When you come Back to Me Again
Attempting that funeral was harder than he´d expected. Maybe because of all the memories that flooded his mind all the sudden. Seeing that coffin standing there, the flag lying on top of it with all the mourners around, grieving the death of Nathan Petrelli, the man Shawn had known as the President … it felt strange.
The man that got buried there, was a man he´d never actually met. The man he´d met had been Sylar, all along. The one man he and his team had been hunting for all these years.
Man, what a sick and twisted relationship he´d had with his so called boss. Stranger than anything he and Lassie could have come up with. At least they´d always known who they were. His act as a fake psychic didn´t really count in that regard. Lassie had always known anyway, even before Suresh had done that test on him and exposed him as a fake.
Shawn made himself focus. He trained his eyes on Angela Petrelli, the mother of the deceased. He´d met her a few times. She´d creeped him out ever since he first lay eyes on her, and each time they´d met it had seemed to get worse. But now that he looked at her, hunched in her seat, her face full of grief, even though she tried to look strong before all those strangers, he couldn´t help but feel sympathy for her. She´d lost her son after all.
So had he. Even if he hadn´t been born yet, even if Abby and him hadn´t known if it was a boy or a girl. They never wanted to know.
A taxi cab stopped at the curbside. A blonde girl got out of it and Shawn didn´t need Hiro to point it out to him. He just knew it was Claire, the illegitimate daughter – the dead girl, killed by Sylar, decapitated beyond any chance of healing – who´d just arrived, at her father´s funeral.
He threw a look at the two men standing beside him. Hiro returned his gaze briefly, his eyes painful, but anticipating. Suresh on the other hand didn´t even attempt to turn his head in his direction. He never took his eyes off the coffin.
For a moment Shawn wished he knew what was going on in the scientist´s head. But then he dismissed it. There was enough confusion in his own mind already. He didn´t need Suresh´s to deal with on top of this.
Down at the funeral the young Petrelli stepped up to the coffin.
"My brother Nathan taught me a lot of things." Shawn heard him say, holding a very neat and very touching grave speech.
A speech for a brother he thought he´d lost three months ago. A speech for someone that wasn´t even dead. Not regarded in the great scheme of things, considering all the possible time interferences and paradoxes they´d created. A grave speech for someone that wasn´t lying in this coffin. Because Nathan wasn´t in that coffin. In that coffin lay the man who´d murdered Nathan.
Shawn felt a humorless chuckle come up and tried to suppress it. A little too slow.
This time Suresh did turn around to him. He and Hiro looked at Shawn with confused, irritated frowns. Shawn didn´t know what else to do but to clear his throat and humbly lower his gaze. There was no way of explaining this joke to them anyway.
Together they kept watching the funeral. They listened to the words, the young Petrelli spoke, to honor his dead brother and somehow it was like hearing the voice of a ghost.
Shawn felt goosebumps all over his arms. This was weird. Something about this picture was dead wrong. The voice he heard, even though they were far away from the actual funeral, sounded much more distant than it should. And when Peter Petrelli, the dead brother in Shawn´s reality, leaned down to kiss the coffin, something in Shawn´s mind started shifting. No, not just in his mind. The world around him seemed to shift somehow, the whole universe.
He heard someone yell out and the line of soldiers at the funeral started to move.
Close your eyes, he heard the voice of his father in his mind.
Dude, what is your glitch?
You, you are my glitch. Send the man to hell, Karen. … I mean, do what you think it´s best, chief."
The soldiers folded the flag on the coffin, and all the sudden Shawn´s mind got flooded, with memories, far too quickly for him to even compute what he saw. And yet it was all there. So clear. So real.
Jules´ face when she´d learned that he´d lied about being a psychic, all those years, hurt, betrayed. Lassie´s gaze, triumphant with some well hidden regret behind his facade. The chief´s eyes, obvious in her sympathy. And Gus of course, so compassionate, when they´d been forced to close down Psych.
Abigail´s assurances that everything would be okay in the end. And over all of this, Nathan Petrelli´s face, smiling warmly at him. He´d come to the Psych office himself that day, just as they´d been about to lock it for good.
"You´d like to work for the President?" he heard his voice again, fainting, distant.
One more time he saw that fatherly smile Nathan had given him, and then the image faded. Just like all of them did. As if they were erased. No, not completely erased. But faded out, put into the background to make room for more important images. New images that hadn´t been there before.
"Shawn." he heard Gus say, low and compassionate. "You want something from the vending machines? You know they got bagels."
He saw Abby´s eyes, full of pain and fear, her hair wet, a towel over her shoulders.
"There are so many things I want to do. … I can´t do that, when I´m dead. Call me … if you ever decide to stop chasing the psychopaths."
Down at the funeral, the general handed Angela Petrelli the flag, saluting before her. His movements seemed sluggish, slower than they should be. Much slower. The whole world had turned to a slow-mo version of itself, as if reality had taken a gear down, to reboot. Even the sounds of the leaves over their heads sounded far away, buzzed. Shawn felt his head spinning, with all those new memories that flooded in. So many of them.
"I broke up with Declan."
"Why would you do that?"
"Shawn."
The general roared his order, his voice sluggish and heavy, like a tape player with low batteries, and the soldiers fired their guns. The shots rang in Shawn´s ears, shattered through his mind.
"Look at her. Must have taken three guys to lift her up that high."
"This is Gabriel Gray, aka Sylar. He is the most notorious killer this city has never seen."
"This guy knows about you. He knows about everyone you care about." "Let´s just say you fascinate me."
Again shots roared into the silence of the day, echoing strangely in the distance of Shawn´s mind.
"Did they ask you about any ability of yours? They will. Do yourself a favor and don´t tell them. Don´t tell them anything about Juliet."
"Sometimes I wonder if he´ll ever leave us alone."
"We have so much in common, Shawn. I think you could be my savior." "Okay, dude. You … need help."
"Exactly."
His mind seemed to shatter under the exploding roars of the guns. He saw a building that seemed familiar and strange the same time. He was sitting on a bench, watching it while pretending to read a newspaper.
"Nice Trenchcoat." – Noah Bennet´s face was a familiar one all the sudden – "We´re watching you. We look away at the delicate parts."
The face with the horn rimmed glasses was replaced by Gus´, standing in the Psych office.
"There are people watching you, Shawn. But it´s people like me, who only want to help and protect you."
After having said this, Gus´ face seemed to melt and transformed into Sylar´s for some reason. He was smiling at him.
One more shot.
"Dude. It´s about time someone came to get me out of here. But I´d never imagined it to be you. You have no idea what they did to me."
"Don´t worry." Sylar´s hand squeezed his shoulder, caring, like a real friend. "I´ll get you out of here."
"Shawn, oh my god, are you all right?" Juliet´s tight hug when he finally saw her again and later on Gus, who´d hugged him even tighter, if that was even possible.
"Shawn. Thank god, you´re okay."
And then a voice on the phone.
"Shawn. Oh, thanks god, I didn´t know where else to call."
"We´re all right. Everything is just fine. Now."
When the roaring came again it was louder and longer than the gunshots. Shawn felt the jets more than he actually saw them, passing by over their heads, performing the classical formation at a soldier´s funeral, one jet leaving the formation, symbolically soaring up to heaven.
Shawn felt his legs tremble, his body finally catching up with the spinning of his mind.
"That´s good to know, Shawn. You guys take care of each other, okay?"
"You too. Thanks, buddy. For everything."
"Talk to you soon."
His legs gave in and the ground came at him. Slowly. Way too slow. It felt like an eternity. And then he finally hit the ground, and all the sudden, as if this contact with the grass had been the trigger, everything switched back to normal.
The sounds he heard were not muffled anymore and the wind on his face seemed so much more real again. His head was still spinning but the same time it felt so much better now. As if he´d just reloaded himself. And wasn´t that exactly what had just happened? He guessed it was.
A gasp from Hiro cut into the silence, but a totally real and not muffled silence. Shawn turned his head and saw Suresh kneeling on the ground, right next to him, his hands digging into the grass, his head hanging low. Hiro appeared in his field of vision.
"Is everything all right?" he asked, picking him up.
Shawn could only smile. "Yes. I guess it is. Now it is."
"What just happened?" Suresh grunted. "I was … I was just …"
He looked around, totally confused, as if he didn´t even know how he´d gotten here. Shawn didn´t need to ask him, to know what he´d just been through. He´d been sitting in the same rollercoaster after all. Now the scientist looked at him as if he was the one who was supposed to have all the answers.
"Dude." Shawn spoke. "Where´s Kayleigh?"
With a wide smile on his face he watched the confused frown on Suresh´s face deepen even more.
"Who´s Kayleigh?" the scientist asked and Shawn cheered.
"Exactly, dude. Man, you´re good at this."
Of course the doctor didn´t understand, but that was all right. Hiro understood it for both of them. He gasped and smiled from ear to ear.
"That´s from Butterfly Effect." he cried excited. "You remember."
"I totally do." Shawn smiled widely. "And you …" he addressed Suresh. "Should totally watch more movies. That was a top star reference I just made."
"That means we made it." Hiro realized, happily. "We repaired the past. Yat..."
But before he could finish his victory cry, he had a hand over his mouth.
"Maybe you could keep it down, dude?" Shawn hissed with a motion at the funeral, that was still going on on the other side of the field.
The attendants would be highly irritated when the lowering of the coffin into the grave would be accompanied by a happy outcry. Hiro followed his gaze and nodded, an apologetic look in his eyes.
"Maybe we should go." Suresh suggested. "There´s nothing we can do here anymore."
"Not until tonight." Shawn agreed, watching the scientist closely.
But Mohinder didn´t object. Neither did he agree though. He merely nodded, his eyes at the distant funeral, dark and unreadable. Shawn wasn´t even sure if he´d heard what he´d said.
...
They came back to the graveyard at two in the morning. Shawn´s hand was tightening around the handle of the shovel. He glanced at his two comrades and wished he´d see a similar nervousness there. But he didn´t.
Hiro looked determined, as if it was totally normal for him to be on a graveyard like this, preparing to dig out a grave. And Suresh. Suresh only looked gloomy, like a bystander that was here by coincidence.
An owl cried in the distance and Shawn flinched. "Dude." he exhaled. "This is totally creepy. Like in Night of the Living Dead or something."
Hiro and Suresh looked at him, neither of them saying a word. Shawn swallowed dryly, nodding at them.
"All right." he said. "Let´s … Let´s get started."
The digging was hard and exhausting. Shawn had no idea how long they´d actually needed, but it felt like hours before his shovel finally hit the surface of the wooden coffin. Another hour passed until they´d finally managed it to get the whole thing free, free enough to get it out.
Shawn dropped the shovel and stretched his aching back. God, he was
so glad he never decided to work as an undertaker. Next to him Hiro sat down, on the edge of the grave, for a moment, his face covered with smears of dirt and sweat and Shawn guessed he looked not much better. Suresh was standing above them, his back to the grave, while he wiped the sweat off his face.
For a moment they all were just quiet, taking deep breaths, collecting their thoughts. Even though Shawn wasn´t sure how much energy he´d left for a coherent thought. Damn, how could a normal human being do such a work for a living? He felt as if he could collapse right here and now and sleep for two weeks in a row.
"We need to get going." came Hiro´s tired voice, keeping Shawn from drifting off into a doze just in time. He met the time traveler´s gaze and nodded, gathering all his energy. Hiro nodded too.
"Okay." Shawn said, pushing himself back to his feet. He hadn´t even realized that he´d sat down. Sat down on a coffin? He forced the thought away.
"Okay, we need to get him out of there." he spoke, looking up at Suresh.
The scientist was still not looking at him. As if he was refusing to look into the grave, to acknowledge what they were doing here.
"Mohinder?" Shawn addressed him, firmly.
Finally the geneticist turned around to him. His face was blank. But it wasn´t simply tiredness Shawn read in his eyes. There was still some more, something that worried Shawn.
Eventually Mohinder nodded. His movements were reluctant when he climbed down into the grave but when he grabbed the coffin and lifted it up, his hands were steady. Without only the slightest sign of emotional attachment, he put the coffin on the edge of the grave and, using the leverage effect, shoved it out.
After the coffin stood on save ground, Mohinder leaned against the side of the grave, catching his breath. Again Shawn couldn´t see anything when he tried to read in his face. The scientist closed his eyes, as if to keep him from seeing too much, simply breathing, steadying his nerves. Or so Shawn hoped. Were his legs shaking? He couldn´t see it. It was too dark down in that grave.
He tore his eyes away from the geneticist and faced the coffin. Big and dark and waiting in the moonlight, the dirt still clinging to its surface.
"Oh, man." Shawn breathed, meeting Hiro´s eyes.
Slowly the two of them approached the coffin, almost sneaking as if afraid the cover could snap open any minute, a hand reaching out, ready to grab them. But of course that wouldn´t happen. Because that would be ridiculous. Again Shawn met Hiro´s gaze, realizing that the other man probably had had the same picture in his head.
When they realized this, they chuckled at each other. Stupid right?
Shawn took a breath. "Okay." he steeled himself. "Let´s get him out of there."
His hands grabbed the coffin and pulled. But the cover wouldn´t move. What the hell?
"Dude, do they even lock those things?" he cried. "What for? Are they afraid the dead guy will jump out before the funeral is over?"
"They didn´t want anyone to see the body." Mohinder spoke up behind him, his voice low and even. "Would have raised questions, especially about the cut on his throat."
Shawn took a step back. "Could you …?" he gestured for the coffin.
Mohinder didn´t give a response. He just went to the coffin and opened it obediently, the safety locks snapping open, revealing the pale skinned body of Nathan Petrelli. Half of his face was dented in and Shawn skipped back at the sight.
"Boahhh." he cried, facing in another direction. "What the hell?"
"The crash must have added some more damage to what was already there." Mohinder commented, still far too detached for Shawn´s taste.
"Damage?" he repeated. "Dude. That´s a human being we´re talking about. One we both know, by the way."
Mohinder answered his accusing gaze but didn´t say a word. Shawn decided to dismiss this scientist and turned back to the body in the coffin. Now after the first shock was over, it was not so bad after all.
"We can be glad they didn´t ask for an embalming." Hiro mentioned. "If they´d done …" But Shawn raised his hand to stop him.
"No details, please." he demanded, shaking his head. "This is already too much Pet Sematary we´re doing here."
"In that book it turned out to be the wrong move to disturb the peace of death." Mohinder added for consideration, looking down at the body. "Maybe we should learn something from it. It´s unnatural."
Shawn threw him a glance. "Would you say that too if that would be Nathan and not Sylar?" he asked.
Once again he got no answer. Mohinder only reached down in the coffin and carefully turned the body around, to get to the back of his head.
"Hold the flashlight." he instructed Shawn. "I need to see."
Shawn shone the light at the dead man´s head, watching fascinated how Mohinder´s hands stroke the hair aside, to find the metallic spike. It wasn´t easy to find it and for a moment Shawn wondered if it was really there. If this was even the right body. But then he spotted the fine dark line that went down to the base of the skull.
Mohinder tried to catch a hold of it, with his fingers, but found it impossible. Hiro handed him a pincer and after a brief moment of surprise, Mohinder took it. This time he caught a hold of the spike and when he pulled, the metallic thing came out of the wound, without any further resistance. Shawn grimaced at the sight. That was gross.
For a moment nothing happened. But then they could hear a sound, wet and organic, when the wound closed itself. More of these sounds followed, and slowly the whole body began to regenerate itself. The dented cheekbone reformed and became whole again and all the while Nathan´s skin began gaining some color again. Shawn was unable to turn his eyes away from it. And then the man in the coffin opened his eyes.
Shawn attempted to skip back, holding his breath. But the eyes that looked at him didn´t seem to see. For a moment Shawn could have sworn he saw him, but then … something else. A stare into a distance that wasn´t there. Dreamy. Almost peacefully. That was until Nathan´s face took on an expression of confusion, as if he was listening to something only he could hear, something he could hear but not understand. And Shawn had a faint idea what he was hearing now.
"What´s going on?" Hiro asked concerned.
Shawn shushed him gently, still not able to take his eyes off Nathan/Sylar.
"He´s remembering." he whispered. "His mind´s catching up with his body."
As if to underline this statement Nathan gasped, his body arching as if in a convulsion. And then his face melted. Deep within his throat there was a sound as if he was choking on something and Shawn was actually close to reach out for him to help, to do something to keep this man from suffocating. But then it was over and the face of Nathan Petrelli was gone, replaced by that of his killer.
Sylar´s eyes were closed. Was he even conscious? Shawn leaned over him, reaching for his shoulder.
"Careful." Suresh warned but too late.
Sylar´s eyes shot open and immediately fixed on Shawn. A second later Shawn had an iron hand around his throat.
"You." Sylar rasped, eyes on fire.
"Dude." Shawn managed it to croak.
"No." Hiro cried. "Don´t. You´re not supposed to be the brain man anymore."
Sylar sat up, totally ignoring Hiro and Suresh. His whole attention was on Shawn.
"You." he repeated, a snarly smile on his lips. "You tricked me. And stabbed me in the back."
"Well … technically it was him who stabbed you." Shawn pointed at Hiro, who flinched under Sylar´s sudden stare.
"But it was your trick." the killer insisted, turning back to Shawn. He shook his head. "I must admit that was one hell of a speech you gave me there. You didn´t even lie, did you?"
"No." Shawn coughed briefly. "No, I meant every word of it."
Sylar narrowed his eyes for a moment, nodding. Then he smiled and Shawn began to laugh.
"And you …" he pointed at Sylar. "You so need to stop doing this, dude."
Finally the hand around his throat loosened and instead of hurting him, gently padded his cheek.
Hiro threw up his arms at once when he saw this.
"Yataaaa!" he cried, smiling widely, and this time he didn´t flinch when Sylar turned to look at him.
Shawn gave Sylar a hand, helping him out of the coffin and Sylar´s eyes darted sideways. To Mohinder.
For a moment the silence on the graveyard seemed to be heavier than before, just the slightest ounce, but Shawn could feel the difference anyway. The happy smile on the killer´s face hadn´t faltered for nothing.
"Mohinder." he nodded at the scientist, uncertain. "It´s me."
The other man nodded, his jaw clenched. "I know who you are." he said, nothing more, his voice almost indifferent. Almost.
...
"What do we do now, Shawn?" Sylar asked after he´d filled the grave again, telekinetically.
"We can go back home now." Hiro spoke before Shawn had the chance, performing a dignified bow. "Fate has found its way. Now it´s time to save Matt Parkman´s family."
"Yeah, just one more thing." Shawn raised a finger. "I still need to do something before we can go. And I need your help for that." he pointed at Sylar "You need to tell me where that spot in your head is located. You know which one I mean."
Sylar frowned uncertain. "But … you already stabbed me there. I thought you know."
Shawn could only shrug. "That´s the problem with all these time paradoxes. Not even an eidetic memory can get past this. Ask Doc Brown. I can´t know about this spot before someone tells me. And since it´s your head we´re talking about …"
"I shell tell you where the lime leaf landed on my back, Hagen?"
"What?"
Sylar smiled, lowering his eyes for a moment. "Never mind."
Shawn threw a glance at the other two but didn´t get anything from them. Hiro was as lost as he and Mohinder was just incommunicado.
Shawn dismissed it and went on, letting Sylar show him the spot he needed, including it into the last text message he had to send, before they could finally go back to the future.
"Okay and now only one more and we can go." he mumbled after he sent it, already writing again. Hiro went to his toes, to look over his shoulder.
"Do not open until you are …" he halted and looked at him, irritated. "Until you´re a hyperactive idiot?"
"In 2013." Shawn added. "Don´t forget the time."
"But … what kind of instruction is that?"
"One that only I can understand when the time is up."
"And you think you will wait until that moment, before you read the message?"
Shawn snorted. "God, no. I know I didn´t. But I couldn´t understand what the message said before that moment was there and when it came … I remembered. Don´t worry. It´ll work just fine. I mean … it did. Let´s not get lost in word games."
He sent the message and when his cell phone told him it was done, he nodded.
"Now we can go."