Disclaimer: As always I own nothing. All rights to SOA characters and locations belong to Kurt Sutter/Sutter Ink. Rights to those characters created within my mind I strictly mine.

Author's Note: Thank-you to everyone who reads and reviews my work. I want to send a special thank-you to LonePalm, Michael the archangel, and drw1987. You guys are the best. Thanks for reviewing, keeping my mind spinning, and most of all for simply getting it.

Chapter 19

Abel left the chapel in search of Amanda. Spotting her sitting at the bar with Juice and Grandpa Clay he made his way over. Coming to stand at her right, Abel laid his arm across her shoulders. Looking up from her perch on the old black barstool Amanda smiled "everything good with your dad?"

Returning the smile, Abel nodded "Yeah everything's straight with dad. How are things out here; I hope you're not letting these two jokers fill your head with their nonsense.

Amanda giggled gesturing to Clay "Actually your grand-dad here was just telling me stories about lil' Abel," turning to Juice she gestured "And Juan Carlos over here was telling me all about Abel the prospect."

Abel groaned "like I said luv, don't let grandpa and 'Juan Carlos' fill your head with nonsense."

Amanda smiled squeezing the hand resting comfortably at her shoulder "No nonsense I swear, but I can just imagine how cute you were at five running around the garage trying to steal your grand-dad's cut. But seriously Abel you have to tell me," Amanda began giving Juice a wide bright girlish grin, "can I see you dance on top of the bar someday?"

Giving Juice an evil eye Abel took her hand pulling her from the stool "I don't dance," was his only reply. As they moved away from the bar, Amanda turned "thank you fellas for keeping me company, the three of us will talk again soon – I promise," she said through a fit of giggles.

Leading them out of the clubhouse, holding her hand tightly Abel led them over to his bike. As they stood facing each other, Abel noted the goofy happiness that still covered Amanda's face. He found himself profoundly grateful to Juice and Grandpa for whatever they said that took her mind off earlier events. He hated to break the spell on her happiness but time waited for no man. "I need to go take care of some club business…don't know how long I'll be." Abel informed her. Framing his face in her hands she whispered "is everything ok?" Placing his hands on top of hers he smiled. "Just club shit I gotta handle – no worries darlin' it's all good," he replied with more confidence than he actually felt. Moving closer Amanda placed two gentle soft kisses across his lips. "Thank-you Abel!"

Smiling Abel returned her kiss with two of his own. "Thank-you for what?" he whispered.

Caressing his cheek she smiled "For just being you – my big bad biker in shining armor," she teased. "Always Manda – I'm always here for you darlin' – always!" Pulling her into a warm snug embrace, Abel stood holding Amanda for a long quiet moment. Pulling back he whispered "I should get my ass moving, before dad realizes I haven't left yet and starts having kittens." Sitting astride his bike, Abel asked "I can drop you off at the apartment if you like; you still have the truck keys right? You know you can just drive the truck, until you find something else – right?"

Smiling "Yes Abel I know and I really appreciate it – thanks! As for the ride, I figured you'd be busy with club business – so Opie agreed to drop me off – I'm going to meet Katie in a little bit over at the apartment."

Looking up Abel watched as Opie crossed the parking lot to stand next to them. Smiling at them both, looking to Amanda "You ready to go? I'll drop you with Katie."

Smiling at both men Amanda agreed "I'm ready when you are." Pointing down the lot, Opie indicated where his truck was parked as he headed in that direction. Giving Abel one last kiss, Amanda asked quickly "Will I see you later?"

"It may be late tonight before I get finished. I have club shit to handle now and church later. I'll swing by your place after things settle around here. Get some sleep tonight Manda Lynn don't wait up for me – ok ?"

Dropping one last quick kiss across his mouth, Amanda chuckled "I won't wait up – if you promise to wake me when you come in!" Without waiting for an answer she took off across the lot. Abel stood silently watching as she climbed into the cab of Opie's pick-up. Opie was like an 'uncle' to him. He knew that Opie and Lyla's marriage was rock-solid these days. All the same he was glad to see Opie and Amanda traveling in Op's truck. The idea of Amanda riding 'bitch' with any man other than him completely pissed him off. He watched until the truck left the lot and drove from view, before starting his bike and leaving the lot himself.

Abel arrived at Maria's with little memory of the ride over. His mind was racing – his thoughts in riotous turmoil. Parking in the driveway, Abel made his way to the small front porch. For the first time since early in their relationship he felt the need to knock on her front door. Looking around at the quaint quiet neighborhood – he waited for her to answer the door.

"Coming – Just a minute!" called Maria from somewhere towards the back of the house. Surprise highlighted her dark eyes when she discovered Abel on the porch. "Can I come in?" asked an unusually subdued Abel. Moving away from the door frame, Maria indicated that he should follow.

Glancing from Maria to the door and back Abel cautioned, "You really should be more careful about how you answer your door."

Maria laughed mirthlessly "I'll keep that in mind – next time some long haired, scary biker knocks on my door."

For long moments both stood warily watching each other. Abel noticed how beautiful Maria looked in her little pink t-shirt and old faded jeans with sneakers. Gazing at her stomach, he wondered if that was really a baby bump showing already or just his wishful thinking. The desire to press his hand across her stomach took him completely by surprise.

Watching him intensely Maria thought he looked tired. Her initial reaction was to rush into his arms; offering him silent gentle comfort. She knew from past experience that asking to many questions wouldn't get her any real answers. Bottling those impulses, Maria stood very still another long minute or two. "I'm surprised to see…" she began.

"Maria I'm really sorry…" Abel began. Abel laughed silently "you first," he gestured. Moving to sit on the sofa, she indicated that he should join her. Looking at Abel with equal parts love, pain, and fear painting her features Maria started again. "I'm surprised to see you here – after the scene at TM last night…" her voice trailing off.

Abel shook his head "Forget about last night…I'm here because of the baby and to…well to apologize."

"The baby…the baby…the baby," Maria's thoughts were racing around her mind like bee-bees in an empty boxcar. Her thoughts mocking her cruelly for the childlike daydreams that he would actually come to take all three of them away from Charming. The thought that maybe he loved her enough to give up Amanda, Charming, and the damned MC. Instead of lashing out she buried her thoughts deep. "Apologize…for what?" she asked cautiously.

Studying her hard, Abel measured his words carefully. "For that morning in the clubhouse, your birthday, the baby, hell all of it…I guess."

Emotions she couldn't readily identify crashed through her. On one hand she was almost touched that he was apologizing for that slut – almost. One the other hand, what did he mean when he included the baby in his long list of apology? She felt her life spinning out of control faster than she could breathe, but she would never be sorry about this baby – never.

"Abel" she began slowly "You and I have been seeing each other for months now. I know I deserved better than to find you in bed with that little bitch. That said, don't sit there and apologize to me about this baby." Laying both hands across her stomach protectively she continued "this baby is my miracle. I admit I've realized lately that there are a number of things my sheltered upbringing has left me seriously naïve about. I'm not delusional or anything I know that raising this baby won't be easy, but I think I can be a damn good mom."

Listening patiently, Abel waited for her to finish speaking. "Are you done?" he asked with just a hint of frustration lacing his words. With her nod he pushed forward "Maria, I don't think you fully understand the situation here."

"What situation Abel, I'm pregnant – in nine months I'll have a baby; what is there to understand all seems pretty logical to me."

Frustration riding him like the devil himself, Abel took a deep breath trying to control his words. "Dammit Maria I wish it were as simply as just waiting nine months for

this kid to be born."Moving from the sofa, Maria came to stand in front of the small living room window. Her eyes unfocused as she gazed outside – trying desperately to control the tears that threatened to overwhelm her any minute now. "Why Abel – tell me why it can't be that simple?" Silently Abel moved to stand

behind her placing his hands on her shoulders. "Maria" he began "I'm SAMCRO your God-father of the Mayans do have any idea what that means?" he asked gently.

Confused and bone weary, she turned to face him "Abel were talking about a wee baby here – I don't understand why it has to mean anything."

He smiled rather painfully "In a perfect world maybe it wouldn't matter one damned iota. But Maria this ain't a perfect world its Charming and here it matters."

"Why dammit – tell me Abel, tell me why it matters so damned much?" Maria all but screamed at him. Abel had always admired the sheltered life Maria's parents gave her. In the beginning he found shy naïve nature appealing – hell even sexy. At this point though – her naïve nature could be enough to get both and his unborn child hurt or worse yet killed.

"Maria both SAMCRO and the Mayans have enemies. Enemies who would think nothing of using an innocent woman or child to hurt us – those are just the outside concerns, not the concerns within our own clubs."

Confused Maria could feel a massive headache brewing just behind her eyes. Looking deep into Abel's crystal blue eyes, "what do you mean concerns within the clubs? Your club would never do anything to hurt this child would they? And before you say anything my uncle Marcos loves me and my family he would never on purpose hurt me or my child."

"Your right Maria, you have nothing to worry about from my club. SAMCRO protects its own, but you were there – you saw me and your uncle have words. Did you know that just days after your birthday your cousin M.J. and me were involved in a bloody street fight? I know you may not want to believe it but there are Mayans who would see your baby hurt simply because I'm SAMCRO."

Unable to stand still any longer Maria pulled away from him and began to pace the room. Her tears flowing unchecked down her cheeks. Turning anxiously she moved back to where Abel stood wrapping her arms around his waist she pleaded "Then take us out of here Abel. Let's pack a bag or two and leave Charming. We can just go – leave tonight. We can find a little town somewhere far from this damn town – a place where it won't matter SAMCRO or Mayan. We can be a real family you, me, and our baby. What do you say?"

If given to tears, Abel himself would be crying right now. His heart was breaking over the desperate hope he saw blooming in her eyes. He may have had his doubts about her making a good ol' lady but never any doubts about the kind of mother she would be. Anyone would have to be a damn blind ass fool to not see that she would willingly die to protect this unborn child. "Darlin' you know we just can't pack up and go. Our families are here – our lives are here in Charming."

Practically screaming now Maria shouted "I don't give a damn about my family. All I want is you and this baby. Are you saying that your choosing your MC over me and our child?" This conversation was getting them nowhere fast. Abel felt as if they were simply spinning their wheels. He wished he knew what the right thing to say or do was in this situation. Wrapping his arms around he pulled her in tight and held her close. Maria felt her emotional damn break unable to stop herself, she stood in the safety of Abel's embrace; dropping her head to his chest she gives over to the tears. After several tense moments, Maria tries to compose herself. She promised she would not use tears to trap any man – not just Abel.

Looking into his face, Maria is reminded of all the things that drew her to him in the first place. Uncaring about the consequences, Maria leans into Abel and places a soft wet kiss across his mouth – first one then two, as her love for Abel takes over she is consumed by her need to kiss him, taste him, to have him as her man. Wrapping her hands up in his long hair, she is comforted by the fact that he has yet to pull back from her. It was easy to get lost in Maria's sweet touch. Abel may not be in love with her, but he cared very much about her. She was after all about to be the mother of his child. The second Abel felt Maria's hand's wrapped in his hair he was reminded of another beautiful woman who liked to do the same with his long hair. 'I can't do this' thought Abel as he started to pull back. "Maria…we can't!" he started.

Maria did not want to hear his words. Moving back further still, Abel took Maria's hand "Maria…Maria you know this won't work out for either of us. I care about you very much but not like this."

Maria grew sullen and bitter. "You're saying you don't feel that way about me, but what about her?"

Abel wished he could say he was surprised that she brought up Amanda. Maybe the thought the surprising part is that she waited this long before mentioning her at all. "Amanda has nothing to do with this. My relationship with Amanda is 'not' part of this discussion, and I will 'not' discuss any part of her with you do you 'understand' me?" Maria wanted to press the issue – the pure emotion in his eyes gave her pause to think twice about pressing on.

Moving away from Maria, Abel shook his head, running his long fingers through his hair he struggled to control his thoughts. "There's something I need to ask you Maria – please sit down." He indicated the end of the sofa before taking a seat himself. Once again sitting across from him Maria grew nervous. She knew without much doubt that she wasn't going to like whatever it was that Abel was about to say. "Who else knows about your pregnancy?"

Maria shook her head sometimes being right really sucked. "What do you mean who else?" she asked curiously. Then before he could speak it dawned on her "Oh you're wondering if I've told my family yet about the baby and you yet – is that it."

"I know you don't want to believe me Maria, but this whole situation could be very dangerous for both of us. So would you please just answer the question? Who else knows about the baby?"

'I shouldn't tell him a damn thing,' thought Maria sullenly. To him she replied "I have only told my two sisters, Delia and Carmen, both of them have been sworn to secrecy and will not say anything until I am ready."

Abel laughed morosely, he wished he could believe in their vow of secrecy, the truth was he just could not take that risk. "I'm a little surprised that you haven't told your folks already, he replied.

"My mother desperately wants grand-children to tell her the truth before I make any concrete decisions would be nothing but cruel and heartless. I will not put her through that."

"Decisions Maria?" he asked gravely "What decision is there to make – your pregnant and if this is my child then we will find a way to make this work and raise him with two parents who love him and would do anything in this world to protect him."

'if…if…if this is my child,' the mere thought of his words making her almost violently sick to her stomach. Standing from the sofa she moved towards the front door. Without opening the door, she turned to face Abel, "I think it's time you leave…right now."

Confused, Abel was unsure of what he said or did to upset her this way. "Maria?" he asked confusion coloring his cheeks. "I honestly don't know what I've said to upset you."

As he stood moving towards her, Maria felt herself go rigid with the last few days emotional roller coaster finally taking its toll on her. "You really have no idea do you? Well let me spell it out for you Tellar. When a woman tells the man she loves that they're going to have a baby – she expects more than who have you told and 'if' it's mine comments. Now I think you should go."

As he stood in front of her, Abel was unsure where to go next with this. He really didn't feel they had accomplished anything yet. He also didn't want to cause her anymore undo stress or pain. Sometimes life could leave you feeling like a real bastard he thought. "Maria, I'm sorry that I upset you that was never my intention. I just wanted us to talk. Look if you really want me to leave I will one question first. When is your next doctor's appointment?"

Watching him suspiciously, "Why do you ask?" 'Dammit' she thought 'this is so not how I wanted to start out my life as a soon to be mom – where the hell is my happy ending' she thought cynically.

"Why" repeated Abel "How about maybe because I would like to go with you to the appointment if that's ok with you?"

To say that his last words caught her off guard would be a huge understatement. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

Moving closer to her, taking both of her hands in his, Abel looked into her eyes, "I'm not perfect Maria, hell I screw up pretty much every day." Letting go of her hand he place his large calloused hand across her stomach before speaking again "But I do want to be the best damned dad I know how to this baby."

Silently Maria watched him as several long moments passed, finally seeing something more in his eyes, she promised to call him with the date and time of her next appointment.

Smiling Abel kissed her cheek, "thank-you Maria." With that he turned and made his way out the front door. As he made his way across the small yard – back to the driveway and his bike; he did not notice the non-descript white rusted van parked about half way down the block.

Checking his watch, Abel realized he had time before church at the clubhouse. Making his towards town he headed for St. Thomas hospital. Wasting little time, Abel parked and made his way upstairs to the neo-natal unit where his mom worked. Stopping at the nurse's station he inquired where he could find Dr. Knowles-Tellar. Seconds before the nurse could respond, Abel heard his mom's familiar voice call him from a few feet down the hall. Thanking the nurse for her time, Abel made his way down to his mom. Kissing his cheek Tara spoke "Abel I'm surprised to see you here today. I was just about to walk down to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee; would you like join me?"

"That would be great mom," allowing her to lead the way, the pair were unusually quiet on the short walk to the cafeteria. Grabbing two cups of coffee, Tara joined her son at a small table toward the back of nearly empty cafeteria.

Both sat in companionable silence sipping coffee, Tara noticed her son's drawn tired expression long before either of them ever spoke. "Abel is there something wrong?" Tara asked concern lacing her words.

Abel laughed bitterly, taking a deep breath "Can I ask you something mom?"

Concerned for her oldest son, Tara smiled "of course you can baby what's wrong?"

Considering his words cautiously, with a deep breath he pressed on "How did you know mom?"

"Know what Abel?" Tara asked genuinely lost.

"How did you know that you were ready to be a mom – that you were ready for all the responsibility that came with it?"

Smiling happily at her son, Tara was proud of young man he was becoming right before her eyes. "I don't think a person ever knows for sure when their ready, I certainly didn't. In the beginning there were a lot of moments where I felt like I was making it up on the go."

Laughing slightly Abel smiled 'I know you love us," Abel paused "but did you ever think there was a difference?" Abel continued almost hesitantly.

Missing his point on purpose Tara continued "Of course there were differences, I mean you were happiest following your dad and grandpa Clay around the shop. Tommy on the other hand was happiest with his nose stuck in book reading the latest fiction release. Rachael is a girl which was a new experience for your dad and me both."

Abel smiled "that's not what I…." Tara interrupted before he could continue "I know that's not what you meant son, looking back I think I knew I loved you the first time I saw you. There were moments early on in my relationship with your dad that I worried if things would work out, but I never doubted that I loved you and always wanted to be a part of your life."

Swallowing hard Abel was worried how to pose his next question "Mom did you ever see me…see me as not…not your son?"

Reaching across the table Tara took Abel's hand into hers "Absolutely not, no never… Abel what has you asking these questions?"

"I went and talked to Maria today. I believe her mom – this baby is mine. The problem is I don't see a future between her and me."

Knowingly Tara nodded "But your thinking about a future with Amanda is that it?"

Without looking up from the table, Abel nodded, "Yeah I guess I am."

"I don't know much about Maria," began Tara softly, "but I know my son. Abel I have doubt that you will be an amazing dad. You and your dad have two of the biggest hearts I have ever known. You're so much like him Abel. I think that's part of the reason you two butt heads so much.

Abel's eyes went wide with weary surprise as he looked up from the table, "Alike...me and dad….really mom you cannot be serious?"

Admonishing her son with a gentle laugh "Yes Abel…you and your dad are more alike than you could possibly imagine. But, that's probably a subject best save another time and place – back to you and Amanda. Sure four years is a long time to be away – time changes people. I see the way she looks at you love; I don't think her feelings for you have changed at all. I guess the question is do you think Amanda could love this child regardless of who its mother is?"

"She is one of the sweetest, honest, most loyal woman I have ever known mom; truth is she sort of reminds me of you a little," he giggled.

Blushing Tara simply squeezed her son's hand. Leaning across the table, Abel kissed his mom's cheek. Standing from the table he pulled her into a brief hug, whispering in her ear "I'm glad your mom, mom." Pulling back Tara touched her son's cheek "I'm glad too son"

With a last glance at his mom, Abel left the hospital cafeteria and headed to the parking lot. Mounting his bike, Abel felt a little lighter as headed back to TM. Arriving at TM with a couple of hours to kill before church, Abel slipped back to his dorm room.

Shutting and locking the door behind him, he dug around in his desk for the beat up ol' leather journal his mom had given him years before on his birthday. She told him that his dad used to carry one just like it back when they were dating. She thought maybe he would like to have one of his own. At first he thought the gift was sentimental chick thing. Propping himself up against the headboard, he caressed the old cover lightly. Although he would not admit it maybe his mom was right. Grabbing a pen from the night stand, Abel cracked open the journal for the first time and began to write. As he wrote time passed quickly. Looking up from his musings, Abel realized that church would be starting in about five minutes. Standing from the bed, Abel was surprised to find that he had written over ten pages. Placing the book back into the bottom desk drawer, Abel locked his desk and headed out to the chapel.

Walking through the barroom, Abel headed straight into the chapel. He wanted this over with as soon as possible. 'No sense wasting time' thought Abel as he took his seat at the table. Within seconds his dad walked in behind him. Jax was surprised to see Abel not only early for chapel but at the table almost five minutes early.

Taking his seat, Jax smiled "Damn son, first time I've seen you on time for chapel since you was a prospect."

"Guess there's a first time for everything," returned Abel with a smile of his own. Abel watched as his father settled in for tonight's church. "I talked to Maria today – I believe her dad; this baby it's mine."

Jax had feared those very words most of the day. He loved his children more than life itself. He second guessed every decision he had ever made as parent. He knew in his heart, if only he had left Charming with Tara all those years ago; his son would not be in this awful situation today. Watching his brothers' file into the chapel, Jax shook his head 'too late for regrets now – what's done is done. His family and his would just have to keep moving one foot in front of the other." Opie laughed as he entered the chapel clapping Abel on the back "Sounds to me as if I missed quote a show earlier today little brother," using the nickname Abel hadn't heard since his days as a prospect.

Abel smiled "Naw, nothing we couldn't handle uncle Op," Juice and Chibbs laughed well naturedly. "Best hang on ta the lil' lass this time," advised a grinning Chibbs.

Enjoying the brotherly ribbing and teasing Jax chimed in "Maybe if we keep her around – you will continue to get to chapel on time."

Abel just grinned soaking in the lite care free moment of club life, before church began and the shit hit the fan again.

As the teasing ended, Jax picked up the gavel officially bringing church to order. Over his years as president Jax had started hundreds of club meetings. The years had brought about many a tough decision. Thinking over past meetings and decisions he was hard pressed to think of a more difficult meeting to begin.

Abel watched his dad for a long moment before speaking. "Last night I had a visit here at the clubhouse." Watching his brother's faces, Abel pressed on "Maria Velez came to see me last night," unable to prolong this any further Abel rushed on "she wanted me to know that she's expecting."

Rapid silence descended over the table. The brothers sat looking at each other – wondering who would be the first to speak. Just a rapidly as silence came it went – replaced by the raucous noise of his brothers all talking at once. There was Tig with "Holy Fuck!," Chibbs with his "Ah shit Abel boy! Are ya' sure?" Looking directly at his grandson Clay shouted "Son of a bitch – what the hell were you thinking Abel? This is bad Jax, very bad for all of us." Then of course there was the standard disbelief from Juice and Opie. Bobby was unusually quiet, keeping his own counsel. Jax allowed the raised voices for a few moments longer before smacking the gavel once…twice returning the room to order.

"Abel and I have already discussed how bad this is going to be for the club." Breaking is silence; Bobby turned to Abel "Do you believe her son? Do you believe in your gut that she is actually carrying your child?"

"I went to see Maria today. We had a long talk about the baby – yeah Bobby I believe her. She maybe a lot of things, but this…this is to damn important. She's not lying about this."

Tig thumped his fist against the table "What the Hell, are you kidding me? Abel this shit could bring a bloody damn war down on us and you're just going to sit there and take some Mayan slut's word for it. Excuse me," Tig turned addressing Jax, "Prez, but how the hell is that good for this club?"

'Yeah this is going just as smoothly as I imagined," thought a pissed off Jax. "I'm well aware of what this could do too the club Tig. Just as I'm aware that this is Abel's unborn child were talking about. As a club – hell as family we must do everything in our power to protect Abel and his child."

Looking around the table at his brother's "if there's anyone who's not on board with that? Speak up now." In turn the brother's all looked at Abel and nodded briefly.

"Alright then," Jax continued "What did Maria tell you today, Abel? Has she told anyone about her pregnancy? Is she thinking about abortion? Do we know where her head is at with this?"

Turning Abel addressed his president not his dad. "Maria say's the only people she has talked to are her sisters Carmen and Delia. She hasn't wanted to discuss this with her parents until she was sure what her decisions would be."

Tig spoke up "Stupid bitches…this is why I only screw around with hookers." Abel shot Tig a cold menacing glare. Tig did not speak again, choosing instead to smirk at his younger brother.

"Enough" bellowed Jax with a smack of the gavel. "This club has enough on its plate without us fighting among ourselves. We need to be thinking about extra security precautions around here – and at our homes. We all need to be alert and pay attention – I don't want this mess blowing back on this club or its members and family."

Before Jax or the brothers could say more there was a knock at the chapel door. Sticking his head inside was SAMCRO's latest prospect Phillip "Philly" Denozzio. "Umm sorry to bust in on church like this Jax, but I have Alverez on the pre-pay saying its damned important that he talk with you right now.

A/N: I had hoped to have this posted by Wednesday or Thursday, I am sorry for the delay, my lil' man has been down with an ugly little stomach virus. Of all my chapters, I am very proud of this one. Hope you all enjoy the lil' cliff hanger of sorts at the end – til next time Happy reading!