I Would Have Followed You
It's pass midnight, and I'm wondering if I'll ever fall asleep. All I can think about is his presence in the room right next to mine. What would he be doing right now? Probably up to no good. I must be really really selfish. But what else could I've done? I'm not the kind of superheroes who sacrifice their own family for the world. I'm just a plain old girl.
Then, I hear a loud crash. Like glass shattering crash. Coming from Sebastian's room. What the hell? What is he doing? Is he going to finally kill us all?
I stand up with shaking hands, debating whether to go check on him, or go protect my mom. But since I didn't hear his door open, I'm pretty sure I should choose the later.
Careful not to make any noise, I slowly walk across my room. I open the door, walk outside, and press my ear against the guestroom door.
"No, stop. I told you not to!" He's hissing loudly on the phone. "No, I'm gonna hang up. I told you, they might be able to listen into our conversation! I'm going to hang up. Meet me outside where we usually meet."
Then, I hear his footsteps, and figure he's probably walking toward the door. I hurry into my room, hoping he hadn't heard me.
I hear him climbing downstairs, walking toward the front door.
Who the hell was he talking to? I suddenly feel this responsibility to figure it out.
So, I do what any normal person would do. I follow him.
While he's walking for about a few minutes, I soundlessly follow him, trying to figure out where he's going. It turns out, his secret meeting place is some kind of a park. I go behind a tree when he approaches a figure sitting on a bench. The boy unknown is wearing a baseball cap, so I can't see his face. The weak streetlight isn't helping either.
"I told you not to call me, idiot!" Sebastian says, kicking the mystery boy's shin.
"No need to fuss. We didn't talk for much anyway."
"No, you listen to me. You are too young, and too inexperienced. You do what I say."
"Just until Winter Solstice, and this hell will be over," the boy mutters with stubborness in his voice.
"So what did you want to talk about?"
"I've been thinking about the girl... Why can't you replace her?"
"Because there has to be the on who do it."
"You can inject me with your blood."
"That won't work. Listen, if you really don't start trusting me, I'm going to find another boy."
"Yes, but I'd know your plan. Your sick plan that involves your precious little sister."
I feel my knees buckle, and accidentally step on a twig, eliciting a small sound, but big enough for them to hear.
"What was that?" Sebastian hisses.
I slap my hand on my mouth, trying to hide the noise of my increasing breath.
Please just ignore it. Please!
"We'll do this next time. I should go," Sebastian days, walking toward the tree where I am, leaving the younger boy sitting on the bench.
What do I do? What the hell am I going to do?
I do the craziest thing ever. I collapse on the ground, facing the tree so Sebastian won't be able to see my face.
I can feel Sebastian looking at me, and I pretend to throw up, and muttering inaudible things so he will believe that I'm drunk. I fake-sob, making gagging noises, and hear his laughter and his footsteps, walking away from me.
I keep lying on the ground, trying to slow down my heartbeat. That was so close.
But what did the boy mean by the sick plan that involves me? Actually, that reminds me, what is that boy doing now? I peak around the tree, finding the boy still sitting on the bench.
Oh god. Guess I'll have to wait.
"Good morning. Did you sleep well last night?" I ask Sebastian.
"Yes, I did. I was actually going to ask you the same thing."
"I slept well enough."
There's this unmentioned tension between us, and mom seems to notice this because she asks me if we had a fight.
"No, we didn't. Nothing happened."
"Alright. I got pancakes for breakfast," she replies.
"Thanks, but I think I'll pass. I'm allergic to pancakes," Sebastian says coldly, heading upstairs.
What kind of person is allergic to pancakes? Answer: no one.
"Did something happen? I mean who the hell is allergic to pancakes?" Mom asks, and I just shrug, concentrating on the pancakes in front of me.
"So, who's this guy taking you on a date?" She asks carefully.
"Mom, it's not a date."
"Does he know that too?"
"We're just friends."
But I wouldn't mind if it really was a date. If it can't be Jace, I don't care if I go out with Shrek.
"Mm hm," she says, smiling a little. "It's good to see you seeing guys other than Simon."
I shrug once more, and take another peice of the food in my mouth.
"Is he cute?" She suddenly ask, being the oh-so-ordinary mom.
I choke on the piece of pancake, coughing loudly.
"What?" I manage to ask.
"I was just asking."
I stare at my mom for seconds.
"I'm finished," I finally say and go upstairs to my bedroom, listening to my mom's laughter.
After finishing my homework, I lie down on my bed, thinking about not-really-a-date-date with Trey. He told me we could watch Paper Towns, and I'm pretty excited. Of course for the movie, not that I'm excited to hang out with him. But also not that he's not fun to hang out with. He's fun and stuff, and... Oh god, what am I doing?
I scream, kicking my blankets, oblivious of a visitor.
"Wow, did someone run over your cat?"
"I don't have a cat," I mumble.
"Do you always have to be so literal?" Sebastian asks, smirking.
"Here, you want an example? Go away, like literally."
"Why do you hate me so much?" He asks, and I stare at him incredulously
"Are you kidding? You're the one who ruined my life!" I scream.
How can he be so oblivious? I feel tears of anger burning behind my eyes.
He stares at me, confused.
"You killed Alec," I hiss. "And that's why he did it. That's why he's dead!"
Then, to my surprise, he laughs. He slouch on the wall, grabbing his stomach.
I feel my anger, burning inside me, thinking of everything he did.
I run toward him, raising my fists without thinking. I hit him as hard as I can, pinning him against the wall, but he's not affected by that. He grabs both of my flying wrists, and reverses our position.
I gasp hard, struggling against him. He moans as I accidentally create a friction, and I start to panic.
"Stop," he hisses. "I am trying explain."
I finally calm myself down, waiting for the explanation he has promised.
"Clarissa, I did not kill Alec," he says, still not loosening his grip on my wrists.
"Liar. If not you, who did?"
"A murder, doesn't always happen intentionally."
"You're saying that you killed him accidentally? You expect me to believe that piece of shit-"
"No, I'm saying, that I am not involved in his death. At least not directly. And for Jace's stupid little suicide-"
"Don't speak of him like that!"
"Jace is not that kind of person. Not the one who'd take his own life away because of his loved one's death. He's braver than that."
"What are you saying? It was a suicide."
"I didn't say it was not a suicide. I'm saying that sorrow isn't the actual thing that ruins someone. Tell me, Clarissa. What do you think is the real emotion that drives people crazy to death?" He hisses into my ears, his lips brushing against my skin.
I close my eyes, for myself, painfully knowing the truth.
"You want me to tell you?" He asks excitedly, glad that I got into his sick entertainment.
"Don't."
"I think you know the answer."
"Stop this."
"Guilt," he says, smirking like a boy who's found his gifts under a christmas tree. "Do you hear that? Your guilt screaming, buried in your heart? Do you want to let it go?"
I suddenly feel weak, knees buckling. Sebastian lets go of my wrists and grabs my waist instead. I don't bother to push him away, taking everything in.
Can he be speaking the truth?
Yeah, I know, I know. I wanted to put the movie scene in this chapter, but I didn't watch Paper Town yet, and I had this strong urge that I should watch the movie before writing the scene about it because I wanted to make it relatable to this fanfic. So please wait for my next update that might take longer than usuall since I have to watch the movie. Sorry... Anyways, thanks for reviewing and hope you all enjoyed this chapter!