Author's Notes: Here's another chapter, a bit earlier than planned. It turned out longer than I anticipated, but hopefully it's okay. Thanks again to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, it's very much appreciated. Thanks as always to Prothrombintime for invaluable feedback and support.

Chapter Thirty-Two

September 23rd, 2005 (continued)

Ianto stroked his hand affectionately over the rough, scaly skin on the underside of Myfanwy's neck. The creature mewled in response, gently butting her beak against his chest.

"Hey, girl," he murmured. "Did you miss me? Has Jack been taking good care of you? He's probably been spoiling you rotten. Hope he hasn't been feeding you too much chocolate. It might be good for your serotonin levels, but I'm not sure the word 'moderation' is in his vocabulary."

With a weary sigh, he sat down on the metal grating of the walkway, crossing his legs and tugging Jack's greatcoat tightly around his body as he shivered violently. Jack had retrieved his suit jacket and after helping him put it on, he'd bundled him up in the greatcoat for good measure. Even swathed in the extra layer of thick wool, he still felt like he had ice water running through his veins. Shivering again, he pressed his nose into the collar and breathed deeply, drawing comfort from the familiar scent of Jack that permeated the wool.

Myfanwy squawked and crouched down next to him, folding in her wings and tilting her head to the side, her large, dark eyes gazing at him.

"He'd never admit it, but he loves you every bit as much as I do," he added, a flicker of a smile crossing his lips.

He looked across to the opposite side of the Hub. Toshiko was sitting at her workstation, staring intently at one of her screens as she tapped away at her keyboard. Owen and Jack were standing at the railing above the medical bay, talking insistently. He was too far away to hear what they were saying, but he assumed they were talking about him. Jack paused and glanced over at him for a moment, before turning back to Owen and resuming their conversation. Jack had been unnervingly quiet since revealing the length of time he'd been in cryogenic suspension, barely letting Ianto out of his sight since the moment he'd woken up.

He turned his attention back to Myfanwy and stroked her neck again. "It feels like it's only been a few hours since I saw you. But for you and Jack, it's been three-hundred and fifteen days. I've been missing from the world for almost a year." He gave a mirthless, choked laugh. "I missed Christmas. I even missed my twenty-third birthday. I've missed so much. It feels... don't know, it's just... well, everything seems different. Like I've woken up in another reality... somewhere I don't belong. That's something you know all about, huh? You were torn away from the world you knew. It must have been terrifying for you. You've adapted brilliantly though. I suppose that's what I need to do too... adapt."

An intense shiver passed over him again. There wasn't a part of him that didn't ache, his head was throbbing, and his eyes felt dry and scratchy. He couldn't seem to get rid of the dryness in his throat, his otherwise empty stomach churned with nausea, and he couldn't stop shivering. He didn't know if the numb coldness was a side-effect of the antidote combined with the toll of the cryo-freeze process, or if it was entirely psychosomatic. He glanced across at Myfanwy's surprisingly clean looking nest and idly wondered if she'd mind too much if he borrowed it for a while. Despite having just woken up from a ten month long sleep, he couldn't remember when he'd felt more exhausted.

Owen had warned him to expect a slow recovery, and the brusque doctor had given him some painkillers and something to help with the nausea. With orders to go home and rest for at least a week, he'd been guided out of the medical bay by a worried looking Jack and seated on the worn sofa, where Toshiko had been waiting with a warm smile and a mug of hot tea.

He liked Toshiko. She was quiet and unassuming, and she seemed to have a gentle, kind-hearted nature. She was clearly brilliant and fiercely intelligent, but there didn't seem to be any ego or arrogance about her. He'd also noticed how tidy and organised her work area was, and he thought that boded extremely well for her character. Although the Hub looked in dire need of a thorough cleaning, it hadn't devolved into the cesspool he'd imagined. He wondered if that was due to Toshiko's influence. He wasn't deluded enough to think that his neat, fastidious nature had rubbed off on Jack in any significant way. Jack was, and always would be, unrepentantly untidy. As strange as it seemed, it was just a part of his charm.

He liked Owen too, despite the man's laconic, almost taciturn demeanour, and Jack seemed to be impressed with the Londoner's abilities. The problem was that he didn't know either of them, whereas Jack had been working with them for months and had obviously gotten to know them. He, on the other hand, was as much a stranger to them as they were to him, and he felt like the outsider. Jack had created a new team and he hadn't been a part of that process... Torchwood Three had evolved and moved on without him. The more irrational side of him felt hurt and envious, and maybe a little resentful.

Then there was Jack. In the moments before Jack had put him into cryo-freeze, he'd felt so certain of the depth of the other man's feelings for him. He remembered the terrible look of fear and despair in Jack's eyes. But that had been over ten months ago for Jack, and the man's feelings may well have changed. He knew it would be presumptuous of him to assume they would simply pick up from where they'd left off. Jack may have been with other people... he might have found someone else. In all fairness, he couldn't expect that Jack and his insatiable libido had remained celibate for such a lengthy period of time, just clinging to the slim hope that Owen would develop a cure.

Although he hated the thought of Jack being with anyone else, the idea of Jack being alone and miserable was far worse. Jack was a man who thrived on physical contact and intimacy with another person. Besides, they'd never vowed exclusivity, or talked about being monogamous. He wasn't sure if Jack was even receptive to that level of commitment.

His thoughts drifted back to John Hart's cruel taunts, the words echoing in his mind with horrible clarity. As much as he wanted to dismiss them as the worthless rantings of a deranged psychopath, he couldn't deny that the man had struck a nerve. He could never be enough for someone who had lived several lifetimes and travelled the stars, seeing and experiencing things a humble twenty-first century Welshman from a poor, working-class family couldn't begin to imagine. Even if Jack genuinely loved him, that might never be enough, and he still didn't know what he and Jack were to each other, at least not in any definitive way. None of the conventional terms seemed to fit, and Jack, with his inherent distaste for restrictive, judgemental labels, had never seemed inclined to give what they were a name. Unfortunately, Ianto's twenty-first century mindset was less evolved, and not quite so enlightened.

Too many questions filled his confused thoughts. He wondered what Jack had told Yvonne Hartman about his sudden absence. He wondered if Jack had spoken to Rhiannon, mentally cringing at the thought of his sister and his lover/boss/friend meeting for the first time. He'd missed her birthday he realised, along with David and Mica's as well, and Johnny's too. Possibly they thought he was dead, or had gone missing. Perhaps she knew about Jack, and that he was more than merely her brother's employer. He knew he should call her and let them know he was all right, but he didn't think he could cope with the inevitable tirade of awkward questions in his current state. Dealing with his sister required a degree or calmness and rationality that he definitely wasn't in possession of at the moment. He tried to ignore the stab of guilt as he decided that another day or two wasn't going to matter. He'd buy her something nice as a belated birthday gift, offer up twenty quid or so to both his niece and nephew, give Johnny a bottle of whisky, and all would be forgiven. He just wished everything else could be resolved so easily.

He smiled sadly at Myfanwy. "Well, whatever happens, I've still got you, yeah?" She shuffled her small legs and responded with a soft, throaty caw-like sound. "I'll never forget that night I found you," he added, thinking back wistfully to the life-altering events of that evening.

Myfanwy nudged his shoulder and he gave her another affectionate rub. She stared back at him for a moment, then launched herself into the air, screeching loudly as she spiralled upwards. He watched as she soared gracefully around the upper reaches of the Hub's atrium, the sight a welcome distraction from his fatigued body and troubled mind. Even with all the time he'd spent caring for the displaced reptile, he'd never failed to be captivated by her.

"Hey, you okay?"

Ianto looked up with a start, surprised to find Jack standing at his side and looking down at him with a concerned frown. Ianto slowly eased himself up and onto his feet, gratefully taking Jack's outstretched hand as his sluggish muscles protested against the effort. "Honestly, I'm not sure," he replied, trying to manage a wry smile as Jack continued to hold onto his hand.

"Come here." Jack tugged him closer, wrapping him in his arms and drawing him into a firm embrace. Ianto slumped against him, sliding his arms around Jack's waist and holding on tightly. He pressed his cheek against Jack's, enjoying the sensation of the smooth, warm skin pressed against his own.

There were so many questions he wanted to ask Jack, so many things he thought he needed to say, but he wasn't sure if he was ready to deal with the answers. So he chose to remain silent. For the moment, all he wanted was the comfort of being close to the other man.

Jack pulled back and looked into his eyes. He took Ianto's face in both hands, kissing his lips tenderly. "I've missed you, Ianto," he whispered, then kissed him again.

The sincerity and longing in Jack's voice touched him deeply. Lost for words, he simply kissed Jack in return, allowing their lips to linger together before easing back.

He reached up and stroked his hand through Jack's thick hair, smiling softly. "We've got quite a bit of catching up to do. Over ten months of coffee and sex alone," he murmured, trying to keep his tone teasing and hoping it masked his underlying insecurities.

Jack chuckled. "I'm liking the sound of that. As soon as you've recovered, we can start making up for lost time." He grinned slyly. "Don't worry, I promise I'll go easy on you."

"Always the gentleman," Ianto quipped, a flare of hope blossoming in his chest.

"Always," Jack agreed, his grin widening. Then his expression faltered. "Ianto, you know those aren't the only things I've missed, right?"

"I know," Ianto replied softly.

A look of relief passed across Jack's features. He ran his hands down the lapels of the greatcoat, straightening them over Ianto's chest. "It looks good on you."

Ianto smiled, flattered by Jack's praise. "I've always loved this coat." A fierce shiver shuddered through him, and his legs wavered unsteadily. He pressed his eyes closed, waiting for the unpleasant sensation to pass.

"Still cold?" Jack asked, gripping Ianto's arms to support him.

"Yeah," Ianto admitted, tentatively opening his eyes again. "Can't seem to get warm."

"Okay, how about we get you home and into a nice hot bath. That should help." Jack wrapped his arm around Ianto's shoulders and slowly ushered him back towards the main work area.

Ianto nodded gratefully. "Okay. Take me home, Jack."

###

After receiving firm orders from Owen to rest, drink plenty of fluids – excluding coffee, much to Ianto's dismay – eat some proper food, and not undertake any strenuous activities, they'd departed from the Hub. Owen had added that he'd be checking on Ianto in a day or so, and he hadn't failed to offer some disparaging comments about the stubbornness of Welsh people along the way. It was an indication of the extent of Ianto's fatigue that he hadn't attempted a scathing retort. Meanwhile, Tosh had offered a sympathetic smile, telling him to let her know if he needed anything.

With the remark about strenuous activities, Owen had looked at Jack suspiciously, and Ianto had averted his eyes, feeling a rush of embarrassment colour his features. He wasn't ashamed of being with Jack, but he wasn't used to having other people know about them, especially his two brand new co-workers. Having Tosh and Owen know from the outset that he was sleeping with the boss didn't seem like the most auspicious of beginnings. He didn't want them to think he would be getting any preferential treatment.

As relieved as he was about the prospect of going home, he wasn't relishing the state it would be in after ten months of neglect. So, as Jack had opened the door and guided him inside, he was surprised to find the apartment clean and as neatly arranged as always. After Jack had helped him to take off the greatcoat and hang it up, he turned towards the other man and looked at him curiously.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked as he toed off his boots.

Ianto gestured vaguely around the open space. "Jack, you're brilliant at many things, but cleaning definitely isn't one of them."

"True," Jack agreed with a chuckle. "While I should probably be offended by that remark, even I've got to admit I'm rubbish when it comes to cleaning. There's a local girl who cleans some of the other apartments. I organised for her to keep your apartment clean until you were back." He paused and frowned. "That's all right, isn't it?"

"Oh." Ianto was momentarily taken aback, not just by Jack's thoughtfulness, but also by his apparent conviction that he would actually be coming home again. "Yeah... yeah, of course. Um, thanks."

"I restocked the refrigerator yesterday with a few essentials," Jack continued. "But I'll get anything else you need. Just write me out a list when you feel up to it."

"Oh," Ianto repeated, still astonished. "All right."

Jack smiled reassuringly. "Come on, let's get you into the bath and warm you up." He steered Ianto determinedly towards the bathroom. With Ianto struggling to stay upright, Jack held him in a firm grip, half-walking, half-carrying him. "If you behave yourself, I'll even wash your hair for you."

###

Ianto pulled the bed covers up over his shoulders and curled up on his side. It seemed strange to be tucked up in bed at lunchtime on a Friday, but he was too tired to care, and the soft cocoon of his bed was impossible to resist. The room was sufficiently dark to be conducive to sleeping, Jack having pulled the curtains closed and leaving the door just slightly ajar.

Jack had been painstakingly attentive with undressing and bathing him, and under different circumstances Ianto might have felt mortified to simply sit in the bathtub while everything was done for him. But the languid soak in steaming hot water had began to dispel the bone-deep cold, and he appreciated Jack's efforts. After helping him to dry off, Jack had dressed him in a pair of pyjama bottoms, and helped him into bed.

Jack had then produced scrambled eggs, toast and tea, insisting that Ianto consume them before going to sleep. Jack had sat beside him on the bed, watching him intently until the plate was finally empty. Although he hadn't felt particularly hungry, he'd tried to humour Jack as best he could, grateful of the gesture.

He looked up as Jack entered the room again and came to a standstill at the end of the bed. There was a flurry of movement, and suddenly Jack was stripped down to his underwear and sliding under the covers. He wrapped himself around Ianto and held him tightly.

Startled, but not unhappy about having Jack in his bed, Ianto managed to tilt his head back and look into Jack's eyes. "I thought you'd be going back to the Hub?"

"Tosh and Owen can keep an eye on things. They'll call if anything comes up." Jack paused, looking at him uncertainly. "It's okay if I stay, isn't it?"

"Of course it is," Ianto replied, kissing Jack's shoulder.

The desire to succumb to sleep was almost overwhelming, but there was one particular question that continued to twist uncomfortably in Ianto's mind. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer, but he knew he wouldn't be able to rest until he did.

"Jack," he murmured, trying to decide how to best approach the awkward subject. "Ten months... it's a long time for two people to be apart..." He trailed off, not sure how to continue.

"Yeah," Jack agreed. He settled his head on Ianto's shoulder, his arms tightening around Ianto's waist. "But you're back now and you're going to be fine, that's all that matters."

Ianto took a steadying breath. "It's just that... well, I need to know... and it's okay, I won't be upset or anything... it's just..."

Jack lifted his head and frowned at him. "What is it, Ianto?"

Ianto sighed and forced himself to meet Jack's curious gaze. "While I was gone... was there anyone else?"

"Oh." Jack just looked at him for a long moment, apparently considering his response. Ianto wondered if he'd imagined a flicker of guilt pass over the other man's features.

"It's okay, Jack," he assured him quickly. "I know it was a long time to be on your own, and after all, a bloke has needs..."

Jack pulled away, rubbing his hand over his face and looking distressed. He sat up on one elbow and looked down at him. "No, Ianto. There hasn't been anyone else. I couldn't, not while you were... not that I would have wanted to anyway..." He reached for Ianto's face and stroked his cheek. "I wanted you back, that's all I wanted. I only wanted you."

"Oh," Ianto said, momentarily speechless.

Jack scratched his thumb gently over Ianto's stubbled chin, then took his hand away. "There was one time when I almost..." he began, then stopped, seeming reluctant to continue.

"Almost?" Ianto prompted uncertainly.

Jack breathed out a sigh. "It was a month after I'd put you into cryo-freeze, about two weeks before I found Owen. I'd been trying to find someone to help, but I kept running into dead ends. I had to be careful, and I couldn't trust Torchwood One. When I reported what'd happened to you to Hartman, she wanted to transfer you back to London. I couldn't let that happen, I needed to keep you safe." He paused for a moment. "I'd been trying to come up with an antidote on my own, but it was beyond me, and the poison was different to the one I'd seen before." He paused again and looked at Ianto with regret in his eyes, then took a deep breath. "I'd been run off my feet with the Rift for a week and one night I ended up in a pub, feeling sorry for myself. I'd drank too much and there was a cute guy who was coming on to me. I was tempted, but I couldn't... I couldn't do that to you..." He stopped again as his voice broke.

"It's okay, Jack," Ianto murmured, realising how much Jack had suffered, and how terrible and lonely it must have been for him.

He'd been so caught up in his own confusion and sense of displacement, he hadn't stopped to think about how much the situation had affected the other man. Jack was the one who had actually lived through these past ten and a bit months, while he'd been blissfully unaware. "I can't imagine how hard it must have been on your own," he added gently.

Jack just shrugged his shoulder in response. "So, I stayed at the pub and kept drinking until they threw me out," he continued a moment later, apparently needing to finish the story. "Eventually I got myself back to the Hub. I sat with you all night and talked to you." His expression became uncharacteristically self-conscious. "It was hard at first because I didn't know what to talk about, but it helped. I did that a lot while you were gone."

Ianto's heart felt heavy in his chest as he imagined Jack sitting alone in the morgue night after night. He silently reached for Jack and pulled him close, blinking back the moisture from his eyes.

"I would have done anything to get you back," Jack muttered against the skin of Ianto's neck. "And I never would have given up on you. I need you to know that."

"I know," Ianto murmured, his throat tight with emotion. He found Jack's mouth and kissed him tenderly.

He realised that Jack's actions said so much more than mere words could ever convey. Although neither of them were good at talking about their feelings or making heartfelt declarations, knowing what Jack had gone through to save him seemed so much more meaningful. As startling and difficult as it was to believe, he could no longer doubt that he'd managed to capture a piece of Jack's heart, as Jack had captured his.

"Jack," he said softly, resting his head on the other man's chest and holding onto him. "If things had been the other way around... if it had been you who'd been poisoned... if you weren't the way you are... if you'd been dying and wouldn't have come back... I would have figured out how to save you. I'd have never given up on you either."

He felt Jack's hand grasp his and curl their fingers together. Reassured that Jack understood the meaning behind his words, Ianto closed his eyes and finally allowed himself to drift into sleep.