A/N Thank you all again for all the follows, faves and kind words. This is a rough one, best get a glass of wine, or two.
Six months later
Merle was beside himself, the news had devastated him. He'd worked so hard to build this business, he'd finally paid off the loan just last year. He was proud of his accomplishments, of being able to take better than average care of his family. And now this. It wouldn't put him out of business, but things were going be real rough for the next few months.
One of his biggest accounts had gone belly-up, and they'd done it owing him a boatload of money. He'd had parts and materials expenses, plus the labor for work on a whole fleet of vehicles. It added up to a few thousand dollars. Way too much for a small business to just absorb.
And the worst was the way it had happened. The chicken shit owner of the company apparently had gotten himself seriously involved with a woman who was not his wife. He'd taken every dime of company money out of the bank, and the pair of them had hopped a plane down to Mexico. Asshole!
He and Tara sat in his office trying to come up with a way around this, he was adamant about two things, he didn't want to let any employees go, it wasn't their fault this had happened, and they were all good men. The other was he didn't want Beth to know. He didn't want her to worry. He was going to handle this himself. Dammit. He felt like he'd been gutted.
He and Tara talked about where they could trim every day expenses. Merle himself had money in the bank, he figured he and Beth could get by for a few months without him taking a paycheck. That would be a start.
Beth could tell he was edgy when he came in the kitchen door that evening. He didn't come up and put his arms around her like usual, he just said, "Hey Darlin'." And he barely seemed to notice the children.
She was getting dinner ready to put on the table and he said, "Don't fix me a plate, ain't hungry." And he went to the cabinet above the refrigerator and poured himself a glass of whiskey.
"Is everything okay Merle?" It was obvious there was something bothering him.
"Jesus Beth!" He snapped at her, "Can't a man have a drink in his own goddamn house? Get off my back!"
She was startled and hurt. He never spoke to her that way. She was fighting tears, and although they agreed he wouldn't swear in front of her and the children, something told her to just ignore the outburst.
She fed the children and tried to keep them quiet. He came in once while they ate and refilled the glass. She didn't say a word and neither did he.
She put the children in Tommy's room to play while she hurriedly did the dishes, and he came and filled the glass again.
He still hadn't spoken to her, and she was afraid to say anything to him.
She bathed the children, got them in bed and read them stories, she didn't feel comfortable taking them in the living room to play the piano and sing songs.
She quietly got herself ready for bed, crawled in and began to read a book Michonne had recommended.
She must have fallen asleep, because she was startled awake sometime later by Merle grabbing her. "What the hell woman, why do ya think you can just come in here without yer husband. Yer my wife goddamit!" He reeked of the liquor he'd been drinking, and he didn't seem to be the man she knew.
She was scared, and he took her. Never had he treated her like that in bed. There was no tenderness, no taking his time, no kissing, no caressing, no showing any love or concern for her. He was just on her and it seemed so cold, so detached, so angry and she just wished it would be over.
She was never more grateful than when he rolled over and started to snore.
She awoke earlier than usual, even though she felt like she'd gotten very little sleep. She just couldn't understand why Merle was acting this way. He'd never been mean, and he had always been a loving husband in the bedroom. She was confused and scared and she wasn't quite sure what to do, so she just did what she always did.
She got the children dressed, and went in the kitchen and cooked breakfast for them and for Merle. She didn't think she could eat.
Merle came in silently and sat at the table. She set a cup of coffee in front of him, and dished up his and the children's breakfast, then sat down at the table with her family.
He nearly snarled at her, "Why ain't ya eatin'?"
"I'm not feeling very hungry Merle," she tried smiling at him.
"Well goddamit I can afford ta feed ya, ya know. Quit acting like I can't take care of ya and get yerself a plate and eat NOW." He looked so angry.
She stood to get her plate but she couldn't seem to move and she started to cry, which made the children start to cry.
He angrily pushed himself from the table and yelled, "A man can't have any peace in his own damn home!" And he stomped out, slamming the door behind him.
Beth's feelings were so conflicted. She was relieved he'd left, and yet she was so sad he'd left her like that.
He got in his truck and had only gotten a couple of blocks away when he pulled over and stopped. He laid his head on the steering wheel. He knew he was an asshole, he knew he'd treated her badly. He didn't want to, it was just that she'd been there, an easy target he guessed. He'd make it up to her, he would.
But things didn't get better; he couldn't seem to stop himself from taking out his anger, fear and disappointment on the one person he loved more than anyone or anything in the world.
Beth didn't know what was wrong, he would barely speak with her, and she was afraid to ask anymore. Sometimes he was at least polite, but most of the time he seemed worried, angry and ready to explode.
She was afraid to talk to anyone else about his behavior; afraid he'd somehow find out and be even angrier with her. She'd decided in both her mind and her heart that he'd simply grown tired of her and the children, and that was why he was so cold to her and to them and so unhappy.
After two months, she knew she could no longer live this way. She couldn't put herself or her children, or even Merle, through any more of this misery.
When Merle got home from work that night the house was quiet, and it felt somehow cold. There was no Beth, no children, no dinner on the stove. Panic struck him, and then he saw the note with her wedding ring on top of it. He was almost afraid to read it, but he picked it up.
Merle,
I have always loved you, and I don't want to be the cause of your unhappiness, and I don't want me and the children to be so unhappy either. I think it best if we just leave now.
I did have to take $100 out of the bank account to provide for the children until I can find work. As soon as I do, I'll start sending the money back.
Beth
And Merle fell to his knees right there in the kitchen just shaking his head and repeating, no, no no.
Then he began to chastise himself, he knew he'd done her wrong, taken out his failures on her. He'd been a terrible fucking husband, hell, he'd been a terrible fucking person. He deserved to be left. But damn, he loved her, he did, and he loved those babies. What had possessed him to think he could treat her so poorly and she'd just keep putting up with it? He couldn't forgive himself, how could he expect her to forgive him?
He didn't know the answer to that, but he needed to find her, find his children, beg them for forgiveness, beg for one more chance.
He got in the pick-up and he drove all over town, he didn't spot the car anywhere. Now he was heartbroken and worried, had she driven on the highway, just her and the children?
And every morning and every evening he drove all over town, and he never saw the car, and he never saw her.
Tara noticed the change in him. He seemed to have lost a lot of weight, and every morning when he came in, she could smell the alcohol from the night before. She tried calling Beth, to make sure everything was okay at home, but there was never an answer.
Edith had inquired about Beth and the children and he'd told her they'd gone to stay with Michonne and Daryl. But then one day Mrs. Michonne called. Edith just told her Mrs. Beth was out. And she wondered what in the world was going on.
A month into it Tara called Rick and asked if she could speak to him privately after work. She didn't want to upset Merle, she needed the job, but she knew something had to be wrong and she was worried about all of them, Merle, Beth and the children.
She met Rick at the diner after work and told him what had been going on, he nodded his head and thanked her for calling him, promising he'd get to the bottom of it. And then he went back to the office, called Daryl and relayed the story.
Daryl was at their house by 10 o'clock that evening. He found Merle half drunk in his easy chair. Daryl was typically a man of few words, he simply asked, "What the fuck's goin' on Brother?"
"What the fuck ya talkin' about Lil Brother," Merle's words were slightly slurred.
"I'm askin' ya where's yer wife, where's yer children. Why are ya sittin' in the dark all drunked up?" And he lightly slapped Merle on the side of the head.
And Merle handed Daryl the letter, and he started to cry, and he answered, "She left me little brother, got sick a my ass and my stupid fuckin' ways. I ain't seen her in weeks. Don't know where she is; don't know where my children are. I fuckin' ruined my life and theirs too Daryl, and there ain't no way ta make it right."
And Daryl went to making a pot of coffee. He was a problem solver, and that happened by putting one foot in front of the other. The first order of business was going to be to find out the chain of events, and he needed a Merle who was at least half in his right mind to provide him with that information.
After a couple of cups of coffee, and Daryl putting a damp cloth full of ice cubes to the back of Merle's neck, it all came out. Merle told him about the account gone bad, about how he'd taken it out on Beth and the children, all of it, including his very unloving behavior in the bedroom.
Daryl stared at him hard for a few minutes and then he spoke, "You're a dumb piece a shit Merle. You fucked up brother, not just some, you fucked up as much as you possibly could. Ya got ya a good woman, nice children for fuck sake. Beth is your wife. You're supposed ta confide in her, she's supposed ta feel like she can lean on ya, not be afraid a you. It's yer damn duty as her husband ta take care a her in every way, and take care a them children. Damn Merle, and ya don't treat yer own wife like some cheap whore in the bedroom." And Daryl shook his head.
"I'ma tell ya sumthin' right now brother, I'ma find yer wife, ain't no doubt about that, that's gonna be the easy part. The tough part is you tryin' ta convince her ta give ya another chance. Yer my brother Merle, and I want ya ta be happy, but I'll tell ya true, if that sweet little woman a yers told ya ta go piss up a rope, I wouldn't blame her one little bit. Now get yer damn face washed and yer teeth brushed and get yer ass ta bed, we got work in the mornin'."
And Merle just nodded, because he knew everything Daryl had just said was the God's truth, he truly was the asshole to beat all assholes.
xxxx
Beth had only been able to think of one person she could count on, one person Merle didn't know, and a person that didn't live in their town. She needed to get away, to think, to try and come up with a plan for her and the children, how they could live, where they would live. She had to get in survival mode.
She called that person, and Carol told her, "Yes, please come, I'll help any way I can Beth."
And she packed up a few things for her and the children and drove two hours to Carol's home.
Carol didn't have a big place, but she did have an extra bedroom, and that's where Beth and the children would stay. Carol apologized, "I'm sorry there's not more room Beth."
"Oh no, please Carol, don't be sorry, this is perfect, I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate this. I'm going to find work right away, anything I can get, I want to contribute. I'll find a place for the children and me to live as soon as possible."
And she did find a job as a waitress in a small diner a few blocks away. One of the other waitresses had given her the name and address of an older woman who could watch the children, and she vouched for the woman promising she was kind, patient and loving."
Beth was working full time, and taking care of two small children when she wasn't working. She was too exhausted to think about much more than that. Then night would come, and she lay in bed and sleep would not come, all she could think of was Merle. Her heart was broken. Merle was her husband, she loved him so much. He'd always been so good to her, treated her with love and respect and protected her. Oh certainly they'd had their squabbles and their rough patches, but this was so different. Something had gone so wrong and she didn't know what it was or what had caused in, and she'd cry herself to sleep every night.
She was going to find a room for her and the children to rent, but Carol told her she could use the extra money if Beth wanted to continue to live there. So they worked out an agreement, and Beth was relieved. She didn't really want to live by herself with the children. She was used to being in a home. Although this didn't feel like her home, at least it felt more like that than a boarding house room would.
Now that she didn't have to worry about moving expenses, she could start to pay Merle back, and that's what she did. She wrote him a short note:
Merle,
The children and I are doing fine. I have a full time job and found a woman to care for Tommy and Suzy while I work. I don't make a lot of money, but I have a good place to live and we're safe.
I hope you are feeling happier now.
I promised I would pay you back your money, and that's what I intend to do. I have enclosed the first payment of $10.00.
Thank you for being patient, I'll pay the rest as soon as I can.
Beth
xxxx
The next morning Merle went to the shop, and Daryl went on the scout. He stopped at every business in town he thought she might frequent, or if she'd left town, a place where she might have stopped for gas or food before leaving.
Two places had a little information. One was the gas station he knew she and Merle used. The owner, a guy named Jim, said the last time he'd seen her was about a month ago. He remembered because he thought it was odd, she had the children in the car, and two suitcases. He'd asked her if she and Merle were taking a vacation and she'd said, "No, just the children and I, we're going on a little trip." What seemed strange to him was that Merle would let her drive around out on the highway by herself. It didn't seem safe and Jim knew Merle was very protective of his young wife and children.
Daryl thanked him and then drove to the small grocery right on the edge of town.
He showed the fellow working there her picture and asked if he could remember seeing her with two small children. The guy was a dumbass, but he did have information, "Oh yeah, hard ta forget a hot little number like her, damn, she was fine. I'da took her and the kids on in a minute. She wasn't wearin' a weddin' ring, so I asked her if she'd like ta go for a drink when I got offa work, she said she's sorry, she had other plans. If ya see her, let her know I'm still interested."
And Daryl said, "Yeah, I'll be sure ta let her know she's got a chance with ya."
It was nearly noon so he headed over to the shop figuring him and Merle would get some lunch over at the diner.
He walked in the door and Tara just nodded her head toward Merle's office, she looked concerned. Daryl nodded a silent thank you, didn't bother to knock, just walked right in his brother's office and shut the door behind him.
There sat Merle, elbows on the desk, face in his hands.
Daryl didn't get a chance to tell him anything he'd found out, as Merle quickly handed over the letter.
Daryl read it over, nodded at his brother and asked, "Where's the envelope?"
Merle reached for it in the trash, and Daryl studied the postmark. "I'll be back brother, maybe tanight, maybe tamorrow. Keep yer ass sober and eat a decent meal."
And Daryl ended up going back to the two places he'd just been, filling his pick-up with fuel, and then stopping for a bottle of coke and box of crackers for the road.
He contemplated as he drove where a girl like Beth would get a job. Daryl knew she wasn't skilled labor, and she wasn't educated, but she was real pretty, and real sweet with a big nice smile. That would bring in the men. So he figured she was probably waiting tables somewhere.
He stopped in three diners asking for Beth Dixon, no luck, at the fourth he walked in and saw her behind the counter, she looked up and saw him and he could tell she was anxious, but she smiled, and he smiled back. He sat at the counter and ordered a burger and a coke from her, and then said, "Can we talk when ya get off Beth?"
"I have to pick the children up as soon as I get off work here Daryl," She wasn't looking him in the eye.
'S'okay Beth, I can go with ya. I miss Tommy and Suzy, I'd like ta see 'em, and I ain't gonna force yer hand 'bout nuthin', just wanna talk s'all."
"Okay Daryl, I'm off at four," And now she did look at him.
"K, I'll be back in plenty a time, thanks Beth," and he ate the burger, drank his coke, left a ten dollar bill under the plate, and went out for a walk. He had an hour to kill.
He helped her in the pick-up, but he didn't drive off right away, instead he turned to look at her and said, "I ain't here ta try and talk ya inta anything Beth, Merle don't even know I had a lead on where ya were. And I sure as hell ain't makin' excuses for his dumbass. He told me how he treated ya, all of it, and he cried when he did. First time I ever seen Merle cry like that. I ain't askin' ya ta feel sorry for him though, he ougtha be cryin'. He shoulda jus' told ya right from the start what was wrong. He had a big account didn't pay the bill, left him high and dry for a few thousand bucks. He ain't paid himself in months, he's running lean over there, been worried sick, didn't wanna tell ya cuz he didn't want ya ta worry. Been tryin; ta hold it all tagether on his own, in the meantime it seems ta me, he's been takin' his troubles out on you." Daryl paused there, she started to cry softly and he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.
"Merle, he's a man who prides himself on two things, bein' yer husband and bein' a success. He thought he lost one a them things I s'pose, now he thinks he's lost 'em both. Anyway, he's a wreck Beth. He's got himself all skinny, been drinkin' too much, just a big mess. I do know he loves ya, I do know he loves them kids. If you'd agree ta at least talk ta him, I'd drive y'all down there, and I'll bring ya back if that's what ya want." And he waited for her response.
And she started to cry a little harder, and he let her get it out, let her think, finally she spoke, "I'm so hurt, it's been so hard on me, I still can't believe Merle treated me like he did. It just didn't seem like it was even him. I still love him, I just don't know if I can forgive him. But I do feel I need to talk to him." And she continued to cry.
Daryl said, "Let's get the kids, tell the lady that's keepin' 'em you won't be by tamorrow. We'll get a few things for ya at yer place, and you can call the diner and tell 'em ya got a family situation and can't come tomorrow. K?" He looked at her.
"Yes Daryl, okay."
And that's what they did. Daryl told her he'd drop her off, and take the children for something to eat so she could talk to Merle.
When she walked in the front door and saw him she was shocked by his appearance, but before she had time to think, he'd fallen to his knees at her feet and he had his arms wrapped tightly around her legs. "Ah Lil Darlin', I thought I's never gonna see ya again, I been hurtin' for ya so bad, missin' ya so bad. I know I was terrible to ya, I don't even know how I could ever expect ya ta forgive me, cuz I don't think I'm ever gonna forgive myself, but please, please give me a chance." And he looked up at her and he had tears comin' from his eyes.
But she was strong, she didn't cry, she just looked at him, very serious and said, "Okay Merle, I'll come back, but you don't get to stay in the house with me and the children, you stay in the apartment out back. You're going to have to earn your way back in our home, back in our hearts, and back in my bed. And right now, I'm only agreeing to this for one reason. Soon, I won't be able to work, why? Oh I'll tell you why. Because when my husband was treating me so poorly in the bedroom, just taking what he wanted when he wanted it, he wasn't protecting me and now I'm pregnant."
A/N Oh Merle! You big ol' dummy! We'll pick up right here where we left off, next chapter. Thank you all for reading, please review xo