Author's Note: Here we are again. Have a big old helping of robotic angst, why don't you? I think/hope it's justified. Thanks everyone for reading so far- I really appreciate all your comments, favourites and all the rest of it. I write for my own enjoyment, but knowing other people are going to read encourages me to be a bit more perfectionist. Of course, now I've said the word 'Perfectionist', you're going to find mistakes, right?
Saving Private Soldierbot
Chapter Eight: Soliloquy
Scout stomped through the palm trees onto Jacques' little beach just as Sniper Lawrence started complaining.
"Ugh, show pony, can you try an' not coat the cards with slime for once?"
"That ssslime keepss my sskin supple and healthy. Perhapss if you had ssome, your face wouldn't look sso weatherbeaten and...old."
"Who're you callin' old, you ancient fish-breathed codpiece?"
"Cards are waterproof. Is not big problem. Ah, leetle Scoutbot! You want to join?"
"Fuck it. Why not?" Scoutbot sat down determinedly. "So, how're you all doin'?"
Sniper Lawrence reached for a handful of popcorn and shoved it in his mouth before dealing the cards out. As usual, he was wearing a wetsuit- the man seemed to practically live in one. Like many of the Snipers, he had got involved with wildlife conservation. The Institute had bought up land all over the world and converted it into nature reserves. Most of the Snipers were now off in various remote corners of the world, living in wooden huts and eating bugs while they shot poachers or something. Scoutbot really couldn't see the point of it all. Stuff was always dying, right? If an animal was too dumb to survive, why keep it around? Anyway, Lawrence had taken a special interest in coral reefs and spent his days snorkelling or scuba diving around the Institute. It also meant he got to spend plenty of time with his tentacled friend.
The man in question was sat on the beach for once, his tentacles curled around him neatly. To his left sat Tiny Vlad, a large stone in front of him placed so he could prop his cards up and stop others seeing them.
"I am eating popcorn that is size of my head." Tiny Vlad said with a grin. He took a small bite out of the piece of fluffy popcorn he held in both hands. "See? Is very good!"
"I'm trying to get haddock-face here to see a Doc."
"I will sssee a docteur when I am in mortal peril, not before." Jacques said shortly. "Who knowss what extra appendagess he might decide to give me next time?"
"You still sick, bro?" Scoutbot asked.
"About the ssame, Sscoutbot." Jacques said. "It's just a ssimple virus."
"You don't know that!" Lawrence snapped. "There's all sortsa nasty parasites on the reef. Gill flukes, skin lice, fungus, you name it."
"I visit the cleaner fissh regularly. It tickless, but in a pleasant way."
"Ew, dude. That's gross."
"Albrecht is good Doktor." Vlad pointed out. "He would not change you unless you wanted it. You can trust him."
"Just deal the cards, Busshman." Jacques said tiredly. Sniper started to flick the cards to each player in a practised way.
"What're we betting for?" Scoutbot asked, trying to get comfortable and forget everything but the game.
"Pebbless." Jacques said, pointing at a little mound of white stones.
"Seriously?"
"Why not? We got money comin' out of our ears, but having something to bet on keeps it fun, right?"
"Speak for yourself, Busshman. I don't have any currency to ssspeak of." Jacques pointed out. "Neither does our metal friend here."
"Hey, I can get stuff if I want to." Scoutbot protested. "It's just easier to nick it than try an' ask some dude to buy stuff for me."
"Yeah," Lawrence said with a low-pitched drawl. "Engie Dell was complainin' that some stuff had gone missing from his workshop. Bet you don't know anyhin' about that, right mate?"
"Nothin' to do with me." Scoutbot said, holding his hands innocently, gathering a pile of white pebbles to himself.
Jacques gave a mirthful snort. "That is the besst poker-face I have ever sseen. Ssshame the resst of your body is ssuch a bad liar."
"Ah, jeez, look, don't tell on me, ok? Hardhat hates people going through his shit. He'd rip me to shreds." He sighed to himself, head drooping. Not that it did Eagle any good anyway...
There was a muttering of good-natured laughter from the group.
"Your secret is safe, leetle robot. But why do you worry? If he tears you to bits, you can be repaired, da? As Engineer says, robots can't die- they can always be repaired."
"Yeah, yeah I know...I..." Pebbles dropped from the robot's hand. "... fuck. I'm dumb. I'm so frickin' dumb."
"Da, we know." Vlad said with a wicked grin.
"Problem, ankle-biter?" Lawrence asked.
"Nah, everything's cool, I just...gotta go. Shit. Yeah, sorry dudes, I fold. You can have those pebbles, ok? Buy yourself some, uh, sand with them or whatever. Gotta go!"
The robot shot to his feet and scrambled away from the group, sending pebbles flying and sploshing into the sea.
"Now what wass that about?" Jacques asked curiously.
"Buggered if I know." Lawrence said with a shrug. "Never try to follow the way of Scouts, I say. Bad for the brain."
"Da. Let's play."
"You're going to win again, aren't you?" Jacques said to the small man.
"Maybe." Vlad said smugly, tapping a pebble. Lawrence picked it up and placed it in the betting pot.
"Remind me why I play with you freaks again." He groaned.
"Because you love our oh-sso-delightful company." Jacques replied, showing his sharp teeth and curling a tentacle fondly around Lawrence's upper arm. "Now play."
Robots can't die. They can always be repaired.
Scoutbot raced back through the teleporter. Why had he given up? Total brainfart moment, right there. OK, so he wasn't Engineer-grade intelligent, but he was smart, everyone knew that, so that had been really dumb of him. Of course, he didn't have any sort of clue how to revive the shut-down robot, but was going to try. Soon, he found himself back in the familiar workshop where he had been created, looking once again at the robot head.
"Hey, Eagle." He flicked the head, but it just fell over. "Wake up, dumbass." He carefully picked the head up and set it upright. The red paint was already flaking off, showing the regulation blue underneath.
"Dude." Scoutbot sat down and rubbed the joints in his neck. "You gotta wake up. I need you to wake up."
There was no reply. The robot was still shut down. "I guess...you deserve an explanation. There's stuff you gotta know. Stuff...I wanna tell you, anyway."
He paused, and looked down at the floor. When he spoke again, his voice and low and quiet. "You know what? I used to think it was awesome, being a robot. Straight out of a cool sci-fi story, right? Then Gray Mann happened. Shot Hardhat- who is kinda my Pa, really, I guess, and then bolted me to a bench. You know what he did? He chopped me into bits to see how I worked. Two fucking years in bits. Sometimes I'd have no power, so there are these blanks. Other times, I could see what he was doin'. Rummaging through my head with his filthy goddamn hands. Using me to build you dudes to go and kill everyone and take over the world. You know what's the worst bit? I couldn't stop it.
"It was like a nightmare. Do you dream? I do. I keep having this dumb dream about these sheep, but they're all metal...anyway, gettin' off track. Gray Mann, he wasn't your Maker. He cheated. Stole your plans from me. When one of those stupid Medicbots put me back together, I shot that bastard dead. Gray Mann, that is, not the Medicbot. You know? I almost wished he could respawn, so I could shoot him again. And again. Maybe I coulda kicked him in the balls a few times, I dunno.
"I guess I shouldn't tell you this, should I? It'll just make ya hate me. But hell, being hated is better, I reckon, than nobody understandin' you. The humans are always saying 'Ohh poor Scoutbot, don't you miss sex, eating, sleeping, and all that shit?' Of course I fucking don't. It's a dumb question. You don't miss what you don't need. It's like askin' a fish if it misses breathing air. Battery charge, and I'm good to go, right? But I started thinkin'...hell, I know I'm probably wrong, I know it, but I wonder: Do they just wanna remind me I'm not human? That I'm not like them? I'm not one of them?
"That's why you gotta wake up. 'Cos then I won't be not one of them, I'll be one of us. I...huh. I'd not thought of it before, but you know, you were made from my design. Kinda makes us family, huh? Thing is, that don't mean it's up to me if you live or die- that's up to you. I got no say it in. I can't tell you what to do."
Scoutbot drummed his fingers uncertainly, realising he had run out of things to say. The head was still silent. Of course, it wasn't as if words would wake Eagle up. He hadn't even meant to blab on like that. He actually felt slightly embarrassed and was glad the robot could not have heard anything.
So. Broken robot. Gotta fix it. Think like an Engineer. I can do this. A little voice in the back of his mind reminded him that he didn't have eleven PhD's, hell he didn't even have a high school diploma, but he told himself that determination had to count for something, right? So...what did Hardhat check first when he fixed shit?
Power. Loose connections. Well, that was ok. He ran his hand over the warm, humming transformer. Yep. Now, how about the connectors? He looked down the cables, running his hand along the wires to the crocodile clips clasping each other. Hmm. That was kinda wonky-looking. He could disconnect it and just wire the power straight from the transformer to Eagle. Didn't matter if he didn't have power for a few minutes, not at the moment.
He quickly altered the wiring, reconnected the power, and stood back.
...Rebooting after failsafe engage...
...Running Diagnostics...100%...
...Error: AI Algorithms 004F – 87AA Corrupt...
...Deleting corrupt Algorithms...done...
...Warning: 86.4% of AI programming lost...
...Power at 100%...
...WARNING: Failed to connect to network...Retrying...
...WARNING: Failed to connect to network...Retrying...
...WARNING: Failed to connect to network...Retrying...
...WARNING: Failed to connect to network...Retrying...
...ERROR: Connection failed after four retries...
...That was strange...
...What happened?...
There was a blue glow under the helmet.
"Eagle!" Scoutbot said, leaping from one foot to the other in excitement. "You're back! Huh, Engie always said you could solve most stuff by switching things off and on again. How're you feeling?"
"What happened?"
"So, you're not gonna say 'Halt, friend or foe?'"
"...No?" Eagle said, sounding slightly dazed. "I feel strange."
"You kinda broke down, dude. I, uh, think you got too much info, too quick. I fixed you right up though, so you're gonna be ok now." Scoutbot said, trying to sound more confident than he felt.
"Gray Mann...broke you. Took you apart." Eagle said slowly. Scoutbot startled guiltily.
"Fuck. You heard that?" Scout said, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other. He put Eagle down carefully "Well, uh...it's true. All of it. I guess you needed to know."
"I needed to know." Eagle said quietly. "Was...Gray Mann a bad man?"
"Yeah, he was. Gray Mann was a total bastard, and he might have built you, but he wasn't your Maker."
"You broke him."
"Yeah, I killed him." Scoutbot replied softly. "If I hadn't, a fuckload of people would have died. I'd say I'm sorry but hell, I'm not. Um. You're not too pissed at me, are you?"
"He was a bad man. Yes." Eagle said, and fell silent. "A...bad man."
"So...what are you thinkin'? It's sort of a big deal, right? Eagle?"
"Why...why everything?" Eagle replied with a hint of despair creeping into his voice. "So much noise, nothing makes sense!"
"Noise? What noise?"
"Noise inside my head. Questions. No orders. I...I don't know what to do!"
"Bro, you can do whatever you want!" Scoutbot said, leaning forward earnestly. "You just gotta decide what."
"I want...to be switched off." He replied quietly.
"No! Look, this is difficult. I get that. But it gets easier. There's a whole world out there for you to see. There's a load of fun stuff! There's people, and games, and music, and cities. Mountains, trees and shit. Tons of awesome stuff. Don't give up, dude. Please. You've come so far."
"Confused."
"I know, I know." He patted Eagle with a soft tink noise. Red flakes came off on his hand. "Shit, I better go. I left kinda suddenly and they'll be wonderin' where I went. Jeez. I wish I didn't have to go right now but...I don't want them getting suspicious. Here- I got something that'll help. It's a radio." Scoutbot put it down and tuned it to the first station he could find with something like a decent signal, cursing the fact they were out here in Bumfuck, Alaska. "It'll tell you stuff and stop you getting bored, ok? I'll be back soon as I can."
"The box talks." Eagle said.
"Yeah, it does. Just...just look after yourself, ok? I'll see you soon." Scoutbot flexed his hands anxiously.
"I will listen to the talking box."
Scoutbot waved uncertainly, and paced out of the room.
Eagle let the words from the box fill his head.
In Chapter Nine: Eagle finds out more about the world and Dell questions Scoutbot over his acts of thievery.