Dean quickly grabbed the clothes he had laid of the bed prior to his shower and ran back into the hot bathroom. He shut the door hard and slammed his body up against it, then slid down on to the floor gasping. Dean wasn't ready to see Cas so soon after he had just begun to accept that what he was feeling was not bad. Dean focused on his breathing until he felt his heart rate drop and his chest felt lighter. It was then that he became painfully aware that the mixture of the heat from the steam in the bathroom, Cas in the next room, and his newly acknowledge feelings led to the very stiff erection that he found himself with. Dean bit his lip; he needed release. Growing up sharing a room with one to two guys made him pretty good at satisfying himself quickly and quietly, besides, Cas wouldn't have any idea.

Dean untied the towel around his waist and let the sides fall to the ground. He unceremoniously spit in his right and began rubbing his throbbing erection. He pulled up and down, slowly at first, building up speed. He loosened his grip as his hand moved down his shaft and tightened it, as his hand got closer to the head of his penis. All Dean pictured were those piercing blue eyes, they urged him to go on. Dean hunched over himself as he felt his climax coming. He then threw himself against the door, willing himself to last just a little longer – it felt good after all.

"Dean," Cas's voice called, "are you ok? Do you need help?"

As much as Dean wanted to continue hearing Cas's voice it caused him to explode. He was gasping again, his mouth was dry, and his heart was racing.

"No, I'm good." Dean looked down at the mess in his lap. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Dean, are you ok?" Cas asked concernedly as Dean exited the bathroom again.

Dean stopped like he ran into a brick wall; he licked his lips, looked over but above Cas, and searched for an answer. Cas had his eyes trained on Dean and Dean couldn't bring himself to look into them.

"Yeah, man, I'm good." Dean walked over to his bed, opposite Cas, and sat down.

"I thought I heard a loud bang on the door. I was worried you hurt yourself."

Dean gulped and responded, "Yeah, I am fine…I just tripped." Cas took this for an answer and continued to stare at Dean.

Dean found anything in the room to look at except Cas. He couldn't help but notice him out of the corner of his eye from time to time and Cas was staring fixedly at him. Dean shifted uncomfortably on his bed. Every inch of him was restless and soon Dean shot up off the bed and began pacing around the room.

"Dean, you seem unsettled. Is something wrong?" Cas tilted his head inquisitively.

"No, ok Cas, I am as far from ok as possible." Dean finally looked at Cas only he was glaring at the angel. "Fuck."

"Dean, I don't know what I did to upset you, but whatever it was I am very sorry." Cas looked intently at Dean.

Dean walked over to where Cas was sitting and stared down at him. The angel gazed up at Dean curiously. Cas just sat both trusting Dean and worried for him. His emotions were easily read and this made Dean even more upset. It's almost like he knows and feels something too, Dean thought to himself. He bit his bottom lip, closed his eyes and shook his head. When Dean opened his eyes there was Cas, still looking…stilled worried. Dean broke; he couldn't take it anymore.

"Cas, can angels love?" Dean stared at the ground.

"We love our father; it's a deep profound love." Cas's eyes reflected his confusion.

"No Cas, I mean love because you want to. Love because it moves you to feel something more than with anyone else. Love because the world doesn't feel right without it." Dean walked slowly towards the window, his eyes still on the floor.

"Dean, angels don't understand that concept of love" Cas responded simply. "Love for us is obedience, absolute obedience to our father."

"How can you call that love man?" Dean tore his eyes from the floor and looked directly into Cas's eyes. "It sounds like something that has been forced on you. Have you chosen to love god or do you do it because you have to?"

"I am an angel Dean, it is part of who I am." Cas stood and walked over to where Dean was standing, anger tinged his voice.

"That's an excuse man!" Dean's eyes were still locked on Cas's. "You have the right to love and be loved freely, not because you have to."

"That is a human's right Dean, not an angel's. We obey and we love though obeying." Cas now stood in front of Dean looking up into his eyes.

"That's where you're wrong. Everyone, angel…human…I don't fucking care, has the right to love." Dean stopped and thought. "Good people like us should be happy, we should feel love freely."

"Dean-" Cas started.

"Cas if you say you love by obeying again I swear to your god that I will knock you out."

"It is the truth Dean."

"Cas just fucking feel for yourself!" Dean grabbed Cas's right hand and placed it on his chest over his heart. "Feel for yourself."

"Dean, I am confused about what you want from me." Cas tried to remove his hand but Dean wouldn't let him. "I feel as much as an angel is capable of."

"That's an excuse," Dean breathed out his nose harshly, angrily. "Tell me you don't love me."

"Dean, you have said many times that we are family, and I agree. I love you as one does family." Dean let Cas's hand go at this statement.

"And that's it. That's all you feel?" Dean turned his back on Castiel and walked a few paces away.

"Why are you asking me these things Dean?" Cas walked up behind Dean. "Do you not feel this familial love that you have so often expressed?"

"That isn't what I'm saying at all."

"Has something changed between us?" Cas almost sounded sad.

Before Dean's better judgment could stop him Dean turned around quickly, grabbed Cas's face between both hands and pulled his face to his own. The kiss was hard, yet tender, forceful, but passionate. It was as confusing as the emotions Dean was feeling. Somehow, in some clear part of Dean's mind, his only thought was: this is perfect. Then, before he knew it, his hands were no longer holding on to anything, and they dropped down to his side. He opened his eyes and Cas was gone. Dean felt like his heart dropped out of his chest and sadness washed over him like a frozen tide. That small part of Dean's brain that kept him going even during the darkest times reminded him that Sam would be back soon. Somehow his feet remembered how to move and got him into bed. Dean's mind shut off, and he was asleep.

Sam came back to the room about twenty minutes later, coffee in one hand and a bag with breakfast in the other. He stopped suddenly when he saw Dean curled up in bed. Two things occurred to him simultaneously. First, Dean doesn't sleep like that. He more of a sprawler than a fetus position kind of sleeper and Dean in this positioned scared him for some reason. Second, he was pissed. How could Dean sleep like this, they were on a job and couldn't fucking sleep all day. Sam made the decision to let the first thought go, there wasn't anything he could do. When Dean wanted to tell him what was going on he would or he would get frustrated enough to force it out of him. That moment wasn't now. What he did know is that Dean needed to get up and they needed to talk to this Bes guy.

"Dean!" Sam bellowed.

Dean jumped out of the bed, gasping, starring at Sam prepared to fight; it was a natural reflex for him. The look on Dean's face scared Sam more than the sleeping position. The pain was twofold, like he was in pain trying to keep his pain hidden.

"Dean," Sam moved quickly to his brother's side, "you have to tell me what's wrong. I've seen it in your face for days – you have to tell me…"

"No Sammy, I don't." Dean sat up, his face correcting itself – putting on its mask. "Let's get to work."