A/N: I forgot to thank my awesome beta ACEMCKEAN last chapter. She is truly awesome!! I should also add my disclaimer here. I do not own these characters. They belong to the one and only Stephenie Meyer. I am adding this chapter unbetaed at this time as I was in a hurry to get it to my patient (and impatient) readers. The next chapter is well underway and providing life eases up a little, we should be good to go next week. As for ONCE UPON A STORMY NIGHT, it will hopefully be up later today or by Monday at the latest!
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So - the wolves and vamps are friends BUT there are a few questions still to answer.... Will they ever get to the wedding? What kind of trouble is Aro's visit going to cause? What about the imprint - Bella and Edward do not seem pleased about that. Is Bella going to attend Charlie's memorial? How will Charlie take to vamp life? Will he have any gifts? What about Laurent - he is in one piece but still shows no signs of life. What about Leah and her baby? Is Athenodora done or is her character going to have a lasting impact on the Cullens? Did I miss any questions - if so let me know. Your thoughts to the answers of these questions are always welcome.
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Chapter 60
BPOV
I found myself getting ready for the funeral with the help of Sue Clearwater. It had been decide that I would not be in attendance, due to my appearance but Leah was insistent that I be there. For some reason I brought her peace.
The funeral was being held at First Beach at twilight.
There were three large bonfires started and hundreds of people had converged on the area. Many people from Forks were coming, to pay tribute to the man who had tried to save Charlie. My mother and Phil would also be there.
The thought of seeing her, even from a distance was overwhelming. I had not seen them since my disastrous trip to Phoenix, when James had landed me in the hospital. It was also unlikely that I would ever see her again.
My silent heart lurched at that concept.
Sue dressed me in some borrowed ceremonial garb from the Tsimshian people from British Columbia, Canada. I was posing as a representative from their tribe, unknown to everyone. The twins would attend with Carlisle and Esme, so they were near to me and hopefully avoided questions from others in attendance.
Jacob Black would be kept far away from Arriel, Jasper and Emmett were ensuring that.
The Cullens and Denali's would be attending as friends. Although their were many people on the reserve that were tense about the Cullens' presence, the elders assured everyone that they were not disturbed by the old rumors.
Edward was nervous to be apart from me, as we couldn't acknowledge our relationship in this setting. I was more nervous about what my mother would have to say to Edward, and if she would notice my resemblance to the twins. The twins were being explained as Carlisle and Esme's new 'foundlings', the newest members adopted into their family.
"Bella," Sue said, bringing me out of my thoughts.
"Yes, Sue," I said, smiling at the older native woman.
"Thank you for what you are doing to help Leah. She has never been one to have close friends. She is too aloof and distant for her own good and once she and Paul imprinted... They were caught in their own little cocoon, blissfully unaware of the outside world. She needs people around... And with the baby, I don't know if she can stay here. People will know something is off if the child grows too quickly and we don't have the resources to help her," Sue explained.
"Sue, I will do whatever I can to help Leah. She has been dealt a horrible hand... I was alone when I had the twins. I know what that felt like... I know what it's like to live without my other half, although my other half was alive..." I said.
"You'll need to get dressed now," Sue said, squeezing my hand.
"Thank you, Sue," I said, grabbing the small pile of clothing.
I stepped into the bathroom and put the long dress on. It was woven out of mountain goat hair into intricate patterns. On my feet I fastened a pair of tall moccasins, that covered my bare legs under the dress. My hair was done in a long braid down my back, emphasizing the dark color. The cloak I wore was a traditional button blanket in dark navy and red, with white buttons forming the design of an eagle. I had a mourning mask to wear, carved from cedar and painted.
Fully dressed, I didn't even recognize myself.
"Bella," Sue said, as I returned to the room. "You are completely unrecognizable. Perfect!"
I smiled behind my mask in response and removed my mask before returning to the main room where my family had congregated. Edward had been sitting on the couch with the twins but rose to greet me when I entered the room.
"My Love," he said, as he moved to stand next to me, placing his body as close to mine as was humanly, or vampirely, possible.
I leaned my head up to his and placed a soft kiss on his lips, before turning my attention to our children. I kissed each of their soft heads before lifting Jace into my arms. They were both sleeping soundly but as I shifted my son into my arms he nestled his little head against the granite firmness of my breasts.
Edward, now with a free arm, pulled us in closer and we snuggled together. We were facing so much in the next few days, we were relishing the chance to be together.
"Bella," Alice said, rushing in the door.
"Alice," I smiled at her, having not even realized she had been gone.
"Charlie will wake up in the morning," she said.
"Your visions are back!" I exclaimed.
"Sorta... I had to get away from the twins and the wolves first... But he will be awake in the morning and he will be perfect!" she said, jumping and clapping as only Alice can.
"Oh, Alice," I said, hugging her. "Thank you."
I knew that I could 'ask' Arriel for anything I wanted, but I hated using my newborn daughter for anything unnecessary. She had already been asked so much in the short time since she had been born. Plus, I was already fighting the desire to ask her about the Jacob Black situation.
"Are you sure you can control yourself here, Bella?" she asked, almost sheepishly.
"Alice!" I exclaimed.
"I know, Bella... But I see you running off sometime today during the funeral... And I can't see why," she said.
"I don't know, Alice. I am sure my control won't be an issue... Maybe it will be seeing my mom... I'm already pretty stressed about that," I said.
"You won't go far but just know we are all here for you," she said, giving me a hug.
"No matter what, Edward, you need to promise me that you won't allow Jacob near Arriel. I swear I will rip his head off if he tries anything," I said.
"Love," he assured me. "He will not be near her. Not only will I not allow it, but none of our family will allow him anywhere near her either," he said, pulling me in close.
We cuddled together until it was time to leave. I was leaving with the family, the Clearwater family. Seth was going to keep close to me, to 'protect' me. Honestly, I think they were more worried about the humans, then about me, but who was I to complain.
The service was being held at the beach. It was a grey cloudy day, like most days here and the wind was blowing in off the water. There were three huge bonfires lit on the beach, each roaring and crackling. The flames burned a blue green color, meaning that they were lit with driftwood.
I stood next to Leah, who was content to keep her hand on my arm. The tears drifted down her dark cheeks unendingly.
People, mostly from the reserve, started to filter in, until close to four hundred people gathered. They stood close and talked quietly in two areas, leaving an aisle down the center. There were many faces that I recognized from town. Three of Charlie's deputies, in full dress uniform, were there with their families. Mike Newton was there with his parents and Angela Webber and her parents were also in the crowd.
There were more townspeople too, the mayor of Forks, Mayor Reed, was there with some members of council and many of the business owners too. I even saw a few teachers from the high school. My family arrived shortly before things were set to begin and I had to hold my feet to the ground to not run to Edward and our children. When people noticed them, you could hear the cacophony of voices. People from Forks were shocked that they were back in town after the mysterious house fire that destroyed their home and people from the reserve had heard the rumors about the Cullens and shied away from them.
Harry Clearwater and Billy Black greeted Carlisle warmly, to show people that they had no need to be afraid. It seemed to work somewhat, although Jasper did look like he was concentrating awfully hard. I needed to remember to ask him about it later.
The wolves were all present, hanging around the back where Leah and I were, except for Sam. He was in charge of bringing Paul's parents, who were not here yet. As the service time approached, many men took drums from bags to their sides and congregated at the rear of the group.
There were about twenty men with drums, each in traditional garb, and I watched as they rubbed the surface of their animal hide drums with their hands.
The drums were all painted with native designs, predominantly the wolf, and were handmade from animal hides, stretched over a round birch frame. The backs were held together with sinew, which tightened the hide to the frame and served as a handle. As the drumsticks came out I noticed that they were all made of a smooth stick with a stuffed animal hide head.
Sam arrived at the beach as I studied the drummers with Paul's parents in tow. Paul Sr. and Mathilda clung to each other fiercely, as they approached the service to honor their only child. As soon as they saw Leah, they approached immediately and Mathilda pulled Leah into a tight hug, sobbing into her neck. The hug was awkward, seeing as Leah would not let go of my arm.
"He loved you so much," Mathilda crooned into Leah's ear, causing her to sob even more.
"I loved him too, Mama. I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye," she sobbed.
"Never goodbye, Honey," she said, smoothing Leah's raven colored hair. "You will be reunited again. In the meantime you have this to keep you going." She rubbed her hand against Leah's slightly rounded stomach.
The two women who loved Paul the most clung to each other as I stood with my head bowed, my face behind it's mask.
From that position, I heard rather than saw my mother's arrival.
"Finally, Phil," she said, her distinct voice flowing into my ears. "You should have asked directions!"
"Sorry," Phil said smoothly. "I didn't realize there was so much area to get lost in."
I raised my head slightly to watch their backs mingle into the crowd. My mother's shoulders were hunched, far from her regularly straight posture and Phil had his arms wrapped around her, in comfort.
No sooner had they joined the crowd when I heard a man call out in the Quileute language. At the sound of his voice the drums began to beat a steady rhythm. They started to move down the makeshift aisle slowly and started to sing in their language.
The song was both beautiful and poignant and I understood the loss they sang of without understanding the language. As soon as they had moved to the front of the gathering, between the guests and the bonfires, it was time for me, Leah, her parents, Paul's parents and the other tribal elders to make their way up the aisle.
Leah clung to me for dear life and sobbed into my robe. Mathilda, Paul's mother, was in no better shape, and his father Paul Sr., clung to her to keep her upright.
As soon as we were in the front, the wolves, in human form, pulled Paul's casket from the truck and carried it down the aisle to the front. The only men not involved in carrying the casket were Jacob, and Brady. They followed the group carrying Billy in his wheelchair.
His casket was not ornate like most caskets are. It was a plain pine box with a button blanket laid across it. Carlisle had offered to pay for a real casket for him, but the elders refused, stating that this was custom.
As the casket reached the front, the wolves set him down, front and center and Jacob and Brady moved to the front with Billy. Once his chair was set down, Brady moved to join the other wolves to one side. Seth made his way to where I stood with Leah. Jacob stood with his father.
Billy raised his hands and the drums, which were still beating their soothing rhythm, stilled.
"I am Billy Black, tribal elder and hereditary chief of the Quileute tribe. This is my son, Jacob. He will be taking over for me as chief, and seeing that Paul was one of his close friends, it is only fitting that he lead this service," Billy said, quietly.
Jacob cleared his throat and began in Quileute. His eyes never strayed from the box that contained Paul. I assumed the words were some sort of blessing. Then he looked up. He quietly scanned the crowd, surveying all the guests. His eyes lingered a little too long on the area that I knew my family was on, and I heard Edward's growl, though I'm sure most of the human guests could not. Then his eyes met mine and they lingered there for a moment before he cleared his throat again.
"Heroes," he began. "The legends of our tribe speak of them frequently. Quileute men and women who give everything to protect those around them."
He looked around at the group again, and placed his hand on Billy's shoulder.
"Paul was a hero. But he was more than a hero. He was protector, a son, a friend, a mate, a brother and, though he never knew it, a father," he continued.
Leah's sob, interrupted him and he paused, looking helplessly at the woman he considered a sister.
"It was not very often that Paul was bested in strength. He had courage and wisdom far beyond his years. He had grown from the scrappy boy who never wanted a bath or a haircut, into a man that I was proud to call Brother. His attitude was... prickly, but he was fiercely loyal and never backed down from a fight. He protected those who could not protect themselves whenever the need arose, sometimes with words, but often physically," he said, with a slight smile on his face.
I could hear murmurs in the crowd, agreeing with Jacob's statement.
"Taha Aki was a great chief of our tribe. Legend says that in order to protect our people he took the form of a wolf and was able to defeat a historical enemy. The truth to those legends is, of course, impossible to prove. Never the less, there are stories and songs about his sacrifice. The sacrifice made my Paul, is no less important. He saw someone being attacked and did what he could to save his life. Would most people have stood by, worrying about their own safety instead of going into a fight seriously out matched? I think so. But Paul didn't. He attacked. It was unfortunately in vain, and the fine people of Forks, lost a long time member of their community, Chief Charlie Swan."
I heard my mother's sobs in the back and bit my lip to keep myself in place.
"The drummers will lead a song. This song is in our language and is about the life of Taha Aki, the first Quileute hero," he said.
The drummers started to pound their drums and the deep rich tone seemed to go right through me. I could not understand the words sung, but enjoyed the rich tone of the drums and the deep male voices who sang. When the song was over Jacob announced that he would allow anyone who wanted to come forward and share a memory to do so.
Paul Sr. was quick to move to the front.
"My son. My hero. What father isn't proud of their child? What father does not have pictures and drawings, trophies and awards and every father's day craft ever made by their child? I know I do. I have it all. Handprint crafts from his preschool days, a paper tie that I actually wore because it made him smile, a toolbox that he built on his own... And a grandchild who will soon make his or her way into the world. I was proud of my son in life, and I am proud of him in death. Many people would describe him as a hothead. I won't lie and say he wasn't... He had a temper that could stop a train and a drive and desire that most have not seen before. He avoided most of the temptations that youngsters these days involve themselves in, drugs, alcohol and hooliganism. He was a good boy. He loved his Mama and never left without kissing her goodbye. He loved Leah, who I will always consider his wife. He loved me, he loved his brothers and he loved his tribe. He was proud to be Quileute. He was proud of the legends and folklore. His death has not been in vain and although he will not be there to physically raise his child, we will be certain that he or she knows her dad. He or she will know that he was a true hero... I promise that," he said before being overcome with tears.
Sarah Ulley came and hugged him before taking his spot.
"Paul, Paul, Paul. What can I say about him? Fiercely loyal, incredibly smart and truly loved. He had a gift for native art, painting, carving and weaving. He had a passion for the native culture, always wanting to learn more. I can speak for many people here when I say he will be greatly missed. Leah, Mathilda and Big Paul... Our deepest condolences," she said. Before returning to her place she rested her hand on Paul's coffin for a moment.
Billy Black spoke next.
"Man could that boy eat!" he said with a slight chuckle. "He was everything a young Quileute man should be in life. More so even in death. He gave his life trying to save the life of one of my dearest friends and for that I will always be in his debt. Peace be with you, Paul."
More speakers came up until finally it seemed that they were done speaking and Leah and Seth were going to make their way up when I heard my mother's voice.
"Please," she said, softly. "If I might..."
She made her way up to the front slowly.
Billy nodded at her and she turned to face the crowd.
"Most of you don't know me. My name is Renee Dwyer. Charlie Swan was my first husband..." she started to explain.
A shocked gasp went through the crowd and people murmured softly amongst themselves.
The flighty wife of their beloved Chief Swan had finally returned to Forks.
She cleared her throat before continuing.
"These last weeks have been the worst of my life. Charlie and I suffered through the disappearance of our daughter, Bella. Police had informed us that she is likely dead, and I have to deal with saying goodbye to her, with nothing to say goodbye to," she sobbed.
Leah and Seth both gripped tightly to one of my arms.
"Now, Charlie..." she sobbed.
I wanted to wrap my arms around her. I wanted to tell her I was here and I was okay, but I knew I couldn't.
"I have loved Charlie Swan for as long as I can remember. Not the passionate love you should feel for a spouse but true love. Losing him so shortly after Bella has been devastating. And to have no body to bury..." she sobbed, before regaining her composure. "If it had not been for Paul, Charlie's death would have gone unnoticed. He would have simply disappeared like my Bella. I am honored that he gave his life trying to save Charlie. To his friends and family, I am truly sorry for your loss." she said before running towards Phil and wrapping her arms around him.
I stared at the two of them for a few minutes, thankful that they had each other. She would be okay.
I squeezed both Paul and Leah's hands, signaling that I was okay and that they could go speak now.
"My name is Seth Clearwater," Seth said in a loud, clear voice. "Paul was my brother. Not by blood but much stronger than that. I couldn't have picked a better man for my sister, if I had done it myself. I will miss you, Paulie."
Leah spoke next. Her voice was not loud nor clear.
"Paul, my Love," she said reaching her hand down to touch the casket. "What am I supposed to do without you? We were supposed to grow old together and raise a family. I swore we'd have a house full of strapping boys, wanting to be just like their dad. You swore we'd have a daughter who would thing the sun, moon and stars all revolved around you. Now how am I supposed to do this without you?"
She sobbed softly while Seth rubbed her back.
She regained her composure and looked around.
"He would have liked the fact that you all came for him. He...."
Composure lost again.
Jacob stood on the other side of her and wrapped his massive arm around her. She finally lifted her head and looked at me, before leaving the embrace of her true brother and her wolf brother and making her way to my side, leaning in to use me as a crutch as she sobbed onto my shoulder.
Jacob spoke again.
"Our custom tells us that there is more beyond this life. Some call it the great hunting grounds, some call it heaven... Others, I don't know," he said. "It is our custom to send things to those who have passed by fire. First food."
As he said that two women came up with a large basket. I could smell the foods inside, unfortunately not appetizing for me.
"Salmon," one woman said quietly before tossing a large cooked salmon into the raging bonfire. The fire hissed with the advent of the food.
"Oolichan grease and seaweed, another tribal favorite," said the second woman, tossing a small dish into the flames. The grease seemed to make the fire burn brighter for a time. The nauseating scents of the food were growing.
"Emily Ulley, Leah's cousin made this next dish. It was a favorite of Paul's and she wanted you all to know hers is only a copy of the real deal that Leah makes," the woman said. She took out a large chocolate cake and tossed it into the fire, causing Leah to laugh a little.
"He would have eaten the whole thing," she said causing the nearby wolves to laugh and nod.
The women left with their basket after that, stopping to hug Leah and both sets of parents before moving on. The wolves came next.
"What does our brother need for his life in the great beyond?" Nathan asked. "That's what we asked ourselves. The answers we came up with helped us remember Paul for who he truly was."
"Clothes," Jared said, taking a pair of faded blue jeans out of a bag. "Nothing too fancy of course, jeans and a T-shirt. Paul would kick our asses if we sent him a suit."
The gathered spectators laughed slightly as they tossed a pair of jeans and a black AC/DC shirt in the fire.
"Tools," said Quil. "The man was incredible working with his hands, all he needed was a small chisel and he could make anything.
Quil pulled out a replica chisel, made out of wood and tossed it in the fire.
"He loved to hunt and would have gladly joined us taking down that which took his life. We did it in his honor and burned the remains. These are some of those ashes, that we send to honor him," Sam said, opening a small container of ash.
The sweet scent of the ash hitting the flame alerted me to the fact that it was not the bear's ashes that they tossed in, but some ash from the vampires that we had fought.
"These are letters, written by each of us, detailing what he meant to each of us. We send them to him but also keep a copy here, for his child, so he or she can know what a great man his or her father was," Embry said.
They each moved to toss a folded piece of paper into the fire.
"Each of us brothers, not by blood, but in heart, have always worn these woven necklaces, all made by Paul and containing a single wolf's tooth. We will continue to wear them in his honor for the rest of our days. The one that he himself wore has been removed and we give it to Leah now, to pass to their child when he or she is old enough to receive the gift," Jacob said, moving to give Leah the necklace, which was eerily similar to those given to each of us before the battle.
There were other things thrown into the fire, some by the elders and some by friends. Different art works that they had created, memories written down for him yet shared verbally with others and when everyone had finished, the drums beat again and Paul's casket was moved from it's place in the front, to a hearse that was waiting behind.
He was going to be cremated and then his ashes would be brought back to LaPush and scattered in the places he loved the most. I knew Alice had asked for some, planning something with Sam and probably Jacob.
Jacob spoke a few more works and sent everyone back to tents that had been erected in the parking lot. They were filled with food, another important way that the Quileute people could celebrate their loved one.
As the crowd dissipated, I caught sight of my family standing near the back. The desire to run to Edward and our children was nearly overwhelming. He smiled softly a me, and turned to admire our children who were sleeping soundly in Carlisle and Esme's arms.
I didn't see where she came from, but suddenly my mother was next to them, and reading her body language was doing me no favors.
Leah moved to the tent and I nodded to her, letting her know I would stay by the fire.
"You haven't heard anything from Bella?" my mother asked the Cullens.
"I'm sorry," Carlisle said, shaking his head.
"I just don't understand it," she said. "Bella was never one to run away from things. She was so steady. My little middle aged child..."
"She was wise beyond her years," Esme said, comforting my mother.
"That she was. She never saw herself properly. She never realized how special and beautiful she was," Renee said again.
"That was part of her charm," Carlisle soothed.
"She loved you Edward. I know she never would have left you willingly. When we spoke, her love for you... I knew she had met the person she would spend eternity with... I just never realized that her eternity would be so short," she said.
The pained look on my family's faces matched the pain in my heart.
"I didn't realize that you had younger children," Renee said then, focusing on my children, her grandchildren.
"These two remind me of her. They are beautiful," she said, touching each of my children's hands softly.
My heart was breaking into pieces. I never thought that Renee would ever see my children. Let alone touch them.
"Thank you for loving her," Renee said softly. "I wasn't always the best mom, too caught up in my own things to give Bella all that she needed. I'm glad she had you in the end."
"She loved you," Esme said, fighting back sobs that threatened to rip from her chest. "She understood and accepted you for who you were."
"I know. And that's why I know she is....gone. She would never have left us willingly. Her heart would never have allowed it," she sobbed.
I lost it. I had left willingly. I had willingly broken my mother's heart.
Now I see why I did what what Alice saw. I did the only thing I could.
I ran.
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EPOV
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Listening to Renee broke my already dead heart. I could understand what she was feeling and reading her mind was worse.
Watching her memories of Bella flood through her mind brought me right back to my children, nestled safely in my parents' arms. I watched Bella's life flash through her mind as I listened to her words. Her heart was broken.
If I were to lose Jace or Arriel, would my heart feel the same?
Hell, yes!
I watched from the corner of my eye as Bella listened to her mother's words, immensely grateful that she couldn't read her thoughts. I knew Alice's vision was right and that she was going to run. I could sense it, and only the fact that I knew she would never leave me or our children kept me in place when I finally saw her dart into the woods.
I made my excuses to my parents and to Renee. I guess playing the part of the grieving boyfriend was helpful for me to make my escape.
As soon as I reached the parking lot I dashed into the trees, trailing Bella's scent. I knew that I didn't need to worry about her return, but I worried about her feelings. I knew she would be hurting and I wanted to be there to comfort her.
I needed to be there.
It didn't take me long to find her. She was standing at the top of the cliffs. Her mask and cloak were removed, sitting in a nicely arranged pile at her feet. Her long chestnut hair was billowing in the wind and her eyes were closed. Tears streamed down her cheeks and I found myself grateful that she still had that ability.
"Hey," she said softly.
"Hey, Beautiful," I said, wrapping my arms around her.
We just stood like that for a little bit. There were no words I could offer to comfort her. That was what I didn't want to take from her. I didn't want her to have to give up anything for me. I wasn't worth it.
"I love you," she said quietly.
"I love you, too. With my whole heart. I am so sorry that it had to be a choice... I'm sorry that I can't give you everything you want," I said quietly.
"Edward," she said softly. "I am not sorry. I would have chosen you everyday in every way. That is something I learned from Renee. She always chose what was best for her, not me, not Charlie, but her. I hate that she is hurting but I am not sorry... Not in the slightest. No matter what Edward, I will always choose you. You are my everything."
"Bella, I..." he started.
"Edward, when you left... I was broken. I felt like a huge part of me was missing. Even our children couldn't fill that. Don't get me wrong, I love them, so much I didn't even know it was possible... But being without you... I'm not strong enough to do it again. I need you," she said.
"I was dead without you, Bella. I could never be away from you again. I cannot fathom an existence without you. I left because I was a fool. I thought you would hate me for hurting you. Seeing those bruises, Love... Seeing the evidence of the monster that I am..." I started to explain.
"Edward, stop!" she said, firmly. "You are not a monster. What you did... I understand. My god, the restraint you showed... There wasn't a single moment of our lovemaking that I regretted. There was never a time that it felt wrong or bad. Had you been there when I woke I would never have blamed you... I would never have regretted it. I only regretted that you were gone."
"You can't tell me that I didn't hurt you. I saw the bruises Bella! You had to have been hurting," I said, angrily. How could she excuse that!
"It was noth..." she started.
"Don't say it was nothing. The bruises were almost black!" I said.
"Don't you tell me what to feel! I am not saying that the bruises weren't sore. I'm not trying to deny anything! But they hurt a hell of a lot less than my heart... I thought that I'd never see you again. I thought that I had lost you and that hurt! That hurt more than anything else. It wasn't until I found out I was pregnant and decided to do something about it. I was never running away. I was protecting my father, and our baby. We have talked about this but I never told you everything... We glossed over our separation and willingly stepped back into where we were before... But we were wrong. That separation is as much a part of us as our togetherness," she said.
"Tell me, Bella. Tell me everything," I said.
"I hated waking up without you. I hated being stuck there alone. You didn't even think about that. You didn't think to tell your family to come for me or anything. You just left. I wandered the house for two days hoping that you were coming back...then Esme woke me up on Sunday night as I was curled in your bed... Hoping you were coming back for me. When I felt her hand... I thought at first it was you. Then, when it wasn't I knew... I knew you weren't coming back to me. Then I had to deal with a doctor's exam...and the pity. The next morning Esme brought me home. I couldn't bear to take the ring off. I wanted to believe you would be back. Every night I prayed that you would come through my window. I thought I was making myself sick... I thought... I knew I wasn't enough," she said.
I dropped to my knees in front of her. The weight of her declarations getting to me.
"You were everything, Bella. You always were. I love you with all that I am. From the moment I met you. You were my everything. I couldn't bear the thought of you hating me for being a monster. I couldn't believe that I tried so hard to protect you from what we were and yet I hurt you. I was supposed to protect you and I tried... But I couldn't protect you from myself.... You have no idea how much I hated myself. Lying there next to you, so happy to have made love with you...Knowing that we would be married and that you would forever be mine. Bella that was my heaven. I didn't believe in the existence of souls in my kind but I believed in God because he gave me you. My beautiful angel. And I nearly destroyed you...Bella watching those bruises appear on your perfect skin was like a knife to my heart...the evidence of my soulless existence. And I knew... I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was a monster. I had damaged something so pure...so.." I pled with her.
She dropped to her knees next to me.
"I never wanted forever without you. I saw your soul from the moment we met. You fought your very nature to exist...You loved your siblings and your parents and you loved me. I saw that soul, and the fact that you were broken about my injuries proves it even more. I love you Edward. I need you... I need you so much."
Her tears coursed down her cheeks and she looked so broken that I couldn't help but pull her to me. I pulled her into my arms and crushed our chests together, holding her as tight as I dared. I didn't need anything other than her. She was truly my other half.
I don't know how long we held each other. Time ceased to mean anything as we clung to each other. I finally understood that she felt for me exactly what I felt for her. That she loved me to the very depths of her soul, matching my sentiments for her.
"But your tears, Love. If you didn't regret this, then..." I said.
"She was wrong. I did willingly leave her. I didn't think about what she wanted or what Charlie wanted. For the first time ever I put me first, and I'm not sorry I did. But, I think being a mom has given me a different perspective on my own mother's pain. The pain I would feel if Arriel or Jace was no longer... It would shatter me. Knowing that pain is what I caused her... I hurt for that. I don't like to hurt people. But that said, I will never regret choosing you, choosing us. And I certainly don't regret our children," she said vehemently.
"It still gets me... Our children. If I were to thank you a hundred times a day for the next million years, I still wouldn't be able to express how thankful I am for everything you have given me. Bella, you can't argue this point. Before you I was a monster... I didn't have a conscience or much care. I loved my family but that was it. The only reason I fought to maintain the vegetarian diet was because I would lose all my humanity and in doing so I would hurt Carlisle and Esme too much," I told her. "When I met you, got to know you, apart from the mystery of your quiet thoughts... I wanted to be everything for you. I wanted to be the person who unwrapped the secrets in your head and everything I learned about you made me fall more in love with you. From first learning that you left Phoenix for your mom, not caring about yourself at all... Agreeing to keep my secret when you knew nothing about me and I treated you terribly, trying to chase away any feelings I might have for you. The the trouble trio, Mike, Eric and Tyler. Seriously, most girls would have told them to take a long walk off a short pier but you were so kind, even when you were breaking their pathetic little hearts. Then figuring out what we were. All the way up to the friendship you have with the pack. Seriously, if it wasn't for you we would still be mortal enemies who barely tolerated each other's existence, not fighting together for the greater good."
"Yeah, but it's my fault that Paul died. It's my fault that Charlie...." she said.
"And it's my fault that I even had you anywhere near Victoria and James in the first place," I said. "We can play the blame game forever but the reality of the situation is that no one is to blame except for James and Victoria... And Caius."
"But Paul..." she said.
"Paul died doing what he wanted to do. He died trying to protect someone from a threat. He could have walked away. He didn't. Nobody is to blame for his death but Victoria and the newborns," I told her.
"I love you, Edward," she said clutching me to her so tightly it actually hurt. Not that I would ever tell her that.
"You are my life, Bella. I love you so much Sweetheart," I promised my wife. "And I am going to make you my wife very very soon."
"I'd like that. It doesn't need to be fancy. Just you and me... I..." she started.
"Uh oh," I said.
"Alice?" she asked, pulling away and looking at my face.
"Yup," I answered, listening to my sister's internal ranting.
It was only seconds later that Alice arrived and stared at us with a menacing glare.
"Do not even consider it!" she ranted. "You will have a proper wedding. No sister or brother of mine is going to...."
I tuned her out and focused on Bella.
"I love you," I said, lifting her chin so that our lips were almost touching mine. Just as our lips met, I very clear and very red image appeared in my mind. Apparently Bella had been away from our children long enough and they were demanding her presence immediately.
Bella rolled her eyes dramatically and we picked up the pile of clothes and dashed towards the house, which is where our children informed us that they were waiting.
"Hey!" Alice yelled from behind us. "Where are you two going?"
"I love how our children completely block Alice's visions," Bella giggled.
"We'll have to let Jasper take them when he goes Christmas shopping for Alice!" I said.
We ran hand in hand back to the house, knowing that our children were waiting for us. Truth be told I think we were both just as anxious to be with them as they were to be with us.
It felt good to have all the stresses ironed out. I was ready to move forward, leaving all the bad stuff behind and live our happily ever after.