RECAP:
Lily asks James to meet her

Chapter 44: I Need You

The hour was passed by sitting in the courtyard, planning everything I was going to say. I knew everything I wanted to say, everything I wanted him to know. No one was leaving until I got it all out. I was going to make him decide. Either he stays with me, by my side, as we join the Order of Phoenix, or we break up, and I go alone, and still join. So whatever happened, I was going to join. No doubt he was thinking about this, and planning his argument, too. He knew how stubborn I was about this, so he was going to plan, but he was going to fail. I always won the arguments even when we weren't going out. What ever happened now, I was going to emerge as the winner, but if he chose the wrong path, I'd have to make an unfortunate sacrifice.

I stood up and with my head held high, I walked towards the Lake. I sincerely hoped he wasn't going to be too stubborn about this. Really, I wondered how he didn't see it coming. He knew I wouldn't miss a thing, and that I was most probably thinking about the Order because of the letter. And if he was thinking about the Order (according to Sirius), then he should've known I was thinking about it, too. Maybe he thought I was thinking about it, but didn't want to believe it.

The Black Lake came into view, and I first saw James, looking towards the Lake, his hair blowing slightly because of the wind. From behind him, Sirius put a hand on his shoulder and said something. He probably said I was coming, since he looked my way. I glanced around really quickly. There was no one around this. In case this got dirty, no one would witness it.

Before I could give myself more mental preparation, I reached him. Sirius disappeared up the tree nearby, and James and I stood, facing each other. I took these extra few moments to memorize his face, in case this ended badly. His hazel, caramel eyes were dead serious, but I'd seen them in so many different emotions. His cheeks had a faint blush, probably from the cold wind slapping our faces. His glasses were lopsided on his face, also probably because of the wind knocking them around. His mouth was set in almost a perfect straight line, only a slight frown tugging at the corners. His lips, pink, soft and thin, were not curve into the smile I was so used to. I knew I'd miss the lopsided grins he gave me every time I laughed at his jokes and antics. I knew I'd miss having his lips on mine.

"Lily…" He started. I'd also miss his nice, deep, assertive voice, especially during those times when it was slightly husky. I'd miss the way he said my name, like I was the most important thing in the world to him, almost like he was being careful and soft with it. I looked up to meet his eyes.

"James." I replied with a curt nod. He opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it. "James, you know why you're here." I told him, and he nodded mutely. "I want you to choose. Right now." I told him.

"I…what?" He asked, slightly taken aback.

"James, I'm joining the Order. It comes down to you, whether it's by my side or not." I shrugged.

"C-can't we talk about this?" He asked, almost pleading. Whatever he expected, he certainly did not expect this.

"What's there to talk about James?" I asked. "Actually, no, I do have a few questions for you. How do you think you'd going to stop me?"

"Beg, plead, maybe. Possibly make you pregnant and unable to fight." He shrugged. I stared at him incredulously. "Well the last one's more of worst case scenario."

"You know I won't like sitting at home while everyone else is out there fighting." I reminded him.

"Yes, and I'll sit at home with you." He said immediately. Maybe he did think this through. "Lily, you're the only one I have left, and I couldn't live if anything happened to you, hell, you're probably the only reason I'm alive right now." He said. I searched his eyes, not quite sure of what I was looking for. I did find, though, complete agony. He wasn't being stupidly cheesy, he actually meant it. And really, that kind of scared me. "I know you're perfectly capable, you're probably more capable than any student in this school. Your abilities…you're a natural Auror. You're more of a natural than I am, and that's saying something, since both of my parents and their parents were Aurors. You're naturally a leader, brave, and any Death Eater would be stupid to try to fight you. But I just can't lose you." I bit my lip, and took his hands in my own.

"I think I realize what you're saying now, but I can't sit around and let people like me and people like my parents… and people like you die every day, especially with the knowledge that I can do something about it. I wouldn't want you taken from me, and I have the opportunity to stop that from happening to other innocent people. I can fight it, James, like you said. If I don't join, and you don't join, the world will lose two people it desperately needs. This is war, James. In war, you need to make sacrifices. Dumbledore's always saying, 'for the greater good.' This is the greater good. We need to join. We need to fight." I told him passionately, hoping he realized how much I needed to do this.

We stood, facing each other, the cool wind hitting our faces. It was completely silent, except for my heart, which was beating loudly and quickly against my ribcage. There was something new in his eyes, something I couldn't quite identify, but it was mixed with his agony, and I couldn't tell if this new thing was good or bad for me. Suddenly, his arms wrapped around my waist, and crushed me to his chest.

"You deserve so much better…I've thought and said that many times through the years, but now, I know more than ever." He said quietly, with that look still in his eyes. It hit me. It was pride.

"I don't want any better, James." I told him honestly.

"No, you're just lucky that I'm a selfish git." He said, grinning. I bit my lip, waiting for him to say if we'd join or not. "And yes, we're going to go make a nice visit to Dumbledore later this year to discuss with him about this." I smiled widely and put my arms around his neck. "But, if you get yourself killed, Lily, expect me to follow you soon after."

"Mmm, and same with me." I mumbled into his neck, realizing how much I missed his scent and his warmth. He kissed the top of my head and ran his hand through my hair.

We stood in that position, in each other's arms, for a long time.

"Okay, you know, after five minutes of this, I was still kind of teary, so I didn't say anything. And then another five minutes, I thought, 'Oh, they just made up, why not give them time?' And then after another five minutes, I didn't say anything, because you two looked too perfect to be disturbed. Now, it's twenty minutes later, and I'm starting to get splinters in my arse." Sirius said angrily, appearing next to James.

"Way to ruin a perfectly good moment, you wanker." James said, hitting him.

"Moment? You're insane! That was 20 minutes, Prongs, 20!" Sirius said, rolling his eyes, and lying down on the grass. James and I grinned at each other, and sat down next to him. "You know, the miniature battles you two had today…everyone's talking about it." Sirius told us with a small laugh.

"Whatever." James said with a wave of his hand. "Doesn't matter anymore." He added, putting an arm around my shoulders. I put my arms around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder.

"So when are we talking to Dumbledore about this?" Sirius asked.

"I think near the end of the year, I'd say after N.E.W.T's. That way he can't say no, because we're closer to graduating." I suggested.

"Sounds good." James agreed.

"Oh, and Marlene and Alex know about it." I said, deciding to mention it now.

"You told?" They both asked sharply.

"Well, yes and no. Yes, I told, but they already knew about it." I explained.

"How?" Sirius asked, relaxing back again.

"Probably Alex's parents. They're not supporters of Voldemort." I reminded them.

"Oh yeah…" They said together, and relaxed once more.

"Well, look at that! It's Lily Evans!" A familiar voice said from behind me. The shadow casted was abnormally large…

"HAGRID!" I said happily, jumping to my feet. He stood behind me, holding some kind of dead animal-looking thing. I would never understand Hagrid's deep fascination with animals.

"I haven' seen yeh since yer fifth year, an' clearly a lot's changed since then!" He chuckled, looking from me to James, and then down to Sirius. "I've heard plenty stories 'bout the two of yeh from Dumbledore. Hear yeh finally won 'er heart, yeah?" He winked at James. James grinned proudly, and put an arm around my shoulder.

"That I did." He agreed. I rolled my eyes.

"He hasn't changed too much…still has an abnormally large ego." I said playfully.

"An' yeh're Heads, aren' yeh?" He asked, giving us an amusing smile. We both nodded. "Hopefully still not sneakin' down ter Hogsmeade?" Hagrid asked, addressing James only.

"She'd never let me." James smiled.

"No, you still went there up until this year, for parties." I reminded him.

"When yeh win the Cup this year, yeh'll have a reason." Hagrid said, smiling proudly. "Now, I need ter get goin'. Yeh should come down ter me hut fer tea sometime."

"Of course we will." I answered quickly. Hagrid wasn't exactly the best cook, but he was great to talk to. He smiled one more time, and walked away, talking to his animal-thing.

"Do you want to go back inside?" James asked. "I haven't been in the Heads' dorm for over 24 hours now."

"Of course, I miss that place." I said, linking hands with him. "Sirius, do you want to come?" We heard no reply.

"I think he's asleep. We'll come get him if he's not awake by dinner." James decided. We walked towards the castle, and already people were whispering and pointing. I rolled my eyes.

"People these days have nothing to talk about." I muttered angrily, glaring at the people talking.

"No, they don't." James agreed, but giving me an amused smile.

"What?" I asked.

"It's never bothered you before." He pointed out.

"That's because I hadn't noticed it before." I muttered, glaring at some wide-eyed fourth year.

"You, Lily Evans, did not notice something? The world is ending." James said dramatically, putting a hand over his heart. I hit his arm.

"Shut up. You're a bit too distracting, as Slughorn kindly pointed out earlier today." I reminded him. I was happy to see we were approaching our portrait, away from everyone.

"Well, today, you trying to distract yourself, really." James said.

"That's true." I agreed.

"Oh, look, you two are finally back together!" The portrait said. We stared at it.

"How'd you know?" We both asked at the same time, slightly alarmed. The portraits were talking about this?

"Oh, everyone knows!" It said, swinging open. I shook my head and wordlessly stepped inside.

"But you know, I actually found that I don't mind seeing you work so far away from me." James said, continuing our conversation from before.

"Really? And why's that?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. He stepped forward and backed me against the wall.

"You looked so concentrated…and determined. Haven't seen that since our constant arguments stopped. I think it was made me first like you." He muttered, his eyes trailing down to my lips. I put my arms around his neck and kissed him. Less than 24 hours, and I already missed kissing him. He put his hands on my hips and pushed me back to the wall again. I slipped my tongue in his mouth and he let out a low moan. He moved one of his hands up my body and I shivered a little. He ran his hand through my hair. His other hand played with the hem of my shirt, and then slipped under, making contact with my bare back.

"Off…" I murmured, moving my hands down to his shirt. He quickly discarded it and quickly unbuttoned my shirt, and that was cast away, too. He started kissing my jaw, and then moved down to my neck, "James…" I moaned slightly, causing him to come closer. He pressed his lips to mine once more, and his bare chest connected with my almost-bare chest. The sensation I felt only once before filled me. His body was completely pressed against mine, and his scent was the only thing I could smell. He pulled back enough to look into my eyes.

"I love you so much." James muttered, his chest heaving, his eyes bright, and looking disheveled. I probably looked the same. I put my arms around his waist, and rested my head on his shoulder. "We better not get into any more fights like that." He told me, putting his arms around me, and kissing my hair.

"No, never." I agreed. After a few moments I said, "Oh, James? I love you, too."

"And I love hearing you say that." He said, chuckling a little bit, causing his chest to vibrate.

"HEY YOU GUYS LEFT ME—oh." Sirius said, barging in, but then stopping short when he saw us. He looked at the shirts on the ground and his eyes widened. He started to turn red. "I…oh. Uh, I'll see you two later." He muttered, and nearly ran out of the room. We started laughing immediately.

"I-I don't think I've seen him so speechless." I laughed.

"I haven't either!" James said, hanging on to the wall.

"And he turned so red." I added.

"And ran out!" He added. I smiled, and picked up my shirt from the ground. "Do you have to?" He whined, pouting slightly.

"Oh, shut it, it's still winter!" I told him, rolling my eyes.

"So in the summer, you walk around like that?" He asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"Well…I sleep like this in the summer, yes." I muttered, turning slightly red. He laughed loudly. I buttoned my shirt.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Buttoning my shirt?" I said, confused.

"But you go from the bottom to the top! Not from the top buttons to the bottom ones!" He said, looking at me like I was crazy. I laughed.

"That's exactly what my sister said when she found out I do that." I told him.

"Hey guys, Padfoot said you needed a third person for something? And he said something about my abilities being better than his?" Remus asked coming in. James and I exchanged a look and started laughing. He took a look at James, and then my somewhat unbuttoned shirt. "OH EWWW. IS THAT WHAT HE MEANT!" Remus asked, looking at us with a disgusted expression. James and I exchanged a glance.

"Well, just so you know, we never wanted you in here, nor did we ask Sirius to get you." I clarified.

"Yeah, Padfoot kind of walked in ah…earlier." James said, looking at the ground uncomfortably. Comprehension dawned on Remus' face and he laughed a little.

"Guess I didn't get the worst of it?" He said weakly, making the situation a lot more awkward than it already was. "I…uh…I guess I'll get going." He said, and almost ran out of here, just like Sirius. James picked up his shirt from the ground and I smirked.

"What?" He asked.

"You honestly think we're done?" I asked moving towards him again, and pinning him against the wall. He took my arms and turned us around.

"I suppose not, Evans." James said slowly, clearly enunciating every syllable.

"Shut up and kiss me, Potter." I growled.

A/N: Yes, I finally got them back together. Happy now?

Review please?

Love,
SAM :)