Author's Note: It seems this story has a new fan favourite: Petunia! Everyone agrees that Petunia is the perfect badass name for a dinosaur, yes? Another obvious favourite has been Jacques, which I found quite intriguing. Far more people are concerned about Jacques than about Hermes, Eagle or Vlad. I think I have learnt something important here: if you want to make a character popular, put them in as few scenes as possible. Kind of makes writing a likable protagonist a bit difficult, doesn't it?
Anyway, one with the story. This one has some German in it, so translations below.
Final chapter on Saturday!
Saving Private Soldierbot
Chapter Seventeen: Awakenings
Throughout the Institute, people blinked and groggily woke up, rubbing sore heads and wondering what on earth had happened to knock them all out. Many woke up watched over by a nervous Pyro in rooms with doors stuffed shut and the windows wide open. Some woke up in respawn next to a neat pile of oxygen cylinders and breathing masks.
The important thing was that, thanks to the quick action of the Pyros, everyone did eventually wake up. Katie Pauling, ice pack balanced on her head, decided muzzily she better do something nice for them all. There was no point giving them a raise, since they just burnt any money they got their hands on. Maybe she could see if Medic Erwin could breed a unicorn? Once he stopped throwing up, that is.
The two remaining healthy Medics, Gerhardt and Albrecht, insisted that all the windows were flung open and the deadly fumes quickly dissipated in the warm tropical breeze.
Engineer Jed went to check on the robots, and found the steel door to their basement storage bowed out and covered with scratches. One corner had been bent free and a mass of robotic fingers poked through the hole like metallic fungi. He stood in silent thought for a few moments, and then went and got very drunk.
Unfortunately for Sniper Lawrence, he was the only person free to explain to Katie Pauling what had happened, but luckily, she believed him and he kept his kneecaps intact.
Gerhardt Weiss, alas, was not so lucky. Miss Pauling found Petunia eating her lunch, and she put him on both cleaning duty, and crutches.
Tiny Vlad was used to pain, and waking up injured was not a new occurrence for him. He blinked his crusty eyes open. Sure enough, there was a medigun over him, its red fumes swirling around him. He smiled slightly to himself. His Doktor had not let him down. He never did. Looking about, he realised he was in a full sized bed in Albrecht's infirmary. From his point of view, it looked like a huge white plane of soft white material.
"Ah, zhe hero of zhe hour avakes."
"Doktor." He shifted, but Medic held up his hands warningly.
"Shh, nein, don't try to move. Zhe treatment isn't finished yet. I have had to use zhe medigun on a very low dosage, due to your size-related healzh issues. How do you feel?"
"Is only pain." Vlad said with a shrug. "Not big surprise."
"You have some bad burns and general trauma." Albrecht commented, patting the small man gently on the shoulder with a single finger. "Dell vanted to come and see you, but I forbid it. He left zhis box for you vizh a message: 'Zhanks for stopping me making a bad mistake'." He placed a plain brown box about the size of Vlad's torso on the bed.
"Hm." Vlad shifted to reach for it with his bandaged hands when Albrecht made a tch tch noise and wagged his finger.
"No moving, remember? Shall I open it for you?"
"Do it."
Albrecht nodded with an eager grin, and tore the tape off the box and folded back to the flaps. He looked in, and his face dropped into a disgusted frown. "Oh...vell, zhat is razher tasteless. I suppose he meant vell..."
"Let me see!" Vlad said, pulling himself upright and ignoring the way his body screamed at him.
"I said not to move." Albrecht pulled a tiny minigun out of the box. It was a perfect model of Sasha, right down to the scratches. Vlad started to laugh.
"Zhere is a note in here. It says 'It vorks.'" Albrecht commented, pulling out a smaller cardboard box that turned out to be full of miniature bullets.
"She is beautiful leetle lady." Vlad said, pulling the gun close and hugging it. He looked up at Albrecht with a smile. "Maybe she will be useful. Sometimes, only tiny things can save day, da?"
"So true, mein kleiner Geliebter." Albrecht smiled back. "So true."
The first thing Jacques was aware of when he awoke was the headache. It stretched down the left side of his head and face, right into his neck. He opened his eyes, but the light hurt, so he closed them again.
Little by little, other aches and pains made themselves known. He felt like he had been hit all over with rocks and then dropped off a cliff. He couldn't remember much, but obviously something bad had happened. He was draggingly tired and cold. Shock. I am in shock. Concussion as well?
There was a muffled booming noise, and he forced his eyes open again. He knew what that noise meant- it was people talking above the water, close by. He looked about and realised he was in a glass tank and standing by it was...
He lifted himself out of the water quickly.
"Get him out of here!" He pointed with a clawed hand at a Medic with slicked-back black hair who gave him a look of hurt innocence. Medic Erwin. The man who had turned him into a half-octopus. Medic Albrecht made a tutting noise.
"Erwin knows your unique physiology better zhan I do. I asked him to help me heal you." Albrecht explained. Erwin gave Jacques an encouraging grin. "Zhe vork he did on you was remarkable..."
"And he will never get to repeat it." Jacques spat. He clutched his pounding head.
"Zhat's gratitude for you!" Erwin said, crossing his arms. "You're a marvel of modern science and you don't appreciate it."
"Zhey never do." Albrecht agreed sadly.
"Get. Out." Jacques snarled, trying to slither out of the tank. A wave of weakness overcame him and he slid back into the water with a splash.
Erwin made an annoyed huffing noise. "Alright, alright, I am going. Clearly I am not vanted here." He turned on his tail and stalked off behind the medical screens.
"So, how do you feel?" Albrecht asked, grabbing his thin wrist and looking at his watch. "Hmm, heartbeat is...40 a minute. You should not get so vorked up in your condition."
"What happened?" He asked, lying back and closing his eyes tiredly. Everything felt oddly dreamlike and he just wanted to sleep...sleep forever...
"A robot fired a rocket at you at close range." Albrecht said, watching him carefully. "Zhankfully, zhe robot absorbed half zhe blast."
"The robot!" Jacques sat up sharply, sending more water splashing over the floor.
"Ah, you remember! Zhe concussion can't be too serious, zhen. Unfortunately, zhe medigun can't be used on you. According to my calculations, using it on an ectothermic species would cause systemic malignancy, catastrophic organ failure and, heh, rapid kinetic disassembly."
"I hurt too much for this nonssense." Jacques grumbled, curling his tentacles around himself for comfort. "Would you care to explain properly why you can't be bothered to heal me?"
"You're cold blooded." Albrecht said. "Vizh your lower metabolic needs, zhe medigun would give you raging cancer, kill you and zhen... make you explode. Zhat vould be very messy, ja? So, I didn't vant to use it, especially considering..." He stopped suddenly, and sat down, staring at the transformed man carefully. "How do you feel?"
"What happened to the robot?" He asked insistently, clutching at his head.
"Vlad saved the day." Albrecht said proudly. "He sapped it. Engineer is now...dealing vizh it. So, zhe danger is over."
"Good." Jacques said, leaning back and closing his eyes.
"So, let's see, you have several broken ribs, a few cuts I have sewn up zhe old fashioned vay, a lot of internal bruising, plenty of burns, and a concussion." Medic said, reading off his clipboard before placing it carefully on his knee. "Nozhing too serious, but zhere is somezhing else I discovered zhat ve need to discuss. I...have...zhat is, Sniper Lawrence vas here earlier. He told me he has been quite concerned about your healzh recently, so I decided to perform a general check-up. Vhat I found was...vell. Zhat is vhy I asked Erwin for help."
Jacques eyes flew open again. "My health iss none of your bussinessss!"
"Heh, actually is really is, but anyvay, ve found somezhing...remarkable."
"I need a cigarette." Jacques grumbled, pulling himself fully upright.
"Now zhat is an exceedingly bad idea." Medic paused thoughtfully. "I am now sure how to put zhis... but first, let me assure you zhat your personal life is no concern of mine and I vill keep my vow of patient confidentiality."
"I have no idea what you are blathering about, docteur." He held up a tentacle and rubbed a dark bruise on it, wincing.
"Zhere is no easy way to tell you zhis...so, let us go for straightforvard: You are pregnant."
Jacques sat still and silent for a second. His mind was a blank and then his tentacles lashed out, catching Albrecht around the neck.
"What have you done to me, you freak?!" He pulled the startled man to within spitting distance. Albrecht's mouth opened and closed with a wheeze. "Iss thiss not enough? When will you ssstop?"
"Nozhing!" He croaked. "Vas...not...me...Lass mich gehen...Kann nicht atmen...bitte..."
Jacques dropped the man, who gasped and pulled at his collar. "Explain." He said flatly.
"Ugh." He coughed. "I suppose I can understand your reaction...but I svear I had nozhing to do vizh zhis. You are carrying zhree fetuses; just old enough to have a heartbeat. Sniper said you have been having bouts of nausea and tiredness: zhis is vhy. I can prescribe you Bendectin to help vizh zhat."
Jacques gaped for a moment, his mouth opening and closing. "It'ss not posssible!"
"Erwin told me zhat he did not check upon zhe gender of the octopus he extracted DNA from. Also, he used a range of ozher genomes from zhe phyla Mollusca and Crustacea. Hence your ability to breazhe above vater: you have gills strengthened vizh cartilage, like a crab. Technically speaking, you are one third human, one third octopus and one third crab. Erwin really has a talent for zhis sort of zhing..."
"And I fail to care." Jacques hissed. "Let'sss get back to me being an expectant mother."
"Hrm, vell, as I said, your personal life is not my business..." Albrecht said, although his expression looked obnoxiously nosey to the transformed Spy.
"There isss no... perssonal life." Jacques spat. He dropped under the water for a second, took a few gulps and surfaced again.
"Are you sure? I know you and Lawrence are...close. I don't judge. Statistically speaking, zhere are no doubt ozhers right here in zhe Institute..."
"Oh, please," Jacques sneered. "I am a Sspy. I know all about you and your diminutive Russian 'friend', docteur. Don't be coy, it doesss not sssuit you."
"Zhere is plenty of recent research zhat indicates..." Albrecht petered to a halt as Jacques' words hit his brain. His face froze except for one twitching muscle under his right eye. "Vlad and I are, are not... zhere...is..."
"Let me ssstate this once, Docteur," Jacques interrupted, his voice dropping into a low hiss. "If Lawrence and I were not... involved, and you assked me that, I would say 'no', because it would be the truth. If we were involved, and you assked me that, I would still say 'no', because it is none of your bussinessss. Undersstood?"
"So you are saying you have not recently engaged in..."
"YESSS! I mean...no!" He shouted, his tentacles writhing with emotion. "I have not, unless thiss concussion is worsse than I thought."
"Hrm. I did vonder. Erwin did not agree vizh me, but some molluscs are capable of somatic reproduction. I suspect it might simply be a normal process for your species."
"Are you saying I had ssexual relationss in my sssleep?! You disgust me."
"Ha, nein. Vhat an amusing idea! Anyway, zhat vould be somnolent reproduction. I mean a spontaneous pregnancy wizhout zhe fusion of gametes." He explained calmly. "Anyvay, fascinating as zhis is, it is simply solved. I can abort zhe fetuses and perform a tubal ligation. It von't happen again."
Jacques opened his mouth and closed it again, swallowing around a sudden lump in his throat. He suddenly felt horribly, achingly sad. A tiny part of his mind reminded him that it was probably the pregnancy making him emotional, but he ignored it in disgust. He had never been a parent. Never expected to be one. His job had always involved ending lives...not starting them.
"Are...Are they healthy?" He asked hesitantly.
"As far as I can tell, ja."
"Are they...human?"
"It's hard to tell right now, but it seems zhey are part-human. Just like you."
Just like me. Jacques curled a tentacle around his fingers in thought, not quite believing where his thoughts were leading.
"I can perform zhe procedure as soon as you have recovered your current trauma." Albrecht said, writing some notes on his clipboard.
"Wait." He said. "I need ssome time to think about thiss."
"You do?" Medic's fine eyebrows raised in surprise. "I assumed..."
"Perhapss, you asssumed wrongly." Jacques said. He sat up straighter, filled with purpose. Suddenly, he could see a new future unfolding in front of him, unexpected, even terrifying, but filled with hope. "Oui. I think you did."
"Oooh." Albrecht said, his mouth tweaking into an excited and slightly manic grin. "Zhis is going to be fun."
"Perhapss." Jacques smiled back tentatively, while a final thought echoed in the privacy of his head:
They better not look too much like Lawrence. I would never live it down.
When Hermes came back online, he simply lay there and did nothing. There didn't seem to be any point in moving. Engineer must have fixed him and he was back in Dell's workshop. In fact, he could hear him singing to himself. It was some of that usual country shit the guy liked:
"...The young man speaking in the city square
Is trying to tell somebody that he cares
Yeah, the ones that you're calling wild
Are going to be the leaders in a little while
This old world's wakin' to a new born day
And I solemnly swear that it'll be their way..."
Fuck him. Fuck them all. Dell had said that he'd come and rescue Scoutbot, but only after he had 'dealt with' Eagle. So, if he was awake, Eagle was dead. Probably blasted to bits. They wouldn't have listened to him, or tried to reason with him. Humans didn't do that with robots, did they?
So, why bother moving? There was no point any more.
"I know you're back with us, son, so why not stop that lollygaggin' around there?"
He didn't reply, but he found himself listening whether he wanted to or not. He was tapped sternly on the shoulder with something metal, gently at first and then harder.
"C'mon, Hermes. There's someone here ya gotta meet."
"'Hermes'?" He asked, tipping his head on one side. Engineer Dell looked down at him with a small smile.
"That got your attention, huh? I'm told it's your name now. Suits ya. More than that: it's perfect." He sighed and put down his wrench. "So, seems I owe you the mother an' father of all apologies..."
In the Final Chapter: Hermes is given a new job, and we hear a final word from our narrator, The Reporter.
Translations:
Mein kleiner Geliebter - My little beloved
Lass mich gehen...Kann nicht atmen...bitte - Let me go...can't breathe...please...