AN: Thanks to the super awesome ACEMCKEAN - Beta-Extraordinaire. Read her stories The Cullen Brothers and Marital Bliss? - They are the stories that taught me that moms can write cool stories too.

AN 2: Woo hoo you guys killed it! Here is chapter 38!! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!!

CHAPTER 38 AKA - EDWARD VERSUS THE DIAPER

EPOV

Bella finished nursing the twins and then settled them into my arms as she set about getting things together to change them and lay them down to sleep. I sat admiring my two perfect angels when I heard a sound I didn't like coming from Jace. Nothing happened so I went back to admiring them. I bent to smell Arriel's head. She smelled so much like her mother did as a human, then I did the same to Jace. I took a deep breath trying to catch the scent of my little son. OH MY!!!

"How come it smells so bad?" I gagged, looking at Bella.

She smiled sweetly at me and took Arriel in her arms. "Poop stinks," was all she said. POOP?? Oh dear I never considered poop!

"I think you need to change him then," I said, the fear radiating out of my every pore.

"No way Daddy. You're up," she said, smiling sweetly. This woman was a sadist!! I looked at my sleeping son.. How could something so little smell so bad?

"I have no clue how," I whined. There had to be a way out of this!

"Oh Edward. It really is self explanatory, but I will give you a visual if you'd like to watch me change Arriel first," she smiling a little too mischievously for my liking at this exact moment. Honestly if I didn't love her so much I would have dropped the baby and run, well maybe not dropped, but I would have run.

The rest of the family came in with huge grins on their faces. They knew what was happening and they wanted a front row seat! I looked pleadingly at my mom, surely sweet Esme would not make me do this. The smile on her face told me everything I needed to know. I was on my own. My stupid siblings were biting their lips trying to keep from laughing. I growled slightly under my breath which brought the laughter out full force.

"Okay Edward here are the tools you'll need," Bella said to me, bringing my attention back to the job at hand. "This is a diaper and these are wipes." She said showing me the diaper and wipes.

I looked at the tools in her hand, "Where are the gloves?" I asked quietly.

"You don't need gloves Silly. Just keep your hands out of the poop," she said. My eyes widened in disbelief.

She laid Arriel on a little mat on the floor and sat down so that Arriel was between her legs with her feet pointing towards her. She unsnapped her little jammies carefully and pulled both her feet out. I could now see the diaper that was covering my daughter's bum.

"So each diaper has two little tabs, here and here," she told me, unfastening the tabs that held Arriel in her diaper. "Once the diaper is unfastened you pull it back so you can see what you're dealing with."

"What if I don't want to see what I'm dealing with?" I asked.

"Then you'll end up with your hands in poop most likely," she smiled at me, bring a great round of laughter from the traitorous peanut gallery that watched my pain.

"So Arriel is just wet. I still clean her because the books say I should. You grab a baby wipe, like this," she said, lifting a single wipe from the container. "Then you wipe from front to back." I certainly hope Arriel didn't mind having her bum shown to the family, who all seemed to be watching and listening intently to Bella's lesson.

"Okay that looks easy enough," I said, causing Emmett to snicker again.

"After you have wiped away everything on the bum, you pull the old diaper away and place a fresh one down under the baby's bum. Then you cover all important parts and fasten the tabs. Once you are sure the diaper is secure you put the jammies back on and do up the snaps." Arriel was now fully clothed and Bella picked her up.

"Anyone want to hold a fresh baby girl?" she asked,sweetly, looking at the family. Alice was the first to jump at that question followed by Esme and Rosalie in quick succession.

"Hello Pretty," Alice said to my clean, peaceful, sweet smelling, sleeping baby girl. "I'm Aunty Alice. You and I are going to be great shopping buddies. Just you wait and see." She took Arriel and went to stand with the family again watching me.

I huffed a little but decided to man up and I placed my son on the mat Arriel had just vacated and copied the position Bella was sitting in. I unsnapped his jammies and pulled his tiny feet out. I stopped and admired his ten pink little toes. This would have been a rather enjoyable moment, without the smell.... and the spectators. I held my breath, immensely grateful for the lack of need for oxygen.

"Okay so this is the diaper," I said to Bella, trying to smile a little. "Are you sure you don't want to change it?"

"Edward I can guarantee you that nobody WANTS to change it. It just has to be done," she said smiling at me. She ran her fingers across my jaw affectionately and then sat back to watch.

I remembered everything I had seen. I remembered everything I had heard and I was ready to try this. My stinky little son was still asleep and I reached up for the tabs to undo the diaper.

"You might want to take a good breath now," my sadistic fiancee said to me. "It might be the last one you get for a couple of minutes."

I did as she instructed, turning away from Jace I pulled in as much air as I could and held it. I opened the diaper to 'see what I was dealing with'. HOLY CRAP!! No pun intended. How could such a small baby make so much poop?

"I thought poop was solid and brown," I commented to Bella, drawing a loud guffaw from Emmett.

"Well that is usually true, but in babies it is yellow or green and liquidy," she said, not at all grossed out by this diaper.

"Oh," was all I could say to reply.

I grabbed a single wipe from the box and looked at my son's poop covered areas. I seriously had no clue how to do this. It was much different than looking at Bella change Arriel. First off she didn't poop. Secondly her parts were more flat. Third did I mention she didn't poop.

"Start at the top," I said to myself.

"Can you hurry it up over there, the smell is spreading," Emmett whined, fanning his nose. Now it was the girls turn to laugh.

"Think you could do it better Em?" I growled.

"Hey it's not my baby!" Emmett said, backing up. This caused the girls to laugh even more and Jasper to start clucking like a chicken to annoy Emmett.

"Boys! Hush!" Esme called to them and everyone went back to staring at me.

I put the wipe to his skin and started wiping the sticky awful junk from my son's bum.. First wipe was covered, but the poop remained. Second wipe, same thing. This was really nasty!! It took me sixteen wipes to do it, but finally he was clean. I pulled the dirty diaper away and laid the clean one underneath. I looked again at my son's naked heiny to make sure he was totally clean. Bella nodded her head in agreement. I did it!! I did it well!! I turned to glare at my brothers who had giggled and snickered and even snorted through this entire process when suddenly I was getting WET.

I turned back to face my son and discovered he was PEEING.... EVERYWHERE! Can you say major fountain!!

"What do I do?" I yelled, startling Jace and making him cry.

"Cover him up!" Bella said from a little ways away, avoiding the spray that already covered him, my shirt and pants and everything in a two foot radius. I grabbed one of the couch cushions from above me and covered the spray. I looked back at my family, who were suddenly silent. Bella was biting both of her lips, her eyes wide with shock. My brothers had their hands clamped over their mouths to keep from laughing. Alice's eyes were glazed over, the vision in her mind clouded to me by Rosalie's MURDEROUS RAGE!

"Umm Rose. I'm so sorry," I said, looking at my blonde sister. "I'll take care of it. It was just the closest thing available."

"Edward... Why didn't you just close the diaper?" Bella asked, trying not to laugh, and the whole room erupted with laughter, even Rosalie couldn't help but to laugh..

I sat there in all my pee covered misery looking at my now wide awake son who seemed awfully proud of himself. He kicked his little feet as pee dripped down my arm, and still I couldn't move. The laughter in the background continued to grow. Emmett and Jasper were now rolling on the ground. Alice, Rose and Esme were giggling uncontrollably and Carlisle's throaty laugh was not missed either.

Bella finally came to my rescue and declared that both Jace and I needed a bath or a shower. She sent me off to the bathroom, grabbing Jace from the floor and following me.

I prayed then that this was going to be the last diaper I'd ever have to change. All hope was lost when my sweet fiancee announced," That wasn't so bad for a first time. You'll do better next time."

I opened my mouth to reply but suddenly found my lips very busy. God I love this woman!!

Thanks for all the reviews everyone. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

A couple more chapters of fluff to come before we get to the nitty gritty.

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