Author's Notes: Thanks again to everyone who continues to review and support this story. It's very much appreciated and definitely helps to motivate me to keep writing. Thanks also as always to Prothrombintime for feedback and reassurance.
Chapter Forty
April 18th, 2007
Ianto climbed the stairs to the boardroom, carrying the large box of Chinese take-away he'd just collected for the team's lunch. He fervently hoped the gesture would help to ingratiate himself back into the good graces of his colleagues. Being in the proverbial doghouse with not only Jack, but also to a lesser extent with Owen and Tosh, was beginning to wear rather thin.
Gwen Cooper, formerly a detective sergeant with the Cardiff CID, was now an official member of the Torchwood Three team, having begun her reassignment two days earlier. To say her induction into the team had been somewhat less than auspicious would have been a monumental understatement. Jack disliked her and was barely talking to Ianto as a result, she'd managed to offend both Owen and Tosh with some tactless comments about their personal lives, and she'd helped herself to Myfanwy's stash of chocolate, leaving a grumpy, chocolate-deprived prehistoric reptile in her wake. Thankfully, the later situation had been remedied with an emergency supply run and the relocation of the replenished chocolate stash to Jack's bunker. Even Jack with his sweet tooth wouldn't eat Myfanwy's chocolate and risk Ianto's wrath.
Gwen had almost gotten herself mauled to death by a Weevil on her first day, then followed up by accidentally triggering a bio-hazard containment alert, causing the Hub to go into full lock-down for twelve hours. Neither event had helped to win her any friends. Her incessant chatter about the dramas of her upcoming wedding to her presumably long-suffering fiancé, a Welshman by the name of Rhys Williams, wasn't helping either. Even worse, she'd promptly invited the entire team to join her in celebrating the joyous occasion.
Ianto was trying his best to be patient and tolerant. He didn't dislike Gwen, and he couldn't fault her enthusiasm, nor had he expected that bringing her into their close-knit team would be easy. However, he silently conceded that recruiting her hadn't perhaps been the best decision he'd ever made. Even so, he was trying to remain confident that, in time, Gwen would prove to be a valuable addition to the team.
It hadn't slipped his attention that the Welshwoman seemed fascinated with Jack, although he couldn't help being amused that the interest was wholly one-sided. Gwen wasn't unattractive, but Jack seemed oblivious to her charms, and to Ianto's surprise he hadn't observed the other man flirting with her even once. But Jack hadn't been himself lately, having been quiet and withdrawn since the fairies incident and Estelle's death. The funeral the week before had been particularly hard on him, and Ianto's heart ached every time he recalled how Jack had clung to him for hours afterwards, inconsolable and sobbing brokenly.
Since then, he hadn't seen much of Jack, and he worried that whenever Jack now looked at him what he saw was another person he'd eventually be forced to grieve over. And a small, traitorous voice in his head kept wondering if this was the beginning of the end – that by loving Jack and choosing to be with him, he was being selfish, unfair, and ultimately cruel.
Just over three years had passed since they'd shared their first kiss in an abandoned warehouse with an unconscious pterodactyl on the ground beside them. Even though he'd been in cryo-freeze for ten months of that time, technically they'd still been together. In many ways it was more than he could have hoped for, yet it didn't feel like nearly enough. Without a shadow of doubt, he knew Jack was the person he wanted to spend his life with, and he simply couldn't contemplate the thought of wanting to be with anyone else. But, as difficult and unbearable as it was to consider, he feared the day would eventually come when he'd have to walk away, for Jack's sake if not for his own. He wondered if, in the end, that was the true measure of love – to walk away, fully knowing it would tear your soul apart.
Reaching the top of the stairs, he forced aside his melancholy thoughts and plastered a smile onto his face as he crossed the threshold into the boardroom. "So... who's for Chinese?" he announced cheerfully.
"Oi, Teaboy! About bloody time," Owen said by way of greeting from where he was sprawled in his chair. "I'm starving."
Ianto rolled his eyes good-naturedly as he put down the box in the centre of the large oval-shaped table, relieved that Owen was back to usual form, everything apparently forgiven. He smiled at Tosh, who smiled back, shaking her head with obvious amusement at their medic.
Gwen, on the other hand, looked outraged. "Owen!" she hissed, scowling furiously at him. "Do you always have to be so rude?"
Owen just shrugged nonchalantly, while Ianto busied himself with passing out plates, cutlery and paper napkins. "It's fine, Gwen. Just Owen's way of trying to hide that he's secretly in love with me."
"Yeah, right. In your dreams, mate," Owen retorted. He grinned at Ianto, then started opening containers of food and loading up his plate.
Gwen looked between the two of them with a curious expression, and Ianto suppressed an amused smirk. He retrieved bottles of water and glasses from the side table and distributed them, putting one at the head of the table for Jack and another at his usual place immediately to Jack's left. "Go ahead, tuck in," he said to Gwen as Tosh joined Owen in gathering food onto her plate. "Don't let it get cold."
"Shouldn't we wait for Jack?" Gwen asked.
"Nah, he'll turn up as soon as he smells the food," Owen said dismissively, taking a bite out of an egg roll.
"We don't stand on ceremony around here," Ianto added as he began neatly filling a plate with all of Jack's favourite dishes from the various containers. Not knowing Gwen's preferences yet, he didn't want to risk that she'd inadvertently short-change Jack and unwittingly add to her list of transgressions. "Jack will join us when he's ready."
Once he'd readied Jack's food to his satisfaction and put the plate down at the head of the table, he gathered his own meal. Assured that everyone was taken care of, he sat down, neatly tucked a napkin into the collar of his shirt, picked up his chopsticks, and began eating.
Jack strolled into the room a moment later, plonking himself down unceremoniously in his chair. He looked down at his plate, then smiled at Ianto as he picked up his fork. "Mmm, this looks good. Thanks, Ianto."
"Yes, thanks, Ianto," Gwen chimed in as she finished putting a small amount of food on her plate and started eating. She looked up, obviously realising the rest of them were looking at her tiny portion of food curiously. "Still have a few pounds to lose so I can fit into my wedding dress," she explained, chuckling self-consciously. "God, I'll be glad when I can eat properly again. I've got Rhys on a diet too. He hates me."
When the room was silent for a long, awkward moment, Ianto realised it would be up to him to respond. He lowered his chopsticks and gave Gwen a warm smile. "I'm sure it will all be worth the effort."
"Yeah, I'm sure it will," Gwen agreed, smiling back. "Definitely not planning to do it again." She paused, looking at each of them. "So, you're all going to come to the wedding?"
Ianto saw Jack begin to open his mouth in response and gave him a firm kick to the shin to silence him, earning himself a dark glare in return. "Absolutely," he replied before Owen could interject a snide remark either. "We're looking forward to it."
"Yes, we are," Tosh agreed in support, much to Ianto's relief. "Thanks again for inviting us, Gwen." She gave Owen an impish smile. "Owen's even going to wear a suit."
"Yeah, well, they'd better be plenty of booze," Owen added, stabbing a piece of chicken with his fork, but Ianto didn't miss the way the medic's features softened as he looked across at Tosh.
"So, where's the honeymoon, Gwen?" Jack asked, looking up from his food.
Gwen's face lit up. "We're going to Paris. Just for a few days, but I can't wait. I've always wanted to go."
Jack smiled, but Ianto noticed it didn't reach his eyes. "Very romantic. I'm sure you'll have a fantastic time."
Ianto nodded in agreement and also smiled at Gwen, but he felt a sharp stab of envy. He'd often thought he'd like to travel a bit someday and see some of the world he helped to protect. But the Rift would always require monitoring and the most he could hope for was the odd few hours outside the city, like the trip he and Jack had made to Porthcawl the previous week. Torchwood would always come first and the likelihood of him seeing Paris, or anywhere else for that matter, was slim to non-existent.
For the first time in a long while, he thought about what he'd given up, and just for a brief moment he wondered if he was doing the right thing. He was still young, only twenty-four years old, twenty-five in four months time, yet it seemed like his entire life was already mapped out. He was going to spend the rest of his days in a dank, underground lair, with a man who could never give him any genuine sense of security or commitment.
"You deserve so much more," Jack had said to him only a week earlier. The problem was, Ianto wanted the 'more' to be with Jack. Without Jack, it all seemed meaningless.
He felt a surge of guilt for allowing the treacherous thoughts to have taken form. He was happy being with Jack, he reminded himself firmly, and he'd been quite successful in embracing the unconventional life he'd chosen. He just supposed there would always be a small part of him that yearned for a more normal life... the kind of life Gwen had and probably took for granted. Even Tosh and Owen could have a normal life if they decided to someday, perhaps eventually leaving Torchwood behind in order to pursue a new life together. He'd never have that chance. With regret he realised how much he'd enjoy being able to travel with Jack and see some of the world. There were so many things he'd like to do with Jack, but would never have the chance.
Belatedly, he realised the monumental mistake he'd made in bringing Gwen into the team. It just wasn't for the reasons he'd originally thought. Her presence would be a constant reminder of everything they could never have, especially himself and Jack. On one hand, maybe they needed to be reminded of what they were fighting for, but on the other, perhaps it was too painful to have it constantly rubbed in their faces. It wasn't Gwen's fault, and he considered that it was unfair on her too, forcing her to juggle a normal life with the demands and dangers of working for Torchwood.
Realising the room had gone silent, he glanced at Jack. The other man was looking at him intently, his expression unreadable, but there was an unmistakable hint of sadness in his eyes. Self-consciously averting his gaze, he turned his attention to Tosh and Owen, who both looked wistful and lost in their own thoughts. He wondered if they were all thinking about the same things.
Gwen was looking at them all curiously. "I'm not being rude or anything, but... well, maybe I am, but... how do you switch off from all this stuff? What do you do to relax?"
"I torture people in happy relationships," Owen snarked.
"I like to read," Tosh said with a shrug.
"I watch James Bond films," Ianto supplied, thinking how sad and pathetic they must all seem. He gave Jack a quick smirk, hoping to get a teasing remark about his Bond fanaticism, but Jack's eyes were lowered and he didn't take the bait.
Suddenly, Jack stood up. "Back in a minute," he muttered, striding quickly to the door. "Gotta pee."
"And what about Jack?" Gwen asked after he'd left the room.
Ianto was preoccupied with looking worriedly at Jack's retreating form. Dragging his attention back to the others, he noticed Owen looking as if he was about to reply to Gwen's question.
"Jack likes to stand on rooftops," he interjected quickly, not wanting to hear Owen's undoubtedly colourful description of what he and Jack did in their spare time. Not that they'd been doing much of anything since the fairies incident, he thought dejectedly.
A perplexed frown formed across Gwen's brow. "What do you know about him? I checked. The only American on record with the name Captain Jack Harkness vanished in 1941, during the London Blitz. He was a volunteer with the Royal Air Force, but one day he failed to report for duty. Never seen again, presumed dead." She leaned in, her voice dropping in volume. "So, who is he really?"
Owen shrugged and continued to eat, while Ianto exchanged a glance with Tosh, both of them remaining silent. It didn't surprise him that Gwen had checked up on Jack, but it would be up to Jack to tell her about himself, if or when he was ready. Knowing Jack's feelings about Gwen, he doubted it would be any time soon though. Owen and Tosh wouldn't reveal anything, although they knew relatively little anyway, Jack having only divulged the barest of details out of necessity when they'd found out about his condition.
"You don't know anything?" Gwen asked incredulously, looking at each of them in turn.
"Not who he is, not where he's from," Owen replied, looking up at her. He gave Ianto a playful smirk before adding, "Nothing, except him being gay."
Gwen's eyes widened almost comically. "No, he's not. Really, do you think?"
"No," Tosh said, the mischievous twinkle in her eyes indicating she'd decided to play along. "Owen does. I don't."
"And I don't care," Ianto added indifferently, only barely managing to maintain a neutral expression. He felt a bit guilty about winding up Gwen, but the less charitable part of his nature thought she probably deserved it.
"Period military is not the dress code of a straight man," Owen continued, obviously enjoying himself.
"I think it suits him," Gwen said thoughtfully. "Sort of classic."
Ianto nodded in approval. Even with all the time he'd known Jack, he still loved to see him wearing his greatcoat.
"Exactly!" Tosh paused, giving Ianto a wicked smile. "I've watched him in action. He'll shag anything if it's gorgeous enough."
Ianto almost choked on the piece of chicken he'd just popped into his mouth. A rush of warmth flooded his cheeks as remembered the time Tosh had walked in on them late one night. He'd been sitting in Jack's lap, straddling the other man in the desk chair in his office, both of them shirtless and kissing furiously, his trousers unfastened and one of Jack's hands groping him beneath his underwear. He'd felt completely mortified at being seen by Tosh, while Jack had, predictably, been amused by the situation. After recovering from her initial shock, Tosh hadn't seemed to be in a hurry to look away, adding to Jack's amusement while Ianto had scrambled to cover himself up. Ever since that incident, he'd been particularly careful to double-check the Hub was empty before entertaining the notion of any after-hours workplace trysts.
Gwen's eyes seemed to grow even wider, if that was possible. "We know he's from America, right?"
"We don't even know that for sure," Owen replied, shaking his head.
"Maybe his identity's classified," Gwen suggested.
"Used to be something big in the CIA," Ianto said smoothly, beginning to enjoy himself. "That's what I reckon."
Gwen continued to look contemplative. "He must have his reasons for wanting to keep things secret."
Owen started snickering, then Tosh began laughing. "I can't do this, I'm sorry. I'm rubbish. I give up!" Owen blurted out.
"Owen set me off," Tosh added, between gasps of laughter.
Ianto rolled his eyes, but he couldn't quite stop a wry smile from lifting the corners of his mouth. "Well, that lasted all of ten seconds."
Gwen frowned, her features darkening. "What are you lot on about? Is this some big joke?"
"Sorry, Gwen," Tosh said apologetically, the sincerity of her words somewhat diminished given her inability to keep a straight face. "You really don't know, do you?"
"Know what?" Gwen asked, her frown growing deeper.
Owen snorted derisively. "And you call yourself a detective."
"Are you going to bloody tell me what's going on?" Gwen demanded, looking at them furiously.
Ianto decided to take pity on the confused Welshwoman. "Gwen... Jack's my partner. If you want to know about him, you'll have to ask him. It's not our place to tell you."
Gwen stared at him with an apparent mixture of astonishment and disbelief. "You and Jack are together? You're a couple?" she asked, looking at him incredulously. Ianto simply nodded in reply. "Sorry... um, it's just... I didn't realise. I didn't know you're gay."
"I'm not," Ianto said, a little more defensively than he'd intended. As much as he wouldn't deny his relationship with Jack to anyone, he refused to identify himself as gay. "Neither is Jack," he added, not wanting Gwen to get the wrong idea about Jack either.
"Joined at the bloody hip, those two," Owen commented, but not unkindly.
Gwen looked at Ianto in obvious confusion. "Oh. So, er... how long have you two been together then?"
"Three and a bit years," Ianto replied. "Depends how you work it out."
"Sorry?" Gwen asked, still looking bewildered.
"Jack's psycho ex-boyfriend almost killed Teaboy here," Owen explained. "Literally tried to snog him to death. He was on ice for ten months while I worked on a cure."
Ianto nodded. "Yep. Jack put me into cryo-freeze," he stated matter-of-factly.
"And Jack hired Owen to save Ianto," Tosh finished, pride in her voice as she smiled warmly at Owen.
"Wow," Gwen exclaimed, shaking her head. "This place is completely mad. You all know that, right?"
"Bloody barmy," Owen agreed, grinning widely.
"Brilliant though," Tosh added with a smile.
"Welcome to Torchwood," Ianto said, shrugging his shoulders and returning his attention to his food.