Just Starting to Crawl

So Trey, Derek, Christina, and Tris. I finally made up my mind. Those are the people I'm bringing to the waterpark. I called all of them last night and they all said yes.

I pick out a denim short and a light green top and put on some make up-a date with Trey.

The doorbell rings when I'm finished, and I go downstairs to open it.

"Clary," Trey says. "You ready?"

"Yup."

"Tonight, I'm taking you to the best Italian restaurant ever."

"Oh, please. You're doing this just because you love pasta."

"Hey, I know you've grown to like it too. I heard you eat pasta everyday whenever your mom's away."

"Fine. Let's go finish up this restaurant."

"Since when were you so close to Christina and Tris?"

"I don't know. Well, they sit near me in biology. Or was that history?"

"English," he corrects me. "My point proven."

"Well, they seemed to know my brother," I say, shrugging.

"Wait, is your brother coming too?"

"No," I tell him. "Of course not."

"Well, thank god. He always kind of creeped me out."

"I know. He says weird things, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, he was talking about meat grinder last time, remember?"

I nod. Of course I remember that.

"So how do you like your pasta?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

"Perfect. It's heavenly. Maybe next time I'll take you to a sushi place?"

"Sounds good," I say, smiling.

"Can I ask you something, Clary?" He asks, this time more seriously.

"Sure. What is it?"

"Are you and Sebastian related?"

"Um, yeah. Why do you ask that?"

"Well, you guys don't exactly look alike."

"He has my father's look."

"Oh," Trey says, knowing that this is a touchy thing. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For mentioning... Uh... Him."

I almost burst out laughing. He can be so awkward sometimes.

"That's fine! I don't exactly miss him, you know, we weren't really that close."

He nods understandingly, but I know that I must look like a cold hearted bitch.

"Trey, can I ask you something?"

He nods.

"What do you like about me?"

He seems pretty startled by the question.

"Everything."

"Everything bad?" I ask.

"Everything good and bad. It's unfair, you know. Everyone has flaws, but I love your flaws. Flaws aren't supposed to be lovable."

"Wow, you sound like a textbook boyfriend," I say, laughing.

"Was it really that bad?"

"Yup, and that's the flaw I like about you."

He laughs, leaning in to kiss me.

I kiss back gently until the waitress comes to get us our bill, smiling awkwardly.

"How many boyfriends did you have before me?"

I freeze instantly. My heart starts aching hard. Really hard.

"Three," I answer honestly. "But I was in love with only one."

Jace. I was in love with Jace, and I still am.

"Do you still... Think about him?"

"Yes... I'm sorry but, I do."

His eyes are gentle, but he bites his lip.

"Did he break up with you?"

"I don't really want to talk about it," I say, inhaling sharply.

"I'm sorry."

I give him a weak smile, standing up.

"Let's go," I say, trying to forget about Jace.

When I get home, Sebastian is sitting in a couch in the living room, his face turned away from me.

"Did your mom ever talk about me?"

"No," I reply, biting my lower lip. "But she used to cry over you."

"Not me," he laughs dryly. "Over Jonathan, but not me. Over the boy who never existed. How stupid is that?"

"She knows that the boy is still in you."

"No," he says, turning over to me. "The boy died long time ago."

"Why exactly are you asking me this?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I was just curious. Well, now I got my answer. Time to go to bed, Clarissa."

He stands up, and kisses me on my cheek. I flinch away from the kiss, walking away from him.

That night, I head downstairs to get some water in my system. It's past midnight, so I bet Sebastian is in his room.

I walk into the kitchen, but I let out a scream when I see it. A figure rummaging through stuffs in the fridge. Sebastian. He drops the empty beer can he was holding when he sees me, startled. Startled? Sebastian is never startled.

"Clary," he says, a grin spreading on his mouth.

"Sebastian," I acknowledge coldly. "What are you doing?"

I can clearly see that he is totally wasted by the look on his face and the several empty cans of beer rolling around the floor. He leans against the fridge, closing it hastily.

"I thought I would use some mundane distraction," he gestures at the cans.

He exhales loudly, while I just stand there, confused. This is a whole new Sebastian. Vulnerable, weak, and broken. His always stiff shoulders are loosened as he stares right back at me, his eyes distant.

"Clarissa," he whispers. "Beautiful."

He reaches out and tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear.

When I don't flinch away, he smirks, cupping my cheek with his hands and kissing me. I taste alcohol on my lips, but I can also taste emotions. Realizing who's kissing me, I push him in disgust, and to my surprise, he falls down.

I stare at his limp posture on the ground, still and unmoving. As much as I wish he's dead, I know it's not true. Even a sword won't kill him.

I stand still, looking at him for minutes, frozen. I should probably leave him here. I mean, why should I carry him to a bed of something? I don't owe him. And why would I care anyway?

So I turn around, walking away from him coldly until... Well, until he says something.

"Father," the boy croaks, still unconscious.

Is it just me, or did that sound like a beg? I feel something hot and jelly in my heart. I turn around to face him again, eyeing his limp body. This isn't Sebastian. This is a stranger.

Why the hell does he have to be so heavy? I drag his body to the couch, every muscle in my body tensed. I finally put him on the couch, panting. He's still asleep. Asleep like any normal boy.

Catching my breath, I kneel down and watch him sleep. Not out of adoration, but out of curiosity. The boy always so straight and tense, now relaxed and peaceful. It's amazing, you know. It feels so weird that I'm actually watching Sebastian sleeping.

I think for one second, how it would be if he didn't have demon blood in his veins. What if he was a real brother, loving and caring? Feeling a single tear rolling down my face, I brush a loose strand of his pale blonde hair back, loosing myself in a daydream.

But I know that this is the boy who killed. This is the boy who tried to hurt me. This is the boy who can't love. This is the boy who is planning something on Winter Solstice, and that plan has something to do with me. They mentioned a sacrifice. But Sebastian said Lucas will be it. Then what about me? What am I?

Sighing, I stand up and turn around, looking at his face once more. I'll probably never see him this way again. I head back to my room after grabbing myself some water. Sebastian is confusing. But so am I.

I am almost finished with my pancakes when Sebastian walks in, his hair messy. He mutters something under his breath and sits down on a chair.

"I'm never drinking again," he croaks, slouching.

"Headache?" I ask and he nods.

Sebastian complaining about pain. Exposing it. His vulnerability.

"Tylenol is in the bathroom shelf."

"And that is...?"

"Figure out yourself," I say, sighing.

"So last night was... Different. It's like there's a hole in my memory."

"Do you remember anything?" I ask, hoping he won't remember me.

"No. Just drinking. The next thing I remember is waking up in the couch. Did you put me there?"

"No," I lie.

His lips are pressed against each other into a thin line.

"Of course, not."

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"Well, we are, in fact, having quite a normal sibling conversation."

"No, we're not," I say, frowning.

"Keep telling yourself that. So how's things going on with Trey?"

"You know what? You're right. I don't know why I'm talking to you about this," I say, standing up.

"Just stop messing around with you and his brain, Clarissa. Human's biggest flaw is vulnerability. Hearts can be scarred so easily, dear sister."

I won't hurt Trey. I know I won't.

"Up! Up, up, up, up, up! It's time to feel the beautiful sunshine! It's time to hear the birds chirping! It's time to-"

I fling my pillow to wherever the sound is coming from.

"Ouch! Is this how you treat your own mother?"

Oops. Sorry mom.

"I'm letting you off the hook just for this once, because... You're the birthday girl! And it's time to get out of bed, sweetheart!"

"Mom, the birthday girl wants some sleep," I groan.

"But I'm sure your friends would be waiting."

"I don't care."

"Come on, baby!"

I groan loudly, sitting up hastily.

"Fine, fine. I'm up."

"I don't know about the others, but Lucas is super excited about this."

"Yeah, yeah... Wait, what? Lucas?"

"Um, yeah? Your friend?"

"But I didn't even invite him!"

"Well, he said you did. And actually, I don't care if you did or didn't. He practically lives in this house, Clarissa. You can't leave him out."

"Watch me."

"He's coming."

"No, he's not."

"Yes he is. End of discussion."

"But mom-"

"Nope."

"He can't come with us."

"Give me one good reason."

I remain silent. I can't tell her he might try to drown me when no one's looking.

"Thought so. Get dressed and come downstairs. You packed last night, right?"

She then, leaves the room. What the hell?

"Lucas!" I yell, and find him running into my room.

"What?" He asks, smirking.

"What the hell have you done?"

"Can't I even see my sister swimming?"

"But I swear, if you leave a single scrape on me or my friends-"

"I promised, remember? And did I ever break that promise?"

"Yes."

"Well, that was unintended. See you downstairs."

I know, I know. It's short. But I'll update soon. Forgive me? :) Well, hope you enjoyed and thanks for reviewing!