Sorry for the delay my dear readers. But we are finally starting to get into the good part

CHAPTER 6

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So, okay. She had to admit it. She hadn't wanted to get involved, but she was definitely involved.

As Darcy worked through her tasks of the day, she couldn't keep her thoughts away from Loki and the fate he would soon decide for himself. The uncertainty was driving her a little crazy, and it had only been two days since she'd found out.

What state was she going to be in 20 days from now?

Shaking her head to put that thought out of her mind, she focused on the data entry she was currently working on.

Yesterday and the day before, she'd returned to the balcony with her lunch, talking casually to Loki. She hadn't dared bring up the subject of his verdict again, and he'd started asking her questions about her day.

She weighed her answers in her mind before answering, wondering whether there was some dark purpose to his questions or if he was merely looking to talk to break the silence that otherwise permeated the room.

She wouldn't admit it out loud, but she'd begun enjoying their conversations, as stilted as they sometimes were. She'd never met someone as complex and fascinating as Loki, and she wanted to understand him, to figure him out and to know what he would decide, and understand why.

More importantly, she wanted him to make the right choice.

Finishing up with the task at hand, she bid goodbye to Jane and grabbed the snack she'd packed as her lunch. Before she was out the door, Jane stopped her.

"Is there something I should know?"

"What do you mean?" Darcy tried her hardest to look innocent, but she'd always been a terrible liar. Hoping Jane wouldn't see through the ruse, she pasted a smile onto her face.

"You run off to have lunch without me a lot lately. Are you trying to tell me something? Do I have bad breath?"

"Course not. You know I'd tell you straight up if that was the case."

Jane laughed, knowing it was true. One of the reasons she and Darcy worked so well together was Darcy's blunt honesty. It put her at fault sometimes with some of the SHIELD employees, but it was refreshing and entertaining for Jane.

"Sorry, I have some things on my mind. I'll eat with you tomorrow?"

"Deal. Enjoy your lunch."

With a smile and a goodbye, Darcy stepped out into the corridor and walked the familiar path to the dark, broody Norse god inside his glass case.

"Darcy." He said her name as she entered, and wasn't there just the tiniest positive lilt to that? Letting herself believe her own delusion, she waved as she made herself comfortable on her little bench.

"Gotten up to anything fun today?" Darcy nearly smacked her forehead at the question that slipped from her mouth. She was trying so hard to keep things casual and make small talk, but the question sounded stupid the moment it came out of her mouth.

"If you count listening to another lecture on the wealth and breadth of Midgardian science fun, then yes." Thor might have resigned himself to Loki's decision with Fury, but he hadn't given up on trying to persuade Loki over by a long shot. Evidently, Thor thought that showing Loki what humans had to offer was the way to get him on their side, so he visited Loki and extolled the brains and virtues of human society whenever he had a free moment.

The thunder god had a heart of gold, but Darcy wasn't sure that was the best way to go. She nearly stifled a laugh when she remembered how Loki had described Thor's first lecture. The human compassion Thor had come to admire Loki only saw as a weakness.

She could only imagine how exciting a lecture about chemistry and biology was going to go down with the dark god. Thor's heart was in the right place, but he didn't seem at all to be handling this the right way.

What the right way was, however, Darcy couldn't say.

"Science can be pretty interesting." Darcy tried and failed, her expression remaining serious for a moment before she grimaced. Science had never been her strong point.

"Why use your science when I can use magic?"

"Fair point."

She took a bite of her sandwich, eyes never leaving his, as she worked up the courage to ask him a more personal question.

"How long have you been able to use magic?"

His expression darkened suddenly, the coldness returning to his face before those piercing green eyes returned to hers.

"Since I was born. It is a part of me."

She could tell he had carefully weighed the decision to share that, and she valued the knowledge all the more because of it. Whether he realized it or not, he was trusting her with information about himself.

Loki was not a man who trusted easily, that much was clear. Darcy was smart enough to recognize the gesture, and to appreciate it for what it was.

Wondering how far he would let her go, she continued with her questions.

"And it just came naturally to you? Without trying?"

No one had bothered to ask him such a thing before. To most on Asgard, Jotun were simply the enemy, and understanding how their minds worked was worthless. As an Asgardian, most had assumed his powers were a natural heritage from his father. No one knew the truth. And he'd taken great care to make his abilities look as effortless as possible.

Could he trust this human with it?

And when had he begun to think of her as human, rather than Midgardian?

"I had to practice, like anything you would normally learn."

He didn't want to delve any farther, and thankfully she left it at that.

"Makes sense. You know, when I was a kid, I used to wish I had magic that could make me fly. What I wouldn't have given back then to be able to do it…"

"Things are never so simple."

Darcy looked far away for a moment as her voice took on a whimsical air. "No, I suppose they aren't."

Somehow, talking about her childhood had caused the energy that normally vibrated around her to lessen. He didn't like it.

She was such a prism of emotion, flitting from one to another at a moment's notice, navigating the entire spectrum sometimes in a matter of minutes. And every time she switched moods, the energy around her changed too. As though she had so much feeling it overflowed out of her and into the room.

He couldn't decide which was worse, her joy, or her disappointment. Both suffused the room, so strongly he felt them through the glass walls that separated them, against his own will.

Her joy made him uncomfortable. It felt misplaced and reminded him of all the horrible things he'd ever done. Her disappointment and anger unsettled him, putting all of his nerves on edge.

"You know, sometimes, I feel like—" Her words were interrupted mid-sentence by an awful piercing sound. She pulled a little black device out of her pocket—a cell phone, Thor had said they were called—and glanced at it in puzzlement before standing abruptly up.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this. Hang on, be right back."

Putting the device to her ear, she stepped away out of his view and down the hallway to exit the room. As she left, he heard a faint "Hi mom..." before the door closed tightly behind her.

With her energy gone, his cage felt larger and emptier than before. Every so often, the spasms would return, the pain a telltale sign that Thanos was still searching for him, scouring the universe.

If he died, he could spare himself all further pain, and put an end to this never-ending feud between Thor, himself and his father. Yet somehow, the thought was not as appealing as it should have been. If he was truthful with himself, he did not want to die. On the bifrost, he had wanted to end their feud in a way that would somehow make him the victor, and at the time, he hadn't cared for the consequences. As though somehow, causing his brother pain signified victory. He'd been such a fool.

He knew now the terrible mistake he'd made on that score, and there was no taking it back. Was it possible to move forward from what he'd done? The scorching pain and the ever-present threat at the back of his mind told him it was impossible. He'd set in motion a chain of events that he knew would one day cause him to shatter into a thousand pieces.

So he'd wanted Thor to be near. He'd wanted to spite him, to taunt him and punish him and have him be nearby for the fallout that would inevitably ensue.

Now, though, what did he think? What could he do, with the time that he'd been given?

The answer did not come easily to him, which frustrated him further.

Before he became too submerged in his current thoughts, the door clicked open and he heard her footsteps as she returned to the balcony.

He sensed the change in her energy like a sharp jolt of electricity.

Something about the conversation with her mother had upset her. Did he dare ask? She didn't speak to him, didn't even glance at him as she began gathering her things.

"Darcy."

His voice pulled her from her movements, and she glanced at him as though she'd forgotten that he was there until he'd called her name.

"Loki."

Neither said a word, merely studying each other, but when Loki's brows rose in question, she knew what he wanted to know.

"I have to get back to work, Jane will be missing me…"

She finished stuffing her belongings into the bag she always slung across her shoulder, her upset evident in the way she tossed things haphazardly together.

"Are you all right?"

He wasn't sure what to do if she wasn't, but he felt compelled to ask. It was plainly evident that she wasn't, whether or not she wanted to admit it.

"I'm fine, I just… I'm fine."

Loki paused, his intense focus studying the minute expressions flitting across her face in abject fascination.

It was the first time he could ever recall that she'd lied to him.

Every little twitch and crease on her face belied her statement, and he knew with absolute confidence it was a lie.

Which made everything else she'd ever shared with him somehow… different.

She was as genuine as he'd feared, her lie standing out starkly against every other sentence she'd ever spoken to him. It made everything else she'd ever shared or revealed all the more truthful. He could scarcely acknowledge it.

He'd learned she was expressive, her face an open book of emotions he enjoyed reading more than he wanted to acknowledge, but to know that he could trust what she said because he could see for himself that it was the truth… it was… incomprehensible.

Incredible.

Impossible.

And suddenly, the aura of sadness that seemed to cling at her heels swallowed her whole. She paused in putting her things away to slump over them with an angry huff, then buried her head in her arms.

The heartache that reached him felt wrong somehow.

"Darcy."

He didn't know what else to say. It felt too hypocritical to offer comfort. And besides, he did not care about her. He was merely annoyed by the emotions she spilled over onto him.

Her sadness chafed at him, only serving to remind him of his own pain.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was muffled, and for a moment he thought she might cry, but when she pulled herself up to sitting and met his eyes again, her own were dry and dark.

"My mother. I just keep hoping, every time, that things will be different, but somehow… I can't seem to get the message."

Bracing for the regret he knew would hit him, he blurted out: "What is it?"

When she took the time to pause at his question, he was stunned to realize he did not regret asking. He truly wanted to know. How did a creature like her become the way she was? How did she survive in the world with her heart on her sleeve and her vulnerability just beneath her surface?

"You really want to know?" Her suspicious glance met his completely serious one.

"Why would I ask, if I did not?"

His straightforward, curt reply seemed to bolster her. "Alright, you asked for it." She sighed again, steeling herself perhaps, before she began to open up further.

"My dad came back. He went to see my mother, managed to win her over again, and now she's happy and celebrating and asking me to come home so we can all be a family together."

He waited for more but she left it at that. She wasn't making it easy for him.

"And that is bad?"

"Yes, it is. You don't understand, you don't know him. He was never there for us. Every day, I would hope and wish that he'd come home to see us, but he'd take off for days, weeks, or months at a time and never say where he was going. He made promise after promise that he would be there when it really counted, and he never was. It took me 10 years to really figure it out and stop asking for his help or looking for his support. And then he'd return, out of the blue, apologizing for all his mistakes and promising he'd turn over a new leaf, only to go right back to abandoning us again."

Her shoulders slumped, and Loki felt the oddest urge to touch her out of the blue. A pat on the shoulder, a gesture of support. It looked like she needed it. He tamped the urge down before he could contemplate it any further.

"You know, when I was 7, I was terrified of thunderstorms. I would scream every time lightning hit and hide under the covers. We lived in the Midwest at the time, so we had them pretty often, but this one night it was worse than any other that I can remember. My dad had just come back after being gone for 3 months, promising that he would be there for us, and I thought he would protect me. I woke up in the middle of the night, and the storm was so loud, the thunder so violent, it felt like the whole house would come down at any minute. I ran out of my room, looking everywhere for my dad, but he wasn't in his room, he wasn't anywhere in the house.

"I ended up finding my mother crying in the kitchen. When she saw me, she wrapped me up in a hug and made excuses for him, saying that he'd had to work late, that he really wanted to be here but he couldn't because he was taking care of us.

"When he stumbled in the next morning, I knew the truth. He stunk of alcohol, and he didn't even bother to apologize before packing up his stuff and disappearing the next day. I didn't see him again after that for an entire year."

It had broken her heart. She couldn't help but try to believe in him, to trust him and love him and try to convince him to stay every time he returned to them, but every time she'd failed. She knew better than to go back now. It was too late.

She sighed again, the sound echoing in the large room and bringing her back to the present. Loki's eyes were dark, his expression unreadable but he'd never shifted his focus from her. She wondered what he thought of her revelation, but she was too afraid to ask.

"I am sorry."

He didn't ask any questions, didn't judge or comment on anything, merely apologized. And that, more than anything, almost brought tears to her eyes.

She didn't know what he'd been through or how he'd become the way he had, but he'd taken the time to listen to her, and every time she was around him, she felt truly present. Whether he was reprimanding her, questioning her, or simply watching her, he acknowledged her presence and he listened to her. She felt like she mattered, if only in the moment.

Loki's words felt weak to him, meaningless and useless, but he hadn't known how else to respond. Her story revealed so much about her, and made it clearer than ever how she'd come to be as she was.

She shared her emotions, she was expressive and open because she'd yearned to give and accept any scraps of love her father ever cared to throw at her. Loki himself had been that way once, when he'd thought he could truly earn a place in his father's heart. He'd given up on that dream a long time ago. Some obstacles were truly insurmountable, and Jotun blood was evidently too much to forgive.

He pushed away the bitter anger that rose in him at those thoughts.

"I tried to warn her, but somehow I know this will just end up the same as before."

Yet she continued to hope. How long had it been, since he'd stopped hoping altogether, he wondered?

What would it feel like, to hope again?

It took Loki a moment to realize that the tightness in his chest was from tightly leashed emotions she'd stirred up in him. Her words had touched on history he'd almost forgotten, history buried deep inside of him that still burned like a wound that hadn't fully healed.

"You were wise to be cautious." After so many disappointments, she should have learned to guard her heart and not give in to false hope. Indeed, this time, it seemed, she would not return to her family and give them that hope.

Yet she was still… Darcy. Still expressive, the rich blue of her eyes swimming with a myriad of emotions plain as day. She had somehow been able to pull back, without giving up on hope and without shutting herself away.

In the darkest part of him, Loki was jealous.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this, and it's none of my business… but... you are very lucky to have a brother like Thor."

The sensitive subject nearly made his emotions get the better of him. His hands were in fists, clenched tightly so he wouldn't strike at the glass in anger. In disappointment. In sadness.

"It is much more complicated than you think."

His tone was clipped, his anger spilling out onto her. He hadn't wanted it to, but he was powerless to stop it. His anger, it seemed, was the only emotion that would freely leach out of him into the world around him…

She didn't deserve it.

"I'm sure it is. I won't pretend to know what happened between you two… but you are lucky to have someone who never gives up on you. Ever."

I wish I had someone like that.

She didn't have to say the next part, but he sensed it as clearly as he felt the sunlight streaming in through the tall window at his left. He glanced around, reminded of his prison, of the people who chained him here, the people that she worked with and socialized with.

The Avengers were a sickeningly selfless and dedicated group. If she needed help, or if she was in danger, they would do whatever they could to save her. But she meant more than that, and he knew it.

He craved it.

Perhaps she was right. Perhaps he was too harsh with Thor. But it wasn't that simple. Thor persisted, because even he did not know the full truth about him.

If he knew the full truth, surely he would turn his back like all the others.

As he had always been, he would be alone once more.

Thor would never understand.

When he didn't say anything more, she stood and turned to leave, that hopelessly sad expression still on her face. It was wrong. Someone as young and innocent as she was should not look like that.

But she wasn't his concern.

"I'm sorry. Thank you for listening."

With her last words, she was gone. It took a moment for him to get his emotions back under control, and when he did, the full reality of what passed between them hit him.

Her sadness had affected him. He was beginning to worry for her well being.

He was starting to care.

He stalked across his cage, and began pounding his fists against the glass as though the pain and the release would wipe all the thoughts running through his head out of his mind.

When his arms began to ache, he moved to sitting, and an eerie laughter bubbled up from inside him.

Darcy had been afraid of thunder. They had something in common.

Somehow, Thor's selfless devotion to Loki would become his undoing.