TO DENY THE FEELINGS DEEP WITH IN OURSELVES

Xena took in a deep breath eyeing the three soups in front of her she'd gone with Gabrielle's idea and sent out a palace wide notice that any one who wanted to take the role as head cook could step forward and cook her something. Three candidates had stepped forward and Demetrius had, had them cook up a dish which he'd brought up to her in her study. Personally she wasn't hungry but she'd give each dish a try, truth was she'd rather be talking to Gabrielle right now and she wanted to get this over with as it had taken up most of her morning. She'd spent the first half of the morning trying to regain control over the kitchen true she knew nothing about cooking but she'd been able to give out orders and get some control over things again. The problem had become very clear to her as to why everything had fallen apart Kalika had been far to controlling in the kitchen. She had never once loosened the reins and allowed the staff under her to have full control in all the years she'd been in charge and now that she wasn't around the staff had no idea what to do on their own. Hence why they were making such horrible mistakes plus she hadn't trained them enough to cope with the pressure and stress involved in the kitchen.

It was clear that she'd only liked young women in her kitchen as it gave her wide control this was not an issue she ever intended to repeat ever again. Who ever took the kitchen next would have to put in male servants and more experienced older servants so that the kitchen was both fair and well maintained though one single person would still be in control. There would be others under them to help train the staff and support them should the leading figure be unwell or away. She picked up the spoon stirring the first soup which was beef she took a sip only to feel the sharp herbs sting her tongue. She winced trying to ignore the flavour Demetrius raised an eyebrow. "Not that one then?" Xena shook her head pushing the bowl to one side. "No it's to sharp they like spices to much but not everyone in the palace will like that." She moved the second one which was another beef soup tasting it, it wasn't bad but it wasn't interesting ether, in truth the lack of herbs made it bland. She moved to the last bowl of beef soup taking a sip tasting the beautiful flavour as it exploded in her mouth it was utterly divine. She eased up a spoon. "Whose is this, it's gorgeous!" Demetrius eased up the scroll in his hand. "This is…well that's a surprise."

Xena took another sip enjoying the flavour. "What who is it?" Demetrius eyed the scroll again. "Faolan cooked this, he's Tiara's husbands he's been here ever since the palace opened he cleans the gardens." Xena took another sip. "I don't care if he's a gardener if he can cook this well I want him in my kitchen." She swallowed another mouth full. "Tell him the job is his and his pay grade will rise to match it." Demetrius leaned over picking up a spoon he couldn't see what her fuss was all about so he might as well try this dish for himself and find out. He dipped it the soup then eased up a mouthful eating it he raised an eyebrow as he turned to her. "That is good, damn this man can cook." Xena took hold of the bowl. "Well then you can go and tell him that he's got the job and then tell the others that I thank them for their contributions." Demetrius put his hand on his beard as he put down the spoon. "I can do better he normally works the night shift which means that he's probably taking time off and playing cards in one of the games rooms right now." Xena eased up her hand. "Bring him to me." Demetrius turned slightly. "There is something you need to know about him though he used to be a great warrior in your armies he helped to end the Spartan uprising."

He shook his head. "Sadly though a Spartan stabbed him through the knee with a spear and left him crippled, he now has a permanent limp which was the reason that he was disbanded from the army. On top of that he's from Britannia and a Celt, he came to Greece as a young man and joined the army but he didn't marry Tiara until a lot later they've both been together for about many years." Xena raised an eyebrow. "Please bring him in I wish to speak to him." Demetrius nodded as he opened the door to her study a smile on his face. She breathed in lying back in her chair as she carried on eating the soup savouring the flavour in all honesty she'd never spoken to this man though she'd seen him around the gardens on numerous occasions, as he did stand out due to his walk. He was also about the same age as Tiara but she'd never heard him speak he would always just quietly get on with his work. She looked up sharply as her study door was opened she watched as a tall man who was about her height walked in. He was well built and had short white hair and a short white beard on his chin which had been woven at the edges on each side and clipped with two tiny bronze Celtic coils.

He wasn't in Greek robes at all but was wearing a thick pair on dark brown trousers and a long sleeve cream coloured shirt which had no buttons down the centre unlike Gabrielle's instead it had Celtic designs on the sleeves and chest along with a heavy pair of light brown knee high boots. On his face were numerous scars from battle no doubt made by swords showing his long life as a warrior and he had a dark black tattoo at the top of his neck which was the Triquetra or three triangles merged which represented mind, body and spirit. He had very soft green eyes which were quite close in colour to Gabrielle's she watched as he stepped closer his limp becoming very obvious. Her gaze drifted upwards as Demetrius smiled then closed the study door behind him. She stood up slowly putting down the now empty bowl of soup seeing that the white haired man was watching her quietly. "Faolan is it?" The older man nodded as he looked at her speaking calmly. "Yes Empress."

Xena looked at the empty bowl. "I heard from Demetrius that you used to be in my army and that you fought the Spartans." Faolan felt a warm smile form. "Yes but that was a long time ago, I'm very much retired from fighting now, I want to pursue other things." Xena looked up slightly. "Well your clearly a very gifted cook your version of beef soup is wonderful." Faolan put his hands behind his back. "Has Gabrielle tried it?" Xena looked up slightly feeling the surprise take over. "Not yet but I'm sure she would approve." Faolan breathed in deeply. "Then may I send a soup dish to her anyway I would like her views?" He breathed in deeply seeing slight confusion in her eyes. "I'm sorry, please allow me to explain, in my country my people call wolves the Madadh-alluidh they are seen as symbols of nature as they are cunning, intelligent and noble creatures and they teach us as warriors how to outwit those who wish you harm, they are also seen as spiritual leaders and guilds. Gabrielle's race is seen as very special as to be in their presence is considered an honour as they are the have all the Madadh-alluidh strength and cunning yet they have a semi human form and have control over there emotions as well as the ability to speak or so I've heard."

He looked up slightly. "Though I saw glimpses through out my life, tracks, mane hair, claws I've never stood face to face with one of her people and she must be very special as she has antlers like a deer." Xena looked at him for a long moment. "You've never spoken to Gabrielle?" Faolan put a through his white hair. "No but Tiara has, I've always felt unworthy as I have not gained that honour because she has not asked it off me." Xena looked at him for a long moment. "You have heard what happened to Kalika haven't you?" Faolan nodded as he spoke. "She was like Gabrielle but she betrayed you." Xena took in a deep breath. "No she betrayed Gabrielle and Gabrielle is the one true king of the Greek werewolves it's the reason she has those antlers." Faolan blinked in confusion. "I see, but what are you getting at Empress?" Xena put her hand on the table. "I will not have another person cause her harm in side my palace walls." Faolan raised an eyebrow catching a very oblivious tone in her voice it was the tone of someone who was in love, he raised his hand slowly. "I would never bring harm to the one you love, I no longer carry a sword and I can no longer fight wars, that time in my life is over and even if I did have my sword it would be laid at Gabrielle's feet with out question."

Xena blinked feeling the shock hit home how had he just seen through her like that? He wasn't like Tiara at all she was outspoken and slightly moody at times he was the opposite gentle and mild mannered. "Yes I do love Gabrielle but that is my personal business and it's not to be palace gossip is that understood?" Faolan nodded respectfully. "You need not say that Empress, I will not tell others of your love or what we talked about here in your study." Xena put a hand through her hair she could see in his eyes that he was being open and honest. "Agreed." She lowered her gaze feeling the need to change the subject. "Where did you learn to cook so well?" Faolan put his hands behind his back. "When your leg is like mine you find you have a lot of free time on your hands once you leave the army I found that I got a lot of pleasure out of cooking it's given me something to do over the years." He breathed in deeply. "I never really liked Kalika's cooking if I'm honest nether did Tiara so I said I'd give it go and I started cooking it just went from there." Xena eyed the empty bowl. "Well your cooking is impressive and I'd like to offer you the position as head cook in my palace, your pay will be raised of course."

Faolan felt a wide smile form. "I would be most honoured to take the position." Xena slowly sat down in her chair. "I do have a condition though." Faolan folded his arms. "What is your wish Empress?" Xena looked at her hand for moment before looking up. "Kalika didn't train the staff under her at all hence why in her absence the kitchen fell apart with out her, I want all the kitchen staff trained well enough to cope with out you. I do not want them to be in this position again and also if you know any of the male servants who wish to work in the kitchens then I'd like you to bring them in. My palace was founded up on equal rights between the genders and that applies to everything including my kitchens. Kalika lost sight of that among other things and now she is locked in reinforced chains and Iona has had to put a special collar around her neck which has spikes pointing inwards so she can't transform again, so as much as you idolize werewolves in your culture she is not to be honoured, a traitor is still a traitor what ever the race."

Faolan nodded in understanding. "I do not honour traitors after all in Norse stories they say if was the wolf Fenrir who eat the moon." Xena felt a wide smile form. "That is very true." She paused before meeting is calm gaze. "As soon as you're settled in you could bring Gabrielle her breakfast, personally I think she would really like to see who the new cook is." Faolan looked up slightly. "It would be my honour Empress I just hope she speaks to me." Xena picked up her quill feeling a wicked smile form. "Oh she'll talk to you I'm sure of it I think knowing that some of her race have gone to the lands of Britannia will fascinate her as she's only ever told me about the werewolves in Greece and Rome." Faolan turned limping towards the study door he slowly opened it as he turned to her. "Then I will tell her the stories of her people and what they mean to my tribe back in my homeland."

8

Thaleia watched as Gabrielle walked through the hallway on all fours Gabrielle had much quieter than normal clearly tonight she was very distracted by her own thought's which wasn't like her. She had been waiting for the right moment to talk to her about the Empress feelings for her but the moment hadn't really felt right but somehow at this moment felt right, despite how distracted Gabrielle was. She took in a deep breath before speaking "You know you're a king of your people and the Empress is well a queen don't you ever think that you two could be together?" Gabrielle turned sharply eyeing her friend. "Can we please not talk about this Thaleia?" Thaleia watched as easing herself up on to her hind legs. "Why?" Gabrielle eased out her clawed hand. "Because it's stupid!" Thaleia blinked meeting her gaze. "It's not stupid I mean you both like women and your now very close friends. Personally I think the Empress likes you in that way I've seen the way she looks at you." Gabrielle stopped sharply watching as Thaleia did the same. "She doesn't look at me that way Thaleia, your confusing her friendly actions with sexual tension."

Thaleia eased up her finger poking it in to Gabrielle's waist. "No I'm not I think she likes you in that way, your just ignoring that fact for some reason." Gabrielle put a clawed hand on her face. "Oh please I'm not what she'd consider good relationship material and I doubt that she wants to go to bed with me!" Thaleia eyed her for a long moment. "Why shouldn't she want to go to bed with you? You're a good person who's very noble." Gabrielle turned to face her. "Why, isn't it obvious, look at me?" Thaleia breathed in sharply. "You being the way you are makes no difference in my opinion." She raised her hand. "I think the Empress cares about you deeply. I also think you have feelings for her to but your far to stubborn to admit them, even to yourself." Gabrielle narrowed her gaze. "Even if what you're saying were true, which it isn't let's face facts the Empress would never have any interest in me as a partner." She shook her head. "Also I very much doubt her people would like the idea of a werewolf seating on the throne next to her, there'd be a up roar on both sides if that ever came to pass."

Thaleia stepped back. "What if there was unity because of it? What if it truly ended the suffering on both sides? The Empress needs a partner more than anything and someone who will love her unconditionally." Gabrielle eyed her. "I'm not that person Thaleia I could never be that person!" Thaleia ignored Gabrielle look of annoyance as she spoke. "You can't deny your feelings forever Gabrielle, you can only deny them for so long before they catch up with you. I know deep down that you have feelings for her. I've seen the way you look at her and the way you take in her beauty." Gabrielle sneered slightly. "I know she's very beautiful Thaleia, I won't deny that but lets face it people like her don't want people like me, I'm not attractive I'm not even beautiful. She can have anyone she wants anyway so why would she bother with me?" She raised her clawed hand. "My people also have a law that werewolves can only be with other werewolves and those who go in-between and go with humans are punished."

Thaleia breathed in deeply. "No one can punish you Gabrielle you're the king of your race, you should set the example for others." She eased up her hand putting it on Gabrielle's clawed one. "If you want to be with someone who isn't like you, you should be with them because you want to be, regardless of your races laws you are above them and you can rewrite them all." Gabrielle put a clawed hand through her mane in frustration. "You make it sound easy it's not easy!" Thaleia folded her arms. "No it's not easy because you don't believe it's easy, yet everyone in this palace believes you can do anything including the Empress, its just you don't believe in yourself." She raised her hand. "Just like you don't believe that the Empress loves you even though it's obvious." Gabrielle raised a clawed hand. "She doesn't see me that way Thaleia, she never will!" Thaleia put a hand on her face feeling the frustration hit home. "Why do you punish yourself Gabrielle, why do you deny the truth even when it's right in front of you?" Gabrielle felt her whole body tense as she turned to face her. "Do you remember once that I told you that looks can be very deserving? Well when you look at me you only see one part of me but there's a part you don't know about and if you knew about it you'd never speak to me again. No one in the palace would and the Empress would ask me to leave!"

Thaleia put a hand gently on her arm. "No they wouldn't we all love you being here we would never ask you to leave and if you ask me your past guilt is destroying you Gabrielle if you just talked about what's causing you so much pain, you might feel better, if not to me then to the Empress." Gabrielle shook her head sadly. "No Thaleia there are some sins that no one should hear." She took in a painful breath gaining control over her emotions as she gently put a clawed hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry I don't mean to be sharp least of all with you, you and your mother have been like family to me you both stood by me from the very beginning." Thaleia put a hand on her friend's clawed one. "My mother sees you as daughter and I see as a sister and no matter what happens, we'll always stand by you." Gabrielle smiled sadly. "I hope that is always so." Thaleia watched as she eased her clawed hand away there was something to be said and that was that Gabrielle was a different person now to when she'd first met her. She wasn't angry all of the time and she also smiled and when she did it was a real smile and she was much more open and would now let people touch her even in werewolf form.

Gabrielle took in a deep breath. "Would you excuse me I just need to take a walk to clear my head." Thaleia nodded as she looked up. "Sure I'll talk to you later." She watched as Gabrielle went down on all fours walking away she felt a smile form she was considered part of the family in the palace and people loved having her around. Though her and her mother had helped her most of the credit went to the Empress there was real connection between herself and Gabrielle and it was having a big impact. It was the Empress who had made her smile and laugh which she'd never seen before. Clearly though Gabrielle still had problems with her guilty there was something in her past which was still haunting her and she wouldn't talk about it to anyone. She wouldn't open her heart ether or believe that the Empress was in love with her, what was she so afraid of? The Empress was a loving caring woman and she would never hurt her again. Was she feeling guilty over her dead lover and believed that she was tarnishing his memory by being with someone else? Ether way she couldn't make head nor tail of it. She could only hope that Gabrielle would come around soon because it was very clear to her that the Empress was going to tell her soon about how she felt and then she would be forced to face the feelings she had being denying.

End of part 63

Silvermoonlight.

Triquetra or three triangles merged can represent mind, body and spirit. The symbol can also be viewed of eternal rebirth like the phoenix as each section merges in to the other.

Madadh-alluidh the word for a Celtic Wolf, wolves were seen as very powerful symbols of nature due to their cunning and intelligence Celtic warriors believed they could lean from them how to outwit those who wish you harm.