Author's Notes: I'm spoiling you this week with a second chapter. :-) Enjoy! Special thanks to Prothrombintime for much needed encouragement and feedback.
Chapter Nineteen
September 23rd, 2004 (continued)
Ianto barely managed to climb into the SUV before Jack gunned the engine, turned on the SUV's strobing blue lights, and took off out of the underground garage at high speed.
"How long have we got?" Ianto braced himself as Jack wrenched the steering wheel, flinging him against the passenger-side door.
"Not long," Jack muttered, his eyes fixed on the road ahead. "A few minutes maybe."
Ianto genuinely feared for his life during their harrowing journey back to St. Teilo's. Finally Jack stopped the SUV with a screech of tires and they both jumped out, running through the hospital's main entrance once again.
The air around them seemed to sizzle with Rift energy, causing the fine hairs on the back of Ianto's neck to stand on end. The building was trembling as people and objects from eighty-six years ago flickered into existence around them, erupting forcefully into the present.
Jack stopped abruptly and placed his palm against Ianto's chest, holding him back. He tugged off his greatcoat, handing it to Ianto, followed by his wrist-strap and Webley. "Keep these safe for me." Finally he handed Ianto his keys.
"Jack..." Ianto began, feeling his chest tighten with fear as he looked into the other man's determined eyes.
"You need to take the SUV back to the Hub." Jack looked at him steadily. "Once I'm through to 1918, I'll get Tommy to use the Rift key, then Torchwood can put me into cryo-freeze too. You saw how I revived Tommy. When you get to the Hub, just do the same to bring me back."
Ianto nodded anxiously in response. Jack grabbed his shoulders, pulled him close, and kissed him hard on the lips. "Whatever happens, I'll find my way back. Now, you need to get out of here before you're pulled into 1918 as well."
Ianto nodded again, a knot of fear twisting in his stomach. He was terrified he wouldn't see Jack again. "Jack, I..." he began, but trailed off awkwardly, not certain what he wanted to say. He swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. "Be careful."
Jack gave him a grim smile, and with a final squeeze of his shoulders, he turned and ran off down the corridor, heading for the stairs leading up to Tommy's ward. Ianto watched until Jack disappeared from view, desperately hoping he could convince Tommy to use the key, and then find his way back. There weren't many things Ianto believed in with absolute certainty, but his faith in Jack was one of them. If anyone could fix this, it was going to be Jack.
The hospital trembled ominously as fragments of 1918 continued to flicker into existence around him. Steeling himself, and resisting the almost overwhelming urge to sprint after Jack, Ianto clutched the other man's possessions tightly to his chest and ran out of the hospital.
Wrenching open the driver's side door of the SUV, he climbed in and after clumsily wrestling with the keys, he started the engine. With a worried glance back at the derelict building, he gripped the steering wheel with white-knuckled hands, turned the SUV around, and sped back towards the Hub. The road beneath the SUV quivered as the disturbance in the Rift continued to expand, causing Ianto to clutch the steering wheel even tighter.
Suddenly there was a bright, searing flash of golden light in the rear-view mirror, and Ianto let out a deep breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. Forcing himself to remain focused on negotiating the morning traffic, he continued the journey back to the Hub, his relief that the time rupture was sealed at odds with his heart-pounding fear for Jack's safe return.
By the time he was at the cogwheel door again, he was breathing heavily, having ran from the garage as fast as his legs would move. Leaving Jack's belongings on his desk, he checked the computer and confirmed that the scan of St. Teilo's and the surrounding areas was now clear. Then he headed for the morgue.
Acting on instinct, Ianto went to the drawer immediately to the right of the one they'd retrieved Tommy from the day before. He opened it with trembling hands, sliding out the cryo-freeze containment unit within. Roughly wiping away the frost covering the thick glass window at the head of the unit, he gasped with relief when he saw Jack's still face inside, pale and lifeless, his frozen features surprisingly relaxed and peaceful.
"Thank God," he muttered, retrieving the nearby trolley and using it to move the casket into the lift that would carry it up to the medical bay. Despite knowing Jack was alive and merely in a state of suspended animation, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was looking at the corpse of the man he cared for deeply... the man he was only just beginning to realise he was falling in love with.
After activating the lift and hearing it groan into action, Ianto hurried back up to the Hub's main level and then went down the stairs into the medical bay. Forcing aside his torrent of emotions, he retrieved the casket from the lift and initiated the thawing sequence. He waited anxiously, his hands clenched tightly at his sides. Finally, after what seemed like an interminable wait, the cycle completed with a reassuring beep and the indicator light turned green.
With some difficulty, Ianto heaved Jack's inanimate body from the cryo-freeze unit and managed to lay him out on the examination table. Jack was heavier than he looked and Ianto decided, somewhat hysterically, that he really needed to stop feeding Jack so many donuts, biscuits, and assorted pastries.
Retrieving the blue compound he'd seen Jack use on Tommy, he filled a syringe, and readied the defibrillator in case he needed it. Taking a deep breath, he carefully injected Jack's arm and waited anxiously.
"Come on, Jack," he murmured, stroking his fingers along the cool flesh of Jack's face. "Please come back to me."
He was just about to reach for the defibrillator when the sound of a shuddering inhalation of breath filled the room, and Jack's eyes slid open, shifting around before finally settling on him. "Ianto?" he mumbled, drawing several deep breaths as he struggled to sit upright.
"Jack." Ianto's voice was filled with relief. He reached forward, carefully helping Jack to sit up and swing his legs over the edge of the table. "Easy there."
"Whoa!" Jack's legs sagged as he tried to get off the table. He gripped the table's edge as Ianto held onto his arm. Jack looked around for a moment, then his gaze settled on Ianto again. "It's good to be back."
Before Ianto realised what he was doing, he'd wrapped his arms around Jack, pulling him into a fierce embrace. "Thought I'd lost you," he murmured against Jack's neck, his voice catching.
Jack held him close, his hand rubbing soothingly up and down Ianto's back. "Never. I'm not an easy guy to get rid of. You know that."
"Yeah." Ianto drew in a deep breath and pressed his lips against Jack's, kissing him tenderly.
Jack returned the kiss, then eased him back far enough for their eyes to meet. "You okay?" he asked in a concerned tone.
Ianto nodded, feeling a flush of embarrassment from his overt display of emotion. "What happened with Tommy?"
Jack sighed heavily, a pained expression settling over his features. "He did his duty. I got him to use the key and he saved the world."
###
Ianto busied himself with making coffee, and after Jack had showered and changed into a clean set of clothes, they sat on the Hub's sofa, drinking in silence. They both seemed to be lost in their own thoughts. A few minutes later, Jack put his mug down and after absently patting Ianto's knee, he abruptly stood up and collected his coat, wrist-strap and gun. With barely a backwards glance, he left the Hub, declaring he wanted to check out St. Teilo's one final time before it was demolished.
Once the relief had passed of both the world not ending and Jack being safely back in the present, Ianto felt a sense of cold, desolate despair take hold of him. Intellectually, he knew they'd done what was necessary, but that knowledge didn't make Tommy's sacrifice any easier to bear.
He took their empty mugs back to the kitchen area and washed them. Then he checked on Myfanwy and fed her some fish, murmuring to her softly as he recalled the expression of pure delight on Tommy's face when they'd been feeding her chocolate and playing games with her the day before. Pushing aside the now painful memory, he turned his attention to cleaning up around the Hub, distracting his mind with the tedium of familiar, routine tasks. After reverently packing away Tommy's clothes, his heart feeling heavy and tight in his chest, he retreated to the archives.
By the end of the work day, Jack hadn't returned and Ianto found himself wandering aimlessly around the Hub. He thought of calling or going to look for Jack, but decided he was probably off on a rooftop somewhere, and wanting some solitude. He'd return when he was ready.
Eventually he ended up in the morgue, sitting on the floor beside the empty drawer that had less than thirty-six hours earlier contained Tommy's frozen body. He pulled his knees up tightly against his chest, shivering as the cold of the stone floor penetrated his clothing, seeming to seep deep into his bones. Tears filled his eyes, threatening to fall unheeded down his face as his mind twisted with sorrow and remorse. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there, but he also didn't particularly care.
The dull echo of heavy footsteps grew closer and he wearily lifted his head to see Jack making his way towards him, shoulders slumped, and eyes cast downwards. He lowered himself to sit at Ianto's side and moved to put his arm around Ianto's shoulders.
"Don't," Ianto murmured, pulling away and glancing at Jack angrily before averting his eyes again.
Just for a brief moment he hated Jack and his silent stoicism. He hated everything Jack represented, even though he himself was no better. He was equally a part of it, and entirely by his own choice. The surge of antagonism was irrational and fleeting, but he needed someone to blame, and Jack was all he had. Jack was Torchwood, and for Torchwood innocent lives were treated like a cheap commodity.
He'd seen enough of the files in the archives to know almost everyone who was involved with Torchwood met a swift and untimely end. Harriet Derbyshire had died at age twenty-six, just a year after she'd been at the hospital in 1918. Jack had probably known her, he realised, and had perhaps even been there when she'd died. Tommy had only been twenty-four. And they were just two casualties in an appallingly long list.
"Ianto..." Jack sighed deeply but didn't attempt to reach for him again. "We did what we had to do. You probably don't want to hear this right now, but I'm proud of you. You helped save the world."
"I helped send an innocent man to his death," Ianto retorted bitterly.
"Yes. One life to save billions. It's not fair, and I hate it too." Jack's voice trailed off with the final few words and Ianto glanced at him, their eyes meeting properly for the first time since Jack had sat down.
There was such profound sadness in Jack's blue depths that Ianto felt the remainder of his anger slip away. Jack wasn't the enemy, and somewhere in a corner of his mind he realised that part of his ire was because he could no longer deny the depth of his feelings for the other man.
Somewhere along the course of their unconventional association, his heart had begun to get in the way, but he feared that no matter how strong his feelings for Jack became, they would never be reciprocated. He knew that Jack cared about him, but the older man had also been clear from the outset about the nature of their involvement. Jack wanted companionship, not a relationship. Ianto had wanted companionship too, and he still did, but he suspected that if he continued down this treacherous emotional path, he'd eventually want more.
"There are days when I despise this job," Jack continued quietly, his eyes shifting to gaze across the room. "Today has been one of those days. But it was necessary, we both know that. Tommy did his duty, and we did ours."
Ianto couldn't argue with the truth of Jack's words, no matter how much he wanted to. "He gave his life to save the world. Tommy was a hero." He paused, his voice catching. He'd only known Tommy for a single day, but the young soldier had been his friend. "And you know what the worst part is? No one will ever know what he did."
"We know." Jack's voice was soft but determined. "We'll remember him. We'll remember his bravery and sacrifice."
Ianto shook his head. "It's not enough."
"I know," Jack agreed, his words heavy with regret. "It never is."
Ianto nodded miserably. He looked down at his left wrist, where he'd been absently tracing his fingers over the smooth glass face of his silver watch. It had been a gift from Jack a little over a month earlier, in celebration of his twenty-second birthday. Jack had been surprisingly thoughtful, arriving on his doorstep on the evening of his birthday with both a gift and a cake. He hadn't even expected Jack to remember, but it had turned out to be one of the best birthdays he'd ever had. His previous watch had been old and losing time, a fact he'd mentioned once in passing, and Jack had remembered, presenting him with the beautiful and obviously expensive replacement.
"Tommy was only twenty-four," he murmured in little more than a whisper as he continued to stare at his watch. "Is that what's going to happen to me too? Will I not even make it to twenty-five?"
"No. That's not going to happen." Jack's tone was so vehement that Ianto couldn't help turning his head and looking at him again. "I won't let that happen, Ianto," Jack repeated firmly. "I'll do everything I can to keep you safe. It's what I've been trying to do since you started working here."
Ianto sighed. As much as he was sometimes exasperated by Jack's stubborn, over-protective streak, he appreciated the sentiment and reasons behind it, even though a part of him wanted to argue that Jack was deluding himself. Although he wasn't a field operative, working for Torchwood was inherently dangerous, Torchwood Cardiff even more so. "I know," he said softly.
Jack shuffled closer and reached for Ianto again. "Come here."
This time Ianto didn't resist and before he knew it, he was wrapped in Jack's arms, clinging to him desperately and sobbing against his shoulder. He couldn't hold back the pent up emotions of the last twenty-four hours any longer. Jack held him silently, his fingers stroking gently through his hair.
"Come on," Jack murmured after a few minutes, gently easing Ianto back far enough for their eyes to meet. Ianto was shocked to see Jack's own eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Let's get you home."
Ianto scrubbed roughly at his face and nodded, allowing Jack to grasp his hand and help him to his feet. "Jack... stay with me tonight?" he asked tentatively.
Jack leaned in and pressed a tender kiss to Ianto's forehead, his fingers tracing lightly over Ianto's cheek. Ianto closed his eyes, focusing on the comforting sensation that was such a welcome distraction from the maelstrom of his thoughts.
When Ianto opened his eyes again. Jack was gazing at him with compassion and vulnerability, and it was obvious that he was in need of comfort too. "Yes, Ianto. I'll stay with you."