it on and make sure that it fit perfectly before I faced Raph again. As I look back at him, I notice that he is blocking my only exit from the room. After a few minutes or more of silence and us staring at each other, I decide to finally speak to him, knowing that I can't find a decent escape out of this room and conversation with Raph.
"You know it's rude to walk in on someone, who is changing, without knocking first."I say back to him, a small edge to my voice.
"I did knock on the door, you must not have heard it." He answers back to him.
"So that gives you the right to walk in anyways? That's impolite."I snap back slightly.
"No, what is impolite is you not answering the question that I asked you."He comments back, his eyes narrowing into a glare as he tries to hold back any anger that he has from me avoiding his question.
"Well, I'm sorry if I'm not an open book for you and your family to read. You can't exactly flip to a page and expect me to tell you everything; that's not how I work. I don't trust easy." I snap at him, snapping at him due to the fact that I hate bringing up the past and the fact that I felt trapped in the room that we are in now.
"So in other words, we would have to pin you down in order for you to talk, or at least open up, is that what you are saying?" Raph questions me back, a tiny bit of anger showing in his voice.
"It certainly wouldn't be the first time that someone has done that to me without my consent." I snap back in the heat of the moment, instantly regretting what I just said after I said it. The words bringing back the horrible memories, but I push them back to where they belong at the back of my mind as I watch Raph's eyes soften slightly in thought as his face shows confusion as he looks confused.
"What do you mean by that?"Raph asks me. My eyes shift away from his as I roll my eyes; acting like I didn't say anything at all.
"Nothing, just leave it alone."I say back to him as I start walking towards him. Raph centres his body more between the door and myself, his amphibian arms crossing over his chest in an unimpressed manner. I stop in front of him, noticing that the sides around Raph to the door are blocked as well. Great...
"Answer me now, Angel. Why won't you trust any of us when you know we aren't your enemy? Why can we, or at least I, know your full story?"Raph questions me and I can hear the genuine concern in his voice. He may be temperamental and seem angry almost all the time, but he isn't completely heartless. The truth is that I don't want to break even more on the inside then I already have.
"I've learnt the hard way that even the nice guys can turn out to be on the bad side. The only person that I can really fully trust is myself and I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't open up to anyone just to have things backfire on me." I explain to him, my breath coming in and out fast as I try to stop myself from breaking down and crying in front of him. Raph's face turns from confusion and anger to one of genuine concern and sympathy. Before I have time to react or comprehend what is happening, Raph wraps his arms around my small body and pulls me into his chest for a hug.
At first I struggle within Raph's arms against the hug but as he holds me, I relax and stop struggling. I feel salt water filled tears start dripping down my face and I realize that I'm crying. I can't help myself and hug Raph back, realizing now that I haven't cried in a long time and that I've been suppressing my emotions for far too long. I realize now that if I open up a tiny bit to someone then I'll maybe be okay or would be at least able to release some of my bottled up emotions. The horrible memories of my past flash across my mind and I squeeze Raph instinctively as more tears fall down my cheeks.
He hugs me back and squeezes back reassuringly. After what feels like hours of debating with myself if I should talk about my past and of Raph holding me in a comforting hug and reassuring me that things will be okay as I cry hard, sobs rocking and shaking my body the entire time, I decide to finally open up to Raph, but only him and not the others yet.
"The reason why I have those scars on my skin is because of the Shredder and the people that work for him. When the Shredder held me as his prisoner, he allowed his scientists to do so many experiments on me. Those scars that you saw are the results from their work done on me. I was their favourite test subject, their most prized possession, and I couldn't even fight back against them because they would pin me down, strap me down, or even beat me until I couldn't even move at all due to all the pain that I was in. They hurt me in many ways and the damage still remains on and in me to this day." I explain to Raph and the entire time, he listens to me silently. After I'm done talking, more tears fall down my face as I start sobbing hard again.
"Shh, everything will be okay."Raph comforts me as I cry and I shake my head from side to side.
"No, it won't. Things will backfire on me. They always do." I say back to him, crying harder.
"Yes, things will be okay. We will get through them together."He says back and for a moment I believe him.
"Please, don't tell the others."I say to him, begging him slightly as my crying slowly calms down and I feel myself becoming exhausted from all my emotions being freed from being caged inside me for a long time.
"I won't, but eventually you'll have to tell them."Raph says to me and I nod my head against his chest.
"I know and I will eventually."I say to him, as I feel my eyes start to close. I feel Raph pick me up in a bride-style position and he opens the sliding door.
"Okay. I'm going to go and lay you down on the couch, alright?"He asks and I nod my head.
I close my eyes completely and feel Raph walk forward towards the living room. I hear the TV on to some kind of soap opera and know that Master Splinter must still have control over the remote.
"Did the clo-what happened? Is she alright?"I hear April question Raph, panic in her voice.
"Dude, what happened?"Mikey asks.
"Yeah Raph, what happened?"Donnie and Leo both ask at the same time and Raph's arms tighten around me as I hear him let out a small growl of anger.
"Everyone calm down. Raphael, my son, please place Miss. Angel next to me on the couch."Master Splinter says and Raph calms down as he obediently follows Master Splinter's orders and places me onto a soft surface, which I assume is the couch. I feel myself slowly start falling asleep.
"Nothing happened. She and I had a long conversation but I told her that I wouldn't say anything that was said to you guys. She will tell you in her own time. Now, leave me alone about it." Raph growls out, aggravated by everyone's questions.
"Yes, now let Miss. Angel sleep for now."Master Splinter says and everyone remains quiet.
I hear feet move around and know that everyone has gone back to whatever they were doing before. As I finally drift off, I hear Splinter humming a Japanese lullaby that sings me to sleep, like a parent does for their child, as his small rat claw-like fingers run through my hair, calming me down enough so that I can fall asleep feeling safe and secure. As well as a feeling that I haven't felt in a long time...love.