Chapter 17

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Darcy wanted to win Loki over to her side, but he'd never agree if she asked him flat out. Still, there had to be a way, another way, to convince him it was best for all of them. She only had to think of one.

And just like that, with those thoughts, the panic began to dissipate. She had something to focus on, something to dedicate herself to so she wouldn't fixate on her situation, stuck in their base just waiting for whatever this mysterious enemy was to drop in on them.

Her nerves began to calm. Her heartbeat slowed.

She looked down at him with a glint in her eye. She knew his secrets.

Well, maybe not all of them, maybe not even most of them. Maybe just one. But still, she knew something about him that he didn't want her to know.

She tried to play it cool and keep away the smile that was tickling her lips trying to escape.

"So what do we do now?"

"About what?" His tone was stoic, brows furrowed as though he still detected her excitement and was annoyed by it. She'd never been good at keeping secrets. It was a small miracle Jane didn't know everything about her visits with him by now, though helped in part by the fact that she was actually gone from the building for the better part of the week.

And now, indefinitely, until circumstances changed. Or Fury changed his mind.

Somehow she didn't see that happening any time soon.

"We can't just wait for whatever this thing is to come and attack us, just like I can't just sit and wait at night for that… that shadow to come back. We have to do something to stop it."

"We? What do you propose that we do?"

"You're the expert, why don't you tell me?" She was getting frustrated again. Always hot and cold with him, grateful one minute and angry the next. He could be so infuriating.

"There is nothing we can do." And in his voice, hidden beneath the layers of stern logic and steel resolve, she detected the faintest wisp of hopelessness that seeped through. She couldn't tell if she was getting better at reading him, or if he'd been letting more show, unable to hide it.

He didn't want their enemies to come any more than they did, but he didn't seem to know how to stop them.

She didn't let the fear that shook through her take hold of that thought. Instead, she turned to him with determination, bringing up the one thing she could think of to do, and the one thing she'd told herself never to do. She asked him to help them before she could stop herself.

"You need to talk to Fury. If you plead with him to let you go, to let you help us, then maybe together with our combined strengths we could get rid of both of these threats. We'd be indebted to you, and he'd let you free of your cage."

He tensed. She knew he'd be against it, but she still hadn't been able to prevent herself from spilling those words out. She'd come up blank trying to think of anything else. They were so screwed.

She could tell by his posture and the way he completely shut her out that she shouldn't have done it. She'd messed up. Yet again.

"Impossible."

"Just think about it, think of what advantages-"

"Leave."

His words were not yelled; they were not sharp or cruel with pent-up emotion as they had been in the past. They were completely cold and flat. When she looked down at him, his eyes seemed paler, carved from ice and just as cold. He looked at her as though he saw through her, and a tiny trickle of fear of him, the same as she'd only felt once the very first day she'd come to see him, snaked up her spine.

After the hope that she'd had and the strange bond she thought she'd felt from their shared dream, this stung. It was as if the last month had never happened.

Her enthusiasm drained out of her as quickly as quickly as it had blossomed. It didn't matter what she did or didn't want, he didn't even seem to care about what he wanted. He completely shut her out, an act that meant he'd given up on himself, and on her. A heavy hopelessness overwhelmed her and pulled at her shoulders.

And unable to contradict him, she turned, and she left.

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He didn't know what had come over him when she'd asked him for help. He'd been considering the very same thoughts she'd shared with him, but when she'd voiced them aloud, it had felt as though she'd been pointing out his weaknesses for the world to see.

A dark part of himself couldn't bear pleading for forgiveness and atonement. An even darker part didn't believe such a thing was truly possible. No matter what Thor said on the matter.

He wanted to blame her, to accuse her of simply visiting him day after day to bring him over to their side, to manipulate him into this final goal which was right where Fury wanted him. The very thought of going along with anything that human desired chafed at him. This was exactly what he'd been hoping for all along.

But she wasn't Fury. And she'd proven, more than once, that she did not visit him for that.

More than that, her life was in danger.

She was caring and open and warm, no matter how life had treated her previously. Somehow she still reached out with her emotions, cared and worried about those around her. She had to be worried not just about herself, but about her irritating allies and friends around the base.

Simply thinking of that turned him even darker.

Refusing to contemplate the source of those feelings, he fought to ignore them instead, struggling and trying to summon up any remnant of the magic he'd felt before.

Yet no matter how hard he tried, for the rest of the day until he fell into slumber, he could not summon the tiniest wisp.

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She'd been in a foul mood all day long, which had actually helped with her self-defense training. Lars had glanced up at her with the tiniest bit of pride when she'd been able to dodge his last attack. That was, until she shouted and threw herself at him, channeling all the anger that had built up in her from earlier in the day.

Her last attack hadn't been coordinated but at least it had hit the mark.

After that, the Avengers currently stuck on base had gathered to eat, but Darcy'd been too angry and drained to relax and have fun with them.

She still wanted to punch something. Or someone.

But more than that, she was afraid of going to sleep.

After the news Fury had given her, and the complete and utter lack of help Loki had provided, she was terrified.

What if she went to sleep tonight and didn't wake up? What if she somehow drew in the monster that had attacked her, and put everyone she loved at risk?

So she cranked up the volume on the most wonderful cell phone Tony had given her, blasting music as she pulled up old piles of Jane's notes and worked through the night typing them up into the database. It was dull work, something she'd put off for the longest while precisely because it was so mind-numbing, but now it served as a relief to keep her busy and awake.

Awake and not thinking about how fucked up her situation was.

She turned the volume up even higher as drowsiness kicked in around 3 am. As she tapped the phone screen on with her finger, she couldn't help noticing zero bars of reception for cell service when yesterday it had been full. Was Fury responsible for that too? Or perhaps it was due to whatever it was Jane had detected in the sky?

Pulling her arms around herself, she let her thoughts wander to Jane and Thor. He would do whatever it took to keep her safe out there, but what if that wasn't enough?

And he wasn't exactly infallible either. Neither him nor his obstinate brother.

The worry was driving her crazy, and she was working herself to exhaustion. Shortly before 5 am, just as she finished her last batch of work, she curled her arms together on the desk and rested her forehead on them, just for a minute she'd told herself.

Before she knew it, she'd drifted off to sleep.

She started as a familiar desert enveloped her.

Frantic, panicking, she turned around looking for anyone, for help or for anything, but saw nothing for miles and miles, straight out to the horizon.

Loki himself was nowhere to be seen.

Wake up wake up wake up…she repeated it to herself as a mantra as she tried pinching herself, stomping her feet, anything to pull herself out of the dream.

Sadly, she remained fixed exactly where she was.

Bending down, she grasped a small handful of sand. She felt the tiny grains trickle through her fingers and back down to the earth, feeling so real she'd almost swear she was actually here.

As real as the pain she'd felt before.

Calm.

She could get through this. Avoid the shadows, think of nothing, and she could get through this.

She thought of Loki's voice and his words, reminding her to stay calm in his steel voice, and let herself draw strength from it. Closing her eyes, she fought to free herself from this dream.

Opening her eyes, she realized she was still stuck in the same place.

Except now, at the very edge of the horizon, she saw the faintest shadow.

Petrified, she fought to think of nothing, instead managing only to think of everyone and everything she loved being ripped away from her.

"Darcy."

Turning abruptly, she fought to take a deep gulp of air when she turned to spot Loki chained to the ground where a moment before there'd been nothing but sand.

Yet again, even though she was furious with him, a shocked exhale of relief poured through her as she realized it was him. Better that than another mysterious enemy.

Her anger bubbled up hotter again but her fear was greater, causing her to take a single step closer to him as she studied the desert around her.

The faintest wince broke the silence. Turning back to him, she studied him questioningly but he looked away, refusing to show the slightest emotion on his face. She was still mad at him, but yet again in this place he was her only sense of safety.

Taking a step forward, she couldn't help noticing a dark patch of shadow beneath him and behind him stretching out onto the sand.

Her breath stopped. Not sand. Blood.

Walking around behind him, she saw his back was exposed through the dark shirt he wore, the skin of his back shredded into ribbons from what looked like a whipping. Raw, gaping wounds criss-crossed his back as blood trickled from them and stained the sand below.

"What happened?"

Would these be real when they woke up? Or imaginary?

"None of your concern."

"Loki, don't start your shit with me."

She stepped up, pulling off the jacket she wore and wadding it up. She dabbed at the wounds as gently as he could, even as he bit down on any cries of pain her movements elicited.

"You need to leave."

"Can you wish me away again?"

He closed his eyes, dark brows furrowing as he concentrated. When his jaw clenched in frustration and she remained standing behind him, she didn't have to ask whether it'd worked.

"Great." Doing the best she could under the circumstances, she wrapped and tied the arms of her shirt around his chest to try to protect his back from any further damage.

Kneeling in front of him, she finished tying it together and pulled back to look at him. This close, she was surprised to realize how warm he was. He always acted so cold and distant. Yet his skin under her fingers had felt hot.

"I don't need this."

He motioned down to the makeshift bandage she'd turned her jacket into. At his tone, she got defensive. "How do you know? What if it does end up being real?"

He either didn't know the answer or chose to ignore the question.

Huffing, she stood up and took a step back, though she didn't dare venture any further away from him than that. "Oh, thanks Darcy for possibly saving my life—no problem Loki, better that than us both dying in this horrible place, am I right?"

Had she detected the barest hint of a smile on his lips before he frowned at her little dialogue?

She didn't have time to be sure when a flutter of darkness fell over them.

Panicked, she looked up in the sky to see nothing but rolling grey clouds.

Glancing back around them both, across the horizon, her heart nearly stopped when she spotted the shadow creeping over the horizon to her right.

Unconsciously, she stepped back closer to Loki, one hand reaching out to touch his shoulder.

She expected him to shove her away, but when she glanced down at him she saw his eyes also locked on the shadow approaching them.

As it grew in size and came nearer little by little, she saw out of the corner of her eye more approaching from all sides. They swirled, drawing back and creeping closer like dark tides closing in on them both.

"What do we do?"

He seemed to be concentrating, yanking at the chains that bound him to the earth and huffing in frustration when whatever he was trying to do wasn't working.

"What can I do?"

"Remember what I told you."

The only way out of there was to clear her mind. She really didn't see how it would help but desperately she tried to do what he'd taught her. Trying to wipe every thought from her head, only to have it be replaced with another shred of fear. It wasn't working.

And out of the shadows for the first time came a voice, sickly, mangled, and filled with glee:

"Where are you?"

It was the oddest combination of ecstatic and enraged, hauntingly insane and drawing goose bumps all along the length of her skin.

A fear she shouldn't have been able to see in Loki's eyes grew brighter.

"Clear your thoughts Darcy."

Tears of panic clouding her eyesight, she looked down at him and stepped closer as the shadows hemmed them in, closing in around them.

"I can't. It's not working. No matter what I try…."

She was going to die, here and now with him and no one would ever know the how and why. She'd never wake up, never see her family again, never see her friends and her coworkers or explain to them what had happened.

"Darcy, you must calm your thoughts. Clear your mind. Do not think of anything-"

"-Don't you think I'm trying?" Her anxiety only rose higher with his orders. She couldn't take her mind off it all while she looked down at him, caged and suffering, and she cringed as she felt the cold wind returning. She couldn't hold back the shaking in her shoulders.

She wasn't strong enough to fight it. The harder she tried to block it out from her mind, the more helpless she felt. The more visions of loved ones and everything she'd lose flashed in her mind. Her home, her family, everything he'd told her not to think of.

"Darcy!" His angry voice was tinged with a slight panic that only terrified her further. Loki was strong, formidable. He wasn't supposed to be afraid.

If he was afraid, she was lost.

A spark, like a burst of energy, shot out from Loki in a small glow that momentarily pulled her thoughts away. The shadows rippled and cleared, for the briefest moment, before they swarmed back around them both, as dark as ever.

"Was that magic? Can you do that again? Can you wish me away like before?"

He was silent as he focused, but the spark didn't return. The shadows continued their advance towards them.

"If you clear your mind, he won't be able to touch you. He won't be able to find you. Darcy. If you can't, he'll chase your thoughts and endanger everything you hold dear."

Grunting in determination, she closed her eyes to force her mind to clear but the panic was overwhelming her once again. Her chest rose and lifted in sharp, short breaths. The length of her forearm tingled where she'd been burned before. She wasn't going to be able to pull it off, and she was going to get them both killed. Her hand clung to his shoulder, her grip tightening to a painful degree, though he didn't make a sound.

Drawing closer to him, she kneeled beside him, leaning against his shoulder as she tried to concentrate on nothing.

"Clear your mind!"

The tears finally escaped as she looked into his eyes, petrified and hopeless. "I can't."

"Then try something else. Think of one thought, nothing else but that one thought, let it consume you so he can't see or sense anything else in your mind but that one thought."

"One thought…"

She didn't think she could focus on anything so completely, not while she knelt there beside him, waiting for the life to be drained out of them both.

Unless…unless she didn't take her thoughts away from them. Unless she could focus on this one single moment enough to drown out everything else. Enough to save them both.

When she looked back into his eyes, dark and green and so full of so many emotions, she did the craziest thing she'd ever done in her life.

She kissed him.

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It took him a good few seconds to process what was happening.

One moment she'd looked to him for help, completely hopeless, and the next she'd grabbed his shirt and melded her lips with his.

The kiss was hot and frantic, borne of the same desperate passion that came from knowing you might not live beyond that very moment.

The heat that exploded inside him in response was instantaneous. It took him by surprise, clearing his thoughts too until they were focused, completely centered on nothing but her.

The searing pain at his back began to fade to a dull burn.

Her hands held his face against his as she explored him with her tongue, and he yearned to touch her in turn. To sense for himself if her skin was as soft as it had always appeared. His hands pulled at his chains but he was barely aware of them, only aware of her soft lips and the delicate scent of vanilla he was beginning to believe was uniquely hers. He kissed her back so naturally he was hardly aware of it, deepening their touch as he shut out the vision of death that approached them from all sides.

The tiny flare of magic he'd sensed inside himself earlier burst into a fiery blaze in his mind. Passion and power built inside him, throwing fuel on the flame until it coalesced into a scalding inferno. His powers were back, if only temporarily.

With the tiniest push, he threw it out all around them. She seemed to sense it too, pulling back and watching with awe as the glowing light he'd created chased the shadows away.

And just like that, they were completely gone.

Her skin felt electric where her fingers still touched his neck, like tiny aftershocks of the powerful magic he'd sent out all around them.

"It worked." Flushed and eyes sparkling, she pulled her arms away and glanced around them, admiring the emptiness and light, the complete lack of any shadows. His arms hung limply at his sides, the pain in his back rapidly fading as the magic he wielded so easily in his dreams healed them.

She walked around his back, and he could feel her eyes on him though he couldn't turn around to see her. She wanted to hide from him, perhaps from embarrassment. He refused to contemplate what emotions flooded his mind as she stepped behind him.

"Are they…completely gone?"

"It would appear so. For now."

She bent down to check his injuries, gasping when she saw smooth, healed skin. She pulled the jacket she'd wrapped around his chest off and he was hit with yet another hint of vanilla. He ignored it.

She'd nearly died, and nearly put them all at risk. That was why his pulse wouldn't slow, why the flame she'd ignited wouldn't quiet. He refused to think of anything else.

"I need to go." She stood and stepped beside him.

Before he could speak or summon the thoughts to send her away, she collapsed onto the ground beside him, completely unconscious.