It Was Over My Head

I'm really sorry, Clary. I just have to go. I'll probably back in a week. Love you.

-mom

"She gone again?" Sebastian asks and I nod.

He tries to remain his face neutral, but I can see anger and annoyance in his face.

Why? Why is he mad at her for leaving? Shouldn't I be?

"Well, so we get the place for ourselves," he says, coming closer to me.

"Of course we do, Lucas Ashtail. Tell me, how did you really come up with the name? Did you just make it up? Or is it someone's name that you know?"

"It's the boy's name," he replies nonchalantly.

"What boy?"

"That boy I was talking to when you stalked me."

"Oh."

Why is he telling me so many things now?

"And what is your plan, exactly?" I ask carefully.

"Don't see any reasons I should tell you why. So tell me, now. Did your friends call you back?"

"No," I answer quietly.

It's been almost two months since they started shutting down contact with me. And I still don't have the reasons why.

"And you're upset about that?"

"What do you think?" I say, glaring at him.

"Well, you were the one to start pushing them away."

"Not Simon. And they were always still there for me when I needed them."

"See? There you go. Your selfishness. You stop seeing them because they remind you of him, but when you need them, you ask for them."

I look down in shame.

"No need to be so ashamed, sister. It's just a thing about humans. And that's why I like you. Your selfishness."

"And why are you giving me so brotherly advice?" I ask, skeptically.

"Because I am, in fact, your brother."

"A demon brother."

"Don't see the difference," he says, smirking.

"Wait, so you think they're just shutting me out because of that?"

"Are you asking me for a brotherly advice?"

"You know what? Just forget about it," I say after staring at him for a long time.

"I don't think they're shutting you out for that reason," he still tells me.

"Then?"

"Figure out yourself."

I grunt, walking away from him. Of course, what was I expecting from Sebastian.

"So what are we having for dinner?"

"Pasta," I reply curtly.

"Pasta? Again?"

"You have problem with that?" I ask.

"No," he says, sighing.

I mean, so what if we're having pasta everyday? I love pasta, and I can only have it everyday when mom's gone. She doesn't approve me obsessing over one food. Well, at least I won't get dumped by a food. Pasta will always be there for me.

"You need help?"

"No."

"Can I help?"

"Whatever," I say, rolling my eyes. "You can cut the tomatoes."

Okay, maybe that wasn't a good idea. Because the next thing he does is to pull out a knife from a drawer. Damn it! Why do I have to be so stupid? I gulp, waatching his next move carefully.

"Where are the tomatoes?"

I point my finger at them, trying my best to not show my shaking hands.

"No need to be so nervous, sister," he whispers in my ear, swinging the knife effortlessly.

Yeah, so much for that.

"I'm not nervous."

"Oh, so you won't mind if I cut the other vegetables too, right?"

"Sure." Not!

He laughs, starting to cut the tomatoes.

"Have you ever used a kitchen knife before?" I ask him, skeptically.

"What? Of course, I have."

"Oh, really? Then why do the tomatoes looks like that?"

He sighs, studying his tomatoes.

"Alright. But how do you expect me to know how to work in the kitchen? I was born to be a warrior, not a cook."

"Okay, just go back to your room and do whatever that has to do with your plan."

"Whatever you say, sis."

But my eyes are not on his face anymore. They're on his hand and on the knife which is moving toward me. Toward me! He's going to kill me. And I scream involuntarily, falling down on my ass.

"What the hell?" Sebastian asks, looking down at me. "What is your problem?"

"I thought... I thought you were trying to kill me..."

"Your lack of trust in me genuinely hurts. I'm sorry for you being close to the sink that I was trying to put the knife in."

I sigh, getting up and ignoring his offered hand.

"I stayed here for more than a month, and look at you. Not a scar."

"Don't forget about the time you almost broke my hipbone when you pushed me against the nightstand," I tell him, and he just shrugs.

"Hey, are you free this Friday?" Trey asks, leaning against my locker.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, you know Derek Lakes? He's having a party, and I wanted to take you."

"Sure," I reply, kissing him briefly.

Derek Lakes is like a copy of Trey. They kind of look alike, except Derek has gold flecks in his eyes, which Trey doesn't. But they still have same green eyes, same light brown hair, and same physical features.

"What do you have next?" He asks.

"Ugh. English."

"I have P.E. See you at lunch?"

"Yeah, try not to get your nose bleeding!"

"Don't worry! Try not to fall asleep!"

"Can't promise you that," I reply, walking to the next classroom.

I sit down next to a girl who'so talking to another girl behind her.

"I'm telling you, Christina, I really don't care."

"Well, that's because you haven't seen him," the girl behind us, called Christina replies.

"I really don't want to know."

"Just listen. He was so hot. And the boy next to him-I think his name is Lucas-was kind of cute too."

"Christina-"

"Come on, Tris. Listen, so I went over, and I introduced myself-"

"What the hell? I thought you liked Will!"

"Well, a girl can have some fun. Anyways, I introduced myself, and the silver haired dude seemed totally interested in me."

"What did you tell him? He could be a stalker, Christina-"

"A hot, hot stalker. And to answer your question, I just told him my name, school, and number."

Okay, silver haired with a boy called Lucas. Lucas Ashtail. And suddenly interested when he heard what school she goes to?

"He asked me about Winter Solstice party in school, and I totally think he's gonna ask me out."

"Wait, you told a stranger that we are having a Winter Solstice party in school?"

"Duh. I think he likes me."

"Still, it's strange. We have months until Winter Solstice."

Wait, why would Sebastian want to know about us having a Winter Solstice party?

"Who cares? Oh, and also, I invited him to Derek's party. Told him that like half the people in our school's coming. He said he'll see me there."

Okay, something's definitely up.

"What happens on Winter Solstice?"

"What?"

"What happens on Winter Solstice?!"

Sebastian just stares at me, confused. Not that I'm gonna be fooled.

"Well, some people throw parties, and it's when the daytime is the shortest, and-"

"No, what are you planning to do?"

"Nothing. Probably just sitting around."

"You know what? Fine! Don't tell me. I'll figure it out myself," I hiss, storming back to my room.

"Hey, are you mad?" He asks, following me.

"No! Just go away!"

I sit on my bed, thinking of ways to make him talk.

"We can have pasta again for dinner today," he says as if that will make me feel better.

"Why won't you just tell me? It's not like I can do anything about it, right?"

He just shrugs, not answering my question.

"Can we just change the subject, Clarissa?"

"Now, look who's one who's being selfish. Just leave me alone."

"Clarissa-"

"No, I have a party to get ready for."

"Derek's party?"

Of course he knows.

"How did you know?" I still ask despite knowing the answer.

"I just do."

"Mm hm. I'm sure Christina had a good time with you."

"Come on, Clary. Relax," Trey says, his gentle hands on my waist.

"Sorry."

This place is crowded, like crowded. Derek's place is really large, but still, he invited like so many people.

"Are you looking for someone?"

"No," I reply, although the I am looking for Sebastian.

I know that he's somewhere here, dancing or making out or doing god knows what with Christina.

And then I see him. His eyes fixed on me, he's letting Christina grind into him with his hands on her hip. His lips pulls into a smile when he notices that I saw him, and he start sucking on the skin of her shoulder with his eyes still on me. Feeling disgusted, I look away, trying to concentrate on Trey.

"You okay?" He asks worriedly. "You look distracted."

"I'm fine. I'm just tired."

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"I can get my own," I reply, pulling away from him.

"You're going to get lost in this kind of crowd. Let me come with you."

So I do.

We walk away from Sebastian, looking for something to drink.

"Hey, look who's here. Trey," Derek says, walking toward us. "And you are... Clary, right?"

"Yup."

"Well, looking good, as always."

Trey's grip on my waist tightens and Derek notices.

"Dude, I'm just messing with you. Besides, I can find plenty of girls to screw in here."

"Of course."

"You guys want some beer?"

"No thanks," I answer, remembering the last time I drank.

I ended up with my virginity gone. This time, I don't want to wake up with a baby.

"Too bad. Just tell me whenever you get bored with Trey."

"Alright, that's enough. I'm gonna get you your punch. You, keep your eyes on her," he says, addressing Derek.

"Oh, don't worry. My eyes will always always be on Clary's killer legs."

Trey rolls his eyes, walking away from us.

"He's really into you, you know," Derek says when we can't see him anymore.

"What?"

"Trey. The poor guy is helpless. All he talks about is you, and he doesn't even realize that. Clary this, Clary that. Sometimes, I think maybe he's finally in love."

I swollow, feeling slightly guilty. But I shouldn't be, right? I like him, and I shouldn't be guilty that he likes me too. Right? I know I like him. I know I do. I really do.

"What about you?" Derek asks.

"What do you mean?"

"How do you feel about him?"

"He's a really nice guy."

"Yeah, but I didn't ask what you think of him. How do you feel?"

"I like him."

"I know you do. But do you... I don't know, does your heart beat loudly whenever you're near him? Do you think about his lips everytime? Do you have wet dreams about him?"

I just stand there, speechless. What is he saying?

"I knew that. Anyone decent can see it. You dance with him and kiss him, but long time ago, you friend zoned him."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Trust me, I think you do understand."

"Are you being the typical guy who wants his friend's girlfriend to keep away?"

"No, I just... As weird as this sound, I don't want people getting hurt. This isn't going to end well. The more you lead on, the more damage you guys are both going to recieve."

"Derek, it's nice to know that you're concerned of us, but please. Give us some time. I'm going through something hard, and maybe that's why. If this passes, I think I might be able to actually see him that way. People change. They grow. So just give me some time to like him."

He looks into my eyes, trying to figure things out.

"Alright. I'll give you some time, but please try to hurry."

"So since when are you a love expert?"

"I'm not. I'm just good at reading people. It's like tarot cards."

"Tarot cards aren't real," I say matter of factly.

"Of course they aren't. Just like fairytales," he says, brushing the back of my right hand where my voyance rune is placed.

Shock running through my head, I try to figure things out. Is it possible that Derek knows?

But before I can ask him, Trey comes back with a glass of punch.

What just happened?

So yeah, if you read Shadow Falls... Yes, Derek is that Derek, and Trey is that Trey, and Lucas is, well... I had to change his last name since he's supposed to be a shadowhunter. And Tris and Christina, well, I think that's pretty obvious. Anyways, hope you enjoyed and thanks for reviewing!