TOMMY'S POV

"Sleepwalker, if that's okay" Adam replied to Monte.

My heart dropped, that song has so much feeling... one lyric lingered my mind.. 'You're everything that i want, but you don't want me..'

Thats right...that's true...He's everything i want now...But he doesn't want me...But he doesn't know... As i started plucking the strings going through sleepwalker, tears started to roll down my cheeks, and land on my bass...the tears fell to my bass...and rolled down and dropped to the floor... I tilted my head as i played, to hide my face...to hide me tears..to hide my hurt...to hide my heart...to hide the truth... I sang along quietly, my words shaking, i sobbed silently, but i continued to play, i don't wanna let Adam down. I looked up at Cam, she had worry in her eyes, she mouthed "are you okay?" too me. I shook my head, and continued to play until the end. I put my bass down and fell to my knees. My hands in my hair, nailing my scalp in distress. I don't know what's happening anymore...everything's a blur. Cam knelt down by me. "Tommy, what's the matter? She asked. I just shook my head and groaned. "You're feelings are getting to you...Tommy you need to spill to Adam soon or-.." She stopped, luckily her voice was lower than a whisper.

"Tommy?" Adam said softly, i looked up at him. Teary eyed, stressed...My feelings are getting to me...Cam's always right...She is basically Mother-Bear. "Tommy please tell me what's wrong, i'm really worried about you, i'm starting to think you don't trust me..." He trailed off.

"N-no Adam..Y-you dont unders-stand.. I do trust you...B-but i can-c-can't tell you...Not yet..I-it will r-ruin everything!" I sobbed, he gave me a confused look. "Tommy i'm your best friend, and the Band is family, what you say won't ruin everything, we'll love you no matter what, even if you've killed someone, we'll love you no matter what shape, size or sexuality, we're you're family too in a way" Adam said softly, squeezing my shoulder. 'But Adam, it will ruin everything, i'm in love, with you...'

I just nodded. "I'm gonna umm...go g-get ready..." I mumbled, luckily we all had our own dressing rooms. I grabbed my ipod, and sunk one of the earphones into my hear, with my head piece in the other. I know the order of the songs, interludes and band solo's. So im sorted...

I lounged in my dressing room for another 10 minutes, until the tannoy across the speakers came over, showtime...

I tried to push my thoughts to the back of my head for this show, just to impress the crowd, and make a failing attempt to Cam showing my feeling's weren't getting to me. Fever came...

Adam sand the first few words, i responded with him, he walked towards me, i walked towards him. This time, i let him kiss me, just so i could kiss him back. My feelings we're gonna go hay-wire, but right now, his kisses we're what i needed. He kissed me earlier than he normally does, which means longer kiss. His tongue quickly wrestled with mine, i ran my hand to his head and tangled his hair, before letting go. The kiss ended with a loud, audible pop. I just smirked at him and he mouthed 'Hawt' at me. Ha, sucker...

The show ended, it was fun...I want to kiss Adam again, and again. It's more of a need than a want...but still...He taste's fantastic, he's amazing...But he'll never be mine, and i can't face the fact that it's true... We all headed to the bus. We have 2 days off, yay...

"Hey Tommy, we're all going to a club later, you up for it?" Adam asked. I'm not much of a partier, or clubber. So i didn't want too go.

"Sound's great Adam, but i'm not a club person, i'll stay here and keep an eye on the bus" I said, making up a poor excuse.
"Whatever you say then Glitterbaby" He said softly. I gave a smile, before returning to my bunk. My bunk is probably my grave, the amount of heartache im getting is probably gonna kill me...

After 2 lonely hours alone on the bus, i plucked out my earphones, and went to the bathroom, i still had thick eyeliner on, so i washed most of it off, just leaving a little bit on. I pulled my striped jacket off and put it on the floor. I need something to calm my stress...I need it fast. A went rifling through the cabinet, until i found a razor. Somehow i managed to prize out one of the blades. I sighed heavily and sat on the floor, dragging the blade along my pale wrist. I did it again, and again, and soon there was about 7 or 8 fresh cuts, bleeding, on my wrist. The relief spilled over me first, but then the guilt hit my like a ton of bricks. I put the razor back in the cabinet, right at the back. But i put the blade in my wallet, just in case... After a while, i cleaned my blood dripping wrist up. although it still bled slightly, i didn't care, much like Adam didn't care about me. I laid on the bathroom floor, my jacket had blood splatters on it, and there was blood on the floor, but i still didnt care.

I heard the band coming back into the bus... I mainly heard Adam.

"Oh Cam, he was amazing! He was so nice, and he's so handsome, and he's so charming!" Adam chimed.

3 Things i am not... Amazing, handsome nor charming... Adam's met somebody. "And i'm meeting up with him tomorrow on a date!" He exclaimed. My heart dropped completely, it's all over. There's no point in me spilling too Adam now... I laid on the floor, sobbing silently, my scarred wrist across my stomach, leaving faint bloody patches on my top.

"Awwh, well im so happy for you Adam" Cam said softly. "Tommy?" Cam yelled. I didn't want to see anyone, talk to anyone. I just wanted to die... "Tommy are you asleep?" She yelled, her voice was coming closer. "Yo Tommy?" Isaac shouted. "He's not in his bunk!" Monte said worriedly. There was a knock at the bathroom door. "Tommy? Tommy are you in there?" Cam said softly. I kicked the door, signifying i wanted to be alone. "Tommy can i come in please?" Cam asked me softly, i don't like saying no to Cam, i really don't. I picked up my jacket off the floor, forgetting about my bare and scarred wrist. I opened the door.

"Yeah Cam?" I asked. She knew i'd been crying again. I watched her eyes trail down to my arm, and she looked back up to me with worry. "Tommy, what the hell is going on?" She asked worriedly. I shook my head and bit my lip. "I don't fucking know anymore to be honest Cam, i really don't..." I cried. She hugged me. "Tommy you need to tell him, look at you. Look at yourself in the mirror!" She exclaimed. I looked, i'm a mess. "Cam, if i could, i would. But i can't!" I sobbed. "It'll ruin everything, Adam will hate me forever!". I sighed. "It won't ruin everything, remember what Adam said to you during the sound check, it doesn't matter what you are or what you do, we're family and we love you no matter what!" She said softly. I gave her a weak smile. "I'm gonna try and sleep it off...or at least get sleep..." I sighed. She handed me my ipod. "Don't leave it too late Tommy" She said wisely. I nodded. I laid in my bunk and closed the curtains. Popping my headphones in, comforting myself to Manson. She said don't leave it too alte...but what if i already have?...