Love Struck

Chapter 191 – End my Pain!

Shadow's POV

I held his soft hand and stared deeply into his eyes as my tears gently began to drip off and down between our legs.

Raptor listened and waited for something to happen as I cried.

"I'm scared Raptor. I'm scared." I stated as he gripped my hand.

"Scared of what?" He asked in confusion as I shook my head.

"I'm scared I'm going to hurt someone." I stated as he got next to me. I felt his his pants touching mine as he leaned down to see my eyes.

"Who are you going to hurt?" He asked as I replied.

"Anyone. Me. You. Marx. Midnight. Everyone!" I cried as I let my head drop down.

Raptor immediately caught me with his arms and I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"I already hurt so many people Raptor!" I stated as he held me close.

Raptor didn't know what to say. I just was piling it on him.

"I don't know what or who I am anymore! I've changed and it wasn't something I wanted! I've become a horrible person! I've betrayed so many people!"

"Shadow, it's war! You've only done what you've had too to make it this far! To make this happen!" Stated Raptor as I replied.

"This doesn't mean anything! We still have to kill Reacher and his men! That is a war alone and for all I know their coming tomorrow to kill us all!"

Raptor quickly replied.

"If they come tomorrow they won't get far I promise you!"

"How can you promise that!? He has a whole fucking army still!" I stated as he replied.

"I'll find a way!"

"I wish I was like you! All confident and all in love!" I stated as he asked.

"What do you mean?!"

"You have a women who cares and loves you! You have a life! I lost everything I once was in six fucking months!"

Raptor lowered his head as I sat up.

"My job. My freedom. My brother. My best friend. The love of my life! My fucking kids! I LOST EVERYTHING AND I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! I HAVE NO ONE TO LOVE ANYMORE! I HAVE NO ONE LEFT TO CALL FAMILY! I HAVE NOTHING LEFT BUT A GUN AND PLENTY OF REASONS TO KILL MYSELF!" I screamed in tears as he released my hand to stare at me in shock.

Quickly I pulled out my M9 from my side and smashed it down between us.

"YOU SEE THIS!?" I asked in sadness as he replied.

"Yes."

Picking it back up with my right hand I unloaded the clip letting it hit the ground.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH BY MYSELF WITH THIS THING!?" I asked as he replied.

"No."

Grabbing the fully loaded magazine I loaded it back into the gun and pulled back on the receiver. Raptor watched in worry as I lifted it at him.

"THIS GUN HAS NEARLY KILLED ME MORE THEN ANY ENEMY!" I stated as I pointed it at his head.

Raptor stared at me in fear as I gripped the trigger.

"DO YOU FEEL THAT!?" I asked as I had the gun pressed against his forehead.

"Yes." He replied in fear as I shouted.

"THAT IS JUST ONCE! I HAVE PLACED THIS THING ON MY HEAD EVERY FUCKING NIGHT! I GRIPPED THE TRIGGER MORE THEN I CAN COUNT! I NEVER ONCE PULLED THE TRIGGER NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANTED TOO! DO YOU KNOW WHY!?" I asked as he stared into my wet crimson red eyes.

"No." Replied Raptor as I pulled back on the gun's lock.

Raptor flinched in fear as I replied.

"BECAUSE I HAVE ALWAYS HAD SOMETHING TO FIGHT FOR! CAN YOU TELL ME RAPTOR WHAT IT IS I STILL FIGHT FOR!?" I asked as he took a gulp of nervousness.

"Amy." He replied as I smiled.

"THAT'S RIGHT! THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT!" I stated as he saw me letting go of my grip.

Quickly I lowered the gun and Raptor remained still in place as I said.

"THAT MUST BE WHY YOUR THE ONLY ONE I STILL HAVEN'T KILLED!"

Raptor widened his eyes as I cried harder.

"I killed Shade!" I stated as he stared at me.

"She saved me back when I was hurt in Afghanistan! I protected her from her pimp! And then I killed her! I snapped her neck! I suffocated her over my shoulder! She gagged for air and the whole time I'm crying I'm yelling. I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY!" I screamed as Raptor lowered his head.

"I left her there and then killed all those men in the warehouse! By the time you found me I wish I would have died! I wanted to die there Raptor! I wanted to die because I knew I murdered her! I murdered her!" I cried as I let my head down.

Raptor gently placed his hand on my back and said.

"Did you have a reason?!" He asked as I replied.

"No! Just like Ghost!"

Raptor immediately let go and moved back as I looked over into his scared eyes.

Still holding the gun I turned to him and said.

"At the graves! He was saying how he felt to Dove! I pulled out my knife! And I stabbed him in the neck!"

Raptor was shocked. As I cried I saw one tear roll down his cheek.

"He gagged and turned to see me crying! I watched as he reached for me! He couldn't make it! He fell down and I went to him! I rested him under my legs and I shoved the knife all the way in!"

Raptor slowly looked over to me. He was speechless it seemed.

"Then I took it and stabbed him in the heart! I watched as he died and once he was gone I didn't know what to do! I didn't know who I was or what I just did! I never wanted to kill him Raptor! But I did! I killed him just like I did Shade! I killed him! I FUCKING KILLED MY BEST FRIEND AND FOR WHAT!?" I asked as he cried slowly.

Raptor didn't respond as I looked down at my gun.

"What about the gun wounds!?" Asked Raptor as I replied.

"I couldn't let you all find out! So I shot him in the head after!"

"What about you!?" He asked in tears as I replied.

"I shot myself to frame him! I did it all! I said he killed himself! I lied to protect myself! I murdered him!"

Raptor was shocked and slowly looked away as I looked at him.

Gently I tossed the gun over to him.

"Clink!"

The gun hit the concrete next to his leg and rolled into his thigh. He looked down at the gun in confusion as I said.

"I know what I did was wrong! But I still think it was necessary! He was your man Raptor! Your friend! Your brother! You should avenge him!" I stated as he looked at me in fear.

"Kill me!" I begged as I stood up.

Raptor was caught off guard as I pulled out my blade.

"Kill me! Please!" I pleaded as I tossed my blade aside.

Raptor slowly looked at the gun as I begged.

"I killed them for Amy and my son! Don't kill me for that! Kill me because I deserve it!"

Slowly Raptor picked up the gun and stood up to face me.

Tears poured down his fur as he had the gun on his side.

"The war is already over Raptor! You can kill me now knowing tomorrow you'll be able to leave with Alicia and live your life! You can leave knowing you made your friend Shadow free! That's all I want knowing I murdered them! That's all I want and I want you to do it! I stated as I took a step to him.

Raptor shook as I begged.

"Kill me!"

Getting closer I grabbed his arm.

"Kill me please!" I pleaded as I lifted the gun.

I forced the gun up and placed it on my forehead so all he had to do was pull the trigger.

Raptor tried to force the gun down as I begged.

"Do it!"

Quickly I wrapped my finger on the trigger.

"Do it! Please Raptor!" I begged as I forced it in.

"End my pain!" I stated in sadness as he cried harder.

"Please!" I begged one last time as I saw him grip the gun.

"Please Raptor do it...!?"

"BANG!"