I'm so sorry that this took so long! Thank goodness my AP tests are done with now. I tried to make this chapter long so that you didn't wait for weeks for nothing. I am retracting my previous statement that this is the last chapter before the epilogue. I will have at least one more chapter before the epilogue. I hope you all enjoy reading part of the conclusion to my story.
I wake up to see a dim yellow light above. The room is unfamiliar to me. My drowsy confusion only lasts for a few seconds though until reality comes crashing back. I close my eyes tightly, not wanting to be awake. I beg myself to fall asleep again, go back into dreamless oblivion, but of course that doesn't happen. I'm alive which can mean only one thing: Cato is dead. I didn't bleed out fast enough. I don't feel anything though. Whatever drug is making my physical pain diminish is also making my emotions dull. So this is how it ended. Me on a hospital bed saved by doctors after Panem had watched Cato and I slowly bleed until one had lost enough blood to die. It should have been me who died in there, not Cato. But I guess we both died anyway. I wonder if I could find a way to end it before I'm whisked away for the games recap and interview. Maybe I could suffocate myself with a pillow. But I know I can't. The drug I'm on isn't strong enough to shield me from the pain I feel when I realize that I'm pregnant. As if it wasn't bad enough that Cato had died, now I had to figure out what on earth to do with a child. If I was just a girl in District 2 I could give it away, but I'm a victor now, my actions will be watched. I can't get out of it so easily. No, I will be forced to live in Victor's Village with my child and pretend everything is fine. Whoever is monitoring me must have noticed that I'm awake because I can feel a needle in my arm injecting some liquid into my bloodstream and I lose consciousness again, but this time it is welcomed.
I'm not alone when I wake up again. I don't recognize the capitol people next to me, but the avox in the corner is the same one who was back in the training center before the games.
"Clove, can you hear us?" The man who I assume to be the doctor asks me. I decide right then that I am not going to talk to these people. I don't care what they have to say to me. I stare back at him but say nothing. He takes this as a 'yes' and addresses me again.
"Clove, we have some bad news for you." So here it comes. The official announcement that Cato is dead. Like I need to be told. Why else would I be alive? I don't want him to say it though because once he does it's official. Cato is gone and there isn't even a possibility that we both lived. The doctor doesn't say it though. His news brings another blow for me instead.
"I'm sorry but we couldn't save your baby." I lay in bed shocked. I know I wouldn't be able to say anything even if I hadn't decided not to talk to them. That was it then. Cato was truly gone. The last part of him that was inside of me was gone for good. I should have known. Only one comes out of the Hunger Games and me plus my baby would have been two. I don't blame the doctors for this. I must have known deep down the second Katniss had thrown me against the Cornucopia. Or even before. You can't do into the Hunger Games pregnant and expect to come out perfectly fine.
I don't listen to the man as he surely goes on about how there was nothing they could have done to help me, how I had already lost too much blood when I was taken by hovercraft. I don't want to hear it and I couldn't care less about what they have to say. Eventually the capitol employees leave me alone like I want them to and I am left in silence again as I will surely be for most of my life.
The next day is the recap of the games and the crowning of the victor. The day when I will have to sit through three hours of the games, most of which will most likely be focused on Cato and I. I'm not sure I will be able to handle it. Drala and my prep team come into my room and take me to a different part of the building to get dresses. I vaguely notice them talking but am more focused on my skin. It is perfect. No signs that I was ever in the arena, no signs that I had ever scraped a knee or gotten a bruise. They had removed every training injury from my body. All for the best really. I'm not the same girl. The prep team seems overcome with sorrow at the loss of my baby and I have to stare straight ahead and concentrate on a light switch to block out them and the emotions that come with thinking about my miscarriage and what could have been. After an hour the prep team and Drala give up trying to talk to me and I hear discussion only of what color my nails should be or how thin to shape my eyebrows. This conversation is much more welcome. Maybe that's what I could do if I can't find a way to kill myself: become a makeup artist. That way I would never have to talk about anything with depth. I could easily lose myself in shallow talk about eye shadows. Or maybe not.
I'm in a floor-length black dress with a slit up the side of my left leg. Drala had designed it assuming that I would come out strong and fierce. It was a dangerous dress that evoked a position of power. However, in my pathetic state, I look more like I'm overdressed for a funeral which, of course, I am. Nilo and Darlie come in to escort me to the waiting room where we stand underneath the floor where I will be re-introduced to Panem. A circular metal platform is off to the side where I will be raised up in a few minutes. Had the Capitol intentionally made it so the platform brought back memories of being raised into the arena? Nilo gave me a sympathetic rub on the back before he was raised up with Darlie to the applauding crowd. I don't want to get on the platform. I don't want to face Caesar and the crowd of thousands. Most of all I don't want to watch Cato die on the large screen. Someone carries me over to the platform though and I'm too lost to resist. The old Clove would have taken the person out, but of course I will never be that girl again. The platform starts to rise and I shut my eyes for a second to stop the tears from coming. The audience's applause is deafening and I am blinded by the lights as the platform reaches the stage. I look over to my left to find Caesar on stage but I don't see him. There is a man standing to my left but it is by no means Caesar.
It's Cato.
No. It can't be. I'm hallucinating or the Capitol did this a some sort of sick trick and got a look-alike to mess with my head. It can't be him. And yet, one look into his eyes and I know it is. My knees buckle and I am on the ground, sobbing into my hands. Cato runs over to and sits beside me, taking me into his arms. I fling my arms around him and cry. He's here. He's alive. There is no mistaking his strong hands on my back pulling me into him. I'm trembling but Cato is steady as ever. My lips find his after a few minutes and I know I will never let myself lose him again. Cato is jerked away from me as a peacekeeper on security duty pulls us apart. Caesar was clearly too afraid to do so himself. Cato turns around and shoves the man to the ground before getting back onto the ground of the stage and attaching himself to me again, causing the already invested crowd to cheer louder than ever. Cato rubs his comforting hand on my back as I try to process this turn of events. The Capitol had let us both win. But why? It doesn't matter. Not now. Not really. Cato was alive. Cato was here.
"I thought you were dead." I manage to choke out between sobs. Cato hugs me tighter then I thought was possible and gives me a brief kiss before saying,
"I promised you we'd both get out alive. I don't break my promises, especially not to you." We must have microphones on because the crowd goes crazy at Cato's words. Caesar gestures to us and I know it is time to get on with the show. Cato scoops me up and I put my arms around his neck as he carries me over to the victor's chair. It's not the usual ornate chair however, but a love seat. Cato sits down and I refuse to re-adjust my position on his lap. The Capitol would probably have to sedate me if they wanted us to be separated. Caesar makes a few jokes before introducing the highlights of the games and the tapes start to roll.
Th reapings and chariot rides end all too fast as the games clearly had no lack of action. In fact, it seems like at least two and a half hours will be focused solely on the games. Cato intertwines his fingers with mine as the screen changes to the Cornucopia countdown. Cato and I look ruthless, vicious, heartless as we take down one tribute after another. I feel disgusted and embarrassed by my actions as I watch myself taunt the District 6 girl before killing her. The camera pans to my horrified reaction as Nathaniel goes for Cato. I'm sure that when the games were aired live the shot was of the main action not focused on me. However, this recap was about Cato and I and the editor had clearly gone for the love story from the start. If the live version had shown my reaction, the cover Cato and I tried to maintain for a few days would have been pointless. Anyone with eyes would have been able to tell from my one look that I loved him.
I watch Cato and I dominate the games, killing District 8, forming strategies, and leading the career pack. When the fire comes onto the screen I find it as hard to breathe as I did then. Cato squeezes my hand as he sees what I had done to get to him while he was knocked out. The crowd lets out an "Aww" as Cato and I kiss after the fire, revealing our relationship. Katniss gets trapped in the tree shortly after and I see scenes unknown to me as Glimmer swells up and dies along with Odessaly. Katniss takes her arrows and Peeta tells her to run for it. I watch as a woozy Cato cuts Peeta's leg. If I hadn't already known what would happen, I would have bet money that Peeta would have died from the wound. I have no idea how he survived that. Cato returns to the tent and I unknowingly tell him I'm pregnant. At this Cato lowers his hand to my stomach and I take a quick breath as I realize with a sinking feeling that he must not know about the miscarriage. I try to focus my eyes back to the screen, but all I can think about is Cato's hand and how I will have to tell him the truth sooner or later. I bury my face in Cato's shirt so he won't see my tears. He assumes I don't want to watch the part of us torturing District 10 which, of course, I don't and I am able to compose myself before seeing District 5 jump through the mine field and steal some of our supplies. I have to give her a lot of credit. She must have been spying on us to know the route we took to get to the supplies. How had she hid from us the whole time when she was so close to our camp? Katniss blows up the supplies and I see new scenes again as Marvel kills Rue and Katniss kills him a second later. Why did he go for Rue? He should have gotten rid of Katniss first. Katniss sings to Rue as she dies and I feel bad for using Rue against her at the feast. Emotions come flooding back as Cato leaves me and I go chasing after him. The video shows him writing the letters but doesn't zoom in to where I could read them. I control myself with a deep breath as I see Cato write 'Son/Daughter.' The rule change is announced and I see Cato and my reunion, which is the first happy moment I have witnessed this whole time. We also get to see Katniss find Peeta and I am shocked to see that he disguised himself in the stream. I wonder if I had accidentally stepped on him at some point in the games? I close my eyes at the feast wondering how Cato can stand to watch it all. Of course. He thinks it's alright. He still believes we got out fine with our child.
Curiosity gets the best of me as I look back at the recap to see Cato and Thresh fight in the void. The battle is as suspenseful as I had imagined and even a bit more so. There are several moments when I am unsure how Cato had survived but the look in his eyes told me that he was not going down as he dodged Thresh's blows time after time. At the end of the fight Cato had him flattened to the ground. He threw his sword to the side and picked up a rock to his right. Cato looked deranged as he stared at the rock, wanting blood for what Thresh had done to me. Cato showed Thresh the rock and said 'For Clove' making the actions of his revenge very clear as he slammed the rock into Thresh's skull. A cannon sounded and Cato roared. I watch as the parachute came down with the medicine and Cato limped back to the tent. The recap skipped to me fixing Cato up and showing our discussion about the ring. Clearly the Capitol audience wanted to see our romance be played up. Then District 5 dies from eating berries which seemed a bit suspicious to me, but I didn't have time to consider her death before I was watching Cato and I run for our lives from the mutts. Our final battle was shown in full and I see how the head gamemaker orders in a hovercraft so that Cato and I don't both die. The program ends with a shot of Cato waking up in his hospital room. His eyes widen in horror as he realizes that he is alive and he rips the IV out of his arm and breaks the restraint on his bed. Officials rush into his room and he yells at them asking if I am alive. He is told that I am and he pushes the doctor away as he makes for the door. The exit is blocked as they tell him he can't see me. I watch with a bittersweet feeling of pride as he takes three of them down before being sedated as he attempts to get to me.
President Snow appears with a little girl behind him holding the crown. The crowd talks among themselves wondering why there is only a single crown. President Snow snaps it in half and places one of the pieces on Cato's head before turning and crowning me victor as well. Cato looks over at me with a true smile, no trace of a smirk or sneer. I return the look, letting myself smile for the first time in a week. A memory comes to mind for some reason and I think about meeting Cato on my first day of training and how we would talk about winning the games, standing on stage with a crown on our heads as the sole victor. Never once had I thought about standing on stage with Cato next to me.
I don't dare let go of Cato's hand for fear that I will lose him if he lets go as we are taken to President Snow's mansion for the banquet. At first Cato is the one smiling for photos while I sit there still in shock from the day's events. Just a few hours ago I was going to kill myself. He notices something is wrong and says my name softly, urging me to be friendly to all the people wanting to see us and look happy for the cameras. I give him a small smile before turning and posing for the photographers who start snapping pictures rapidly now that I don't look like I'm in a trance.
Cato and I don't get out of the party until the wee hours of the morning. We are led to the Training Center and shown back to our rooms on the second floor. In Cato's room we both hold onto each other and say nothing to one another as we don't know what words to use. Pressed into his chest in bed, I'm overcome with the fact that Cato was here and something had gone right.
Ok, so I know I told some people that I wouldn't do anything to their kid but I thought about it long and hard and I just found myself writing it that way. I hope that it wasn't too bold a move and that you will continue to read the last few chapters. I would love to hear your thoughts on the story! The review button is now a handy-dandy blue box and I would really appreciate it if you could click on it and tell me what you think. Till next week.