Author's Notes: Here we go, the penultimate chapter. My sincere thanks as always to Prothrombintime for so very kindly reading this not once but twice, and for providing invaluable feedback and encouragement.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
November 11th, 2008 (continued)
Jack's heart pounded in his chest as he stared at the TARDIS, his mind overwhelmed by an onslaught of conflicting emotions. Since he couldn't remember anything about his recent time with the Doctor, it felt like this was the moment he'd been waiting for since arriving on Earth almost one-hundred and forty years ago. Instinctively, he tightened his grip around Ianto's shoulders, taking comfort in the younger man's solid presence against his side.
The door swung inwards and Martha took a step closer. A tall, lanky man with a mop of tussled brown hair and dressed in a blue suit and white trainers suddenly appeared in the doorway, then promptly stepped into Martha's living room.
"Martha Jones," the Doctor said, looking Martha up and down.
"Hello, Doctor," Martha replied evenly, then she held out her arms and the Doctor enveloped her in an enthusiastic hug, a broad grin spreading across his face.
"Not that it isn't brilliant to see you," the Doctor began, releasing Martha from his embrace. "But I didn't think we'd be meeting again quite so soon."
"Me neither," Martha agreed. "But it's kind of an emergency."
"Ah, yes." The Doctor's gaze shifted over to where Jack and Ianto were standing. "How are you?" he asked, turning his attention back to Martha.
"Not too bad. You know, trying to get on with things. And you?"
"Oh, you know me." The Doctor gave a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. "Always new places to go, people to meet, problems to solve."
He gave Martha a warm smile that seemed just a little too forced, then took a step towards Jack. "Hello, Jack. Wasn't expecting to see you again so soon, either. And you've got your young man with you this time. Good to see you again, Mr. Jones. Keeping Jack out of trouble, I hope?"
"Doctor," Jack said in greeting, somewhat taken aback as he studied this new incarnation of the enigmatic Time Lord.
He couldn't deny that the man was attractive with his rumpled, careless appearance and earnest, enthusiastic charm, but the Doctor's callous abandonment of him had tempered any unrequited feelings he'd once held. While the Doctor's eyes betrayed his otherwise youthful appearance, for all intents, the man standing before Jack was a total stranger.
"Er... we've met before?" Ianto asked, his eyes widening as he stared at the Doctor.
"Oh, yes," the Doctor replied breezily. "Canary Wharf. Daleks and Cybermen trying to take over the world. Lots of running about. You were brilliant, by the way. You gave me quite a dressing down, too."
"Did I?" Ianto asked, frowning heavily, and Jack couldn't help but admire the Welshman's calm demeanour, while his own mind was spinning with every new piece of startling information.
The Doctor waved a hand dismissively. "Don't worry, I deserved it. You were looking out for Jack here. Can't hold that against you." He stepped closer and studied the two men intently. "But you don't remember any of that do you? So, what have the two of you done to yourselves, eh? Martha mentioned something about self-induced amnesia?"
"Retcon," Jack said succinctly, giving Ianto's shoulder a final squeeze before reluctantly dropping his arm back to his side. "It's a compound developed by Torchwood to erase memories. We both used it. Neither of us can remember anything about the last five years."
The Doctor shook his head, making a disapproving noise. "Torchwood shouldn't have that. You can't just go around taking away people's memories whenever you feel like it."
Jack was about to retort, but Martha interjected. "Doctor, now isn't exactly the best time for an ethical debate. Do you think you can help?"
The Doctor hummed non-committally. "May I?" he asked, reaching up to place his fingers against Jack's temple. "I just want to have a quick peek and try to see how much damage you've done."
Jack nodded tersely. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he felt the pressure of the Doctor's cool fingertips pressing lightly against his skin. There was the disconcerting sensation of another presence entering his mind and slowly moving around, probing at the layers of his psyche. While not painful or overly invasive as such, it was unsettling nonetheless, and Jack had to force himself not to try to repel the Doctor's careful exploration. He opened his eyes again when he felt the Doctor withdraw his hand and break contact.
The Time Lord shifted his attention to Ianto, who immediately took a step back, looking at him warily.
Jack placed a hand on Ianto's shoulder again. "It's okay, Ianto. It doesn't hurt. Just take a deep breath and relax."
Ianto looked back and forward between the two men for a moment, then finally nodded. He stepped forward again, allowing the Doctor to touch his temple. "Just a peek, Ianto," the Doctor said gently. "No need to worry. I won't see anything you don't want me to."
Jack gave Ianto's shoulder a reassuring pat, then watched anxiously as the younger man drew a deep, shaky breath and closed his eyes. It was almost a full two minutes later when the Doctor pulled back and Ianto's eyes opened again.
"Doctor?" Martha asked, stepping closer.
The Time Lord pursed his lip and looked lost in thought. "Hmm. Well, the good news is there's no sign of neurological damage. Then, I suppose you already knew that. But I can't reach the missing memories without going deeper. Assuming they're still in there at all."
He trailed his fingers distractedly through hair, sending his dark locks into even further disarray. "The human mind is a funny old thing. You both had reasons for wanting to forget, even though you don't remember what they were. So there's a part of you that wants to keep the memories buried. Subconsciously, you don't want to remember."
Feeling a stab of disappointment, Jack looked at Ianto and could see conflicting emotions written across the younger man's features. They mirrored his own – frustration and disappointment, but amidst it all a rebellious hint of relief. The Doctor was right, a part of them didn't want to remember. "So, there's nothing you can do?" he cautiously asked the Time Lord.
"Well, no, I didn't say that, Jack," the Doctor replied, looking mildly affronted. "I just don't want to get your hopes up. I might be able to help make the memories more accessible. Sort of clear a path so they can come back to the surface of their own accord. But there's no guarantee either of you will get any of them back. Even if you do, it might take time."
Jack nodded as he considered their options, then he turned to Ianto. "I think we need to try. We've come this far. And if it doesn't work, we're no worse off than we are now. But if there's even a small chance we can get back what we've lost, I'd like to at least try." He glanced at Martha who gave him an encouraging nod. "I don't want you to feel like I'm putting you on the spot, but I think it needs to be a joint decision. If you're not sure..."
Ianto shifted uncomfortably, lowering his eyes. With three people watching him closely, and two of them strangers, Jack realised the younger man was probably feeling quite ill-at-ease. He knew the Welshman well enough to know he didn't like being the centre of attention.
Finally, Ianto looked up again. "No, I agree. We need to try."
The Doctor clapped his hands together and smiled at them both. "Right, then. Follow me. We'll go to the library. It's the perfect spot. Nice and quiet." He began moving towards the TARDIS.
Jack stepped forward and grasped his arm. "Doctor, wait. Before we do this, I need to know... how did you fix me?"
"Oh, you don't remember, do you?" The Doctor frowned, appearing hesitant to continue. "Jack, I'm not sure if it's a good idea for you to know about that at the moment."
"Doctor, you need to show him," Martha said firmly.
"Show me what?" Jack asked, looking between the two of them.
The Doctor looked like he was about protest further, but then he breathed out a heavy sigh. "All right. Come on, then. Everyone into the TARDIS."
The Doctor promptly disappeared inside. Martha hesitated and looked at Jack for a moment, but then gave him a smile and followed the Doctor. Jack frowned in confusion, then gestured for Ianto to join them, the younger man looking equally perplexed.
Once they were all standing on the main platform of the ship's cavernous control room, the Doctor turned and looked at Ianto expectantly. Jack smiled and gave the Welshman a gentle nudge. "You're supposed to say it's bigger on the inside."
Ianto, who had been gazing around curiously, rolled his eyes. "Well, it would have to be, wouldn't it?"
The Doctor's face fell, while Jack chuckled, and Martha grinned. Ianto moved closer to the nearest of the large, organically-shaped support beams that encircled the grated platform. Tentatively, he traced his fingers over the coral-like surface. "It... no, she... she's incredible, Doctor." His eyes widened with a look of wonderment. "She's sentient... I can feel her... just at the edge of my mind. She seems... sad... worried."
The Doctor nodded grimly. "The old girl's been through a bit of a rough time lately. But she's doing better now." His expression cleared and he smiled warmly at Ianto. "She's already quite taken with you, Mr. Jones. Don't be too charming though or she might decide not to let you leave."
A look of panic flickered over Ianto's features, and Jack couldn't help smiling affectionately before hastening to reassure him. "He's just kidding, Ianto."
The Doctor strode briskly across to the doorway leading further into the ship. "Right. Come on, then."
The trio followed the Doctor through the labyrinth-like corridors of the TARDIS for what seemed like several miles. Jack grew more anxious as their journey continued, wondering what the Doctor was going to show him, and certain that it wasn't going to be anything good. Finally, they stopped at an innocuous looking door, decorated with the familiar hexagon-shaped recesses that covered most of the ship's interior.
"We're at the centre of the TARDIS," the Doctor explained. "The most protected part of the ship. Just to warn you, Jack... this might be a bit of a shock."
The Doctor pulled open the door and stood back, giving Jack a single nod of his head. Jack cautiously crossed the threshold, Ianto staying close by his side.
Subdued golden light slowly began to illuminate the shadowy space and Jack gasped as he stared at a large glass-fronted cylinder that stretched from floor to ceiling in the centre of the small room. It was reminiscent of stasis chambers he'd seen on his travels before being stranded on Earth, and inside was a man clad only in a pair of plain white shorts, eyes closed, and in some sort of state of cryogenic suspension. The man was an exact replica of himself.
"Oh, my God," Ianto murmured from beside him, while Jack was too stunned to utter even a single word.
The Doctor's voice drifted into the room from the doorway. "It was the only way to help you, Jack. Your DNA was irreversibly fused with the Time Vortex. When you died for the first time on Satellite Five, it was Rose who brought you back. She opened the heart of the TARDIS and absorbed the Time Vortex. She used it to destroy the Daleks, but she also brought you back to life. The problem was she couldn't control it. Rose brought you back forever. She made you a fixed point in time and space."
"We travelled to the future," the Doctor continued, stepping slowly into the room, his hands buried deep inside his pockets. "The seventy-ninth century to be exact, and we used your human DNA to create an exact clone of you. With a little help from the TARDIS and some Time Lord technology, I transferred your memories and consciousness into your new, mortal body. Your former self will remain here in stasis for as long as the TARDIS continues to exist."
Jack ran a trembling hand over his face, then turned to face the Doctor. "Is he... I mean, is he still me? If he woke up, would he..."
The Doctor shook his head. "No. Everything that makes you who you are now resides in your new body. The other one is just a shell. And a good thing, too. One Jack Harkness is more than enough for the universe to cope with." He glanced at Ianto, who was looking understandably stunned. "There was one small adjustment we made though."
"What... um, what was that?" Jack managed to ask.
"Your life expectancy," the Doctor replied. "You wanted to live for only as long as any other twenty-first century human. Except you'll age a little more slowly. About ten-percent slower give or take. You insisted on that so you and Ianto could have a normal lifetime and grow old together. You begged me to help you, Jack. This was the only way I could."
Jack nodded silently. He glanced back at his other self, then found himself staring helplessly at Ianto, too shell-shocked to say or do anything.
"Come on, Jack," Ianto murmured softly, grasping hold of his hand and tugging on it gently. "Let's get you out of here."
"Are you all right, Jack?" Martha asked, looking at them worriedly as they exited the room, the Doctor sealing the door behind them.
"Yeah," Jack replied uneasily, trying to shake off the enormity of this new revelation. "At least, I think I will be. It's kind of a lot to take in."
He clung to Ianto's hand and tried to focus on the younger man's comforting, grounding presence. He felt a slight tingling sensation at the edges of his mind that shifted into a warm, soothing caress, and he realised the TARDIS was trying to comfort him as well.
"Tea!" the Doctor suddenly declared, startling all three of them. "That's what we all need right now. Not much a good cuppa can't fix. And then we'll see about getting those memories back."
###
Jack sipped at his second cup of tea as he watched the Doctor and Ianto. Not being his beverage of choice, he would have preferred something substantially stronger, or even a cup of Ianto's delicious coffee, but the hot, aromatic liquid was a welcome distraction. The worst of his initial shock had eased, and while still deeply unsettled, he was at least feeling a little more coherent and calmer.
They were ensconced in the Doctor's strangely anachronistic library, the dark wood panelling, shelves spilling over with aged leather-bound books, and heavy, well-worn leather furniture reminiscent of a nineteenth century gentleman's club. Soft, recessed lighting and the ship's ever-present background hum enveloped the room in a soothing atmosphere. Jack was mildly surprised that he hadn't seen the room before, but the TARDIS was vast and filled with a seemingly endless number of rooms. He'd probably only explored a small fraction of the interior during his time as a companion.
Martha was sitting in the chair opposite him, sipping quietly at her tea, while Ianto was stretched out on a leather chaise longue, his eyes closed, and the Doctor seated in an armchair at his side. He had both of his hands pressed against the the younger man's temples, and his eyes were also closed, his expression one of intense concentration. Jack knew the Welshman had reservations about succumbing to the Doctor's care, but he seemed to understand that this might be their one and only shot of recovering any of their lost memories.
It was several more minutes before the Doctor was finished, and then Jack was at Ianto's side, stroking the younger man's cheek and looking down at him anxiously. Ianto's eyes slid open and he blinked up at Jack before awkwardly shifting into an upright position.
"How do you feel?" Jack asked gently.
Ianto gave him a small, weary smile. "Okay. Head's a bit fuzzy."
Jack leaned in and kissed his forehead. "Do you remember anything?"
Ianto glanced at the Doctor, then shook his head slowly. "No. At least, not yet. Sorry."
"I've done what I can," the Doctor said, sighing softly and settling back into his chair. "I'm afraid now you'll have to wait and see if anything comes to the surface."
Jack nodded and tried to give Ianto a reassuring smile. "Thanks, Doctor. Guess it's my turn now."
He traded places with Ianto, stretching out on his back and closing his eyes. A moment later, he again felt the Doctor's presence enter his mind.
###
It was almost an hour later when they'd exited the TARDIS and returned to Martha's living room. The Doctor had given Ianto a brief tour of the TARDIS while Jack and Martha had remained in the library, giving Jack a little time to recover from the Doctor's attempt at shaking loose his buried memories. Like Ianto, those lost memories continued to remain frustratingly elusive. Apparently the high doses of retcon they'd both taken had worked a little too well.
Ianto was standing near the TARDIS with the Doctor, the two men talking quietly, the diary Martha had just returned to them clutched tightly in the younger man's hand. Standing at the other side of the room, just inside the kitchen, Jack took the small card Martha handed him.
"Here's my mobile number, Jack. Call me if you or Ianto need anything. Anything at all." She smiled wryly. "We ex-companions need to stick together. And let me know if either of you get any of your memories back, yeah?"
Jack smiled in return. "I will. Thanks, Martha."
Martha looked up at him with worried eyes. "Will the two of you be okay?"
"I hope so, I really do," Jack replied with a sigh. He leaned back against the nearby wall, suddenly feeling incredibly weary. "But, honestly, I don't know. It's a lot for anyone to deal with. Everything was going great before today. I'm terrified I'm going to lose him."
"I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but give it time, Jack. Ianto loves you. And even without your memories, you found each other again and reconnected. That says a lot about what the two of you mean to each other." She reached for his hand and squeezed it gently. "Besides, you told me he knew all about you before. If he handled it once, he'll be able to handle it again."
Jack nodded, hoping she was right.
###
They entered Ianto's apartment just after six o'clock that evening, having said their farewells to the Doctor and Martha, and then endured an arduous taxi ride in London's peak-hour traffic. After shedding their jackets and shoes, Ianto went into the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of Scotch and two glasses. Carrying them over to the coffee table, along with his diary, he generously filled both glasses, then settled down onto the sofa as Jack joined him.
"Thanks," Jack said as he gratefully accepted a glass and swallowed down a mouthful of its contents. He slumped against the back of the sofa. "Hell of a day," he muttered.
Huffing out a humourless half-laugh, Ianto tossed back a large portion of his own drink. "Yeah." He stared down at his glass for a long moment, then looked up at Jack. "How... um... how are you holding up?"
"Probably about as well as can be expected under the circumstances," Jack replied with a shrug. "Which is to say, not very well. How about you?"
"Pretty much the same," Ianto replied, turning his attention to his glass again.
A heavy silence settled between them. There were so many things Jack thought he should be trying to say, assurances he should be trying to both give and receive, apologies for not coming clean sooner as he'd realised their relationship wasn't merely a casual, short-lived affair, even heartfelt pleas not to give up on him or the possibility of a future together. But he was too overwhelmed and emotionally raw to express anything he was feeling with even the simplest of words.
Ianto emptied his glass and put it down on the table with a soft clink, then picked up his diary. Jack watched as he studied it closely, slowly tracing his fingertips over the worn leather cover, but making no attempt to open it.
Jack swallowed the remainder of his drink, placing the glass down next to Ianto's. He couldn't deny that he was curious about what the diary might reveal of their past together, but it would be up to Ianto as to if or when he shared any of its contents. "Will you read it?" he asked quietly.
Ianto didn't reply at first, but then he slowly nodded. "Although, there's a part of me that doesn't want to. I know that must sound silly..."
"No, it doesn't," Jack reassured him. "I know how you feel. There's that old saying, 'ignorance is bliss'. I've always thought there's a good deal of truth in that."
Ianto nodded again, looking thoughtful. "Before today... being with you. I never imagined being with someone who... of feeling the way I do when I'm with you. And the fact that you're a bloke didn't matter. It seemed like it should have, but it didn't. Not a bit. I suppose that makes more sense now." His lips curled with a small, self-conscious smile. "I have to admit, I was starting to wonder what I'd gotten up to in those missing five years."
He sighed softly and put the diary down on the table again. "But after today... I'm not sure how we get back to where we were. Or even if we can."
"I'm not sure either," Jack admitted, trying to ignore the sharp surge of pain that seemed to engulf his heart and refuse to let go.
Abruptly, he rose to his feet, feeling like the room was starting to close in on him. "I'll head back to the hotel. Give us both some space."
Ianto stood up too. "Probably for the best," he murmured.
Jack rested his hand on Ianto's shoulder and held it for a moment."Call me if you need anything, all right? If you want to talk, or if you just want some company. I won't be far away."
Ianto nodded. "Okay. Thanks, Jack."
With a final look into the younger man's troubled eyes, Jack turned away and hastily pulled on his shoes and jacket. Slipping silently out of the apartment, he tried not to think about the lonely night ahead. It would be their first night apart since their relationship had started.
He feared it would merely be the first of many more to come.