Author's Notes: Thanks as always to Prothrombintime for being so generous in providing feedback and encouragement on my ramblings.

Chapter Forty-Six

June 24th, 2007

Seated on the train to London, Ianto looked distractedly out the window as the landscape sped past. After receiving the call from Lisa, he'd returned home, changed out of his suit and into casual attire, then hastily packed enough clothing and essentials to last for several days. Not wanting to stay at the apartment in case Jack came looking for him, he'd taken his bags down to his car, and after driving around aimlessly for over an hour, he'd eventually ended up parked by a desolate stretch of the Porthcawl coastline. He wasn't sure how long he'd just sat in his car and stared out at the sea, blinking back silent tears and feeling like his world had been torn apart.

He'd gone for a long walk along the shoreline, his thoughts preoccupied with Jack and the few times they'd visited the windswept beach together. They were fond memories, and Jack always seemed to enjoy those rare, fleeting escapes from the reality of their lives. Finally he'd driven back to Cardiff, parked his car at the apartment again, collected his luggage, taken a taxi to Cardiff Central station, then boarded the next available train to London.

He'd chosen a sparsely occupied rear compartment, needing solitude so he could gather his thoughts, and not trusting his ability to keep his emotions in check. He hated feeling out of control and so emotionally raw and vulnerable. Little by little he'd given everything he was to Jack, opening his heart and baring his soul.

The old feelings of inadequacy and insignificance from the time of Lisa's rejection consumed his thoughts. He couldn't help wondering what he'd done wrong... if there was something more he could have done... or something he could have done differently. But Lisa hadn't loved him, whereas Jack did, he was certain of it. He wasn't sure if that made it better or worse. If Jack didn't love him, he could try to move on, hoping there was something better waiting for him elsewhere. Instead, he would have to live with the knowledge of what he'd lost. Jack owned his heart, and he didn't think that would ever change. Jack wasn't setting him free, he was condemning him to a life of heartache and loneliness.

He cursed the man for being so bloody noble. He wanted to be angry at Jack, to hate him even, but the anger had faded all too quickly. He understood that Jack was acting out of guilt and fear, thinly masked under a guise of selfless martyrdom. He felt helpless and heartbroken, and yet he couldn't truly be angry at Jack. A part of him understood the man's reasoning and motivations, even if he believed them to be futile and misguided.

With a weary sigh, he slid his phone from his jacket pocket and turned it on. Grimacing when he found twelve missed calls from Jack, he quickly turned it off again and shoved it back into his pocket. He'd sent a succinct text message to Jack after he'd finished packing, informing him of his impromptu trip to London and stating that he'd be in touch in a few days time. It was as much communication as he could handle, not wanting to hear more rationalisations from the other man on why they couldn't be together any longer.

He was trying not to think of what would happen if their relationship really was over. He couldn't continue to work with Jack, living with the daily reminder of what he'd lost. He supposed he'd have to transfer back to Torchwood One and relocate to London again. The only other alternative was to leave Torchwood behind, find himself a normal job, and try to live a conventional life. He wondered if that was even possible after everything he'd seen. He couldn't imagine trying to assume a life of blissful ignorance, all the while still knowing what was really out there.

There was always retcon, but no matter what the future held, he didn't want to forget Jack. If Jack refused to reconsider his decision, he supposed he would just have to try to move on with his life as best he could and cherish the memories of the time they'd had together.

Swallowing down a choked sob, he pressed his eyes closed and tried to focus his mind on the clatter of the train as it sped along the tracks.

###

After arriving in London, Ianto made his way to the hotel he'd stayed at before, a few minutes walking distance of Torchwood Tower. Not knowing how long he'd be staying in London, he'd decided to use the hotel for a few nights, then seek out longer term accommodation if necessary. Quickly unpacking his belongings, he took a long hot shower in the vain hope it would help to ease some of his built-up tension.

Feeling marginally better, he called Lisa to let her know he'd arrived, and to his dismay, she asked him to meet her at a nearby bar. He reluctantly agreed, his hopes dashed for a solitary evening spent drowning his sorrows in a bottle of something sufficiently inebriating. Wearily, he put on a fresh shirt and underwear, redressed in his jeans and leather jacket, then headed out of the hotel.

He was halfway through his second double Scotch when he found himself staring incredulously across the table at Lisa, his mind reeling for the second time that day. "There's a spatial rift here in London? Why didn't we know about it?"

"Yvonne's been keeping it on a strictly need-to-know basis," Lisa replied. "I only found out about it when I got assigned to the project a month ago. It's six-hundred feet above sea level. That's why Torchwood Tower was originally built. It was the only way to reach it."

"The forty-fifth floor," Ianto murmured, performing a quick mental calculation.

Lisa nodded. "I'm worried, Ianto. Seriously worried. Yvonne's got everyone brainwashed about this rift being an unlimited energy source... some sort of magical solution to all of Britain's problems. She thinks if we can harness that power, she'll be responsible for making Britain independent... that with so much energy at our disposal we'll be able to defend the planet against any alien threat." She shook her head and took a sip of her vodka martini. "You know how single-minded she is... she thinks this will make Britain a superpower again... she's fixated on restoring the British Empire."

Ianto frowned with concern, but he wasn't overly surprised by Yvonne Hartman's arrogance and short-sightedness. "The Cardiff Rift is dangerous and unpredictable," he mused aloud. "There's been attempts to control it in the past, but it's almost ended in disaster every time. If this rift is anything like that, she has no idea what she's dealing with. No ones does. God knows what might come through it."

"Actually, something already has," Lisa said slowly.

"What was it?" Ianto asked, raising his eyebrows.

"It's a big metal floating sphere," Lisa replied. "They don't know what it is. There's something weird about it though. They can't get any readings from it. Every machine they've tried says it doesn't exist."

"That doesn't sound good," Ianto muttered, inwardly rolling his eyes at himself for stating the obvious.

"What about your boss?" Lisa had a strange look on her face as she asked the question. "Captain Harkness could talk to Yvonne, perhaps convince her..."

Ianto shook his head. "Jack and Yvonne despise each other. She'll never listen to him, and he has no jurisdiction over Torchwood One. If he tried to interfere, she'd probably have him arrested and locked up." Or worse, he thought, shuddering inwardly.

"So, what can we do?" Lisa asked, looking at him intently.

Ianto thought for a moment. Hartman was too powerful to openly oppose, so their options seemed pretty much non-existent. "I suppose all we can do is keep an eye on things... hope she knows what she's doing. I'm not happy about it, but I don't know what else we can do. I'll talk to Jack... at least let him know what's going on." He paused, not relishing the thought of speaking to Jack again so soon. "You said the next experiment is scheduled for tomorrow morning?"

Lisa nodded. "So, you'll stay?"

"Yep, I'll stay," Ianto confirmed, his mind turning to practical matters, including a suitable cover story. "I'll tell Yvonne I had to come to London on some personal business, and that I decided to take advantage of the trip to cross-reference some of our artefacts with the Torchwood One archives. If she's so preoccupied with this rift project of hers, hopefully she won't think to question my presence."

"That should work," Lisa agreed. She took a sip of her drink, then looked at him curiously. "It's good to see you again, Ianto. You've changed, you know."

"Have I?" Ianto asked hesitantly, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. You're more confident... more sure of yourself." Lisa paused, her dark eyes peering at him. "There was a rumour going around a while back. About you and Jack Harkness. I didn't believe it, but..."

Ianto swallowed a mouthful of his Scotch, then sighed heavily. He knew it was pointless to hide the truth from Lisa any longer. "Me and Jack, we're..." He paused awkwardly, suddenly not sure how to describe what he and Jack were, not knowing if they were still anything at all. "We're together. Have been for a bit over three years. So, whatever you've heard, it's probably true."

Predictably, Lisa looked at him with wide-eyed astonishment, her mouth hanging open. "But you're not... I mean, I didn't know that you liked men..." She frowned with what was obvious confusion. "Did you fancy men the whole time we were together?"

Ianto shook his head, feeling a rush of heat to his face, and wishing the floor would open up and swallow him whole. "No. It wasn't like that. Jack... he's different... it's not... men, it's... just him. It's only him." Cursing his lack of eloquence, he cleared his throat and tried again. "I can't explain it, Lisa, but he's the only man I've ever been attracted to." He shifted uncomfortably, lowering his eyes. "I love him," he said quietly, looking up at her again.

To his relief, Lisa seemed to have regained some of her composure, although she was still looking at him incredulously. "The last time I saw you... you said you were seeing someone. Was it him?"

"Yes... yes, it was. It was all still fairly new back then. I know I should have told you... but..." Ianto shrugged slightly. "I didn't know what it was in the beginning."

Lisa nodded slowly, and there was a heavy moment of silence between them. Then she frowned again, giving him a look that seemed to be somewhere between concern and pity. "Ianto... you know what they say about him... that he's..."

"Jack's a good man," Ianto said firmly, not wanting to hear whatever she was going to say. He was well aware of the gossip about Jack's licentious past from his own time at Torchwood One. While he knew there was probably at least an element of truth to it, he also knew that Jack would never be unfaithful to someone he was in a relationship with. Regardless of his issues with Jack, he'd never had cause to doubt the other man's fidelity. "He's the finest man I've ever known," he added without hesitation, surprisingly himself by his admission given the current circumstances.

"I'm sorry." Lisa gave him a small, apologetic smile. "I know it's none of my business. But I still care about you, Ianto. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I know." Ianto forced a smile in return and waved his hand dismissively. "And it's good to see you too, Lisa. It's been a long time."

Although it wasn't particularly painful to see Lisa again, given the situation, he couldn't help thinking about what might have been. He and Lisa might have still been together, perhaps engaged or even married by now, and he might have been happy and content. But then he never would have met Jack. The thought of not having Jack in his life threatened to overwhelm him with despair all over again.

He tossed back the remainder of his drink, then rose to his feet, desperately needing to be alone. "I should go," he muttered, struggling to keep his voice even and free of emotion. "I'm a bit tired from the trip."

Lisa stood up as well. "Yeah, I should head home too. Maybe I'll have another drink first though." She touched his arm gently. "Thanks for coming, Ianto. I didn't know who else to turn to. I'm glad you're here."

Ianto nodded, managing a small, tight smile. "I'll see you at work tomorrow. Goodnight, Lisa."

Turning away, he walked briskly out of the bar and headed back to the hotel.

###

Two days later, Ianto was sitting at a secluded table in Torchwood One's cafeteria, writing idly in his diary as he tried to organise his confused thoughts. With a weary sigh, he closed the diary, lined up his pen neatly beside it, and leaned back in his chair, sipping at a barely drinkable cup of coffee as he gazed out the windows at the bustling city below.

As he'd expected, Yvonne Hartman had shown little interest in his sudden appearance. He'd explained that he wanted to cross-reference some of the Cardiff artefacts with the Torchwood One database, and she'd simply told him to inform her if anything of interest came up. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on him. He'd once been ostensibly spying for her, and now he was spying on her.

Jack would appreciate the sense of poetic justice, he mused distractedly, then felt his chest tighten as he thought of his estranged friend and lover. He had yet to speak to Jack since 'the incident', as he'd started to call it in his mind, refusing to give it a name which had any connotations of permanence or finality. He knew he couldn't put it off for much longer, but each time he'd picked up his phone to make the call, his resolve wavered and he quickly put the phone down again. It was irrational, but as long as they didn't speak, he could continue to cling to the hope of reconciliation.

He'd spoken to both Tosh and Owen the day after he'd arrived in London. They'd been curious about his sudden disappearance, Jack having told them only that he was having a few days off. Knowing they'd be furious with Jack if they knew the truth, he'd settled on a highly edited version of events, explaining that he was in London visiting a friend. The last thing he wanted was for his relationship issues with Jack to have a negative effect on the working environment at the Hub.

The rift experiments were ongoing, and although he hadn't been able to find out much, the little he had learned was disturbing to say the least. The Torchwood scientists had developed technology based on the particle weapon recovered from the Cardiff Rift a number of years earlier, and they were using it to open a breach in the rift. Although Ianto didn't understand the science behind it, he felt certain they were out of their depth and meddling with things they couldn't possibly understand. He hoped he was wrong, but he couldn't help thinking they were asking for serious trouble.

He'd paid a visit to Rajesh Singh, who had been tasked with solving the mystery of the floating metal sphere. The strange object unnerved Ianto deeply, and he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something very wrong about it. It had been impervious to every piece of equipment they'd attempted to analyse it with, and although it had been completely benign so far, he would have felt more comfortable if they had some idea what was inside it, if anything.

A loud shout from across the room drew his attention, and he turned his head to find the source of the commotion. He was startled to find that several indistinct, semi-translucent objects had appeared within the large space of the cafeteria. They looked humanoid in size and shape, dark grey almost black in colour, with a blurred white, shimmering halo surrounding them. Whatever the objects were, they were frozen in place, completely unmoving.

Rising to his feet, Ianto cautiously made his way over to the nearest one and examined it closely, trying to discern any features that might help to identify what it was. Not finding anything distinct within the dark haze, he tentatively reached forward. His hand passed through the object, but his skin tingled uncomfortably from the contact and he quickly pulled away. He glanced around to where the other people in the room were also examining the nebulous figures.

The shape suddenly moved, stepping towards him. Ianto jumped back in shock, stumbling against a nearby table, and landing in an unceremonious heap on the floor. He stared up anxiously as the manifestation continued to move closer. He began to edge backwards, but then a moment later, it simply faded from existence.

Dumbstruck, Ianto stared up at the now empty space. Then he noticed Lisa hurrying towards him. "Ianto, are you okay?"

"No broken bones. Slight loss of dignity," he quipped, allowing Lisa to help him to his feet, and rubbing distractedly at the back of his head where he'd banged it against an empty chair when he'd fell. Rolling his eyes at himself, he added, "No change there then."

"What... what were those things?" Lisa asked, glancing around the room to where the other people were looking equally shocked and confused, then turning her gaze back towards him. "They were in the corridor too."

Ianto shook his head. "No idea. They looked like..." He frowned, trying to come up with some sort of rational explanation for what the manifestations might have been, but drawing a blank. "They looked like ghosts."

###

Ianto cleared his throat and waited anxiously until Yvonne Hartman ended her conversation with one of Torchwood's white-coated scientists, finally turning her attention towards him. "Yvonne? Can I speak to you for a moment?"

"This isn't a good time, Ianto," Yvonne replied impatiently. "As you can see we're very busy."

Ianto held his ground under the woman's hard, imperious gaze. "It's important. Just a minute of your time. Please."

"All right." She sighed and strode briskly into her office, gesturing for him to follow. "What do you need?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back against her desk.

Ianto squared his shoulders, steeling himself. "This rift project of yours. With all due respect, you need to stop these experiments."

Yvonne looked at him incredulously. "I don't think so."

"It's too dangerous," Ianto said insistently. "You know how unpredictable the Cardiff Rift is. How do you know this one is any different? First that sphere came through, and now these ghost things have started to appear. There's no way of knowing what else might come through it."

"We've got some of the finest minds in the country working on this," Yvonne stated, clearly unmoved by his concerns. "We're in complete control. We can open the breach, but we can close it too. It's a massive source of energy. If we can fully harness that power..."

"Yes, but is it worth the risk?" Ianto asked, struggling to keep his voice calm.

"I've been assured any risk is minimal," Yvonne replied confidently. "So, the answer is, yes. This could be the single greatest discovery in the history of the British Empire. We'd be fools to turn our backs on it."

Under no illusions about Yvonne Hartman's self-righteous, short-sighted attitude, Ianto was still appalled by the woman's stupidity and stubborn arrogance. "And these ghosts?"

"A side effect," she replied evenly. "We're analysing the data. But there's nothing to indicate they're a threat."

Realising he was getting nowhere, Ianto decided to try a different approach. He knew it was pointless, but he had to try. "Will you at least allow Captain Harkness to come to London and assist your team?" he suggested. "I'll speak to him. He's got more experience with the Cardiff Rift than anyone else. I'm sure he could help."

Yvonne shook her head. "Absolutely not. I don't want that man anywhere near this project." She narrowed her eyes at him, her features taking on an unmistakeable hint of menace. "If he tries to interfere, I'll have him detained and locked up. You as well, if it comes to that. I'm sure I can find a nice comfortable cell for the two of you."

Ianto shuddered inwardly and barely suppressed a frustrated sigh. "We're not the enemy, Yvonne. I'm concerned that this project is more dangerous than you think. I'm only trying to help."

"Your concern is noted," Yvonne said curtly. "Now, finish the work you came here to do, then go back to Cardiff. This has nothing to do with you or Torchwood Three." She moved over to the door and looked at him pointedly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

###

Back in his hotel room that evening, Ianto stared down at his phone, his finger poised over the call button. Knowing he couldn't put it off any longer, he closed his eyes and tried to compose himself. He took a deep breath, opened his eyes again, and pressed the button. Raising the handset to his ear, he glanced at the bottle of Scotch and empty glass on the bedside table, belatedly wishing he'd indulged in a second drink.

Finally the call connected. "Ianto? Thank the gods. I've been worried sick. Where are you?"

Ianto felt his throat tighten with the sound of the achingly familiar voice. "Hello, Jack. I'm in London, just like I said."

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Ianto replied tersely, not knowing what else to say.

"Ianto..."

Ianto cut him off, needing the conversation to be over as quickly as possible. "Jack, look, I need you to listen to me. There's something going on here that you should know about..."

As succinctly as possible, he recounted the phone call from Lisa and the events that had taken place since, finishing with his confrontation earlier that day with Yvonne Hartman.

"That damn woman," Jack muttered angrily once Ianto had finished his narrative. "What the hell does she think she's doing? She has no idea what she's dealing with." He sighed heavily. "I'm coming to London. I have to stop her."

"You can't, Jack," Ianto argued, a wave of panic rising up in his chest. "She'll toss us both in a cell and throw away the key." He wondered if that was exactly what Hartman wanted. Probably not so much for him – he wasn't a threat to her, and he didn't flatter himself that she would waste her time with him – but she'd relish the opportunity to get Jack out of the way once and for all. "We're not going to be much use to anyone if that happens."

Jack made a noise of frustration. "Okay, fair point. So, what do you think we should we do?"

"As much as I hate to say it, I don't think there's much we can do." Ianto took a deep breath. "I'm going to stay here. At least I can be a pair of eyes and ears. I can keep you updated on any developments."

"I don't like it, Ianto," Jack protested. "It's too dangerous. You shouldn't be there on your own."

"I can take care of myself," Ianto said determinedly. "I'm staying, Jack. End of discussion."

There was a long silent pause. "Fine," Jack eventually replied. "I'll make some calls, and I'll get Toshiko onto it too. Just be careful and watch your back, okay?"

"I'll be careful," Ianto agreed. There was another lengthy pause, and he could just make out the sound of Jack's breathing. He closed his eyes, focusing on the barely audible sound.

"I miss you, Ianto."

Ianto's eyes shot open in surprise, and he very nearly unleashed an angry retort. Given that their situation was entirely Jack's doing, it seemed a bit beyond the pale for the man to be making such an emotionally loaded statement. But there was such intense sadness in Jack's voice that he caught himself at the last moment and instead settled for brutal honesty. "I miss you, too," he whispered, his voice catching.

"Ianto, I..."

"Don't, Jack," he pleaded. "Please, just... don't."

Jack sighed and there was another long silence before he spoke again. "You're coming back though, right? I'm going to see you again?"

"Do you want me to come back?" Ianto asked, the words out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

"Of course I do. I never meant for you to run off to London."

"I didn't run anywhere," Ianto retorted, more defensively than he'd intended. "Lisa called and asked for my help. What the hell did you expect, Jack? You're the one who said you can't do this anymore. You decided to tear my life apart." He couldn't keep the bitterness from his voice. "Tell me, Jack, how am I supposed to deal with that?"

"Ianto, I'm sorry... I..."

"I need to go," Ianto said quickly, cutting him off. "I'll call again when I've got anything new to report. Goodnight, Jack."

Disconnecting the call, Ianto tossed the phone onto the bedside table. Burying his face in his hands, he pulled his legs up tight against his chest, sobbing quietly as he surrendered to his emotions.