Author's Notes: Thanks as always to the brilliant and gracious Prothrombintime for invaluable help and feedback with this chapter. Angst ahead!
Chapter Fifty-Five
October 5th, 2008
Jack stood at the edge of the Plass and watched as the TARDIS dematerialised, the familiar laboured groan of the time machine's engines reverberating through the air until it faded into nothingness. He looked around at the achingly familiar surroundings, untouched and unchanged since he'd last seen them, and took a steadying deep breath of the fresh, cool sea air. A lot had changed since that fateful day when he'd sprinted frantically towards the TARDIS while shouting the Doctor's name, and he hadn't been sure if he'd ever see any of this again. Even now, he was almost scared to blink or close his eyes in case it was all an illusion fabricated by his traumatised psyche.
It was approaching early evening, the fading daylight giving way to the kaleidoscope of lighting decorating the Plass and the surrounding areas of Cardiff Bay. Shifting his eyes from the shimmering cascade of the water tower, Jack watched as people went about their lives, oblivious to the year of untold devastation and horror that had been erased from the time-line. Only a small handful of people knew the truth of just how close the world had come to total annihilation, and it would undoubtedly haunt each and every one of them for a long time to come, himself included.
After a year of relentless pain, imprisoned and dragged back from the oblivion of death more times than he could bear to think about, while the human race was decimated and the Earth burned beneath him, he was finally home again. He was back where he belonged, and everything was going to be okay. More than okay, he hoped. He'd survived the unthinkable and had been given a gift that would change everything; a gift he hoped would allow him to be truly free at last. For the first time in well over a century, he could dare to dream of an entirely new life for himself. He just needed to find the courage to seize what was so tantalisingly within his reach.
With a final lingering glance, he turned and headed towards the entrance to the Hub, taking long measured strides as his farewell with the Doctor moments earlier echoed in his thoughts.
"I really don't mind though," the Doctor said, looking at Jack with an expression that might have almost passed for affection. "Come with me."
Not so long ago, he would have been elated to hear those words, jumping at the chance to travel time and space as a companion of the Doctor once again. It had been his dream for so long, the one thing that had made his existence bearable – the hope of finding the Doctor and leaving twenty-first century Earth behind. But dreams had a tendency to change when one least expected it, and travelling with the Doctor no longer held the appeal it had once done. He was a different man now, as was the Doctor, and that brief period of carefree happiness he'd shared with Rose and the Doctor's previous incarnation couldn't be reclaimed. His infatuation with the enigmatic Time Lord had faded, while the residual hurt and bitterness of the Doctor's abandonment of him continued to linger, an open wound that had yet to heal. He doubted he'd ever completely forgive the Doctor, and although he didn't consider himself to be a man who held a grudge, some things were just too difficult to let go.
Still, the offer had been a welcome change from the uncomfortable way the Doctor had regarded him when they'd first been reunited. The Time Lord's cutting words had taunted him for that entire missing year, hurting him more deeply than he ever could have thought possible.
"It's not easy just looking at you, Jack, 'cause you're wrong."
Those few scant words had dredged up and reaffirmed every loathsome thing he'd ever thought about himself; that he was a monster, a freak, a travesty of nature... that no one who knew the truth about him could look at him with anything other than revulsion and disgust, let alone love. Except, as impossible as it had seemed, one person had. Knowing that he'd somehow managed to earn the love of one singularly remarkable man had made the Doctor's scathing pronouncement bearable.
"You're not wrong, Jack."
Four simple words uttered quietly in Welsh-accented tones as they'd stood on a rooftop and admired a spectacular sunrise, imbued with unshakeable determination and conviction. Those words and his vivid memories of the unassuming young man who had spoken them had kept him sane.
Jack shook his head."Thanks, Doctor. But there's someone very special waiting for me. At least I hope he is." He paused and gave the Doctor a small, wistful smile. "A few years ago I would have jumped at the chance to travel the universe again. It's funny how things change, but this is where I belong now. This is my home. With him. For the rest of my life if he'll have me."
"Ah, yes. That formidable young man of yours." A flicker of wry amusement passed over the Doctor's face and he grinned broadly at Jack. "He really is quite remarkable. Brilliant, in fact." His grin softened into something gentler and more genuine. "I'm happy for you, Jack. I really am." He nodded in the general direction of the Hub. "Go on then, don't keep your Mr. Jones waiting. And say hello to him for me."
"I will," Jack replied. He turned to Martha and hugged her tightly, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he pulled away. "Thank you," he whispered to her.
Martha smiled at him warmly. "Bye, Jack. And don't be a stranger, yeah? Next time you're both in London, I'll be expecting a visit."
Jack nodded, returning her smile. Stepping away, he turned his attention back to the Doctor. "Well, I guess this is goodbye, Doctor," he said, swallowing against the tightening of his throat. He wondered if he'd ever see the Time Lord again, but the realisation that he might not didn't bother him nearly as much he'd expected.
"Goodbye, Jack. And good luck." The Doctor looked at him curiously. "If you ever change your mind... if the two of you feel like a bit of an adventure..."
Martha rolled her eyes and grabbed hold of the Doctor's arm, pulling him towards the TARDIS. "That's the last thing any of us need," she muttered, shaking her head.
"Maybe one day," Jack replied with a soft chuckle. "But not right now."
Jack had given the Doctor a jaunty salute, and he'd watched as the pair retreated inside the TARDIS, the door closing behind them.
It had been just over a year ago in his personal time-line, the day after John Ellis had chosen to kill himself, when Jack had frantically flung himself at the TARDIS just as it began to dematerialise. He'd been standing on the rooftop of the Millennium Centre that morning, lost in a his troubled thoughts when his wrist-strap had alerted him to the TARDIS's arrival. Clinging to the exterior, he'd been whisked, unprotected, into the Time Vortex, and had somehow managed to hold on as the TARDIS tried to shake him off. His only thought had been to plead with the Doctor to find a way to fix him. He'd been desperate for an end to his curse of immortality, but leaving Earth behind and being dragged through time and space to Gods only knew where hadn't been what he'd had in mind. Like the Doctor himself, the sentient ship had been repulsed by Jack's 'wrongness', and the vessel had taken them all the way to the end of the universe, to the year one hundred trillion, as it attempted to get rid of him.
That single event had set in motion a cataclysmic chain reaction that not even the Doctor could have predicted. Jack had died when the TARDIS had finally rematerialised, his body ravaged by the trip through the Vortex. When he'd revived, he'd met the latest version of the Doctor, the same one who had been at Canary Wharf nine months earlier, along with his latest companion, a beautiful dark-skinned young woman by the name of Martha Jones. Martha was a trained medical doctor, and as they'd quickly developed an easy rapport, Jack had found that he liked her very much.
In a colony of the last vestiges of the human race, they'd discovered that an insane Time Lord known as the Master had somehow escaped from the Time War. He'd hidden himself in human form at the end of the universe, the trio's interactions with him unwittingly triggering the return of his true identity. Stealing the TARDIS, he'd travelled back to twenty-first century Earth and initiated an elaborate plan to conquer the universe, with the Doctor, Jack and Martha in pursuit after the Doctor had managed to repair Jack's Vortex Manipulator. Jack and the Doctor had been captured and imprisoned aboard the flying aircraft carrier, Valiant, while the Master and his cybernetic monstrosities systematically decimated the planet and enslaved the human race.
The Master had almost succeeded, but in the end, the Doctor and Martha Jones had been victorious, and the Master had perished. Time had been reset, erasing the year of the Master's invasion from history, and only the survivors on board the Valiant had retained their memories and trauma from that terrible year – the year that never was.
Hanging from shackles in the bowels of the ship, Jack had endured the full brunt of the Master's twisted, sadistic nature, the insane Time Lord delighting in finding inventive ways to torture, kill and degrade his new pet. Jack had developed an extremely high tolerance to pain over the course of his long life, but he still had his limits, and eventually his mind had folded in on itself in a desperate act of self-preservation, unable to handle the agonising deaths and excruciating resurrections that inevitably followed. To his relief, the Master had eventually seemed to lose interest, apparently realising that no matter how many times he broke Jack's body, he'd never break his mind.
Jack had held on as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, clinging to the hope that the Doctor's plan would work, that Martha would save them all. It was his memories of Ianto Jones that had given him the strength and comfort he'd needed to endure the interminable suffering.
He'd fallen hard for the captivating young Welshman almost from the moment they'd met. Ianto had challenged him from the very beginning, determinedly making his mark and quietly working his way into Jack's good graces, despite Jack's initial efforts to send the man scurrying back to London. Seduced by sinfully delicious coffee, melodious Welsh vowels and gorgeous tailored suits, Jack had soon found himself enthralled by the beautiful, brilliant and enigmatic man, despite not trusting him and being suspicious of his motives. He'd recognised the danger signs early on, and he'd fought against the intensity of his attraction to the alluring Welshman. But Ianto's stubborn determination had prevailed, and as Jack had grown accustomed to the young man's presence, relying on him more and more, he'd finally given in to his affections and they'd become tentative friends. It had been a long time since he'd had a real friend, and Ianto's undemanding companionship became a source of genuine comfort. Jack had started to feel not quite so alone.
A disastrous expedition to the Brecon Beacons had led to Ianto learning the truth about Jack's condition, and the Welshman had deeply impressed Jack with his resilience and bravery. Ianto had risked his life to save him, and when he'd learnt about Jack's inability to remain dead, instead of being repulsed, he'd shown nothing but empathy and compassion. Ianto had proven himself to be a loyal and steadfast colleague and friend, and Jack's lingering distrust of the younger man had finally faded.
Then a feisty pterodactyl had fallen through the Rift, and everything had changed. They'd clung to each other on the dirty floor of an abandoned warehouse, both hopped up on adrenaline as they'd stared into the depths of each other's eyes. Then, to Jack's astonishment, Ianto Jones had kissed him. That first kiss had been unforgettable, and he'd been startled by the sheer intensity of passion Ianto had unleashed in that moment. Jack's world had turned upside down, the carefully constructed walls around his heart crumbling beyond all recognition, and he'd been left with a desperate, burning desire to experience so much more.
He'd tried to keep things casual at first, mostly for his own sake, but also for Ianto's, not wanting the younger man to get too attached. The sex was incredible and their physical connection was one of the most intense Jack had ever experienced. After uncovering the passionate and deeply sensual man hidden beneath that calm, stoic exterior, Jack hadn't been able to get enough. To his delight, Ianto had been eager and willing. They had fun together, and they enjoyed each other's company. He hadn't wanted to ruin a good thing by letting emotional complications get in the way.
Then they'd been forced to sacrifice Tommy Brockless, devastating them both with guilt and grief, and Jack hadn't been able to deny the depth of his feelings for Ianto any longer. Things became more serious and it wasn't long before he'd realised that Ianto shared his feelings. That realisation had filled him with a mixture of elation and despair, a part of him wanting to cling to Ianto and never let him go, while another part had wanted to push him far away, where he could be safe and live a normal life.
He'd almost lost Ianto when John Hart showed up and wreaked havoc on their lives, and he'd stopped at nothing to get Ianto back. He'd been determined not to take the limited time they had together for granted any longer, and for a while he'd succeeded. But losing Estelle had been a brutal reminder of the pain he'd suffer when Ianto was eventually taken from him. Grieving for the woman he'd loved but been forced to abandon, and tormented by the despair of knowing he'd lose Ianto too, he'd begun to distance himself emotionally. Finally, when he'd come to realise just how much Ianto was sacrificing to be with him, he'd foolishly tried to push the younger man away. Then Canary Wharf had happened, Torchwood One had fallen, the world had almost been overrun by Daleks and Cybermen, and Ianto had almost died yet again.
He regretted the way he'd left things with Ianto, not having the chance to leave even a note or message before he'd ran frantically for the TARDIS. He knew he'd hurt Ianto badly when the younger man had overheard his thoughtless words to John Ellis in a moment of weakness and self-pity. He deeply regretted all the times he'd held back and kept Ianto at a distance due to his fear of losing him, but he was determined to do whatever was necessary to make up for his past mistakes. With the shadow of immortality no longer hanging over them, he could finally try to be worthy of Ianto Jones.
Seeking solace in his thoughts of Ianto as he'd hung in shackles, he'd realised the four years he'd had with the Welshman had been the happiest of his long life, despite the heartache they'd endured as their relationship deepened. But their time together hadn't been enough, and he'd meant what he'd said to the Doctor. He intended to spend the rest of his mortal life with the man he loved.
He quickened his pace, and before he knew it, he was sprinting towards the Hub with every ounce of strength he possessed. He needed to see Ianto's handsome, expressive face, to pull him into his arms and feel the comfort of his firm, warm embrace, to kiss him fiercely until they were both trembling and gasping for breath. He needed to apologise and tell Ianto that everything would be different now. He needed to tell him that finally they had a chance for a normal life together.
Fuelled by a combination of desperate yearning and excited anticipation, Jack continued to run, pushing his newly mortal body to its limit. He'd literally endured a year of hell, but he'd survived, the world was safe once more, and as long as he had Ianto, everything was going to be okay.
The cogwheel door rolled back, and he strode into the Hub's interior. He hadn't exactly expected a warm welcome, and he knew he had some serious apologising to do, but he hadn't expected to find the Hub empty and silent either. Although the lights were on and the familiar soft background hum of the Hub's infrastructure reached his ears, there was something desolate and foreboding about the cavernous space. It hadn't been since before Ianto's arrival on his doorstep five years earlier that it had felt so inhospitable and unwelcoming. A spike of panic shuddered through him. Something was definitely wrong.
He'd only taken a couple more steps when the sound of clatter from the kitchen area drew his attention. He looked up to find Toshiko staring at him with an expression of wide-eyed shock. "Jack! Oh, my God, you're back."
Tosh put the mug she was carrying down on the nearest surface and rushed towards him. With relief washing over him, Jack produced a wide smile and climbed the steps to the main work level, pulling the petite Japanese woman into a firm embrace.
"Toshiko, oh, it's good to see you. How are you?" Releasing his grip and stepping back, it was only then that Jack noticed the tired, haggard appearance of Toshiko's features. "Where are the others?" he asked urgently. "Where's Ianto? Is he here? I need to see to him."
"Jack..." Tosh's eyes were suddenly glistening and filled with intense sadness.
Jack's momentarily sense of relief vanished. "Tosh, what's going on?" he demanded, fear slicing through him. "Where's Ianto?"
"There's no easy way to tell you this..." Tosh paused and swallowed, clearly struggling to maintain her composure. "Jack... Ianto's gone."