Stumble and Fall

I slowly lift my heavy eyelids, adjusting to the bright light.

I'm in my bed, and there's a constant throbbing in my back.

"You up?" A voice asks.

Sebastian. I immediately flinch away from the voice, my back aching like hell in the process.

"Don't come near me," I say.

"Clary, you were hurt," he says, despite what I said.

"Because of you," I hiss.

"Your back was stung."

So he decided to ignore my comments? Wait a minute, my back?

I try to replay the moment when the Drevak attacked me. The swoosh. It really did get to my back, didn't it. And it almost got to my heart before Derek appeared.

"Why didn't you take care of it?" He asks.

He was always so good at making poker face. I try to read his emotion, but I can't. Maybe he just doesn't have one.

"I didn't know."

"But you talked about injuries when you got home," he says, talking more urgently now. "Did you have any other injuries?"

"No," I say sternly.

There is no way I'm letting Sebastian know that there's a fallen angel in my school. But I can't help my eyes flickering to my arm briefly.

"Ah," he says, picking my arm up and examining it. "A fallen angel, I see."

I snatch my arm back fiercely. I can't believe I let him get to my injury when I blacked out.

"It still hurts," I complain.

"I'm afraid I don't have the same healing power as an ex-angel. But I can take a look at it again if you-"

"No."

"Clarissa-"

"Get the fuck away from me."

"Sister, please-"

"Get the fuck out of my room."

He bites his lip bitterly, thinking. Of what, I don't know. What emotions are under that cold, hard mask?

"I was proving how much I love you."

"Well, you proved wrong."

"No, you're wrong. I'll teach you how to love me."

"I don't love you. I don't want to love you, and I will never love you, period."

Sebastian looks striken back for the first time.

"You lie."

"No, I don't."

He visually swollows, and he walks out of the room.

I keep still, shocked and scared. And I have to admit. Sebastian is scaring me. He's too... Unpredictable. And I don't enjoy surprises.

"Hey, Trey, can I please talk to you? I understand that you're mad and confused, but I think this is something we need to solve face to face. Please call me. And... And don't do something irrational. You're not thinking clearly-"

Beep. The voicemail ends and I put my phone down. Why is everyone shutting me out?

I lean back on the kitchen counter, closing my eyes.

"This is why they say family's everything," says Sebastian.

"And you're not my family."

I try walking away from him, but he puts his hand on my shoulder, spinning me around. I squeal in pain, caused from my injury, and Sebastian smiles.

"I can make you laugh, and I can make you cry. Isn't that the power of love?"

"That, my brother, is the power of hatred."

"No, you're wrong."

We stay like that for a moment. Me, glaring at him, and him smirking down at me.

"You're so beautiful," he says, brushing my hair back from my face. "Just like we all are. Morning star. The brightest star-"

"And as sinful as it burns. Lucifer-"

"Lucifer, was the most beautiful angel. Facilis descensus averni, dear sister."

I remember that. From the Silent City.

"And you too, will be like me. You already are. You felt the connection back when you first met me."

He then, leans into me, his lips lightly brushing over my ear.

"And then you kissed me back. In Alicante."

I search my mind for a clever answer. But I can't. That's his ability. Leaving me speechless. Because as much as he is wrong, he makes it sound like the good. Manipulative. Like the poison of a snake. Dangerous, but beautiful.

He grabs my hip, pulling me closer to him. I gasp, trying to push him away.

"Shh, I won't hurt you. I'll show you how much I love you."

Grinning, he slowly pushes me against the counter, kissing up and down my neck. My wrists are both pinned down on the smooth surface, but pinned or freed, I know I'll never be able to fight him.

As he presses his lips against mine, I bite his lower lip as hard as I can. I taste blood all over, but he doesn't let go of me. He frees my left wrist in order to lift the hem of my shirt, and that's when I start thinking.

Come on, Clary. What would Jace do? How would he use his freed hand? Take in the surrounding. A kitchen. There's a sink, but I can't kill him with water. Plates, yes, plates. Breakable plates. But I can't throw them when he's this close to me.

Ugh, it's hard to concentrate when his disgusting lips are on mine. Plates... What can I do with them... Jace, help me. I remember him and me fighting when we were in Alicante. Me, throwing the plates. I remember them, smashing against the wall and rebounding. Smashing against the wall... Yes...

I ineptly reach behind me and find a plate. I hope it isn't one of my mom's favorites. Then, I throw it upward. Toward the ceiling. I hear a smash, and Sebastian reflexively lets go of me. He wraps his arms around his head, protecting it as the broken pieces showers down. Using this as a distraction, I run upstairs into a bathroom and lock myself in there. Panting, I examine the cuts on my face. Not bad. Not bad.

The dinner is silent. None of us dare to say a thing. I can see that he used iratze, because I don't see any cuts on his face.

"So where did you learn a stunt like that?" Sebastian finally asks.

"None of your buisness."

"Alright," he says, raising his hands in defeat. "But you have to admit, you did kiss me back in Alicante."

"I didn't know you back then."

"So you're admitting that you did it because I am hot. You're basically saying I'm hot."

I kick his shin underneath the table, and he grunts.

"Yes, finally."

"What?" I ask, raising my eyebrows.

"We're having a normal sibling conversation."

I let my mouth hang open, gaping at him.

"You were trying to rape me just a few hours ago. You call that normal?"

"Normal for us, the morning star-"

"Please don't talk about your blood running in my veins kind of crap. I am tired of you and your pretty little sick games."

"I am not playing any games."

"You almost break my hipbone, then you ask me to dance with you. A few days later, you give me some brotherly advice, then you try to break up my relationship. Then, you almost have me killed, then you help me, but not long before you try to rape me! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"This is me, loving you!"

"You don't know anything about love. How many times do I have to tell you that you only want! You don't love me. We never will love each other."

"Clarissa, listen-" his voice is dangerously low.

"No, you listen. Ever since I was born... Everyday, I wished I'd have a brother. A brother with green eyes. A brother who loves me and protects me. And as much as I hate to admit, you sometimes give me that hope. But somehow, you always manage to break them. And I give up now. You are not my brother."

I stand up and head to my bedroom, wiping my tears off. What? Why am I crying? Oh god, Jace. What is wrong with me? I hate him... I hate him so much I want to give him a slow, painful death. I will make him regret ever being born.

"Get up," Sebastian orders.

Confused, I slowly sit up, rubbing my sleepy eyes.

"What's wrong? Turn on the light."

"Nothing's wrong. I just wanted to take you out."

"Take me out? The hell with that! You might try to kill me in a dark alley-"

"You know I promised you not to hurt you."

"You didn't exactly keep the promise last time."

"Come on, Clary. Give me an hour."

"Fine, fine."

"Get dressed. I'll meet you downstairs."

When I'm absolutely sure he's gone, I rush to a corner of my room. Soundlessly, I lift the wooden panel and get a few seraph blades out. I know I've sworn not to use them, but I need them. There's no way I'm going out with Sebastian in the middle of the night, unarmed. I get dressed and hide my weapons carefully. Sebastian will freak out if he finds out about this.

"So where are we going?" I ask.

"You'll see."

It feels like I've been walking for hours although I know that it's not more than twenty minutes.

Although it's June, the night breeze is cool, caressing my hair.

"Here," he says, stopping in front of a big metal gate.

"It's just some kind of a church."

"Not just some kind of a church," he says, taking his stele out.

He draws an opening rune on the gate, and it opens with a creak. There's a small garden, and although I can't see them because of the dark, I can smell flowers. Roses, maybe?

"Where are we?" I whisper although there is no one but us.

"This is where the Circle held it's meetings," he explains. "It used to be an Institute, but it got a bit ruined after the Uprising."

I look at the building. It's beautiful, really, but there is quite a lot of damage done.

"Wow," I exhale. "I never thought I'd be here before."

"Well, our parent have been here, so I thought you deserve to. Come on, let me show you the inside."

When we got inside, he turned the lights on, and I could see the beauty of the building. It was rather a large library, dusty carpet and paintings all over. I walk along the wall, my footsteps echoing.

"Lucifer," I whisper, stopping at a certain painting. "Lucifer Morningstar."

"Yes, the brightest star, yet the damned."

A few paintings were scattered on the ground, probably because of the fight.

"They used to discuss upstairs. You want me to show you?"

I nod, and we both climb upstairs.

"Can't we use... An elevator or something?" I pant, halfway up.

"Yes, we can. But don't they usually use stairs in movies in a scene like this?"

"A scene like this?" I ask, knitting my eyebrows.

"A scene where you discover your parent's history," he says, shrugging.

Upstairs, there is a large room, which Sebastian and I step inside. He turns the light on, and I can see it much better. Some couches and tables. There's paper all over the floor like someone was trying to find an important document. A few vases have fallen on the ground. But most importantly, there is a huge hole on a wall, revealing the other room right next to it.

"This is where our father used to sit," Sebastian says, approaching to a small couch.

I can easily picture Valentine, sitting in that very seat, talking of Uprising.

"And our mother," I speak softly.

I touch the material gently, wondering where she is now. I feel a sudden nostalgia, and I turn to Sebastian to see if he does too. He's just standing there, his face as hard as ever, glaring down at the wooden floor. But I think I can see something in his eyes. Maybe an emotion?

"Let's go to the roof. You wanna use the elevator this time?"

I nod, following him. I regret bringing the weapons now. I don't think he's going to hurt me tonight. But if he finds out about my anxiety, he'll be mad.

The roof is the weirdest thing I've ever seen. It's like it was another floor before, but like the ceiling was ripped out. There are a few parts of walls that's still left. There are a couple of broken window frame, and white curtains are whirling in the wind, making ruffling sounds.

"Father used to take mother out here on a date often," Sebastian explains.

Not very romantic, if you ask me, but whatever floated Valentine's boat.

"What happened to the ceiling? Is it because of the Uprising?"

"No, it was like that from long time ago. No one knows why. Legends say Raziel wanted it off so he could visit here anytime."

He and I stand like that for a few minutes, thinking. I try to imagine my mom, leaning against Valentine, watching the stars.

"The falcon," I whisper.

"What?"

"You got the falcon too, didn't you?"

He nods swiftly.

"What happened?"

"It ran away."

"It just... Ran away from you?"

"That's what you would have done, isn't it?"

I remain silence because he and I both know the truth.

"Even an animal didn't love me. I remember feeding it, providing it a shelter, training it... But it left, just like that."

He looks at me, as if his words have double meaning. As if he's in fact, addressing it to me. But what can I tell him? That I love him? That I will never run away from him? How can I say that, when the truth is that I don't even pity him. I do not feel any positive emotion toward him. And I know it's not me. It's him.

"Come on, it's time for us to go," he says, turning away from me.

"Sebastian, why did you suddenly decide to bring me here?"

"Because... Because I wanted to show you that I can be loving too. You enjoyed this, didn't you?" He says, not bothering to face me.

I just stand there, motionless.

"I can be a loving brother like in your dream too, Clarissa."

"Of course," I slowly speak. "It's always about you, isn't it. It's all about you."

"I did this for you. For your happiness."

"No, you did it for yourself. And there's nothing more," I say clearly, walking into the elevator.

Of course. What was I expecting from Sebastian?

Oh, gosh. Why does Sebastian screw up everything in the end?(Because I wrote him that way, duh) Also, just so you know, the building was just something I made up, so please don't get confused. Well, hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reviewing!