Disclaimer: As always, I own no part of SOA. All characters and settings belong to Kurt Sutter / Sutter Ink. However, those characters that are a living breathing product of my imagination belong solely to me.
Ready, Willing, and Abel
Chapter 8
"NO! PLEASE! STOP!" Amanda struggled in her sleep. "NO! STOP! OH!" Amanda all but screamed. Unable to escape the horror of her dreams, Amanda thrashed about on the bed. In the bedroom right next door, Katie woke, listening to her roommates struggle. Moving quickly, Katie let herself into Amanda's room. "Amanda," she started "Amanda wake up!" With no response Katie sat on the edge of the bed and gently shook Amanda. "Amanda wake up…it's just a dream."
Amanda sat straight up in bed, eyes clouded in confusion as she took in her surroundings. Realizing that it was Katie and not Dean sitting on the edge of the bed she calmed only slightly. Taking a deep cleansing breath and then another, followed by a third; Amanda finally felt strong enough to speak. "I'm sorry I woke you Katie, I'm fine really – you can go back to bed."
Katie watched her friend carefully. "Amanda" she started thoughtfully "You've been having the same dreams most every night for almost two weeks now. Ever since that thing at the school with your tires. I'm your friend, I want to help if you'll let me – talk to me Amanda; Please." Amanda watched Katie closely. She knew Katie was right. She opened her mouth to speak only to change her mind. She repeated the pattern twice more before finally squeezing Katie's hand. "I love you for your concern Katie – really, but I'm going to be ok honest."
Katie's face mirrored her disbelief, but she accepted her friend's answer. Hugging Amanda tight, Katie stood to leave "Remember I'm right next door if you change your mind." As Katie quietly shut the bedroom door behind her, Amanda turned to face the wall silently crying. After a time, Amanda looked at the bedside clock – damn it's after 4am. "Damn" thought Amanda, I've been awake for over an hour now. She thought that things would improve here in Charming. She prayed that she could put Tacoma behind her and forget. Crawling out of bed, Amanda switched on the beside lamp and stood to look at her reflection in the bedroom mirror. Her outward bruises were healing nicely; it was the mental scars that she could not escape. Somewhere deep inside she knew that Katie was probably right, but she just could not put Tacoma into words yet. She did not want to see the pity on her friends faces. She didn't want what had happened to her to change the way Abel looked at her. No for now this was her secret and she would have to find a way to manage alone.
Turning away from the mirror, Amanda looked longingly at her nice warm bed. Shaking her head she gave up on the idea of any further sleep. Gathering her favorite jeans, a pink tank top, an old black flannel she took Abel a lifetime ago; Amanda headed to the bathroom and a nice hot bubble-bath. After a forty-five minute soak in a very hot tub, Amanda felt almost human again. Getting dressed, Amanda pulled her wet unruly hair into a messy little knot, smiling offhandedly at her reflection Amanda headed for the kitchen. Looking at the clock, almost 6am she thought. Looking around the kitchen, her stomach began to grumble.
Putting the early hour to use, Amanda started a fresh pot of French vanilla coffee. Then rummaging through the fridge she found some eggs and cheese. Quickly and quietly, Amanda threw together some cheesy scrambled eggs with toast. She was setting out plates and coffee, just as Katie entered the small kitchen.
Gesturing towards the table, "Morning Katie, I made some breakfast if you're hungry" offered Amanda. Katie inhaled deeply, loving the scent of fresh hot coffee warming the air "Coffee!" she practically moaned. Plopping down at the table, Katie gratefully took the hot mug offered. In a very short time she and Amanda had become such good friends. She was equal parts grateful an worried for whatever drove Amanda back to Charming.
With half a cup of coffee in, Katie felt almost human and began to tuck into breakfast. Hungrier than she thought Katie made short work of her eggs and toast. Moving to the counter, Katie poured herself another mug of coffee. With her back to Amanda she began "Amanda…about last night"
Standing, clearing the table, Amanda smiled wearily, "Katie it's all good I swear, I know your worried and I love you for it, but I will be ok…It was just a nightmare…I just have to learn to…learn to control it that's all."
Move to stand beside Amanda, Katie slipped her arm around her waist; offering comfort. Leaning her head on her friends shoulder Katie sighed "You have friends here Amanda; you don't have to be strong alone. Please remember that." Willing herself not to cry, Amanda returned the gesture with a look of love and gratitude.
Sensing that Amanda was still not ready to talk, Katie took her mug and headed for the bathroom to prepare for the day. While Katie showered and dressed, Amanda cleaned up the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher. Looking at the clock, Amanda needed to hurry to pick up Rachael for school. Grabbing her keys and bag, she called out "I'm outta here Katie, have a good one, see ya later!" and with that she was out the door. Turning to lock the door behind her, she noticed the manila envelope with her name on it taped to the door. With shaking fingers and icy dread in her stomach Amanda removed the envelope. Tucking the envelope into her large purse she cautiously looked around the apartment complex lot. Seeing no one out of the ordinary, Amanda rushed to the safety of her truck. Hastily climbing inside, Amanda quickly shut and locked the door. Starting the truck, she reached for the envelope. Carelessly she tore open the envelope; a handful of photos sliding soundlessly into her lap, "No" she thought "Please God NO!" With trembling fingers she thumbed through the photographs. Terrified as she looked at photos of her picking up Rachael before and after school, stopping for coffee at the Dawnys Coffee shop, shots of her unlocking her apartment door, hell there were photos of her and Abel the day he took her for a ride on his bike. Tucked inside the small stack of photos was a small piece of paper. In strong masculine script the note read "I love you Amanda – see you soon."
"No, No, NO" shouted Amanda into the silence. Tearing the note into a dozen little pieces, she rolled down the window and let the slight breeze carry them away. "You will not take this chance away from me Dean…you cannot ruin my life a second time." With that thought in mind, she backed out of parking lot and headed to pick up Rachael for school.
Sitting across the lot, in a small compact rental, Dean watched Amanda with twisted fascination. He knew the minute she found his little gift. His view was not a perfect one. From his vantage point he could not see if she truly appreciated his photos. He was able to witness her tearing up his little love not and allowing it to blow away. "Stupid bitch…no appreciation for what's done for you" he mumbled as he pulled away from lot.
Tellar-Morrow Automotive (roughly half hour/forty-five minutes later):
Katie knew she was going to be late for work, but she knew this couldn't wait. She called the Tellar house and St. Thomas hospital looking for Tara, to no avail. Catching up with Tara at TM was a last resort this morning. Pulling into the lot, Katie parked across from the long row of motorcycles waiting patiently for their riders. Hustling towards the office, Katie stopped as her dad called out to her. Turning towards the sound of her dad's voice, Katie rushed to meet him. Opie adored his children, glad to see Katie; he wrapped his baby girl in a tight affectionate bear hug. "What brings you to TM this early baby girl? Everything ok with you?" asked a concerned loving father.
Smiling into her father's loving face, grateful for his never ending strength and support Katie smiled "Don't worry Daddy I'm fine. I was hoping to find Tara here. You haven't seen her around this morning have you?"
"You might check the clubhouse, she was there a few minutes ago with Jax and Abel, but I know she said something about being late – you may have just missed her" answered Opie. Kissing her daddy on the cheek, Katie squeezed him tight "thanks! Love you daddy" and with that she was off like a shot towards the clubhouse.
Bursting through the door like hurricane Katie, she scanned the room looking for Tara. Standing at the bar with Chucky, Abel laughed "Yo Katie where's the fire?" he joked. Blushing slightly Katie moved to the two men. "Morning Abel, is your mom still around?" asked an anxious impatient Katie. Noting her out of character anxious behavior Abel began to wonder. "Sorry darlin' you just missed her. Something I can do?"
Abel could see the struggle play across Katie's familiar face. Whatever was going on she was worried deeply. "Can we talk somewhere privately for a minute, Abel?" Placing his large warm hand at the small of her back, "Sure darlin', right this way" he gestured indicating she should follow him to a corner table at the back of the clubhouse. Straddling a chair, Abel faced Katie "what's going on darlin'?"
Katie looked into the familiar blue of Abel's eyes. They were almost family. Her dad and his were more like brothers than best friends. Despite their differences her mom and Tara had become the best of friends of the years. She practically grew up in the Tellar house. She knew that there was nothing she couldn't share with Abel. The struggle she felt was this really her secret to share. Talking to Tara about her concerns was one thing. Discussing her worries over Amanda with Abel was something else entirely. Looking into his deep blue eyes, Katie trusted what she saw there and pushed forward.
"Abel…I'm worried…about Amanda." The look of Katie's face, the tone of her voice, all worked to grasp Abel's attention tightly. Leaning closer, Abel questioned Katie about her worry. "She's really struggling Abel and I don't know how to help her." Slightly confused Abel questioned Katie further.
"She has nightmares Abel. They've woke her screaming, almost every night the last two weeks. I try and get her to talk to me, but she promises me it's all good and not to worry. I do worry though Abel, she's my friend and something's not right here."
"Tacoma" thought Abel bitterly as he listened to Katie. He had been infinitely patient with Amanda. He respected her privacy – figured she would talk to him when she was ready. Listening to Katie, he realized that his patience was drawing to a quick and rapid close. It was time for him and Amanda to talk. He would want answers very soon and Amanda was the only one who could provide them. Dragging himself away from his inner thoughts, Abel continued listening to Katie.
"Amanda will be pissed as hell if she finds out I'm here talking to you about this. She is so determined to handle this on her own Abel." Abel nodded in agreement, knowing full well just how stubborn his lil' Manda could be. "Don't worry," he replied "I'll see what I can do – and I'll leave you out of it as much as possible." Deeply relieved, Katie stood from the table and moved around to hug Abel fiercely. "Thank-you Abel I really appreciate this." Watching Katie leave the clubhouse, Abel contemplated how this conversation with Amanda would play out.
Tellar House / Charming Elementary (roughly half-hour forty-five minutes earlier):
Amanda picked up Rachael for school. As Amanda drove, they chatted like long lost best friends or sisters. Amanda listened attentively as Rachael told her about the other kids in her class. She empathized when Rachael complained about her gym teacher and her total lack of coordination. She giggled hysterically when the talked about the food fight in the lunch room two days ago. A food fight started by only the cutest boy in the whole school – she might add. All of this before Amanda, stopped at a traffic light, realized that the same little blue compact had been following behind them for a while now. Growing concerned Amanda checked that Rachael was indeed wearing her seatbelt. Speeding up just a little, Amanda rushed into the elementary school drive. Pulling to a stop in front of the school, Amanda watched as Rachael unfastened her seatbelt and gathered her things.
"Make sure you have everything" reminded Amanda gently. "Rachael" she continued, "You know…not to leave the school with anyone other than me or your family right?" Rachael gave her the innocent laugh of a child. "Yes" she drawled out. "Mom, Dad, and the boys have all had the whole 'stranger danger' talk with me. I know the rules." Tugging lightly on her ponytail, Amanda smiled a little sadly, "Hey we love you kid-o, just want to make sure your safe that's all."
"Love you too" replied a joyous Rachael as she jumped from the truck and raced inside to class. Watching Rachael until she was sure she was safely inside, Amanda cautiously began to pull away from the front of the school. As she pulled into traffic, it was not long until she noticed the blue compact still following along at a safe distance behind her. Unsure of her next move, Amanda knew she could not go home to an empty apartment. Making a last minute decision, Amanda turned and headed back to the Tellar house. There may be nobody home, but she would feel infinitely safer there alone than she ever would at the apartment.
Charming Elementary (Later that afternoon):
Amanda was early to pick up Rachael. She parked in her usual spot right outside the main entrance to wait. She spent the afternoon at Tara and Jax's house not really accomplishing anything but feeling a little safer with each passing hour. Safer that is until she had to leave to pick up Rachael from school. As if like clockwork, within five minutes of being on the road – she again noticed the dark blue compact following along behind her. She forced a smile as Rachael climbed into the truck and asked "So rug-rat how was your day?" The ride home passed quickly as she forced herself to concentrate on Rachael's tales of the day. Amanda gasped, struggling to hide her obvious relief that Jax and Abel were both home when she and Rachael arrived. As they entered the house Rachael immediately ran off in search of her dad to tell him all about her busy day at school. Amanda came inside slowly, her eyes darting around the house, anxiously looking for Abel. Entering from the kitchen, Abel pulled her into a loose glad to see you embrace.
As he held her, in the doorway of his parent's home, Abel was struck with the overwhelming need to hold her tighter. Unable or unwilling to fight, he wasn't sure which, Abel gave in and pulled Amanda closer, tightening his warm embrace. "Why" wondered Abel for the millionth time "does this have to feel so right?" Abel wasn't sure he understood his widespread feelings. Amanda wasn't like his 'usual' woman. She was thicker, curvier, and not as obvious as other woman. So with all that in mind why did she make him feel like a horny sixteen year old boy – all young, dumb, and full of cum? Pulling away, before he could embarrass himself Abel smiled at her "Hey darlin'" he whispered by way of greeting.
Tara phoned to say she would be working late at the hospital. Checking the time, Amanda knew Katie would not be home for at least another hour maybe two. Fearing being alone, Amanda offered to make dinner for Jax, Abel, and Rachael. Throwing together a quick pot of spaghetti, complete with salad and garlic bread, Amanda was almost comfortable again as they sat down to eat. Following dinner, Rachael went to finish her homework; Jax and Abel were in the living room with Chibbs and Bobby who had dropped by to discuss Mayan business. Amanda puttered around the kitchen. First she made a plate for Tara, and then she put away the leftovers, loaded the dishwasher, and wiped down the table. Standing in the center of the room, she turned, realizing there was nothing left to clean or put away.
The mere thought of driving home alone, upsetting Amanda all over again. From the voices in the living room, she could tell that Bobby and Chibbs were preparing to leave. "I'm here all night with Rachael, till Tara comes in – so keep me posted if anything changes." Jax informed them. Nodding their agreement, the four men exchanged their goodbyes – then the house fell silent once more.
As she looked at the clock, Amanda was both shocked and relieved. She couldn't believe how late it was already. At the same time she was grateful, this meant that Katie would most likely be home when she arrived. Sticking her head inside Rachael's doorway, Amanda said her good nights and promised to see Rachael for school in the morning. Moving back to the living room, she made her goodbyes with Jax. She hugged Jax in much the same way she wished she could hug her own father.
Turning to Abel she asked "walk me out?" Grabbing his cut and keys off the couch, Abel replied "certainly pretty lady." As Amanda moved out the front door, Abel turned to Jax "I'm gonna take off for a while dad. I've got my cell if you need me."
"Be careful son," was Jax's only reply. Walking out the front door, Abel found Amanda standing in the center of yard. Head tipped way back, Amanda stood staring at the early evening sky with awe. Abel watched silently for a few seconds – not wanting to break the moment. As she saw him standing there waiting, watching Amanda laughed a slight nervous giggle. "I was thinking" stated Abel matter of factly "Why don't I follow you back to your place – give a chance to talk and catch up a little. What do you say?"
Relief that she would be driving home alone flooded Amanda. This would be the first time since she came back to Charming that she and Abel would get to really sit down and catch up. "That sounds great." She replied with much joy.
Amanda & Katie's Apartment:
A short time later Amanda and Abel arrived at the apartment. As they entered the living room, the found a sound asleep Katie crashed out on the sofa. Her school books spread out all over the coffee table. The radio turned down softly, playing some eighties rock and roll. Not wanting to disturb her sleeping roommate, Amanda took Abel's hand and led him silently down the short hall to her room.
Amanda excused herself to the bathroom, while Abel made himself at home. Waiting for Amanda; Abel removed his shoes, hung his cut and sweatshirt on the back of the bedroom door, took a pillow from the bed and propped himself up against the headboard – turning to wait. A few minutes later Amanda returned wearing the same jeans, but having exchanged the tank top and flannel for the old SAMCRO t-shirt she 'borrowed' from Abel that first night at his parents place. Following Abel's lead, Amanda took a second pillow and propped herself up against the headboard next to Abel.
Making themselves comfortable, Abel and Amanda settled into a gentle rhythm. Over the next two hours their conversation took many twist and turns. As old friends do, they laughed, talked, and joked about everything that had happened over the years they were separated. Soon Abel began to notice Amanda struggling to stay awake. He could see that her eyelids were becoming just too heavy for her to keep open any longer. Sliding down further onto the bed, Abel reached for her hand. Tugging her in close, he cradled Amanda's warm body next to his. Resting her head on his shoulder, he whispered "Sleep now Manda…I'm not going anywhere tonight."
As Abel reached for the old afghan to spread over them, Amanda snuggled in nice and close to him. Abel laid very still his hand caressing her shoulder and back. He felt the exact moment she fell off to a deep sleep. Brushing a light kiss against her forehead he whispered "Sleep well" Manda. As comfortable as he was, Abel knew that sleep would be a long time coming for him.
A/N As I think about upcoming chapters, I wonder about the rating this story will carry. I hope that all of you who have been kind enough to read and review will continue to do so if the rating changes from T to M. Thanks again!