A DEEP AND NOBLE ACT OF TRUST

There is nothing more beautiful than a bird I could watch them all day until dawns light fades. I know when this all started it was when I spent time alone in the wilderness before the werewolf scout found me. I remember being so damn hungry I'd eat any animal I could find, I remember stalking a pair of Blue Throats in the dawns light who'd been feeding on the ground. I caught one and I remember bringing it to my jaws to eat it and I just stopped, because of the sound it was making and the look in its tiny black eyes as it stared back at me. I couldn't bring myself to eat it and I realized for the first time that it was the most beautiful little thing I'd ever seen. It was a moment of complete revelation that some things in the wilderness are beautiful and I shouldn't eat them despite how hungry I feel.

I remember opening my clawed hand and watching as hoped on to my clawed fingers with such gentle grace before flying away from me, I hadn't injured it when I'd caught it, I watched as it flew away like a symbol of freedom. I never hunted wild birds again after that I just preferred to watch them it was one of the things that kept me sane through out that bitter year. I always knew when ever I felt sad I could go and watch the birds, I really hated watching werewolves bring back wild birds to the underground city during my training because I knew they were never intended to be pets instead they were purely for the dinner table. I found it really vile then and I still find the idea of eating wild birds vile, I know I broke that rule recently when I killed and eat one of Xena's peacocks.

At the time I was so hungry that I couldn't think straight it felt like the same burning pulsing hunger I'd had in the pit where my stomach felt like it was boiling and the pain had been never ending. I found myself killing the bird so quickly before I could even stop myself, my werewolf hunger completely conquering my brains rational thought. As bad as it was it had tasted so good to me at the time, it was fresh meat and my horns had both just fallen out, which had been deeply painfully. When they came out it was extremely painful as they came out at the root of the bone and it made me feel dizzy and sick and that's when the agonizing hunger started. I confess I still don't remember who put me in the pit I remember being in the cells with the Northern Alliance then a guard took me out.

Next thing I know I'm in a dark room then he then leaves me, then I was struck with a heavy wooden bar from behind which knocked me out. After that everything becomes blurry and painful. I just remember coming around and seeing a blurry shadow as I was dragged across the stone floor in a dimly lit area. The next thing I know I'm bolted in chains and I hear the lever turn as I'm sent downwards. Then all the light vanished from my eyes as I wake up fully in a dark place I tried so hard to break my chains but I couldn't do so as I was weak and tired. Every day a tray of food was lowered down in to my prison it was a vile tasting vegetable stew which is thick with drugs.

Drugs which kept me feeling sick and weak and then it all just fades in to one streaming nightmare as I slowly forgot my self in the darkness of the pit. That's all I remember I wish I could remember more I try everyday and I get nothing. It's deeply frustrating as I want to remember and I know Xena wants me to remember because she wants to lock up the person who caused me so much pain and suffering. Gabrielle looked up from her position on the floor where she was lying close to the balcony where she'd laid out some corn she was keeping very still watching as the small birds landed very close by eating the grains, she looked up sharply as the birds flew away as the central door was opened.

She watched as the Xena walked through a wide smile on her face as she came slowly towards her. Xena breathed in eyeing the younger woman who didn't move from her position on the floor close to her balcony curtains. She eyed the wrapped red and gold cloth package in her hands inside it were two light weight Xiphos swords along with scabbards. They were brand new and she requested them specially last night, they'd arrived first thing this morning. She'd been thinking about giving Gabrielle weapons and she'd come to the conclusion that giving her them was the right thing to do. Gabrielle was her friend and not her enemy and she should be allowed to carry weapons and be allowed to train.

The younger a woman was a warrior by nature and it she must be feeling slightly lonely with out her swords and her giving them back would be a symbol of trust. There was more though she'd been thinking about Demetrius's words, Gabrielle was clearly a much better fighter than Iona and as Iona wouldn't be well enough to hold a weapon for a while she realized then that she needed protection and Gabrielle could give her that. She could help her until Iona was well enough to take back her position. Word had it that Iona had only just started walking around the healer's room but it was clear she was still very tender and not strong enough to even raise her sword. A day ago she'd gotten a scroll demanding an emergency meeting from one of the diplomats and she knew she needed Gabrielle's help she turned eyeing the younger woman. "What are doing?"

Gabrielle sat up slowly put didn't stand up as the taller woman came to stand next to her. "I was feeding the birds." Xena blinked as she looked at her. "What is it you find so fascinating about feeding the birds?" Gabrielle grabbed her by her skirt forced her down to her knees ignoring her surprise. "If you are really quite you'll see." She eased her hand in to the bowl of grain throwing some on the balcony close by then leaned over keeping her voice at a whisper. "They'll land really close to us." Xena turned keeping still watching as everything went quite she heard the loud chirping as three Dead Sea Sparrows flew in landing on the branch feeders which had food on them.

One of them leapt off gently landing on the balcony it walked up the grain which was close to the curtain then slowly began to eat it. Gabrielle raised her hand eyeing the small bird. "That's what I love so much there so tiny and delicate and yet they fly for miles to find food and water, there the greatest symbol of freedom." Xena looked at her for a long moment before speaking. "Is that what you'd like to be able to do, to fly like they do?" Gabrielle looked down for a long moment in thought before looking up. "Some days I do yes, but I know it's not possible no human can fly and nether can any werewolf only Ouroboros can fly." Xena watched as the Dead Sea Sparrow flew away from them going back to the feeders on the balcony. Somehow Gabrielle's love of birds now made so much sense she loved them for their freedom, freedom was something she'd had very little off in her life thanks to the Imperial Council and she could understand the younger woman's longing to just fly away, but because she'd never been able to she'd instead developed a deep love for birds as they could do so.

She eased up the cloth woven gift feeling the need to change the subject. "I brought you a gift." Gabrielle blinked as she slowly stood up watching as the other woman did the same. "You brought me a gift?" Xena eased the package forward. "Please take it I brought for you specially." Gabrielle slowly took the cloth from her hand trying to ignore the uncertainty she was feeling. She slowly opened the cloth watching as two light weight Xiphos swords came in to view both had bronze hilt's as well as dark brown leather scabbards. She felt the shock hit home as she turned to the taller woman. "You're giving me weapons?" Xena felt a smile form. "You're a warrior you deserve to have your weapons given back to you."

Gabrielle carefully placed one sword down with the cloth opposite as she eased up the other sliding it free of its scabbard eyeing the gleaming blade. She could tell just by looking at it that it was an expensive sword and of the highest quality. Xena raised an eyebrow. "If theses are not what you want I can get you something better." Gabrielle carefully pushed the sword back in to the scabbard. "No their perfect and I'm deeply grateful I just don't understand why, you saw what I did to Iona." Xena eased up her hand. "It's for that very reason I'm giving you these weapons Gabrielle, you're clearly a very gifted warrior and the truth is." She paused before speaking. "I need your help."

Gabrielle looked up sharply. "My help?" Xena turned to meet her gaze. "In two days a formal diplomat from Corinth is coming here, no doubt it's probably to complain about the fact that I've ended the hunting law as the copies of the scrolls went out today to all those in power. He'll probably be the first of many to complain but I'm not changing my mind on this issue the hunting of werewolves in now illegal and will remain so." The breathed in deeply. "I do not trust this man or his wife it was his brother who stole from my coffers and I had him hung for his miss deeds so there is already animosity between us." Gabrielle looked at the sword in her hand. "You need my protection in Iona's absence don't you?" Xena looked up sharply gods this woman was so damn sharp at times she didn't miss a thing. "Yes."

She took in a deep breath. "There's more to it than that, I need him to see a real werewolf, I need him to see you, to see how noble you are and I also need him to see that he is speaking to the Golden Hind and werewolf king, it will put any issues to rest." Gabrielle looked down for a long moment before looked up to meet the other woman's uncertain gaze. "You gave my people life, when you sighed that document ending the hunting law." She breathed in deeply before speaking. "You gave us citizenship and human rights as well as a future for that I will help you in any way you wish." She felt her eyes dart. "You've also done everything in your power to make my life here happier after what happened with the royals some time ago and I now consider you my friend, not my enemy."

Xena felt her smile widen as she put her hand on the younger woman's shoulder. "Thank you that means a great deal to me." Gabrielle eyed the other woman's hand clearly Xena liked to touch and it really was something she was going to have to get used to. She just finding it so difficult, as it was a very gentle and kind touch like the kind Damokles used to give her. Her last lover's touch though had never been this kind it had always been harsh and cruel. Always demanding of her always wanting and never giving and it had made her so wary of being touched by other women. She could still hear that bitch's voice in the back of her mind taunting her, abusing her, putting her down, and telling that that she just had to do what the Imperial Council said.

Forever listening to this woman's lies and hating that she was her advisor while feeling her heart start to freeze over in the worst possible way as she started to loose her confidence in herself. She'd had other women as lovers in her teens she enjoyed their company as much as men but this woman had ruined that feeling for her in every way possible and made her very wary of emotional touches. She breathed in meeting Xena's gaze this woman though wasn't her and despite what had happened between them, they'd come so far. Xena had now given her back her weapons as an act of trust and she'd been completely noble to her word ever since that day when she'd grabbed her in werewolf form and hung her up in mid air.

She lowered her gaze. "Your welcome." Xena turned sharply watching as Thaleia walked in holding Gabrielle's breakfast tray she froze the surprise appearing in her eyes as she spoke. "My deepest apologises Empress I didn't know you were in here." Xena turned slowly to her easing her hand of Gabrielle's shoulder. "It's okay Thaleia I should go now and let Gabrielle have her breakfast." Thaleia watched as the Empress gave her a warm smile as she walked through the middle door closing it behind her. She felt her smile turn to a wide grin as she placed Gabrielle's breakfast down on the table. "You know it looked like you two were sharing a moment." Gabrielle rolled her eyes as she turned to her friend. "No we weren't."

She sat herself down in the chair watching as Thaleia sat down opposite her she raised one of the swords so she could see it. "Xena has asked me for help and I said that I would help her, she's given me weapons so I can do so." Thaleia eyed the gleaming weapon as Gabrielle put it on the table. "Do you think that the Empress is a very beautiful woman?" Gabrielle looked up sharply. "Can we please not talk about this Thaleia?" Thaleia raised an eyebrow. "I'm just curious though, I mean you never talk about your past relationships with men or women." Gabrielle looked up as she picked up her fork eyeing her warm breakfast. "That's because other than Damokles I've had no other meaningful relationships worth talking about."

8

Phantasos looked up at the Empress who had a very dark look in her eye gods he hated it when she went in to her moods. Maybe because nine times out of ten he knew he'd feel the back lash of her bad mood. He was the only person in the palace who knew about her sexual health something which no one else knew. He knew that she was having issues with conception he'd known for a very long time that she'd had this issue. She was a healthy woman who was fit and in her prime yet she couldn't have a child and over the last three years he had been testing every possible remedy he had heard off to fix this issue and so far nothing had worked.

Now he was starting doubt that it was a matter of timing in terms of her bearing her child. She always tried when she was at her sexual peak before her cycle and she had, had no success. The gladiator who was helping her had a very high success rate when it came to making women pregnant, yet he had never been able to do the same for the Empress. This led him now to one clear conclusion that it was nothing to do with timing or her lover and that it was an issue with the womb itself. An issue which he didn't have the experience to fix and he didn't want to take the risk off opening her up to fix it as it could kill her in the process, he'd seen to many men and women die due to the stupidity of healers who thought they knew better.

The problem now was telling her this because he knew she wouldn't take it well. No woman liked to be told that they couldn't have children it was a huge blow to their self esteem, they could also become very deeply depressed. He breathed in putting a hand through his beard watching as she turned sharply pulling up a small empty bottle. Xena eyed Phantasos as she threw the small glass bottle on his desk. "Your remedy isn't working! I've tried it twice now and I'm not carrying a child!" Phantasos sat up slowly putting his hands together. "It's been a day Empress, you have to wait these things take time." Xena narrowed her gaze. "I waited all last month for results and I had none!" Phantasos shook his head he was not looking forward to saying this. "We have tried every remedy there is out there to try, you've tried all positions and you even have a very fertile sexual partner with a high success rate. Have you considered that the problem may be inside your body itself?"

Xena turned sharply. "Well if it's an issue of my body you should be able to fix it! That's your job it's what I pay for!" Phantasos lowered his gaze as he stood up from his desk, gods this was going to be so hard. "I'm not talking about an illness which can be cured Empress I'm talking about a real issue with your womb itself." Xena froze as she turned to face him the shock hitting home. "Well if it's an issue with my womb then you should cut me open and fix it!" Phantasos shook his head. "No Empress I will not risk your life in that way, I've seen far too many woman die due to the stupidity of healers who think they have power of the gods when it comes to childbirth or fixing internal organs which they don't understand!"

Xena stepped closer to him. "Well then I order you to open me up and fix the problem!" Phantasos breathed in painfully. "No Empress I refuse to do that, I won't risk your life over this, you are to important here in Greece if your enemies see you as sick or ill they will swarm this palace given the chance." Xena turned feeling the anger take over. "If I have no child to sit on my throne they will swarm to this palace as soon as I get old and start to loose my health!" Phantasos folded his arms. "Have you considered that you can still have a child by adopting one and should you fall in love with a man or a woman you can both try and work something out, which will benefit the kingdom?" Xena eyed him unable to stop her blinding rage as it boiled in the pit of her stomach. "Who's going to love me Phantasos?"

She raised her hand. "Almost every man and woman who has slept with me since the death of my husband just wants power, it's the reason I have an empty throne sitting next to me, because I can't find someone who will love me unconditionally." Phantasos raised an eyebrow. "What about Calicos, the gladiator?" Xena slowly met his concerned gaze feeling the pain as it wrenched at her heart. "He doesn't love me Phantasos, he never has to him my being pleasured is no more than a service. I've even asked him that question myself but he said he has no interest in ruling this kingdom, he loves the roar of the arena and the joy of combat." She put a hand on her face trying to ignore the pain as she spoke. "I can't make him love me and I won't force him in to a position like that. He would never be happy his soul would freeze over in side this palace and he'd forever be looking beyond the palace walls." Phantasos stepped closer to her seeing the intense pain in her eyes. "You deserve to have someone's love Empress, you deserve to be happy."

Xena turned walking towards the door she just wanted to go to bed it was late at night and this conversation had made her feel truly unhappy it brought home all her fears and inner pains and she didn't want to deal with them at this moment in time as it hurt far too much. "We don't get what we want in this life Phantasos it's the way of the world and a curse of the gods." Phantasos watched sadly as she opened the door the pain was as clear as day in her face. "My farther used to say that we normally find love when we are not seeking it Empress." Xena turned to look at him for a long moment before looking at the floor as she spoke. "Goodnight Phantasos." She didn't think as she closed the door behind not looking back.

She looked at the empty dark night corridor with its lit torches not even Gabrielle was walking around at this hour she was in bed asleep. Somehow that made her feel even lonelier but she didn't want to wake up the younger woman at this hour ether, she didn't get enough sleep as it was. She looked down she didn't want to contend with the truth that her womb couldn't hold a child ether. She wanted to forget that she'd ever heard that comment as it felt like it was tearing her heart in two. She eased up her hand wiping away the tears as they began to roll down her face before she could stop as she tried to ignore the tearing pain in her heart. She took in a deep breath as she carried on walking down the empty corridor. She wasn't barren! She was just doing something wrong that was it all it was and once she fixed it she would be able to get pregnant!"

End of part 48

Silvermoonlight.