He who fights with monsters might take

Care lest he thereby become a monster.

And if you gaze for long into an abyss,

the abyss gazes also into you.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Chapter 2: Welcome to Sunnydale

~Xander~

It was strange being back in Sunnydale, back in the Bronze and Xander couldn't quite pin down why. The past three months were probably the best months in his entire life and Xander was still marveling about it. One thing was for sure, he had some crazy luck to have broken down when he did and that Harry had seen him. After Harry had picked him up they had shipped his heap back to his parent's house and then they had closed their eyes and basically thrown a dart at a map.

They had headed to the Grand Canyon first, talking about everything and nothing along the way. Xander had never met someone quite like Harry; he was insanely generous and incredibly kind. Harry had basically financed the trip for the both of them barely batting an eye at Xander's protests. So Xander had entertained him with tales of Sunnydale, well ones that didn't include demons or vampires. Which he had a surprising supply of, and Xander had listened as Harry in turn regaled him with tales of going to a border school in England.

They had spent a few days hiking the Grand Canyon, Harry had bought a fairly expensive camera and they had taken turns playing paparazzi with the scenery and each other. A few times they had run into people that took a few pictures of them together. After that they hit the road again heading for New Orleans, and that had been a blast. They toured the sights, took in the swamps and spent a few nights getting drunk in a few of the more eccentric bars.

It was in New Orleans that one drunken night Harry had kissed him, which of course had made for a slightly awkward morning after. Harry had of course apologized and told him he'd send Xander home on his dime. However, Xander hadn't been ready to go back to normal boring Sunnydale (big bad adventures excluded). So Xander had waved it off, let Harry know he hadn't minded too much and they were on the road again soon after.

They went to the Mississippi River next and took a steam boat tour. Of course about the second day on the river Xander began to question his sanity and his sexuality. Mostly it was Harry, he didn't treat Xander any differently but Xander just couldn't get that kiss out of his head. He caught himself staring at Harry, getting lost in emerald eyes and generally studying him as he had only ever studied women before. Well, Xander had been firmly in denial about it all for a while.

After Mississippi they caught some races in Kentucky, Harry made some money betting on the horses and it had been fun making some bets of his own. Then they were off to the Smithsonian in D.C. and they stuck around in that state for a while seeing the sites. Harry had paid for them to stay in some very nice hotels so it was actually very comfortable.

It was around the time they were sitting down to dinner in this little hole on the third day in D.C. that Xander realized he couldn't stop staring at Harry's lips. It had been three weeks since that kiss and yet it was all he could think about sometimes. Now Xander wasn't in the habit of lying to himself, his parents' lied enough on their own, at least he could be honest within his own brain. So Xander admitted he had liked Harry's kiss…and wanted another one.

Later that night Xander kissed Harry, and this time there were no weird morning after regrets. They went to New York a few days after and enjoyed Broadway along with some of the crazier sites there. On every street corner it seemed like there was another performer trying to make a buck or trying to get discovered. It made for very entertaining walks…as soon as you got over all the trash. And the strange smell that was.

After New York, they had flown to Florida for the beaches, and somehow Harry's car was there, waiting for them. It was slow developing, this thing between Harry and Xander, just a few kisses. A touch here or there and it surprisingly didn't change much Harry didn't treat him any differently. They still had a crazy good time doing things Xander had only ever dreamed of doing before. It was on the beaches of Florida that Xander began to notice the scar…really notice.

The one on his hand said I must not tell lies, there was a scar running down the length of one arm, the lightening bolt one on his forehead there was circle on his upper on and on his back…his back looked like someone had taken a knife to him for sharpening practice. The worst of it on his shoulder blades, thick ropey twin scars that looked like starbursts on his back. It all told him more about the things that Harry would not say…horrible things.

It had made Xander feel protective and threatened all at once. That distant part of him that still felt the pull of the hyena wanted to rip someone apart for hurting such a sweet person. Harry was just so small; he looked so fragile, like if you hugged him too hard he'd break. Xander knew Harry was strong though, he was a lot like Buffy in that way. After spending some time in Florida they caught a ship heading to the Caribbean and that had been a hell of a time.

Four days on a cruise ship being pampered was an amazing way to travel and it was almost as awesome as the islands themselves. After two weeks there Xander had casually mentioned Hawaii and before he knew what hit him they were hopping a plane to the Hawaii Islands. After that they had gone to San Francisco and taken in the sights there.

Then they had a road trip down to Napa valley and wine country. Eventually Xander had thought it was time to go home but he hadn't wanted to leave Harry so soon. Harry surprised him again by saying that after he had gotten some things in order he would come down to spend the year in Sunnydale with him. Harry had dropped Xander back at his parents' house yesterday and then they had parted ways reluctantly.

What Xander hadn't expected was the welcome he got, shoved down into the basement, expecting to pay rent for food and board. It had given him a harsh dose of reality and Xander's head was still spinning. That was part of the reason he was here tonight, to get his head on straight and come up with a plan to earn some cash. He felt the weight of the cell phone Harry had given him in his pocket and hoped for a call soon.

He would call the gang to tell them he was back in town soon, he had so many souvenirs to hand out and he had a few suitcases of things he needed to sort out for himself. He had gotten a lot of clothes during their travels; Harry had bought him some when he had gotten any for himself so Xander was proud to say his wardrobe had expanded. There was a lot of film he had to develop too, and some mail to sort through.

Just when he started to get a little overwhelmed by it all Xander spotted a familiar head of blonde hair. "Her whole college life ahead of her, filled with new and exciting experiences, and she comes back to the Bronze of all places?" He said ironically next to her. Buffy spun around; huge smile lighting up her face before she engulfed him in what Xander had dubbed the 'slayer hug'.

Slightly painful but still good, "Xander!" Buffy said pulling away. "Heard you went off to see America? Is it nice I heard it's nice?" Buffy asked leaning back against the pillar.

"It was unbelievable Buff! I broke down outside of Oxnard and ran into this crazily nice dude named Harry. He has an accent as thick as Giles but he is around our age! It was crazy listening to him talk sometimes! Anyways, Harry was over from England doing the same thing as me and we decided to team up! Really saved my ass!" Xander gushed in Willow esque fashion.

"So where did you go!" Buffy asked excitedly.

"Everywhere! It felt like we went everywhere! We headed to the Grand Canyon, hung around New Orleans, bet on some horses in Kentucky, spent some days catching the shows on Broadway, we even managed to cruise down to the Caribbean for a bit before heading to Hawaii! That isn't even half of it! I have so much to tell you guys! But enough about me, what has got you down here looking all glum faced?" Xander said as he plopped down on a free couch.

Buffy followed him down after, "I got my ass handed to me by this vampire at the college, I don't think I can beat her Xander, and I don't know what to do."

"So where's the rest of the gang, Avenger's Assemble and all that jazz!" Xander said smiling.

"I tried talking to Giles, but he wants me to do this on my own. Learn to handle my own problems be an adult and all that. Willow is busy doing the whole college thing and well I don't want to be all in her way about this," Buffy said.

"Well, I think that's stupid Buff, we'll do this together! No matter how old you get sometimes you need a friend to have your back when times get rough," Xander said.

"I don't think I can face her Xander, I failed spectacularly last time," Buffy said pitifully.

"That's bull Buffy, when I am in a tight spot, or scared and don't know what to do I always think to myself, 'what would Buffy do?' You're my hero buffsters, and heroes don't give up," Xander said. "You're just afraid, and that's okay. Everyone gets scared sometimes," he said putting a comforting hand on her shoulder, "being brave doesn't mean you're not scared Buffy it just means you're facing it."

Buffy squared her shoulders and nodded, "You're right! Let's do this!" She said.

"Right!" Xander said getting up with her, "Let's go do some good old fashioned scoobie-ing!" he said.

It was surreal going sleuthing with Buffy again after the last three months. While the last three months while a little crazy, certainly fun, and filled with discoveries had been relatively normal. No demons, no vampires, no Big Bad trying to bring about an apocalypse, and Xander was surprised to find he had missed this craziness. There had been no life threatening situations and he missed it? Xander thought that Sunnydale had infected him with its special brand of insanity.

Before Buffy had come into his life he had been blissfully ignorant of the supernatural craziness that came with living on the Hellmouth that was Sunnydale. Buffy had come into his life like a wild fire, slightly life threatening, sort of beautiful in a dangerous way and mesmerizing. He had crushed on her for a while; Xander looked at her as they made their way to her college, and he was glad to have moved passed that. Xander hadn't lied when he told Buffy that she was his hero, because if the roles had been reversed Xander didn't think he would have it in him to carry on like she did.

Buffy had been just another ordinary teenaged cheerleader, fifteen and a bit air headed. Then the previous Slayer had been killed and Buffy had been 'called'. It was still hard to wrap his mind around that sometimes; some old prophecy said that every generation there was only one girl destined to fight evil to protect humanity. Basically there was supposed to be one girl that got powers, super strength and what not, to be strong enough to fight the baddies.

When a Slayer dies another is called, there were always hundreds of 'potential' Slayers waiting to be called every day…basically waiting for another to die. Buffy got called, and her life had never been the same since. Fighting vampires, demons, and generally keeping the world from falling into chaos. She had endured a lot of heartache too, Buffy had even died once for a bit but she had come back. Xander had brought her back, a little CPR and she was breathing again. Incidentally that triggered a loop hole that called another Slayer and for the first time in history two Slayers were active.

Not that it was necessarily a good thing, Kendra had been called first but when she had been killed Faith had taken her place. Faith was a wild card, and had eventually gone all evil on them. Needless to say having an evil Slayer running around had not been a good thing and had caused all sorts of problems Xander rather not think about. Somehow he thought of Angel and Xander really wished he could forget that guy.

Angel had been a vampire with a soul, cursed by gypsies to have a soul to torture him for his crimes he had committed without one and only a moment of true happiness broke the curse. Not a good thing again, because if meant Angel went all Angelus without his soul being a very evil dude. Buffy had dated Angel while he had a soul, and Xander thought they had really loved each other. Then Buffy had lost her virginity to Angel and poof…there goes Angel's soul.

Angelus had come after them then, killing people close to them, torturing Giles, trying to bring about the apocalypse and then Buffy had to break her own heart to stop him. Xander didn't know if would have it in him, to kill someone he loved to save the world…and that was one of the many reasons Buffy was his hero. Of course Angel hadn't stayed gone for long, coming back from a hell dimension, soul intact, had certainly not helped Buffy move on. Especially since Buffy helped him recover from that little trip waking up feelings Xander thought best suited dormant.

Angel had left eventually, taking off to LA and breaking Buffy's heart all over again. As the college came into view Xander forced his thoughts away from the past and to the present. Buffy had been in a funk since college had started, feeling lost, unsure, and afraid. It had made her weaker than she really was and this bitch vampire girl had taken full advantage. Beating Buffy up, taking all her stuff, basically saying she was going to kill Buffy when the time came.

Buffy had all but resigned herself to defeat before his little prep talk. That was the thing about becoming a Slayer, life expectancy was considerably shortened, and in fact currently Buffy was one of the oldest Slayers ever second only to one who had managed to make it to twenty seven. Admitting defeat for a Slayer was basically accepting a death sentence and Xander was happy he had found Buffy when he had. Even a powerful Slayer needed ordinary old friends to pick them up sometimes, because for all that power Slayers were still human…still had a heart.

Buffy and Xander went through the school records trying to narrow down places that these vampires could nest near the school. Eventually they narrowed it down to an abandoned sorority house and went down there for some reconnaissance. Buffy had sent him away for some weapons and by the time he got back with Willow and Oz in tow the fight was in full swing. Staking vamps, the rush of battle, of watching Buffy fight it was everything he had missed.

Of course Giles came running up after all the fighting was done weapons in hand to help but by that time they were just hauling Buffy's stuff back to her dorm. No one was really talking to Xander so he let his thoughts wander again down memory lane. Willow, his red headed friend, and Wiccan witch caught his eye. Willow and him had been friends since kindergarten they had uncovered Buffy's Slayer secret together. Oz her boyfriend was a werewolf, and wasn't much fun to be around during the full moon if you didn't want to be eaten.

Oz was a musician and pretty laid back guy. Giles, a bespectacled Englishman was Buffy's Watcher, basically he was Buffy's partner in the whole Slayer thing. He did the research, helped her train, guided her patrols, and was basically an all around great guy. The Watcher Council was the ones charged with finding potential Slayers, letting called Slayers know what the hell happened to them and turning them to their 'duty' to fight evil.

Of course Giles and the Watcher Council had some issues so Giles wasn't technically a Watcher anymore. Not that had stopped Giles from remaining at Buffy's side being her Watcher anyways. Sometimes Xander thought that in many ways Giles was like a father to Buffy; her own Dad had walked out on her years ago. The only one in the Scoobie group who didn't have something extraordinary about them was Xander, normal completely human Xander.

At least that is what everyone else in the group thought, the truth of it was a bit more complicated. Sometimes he felt like Alice in Wonderland, he had been changed so much so many times he wasn't quite sure who he was anymore. The first change, the first fall into the rabbit hole had been when he had been possessed with a few others by a pack of primordial Hyena spirits. Buffy and the crew had him exorcised of the spirit eventually.

What he had never told his friends was that some of the powers that he had gained from being possessed by the Hyena spirit had lingered on. If they had known they would have tried to strip him of it, since he had done some very horrible things when had been possessed they would have been moved to do it for 'his own good'. However, unlike when the spirit was inhabiting his body influencing his thinking and pushing him to do bad things…what had remained was in his full control.

It wasn't all that great anyway, an enhanced sense of smell, a bit more strength than average (nothing Slayer worthy though), a pack mentality. All things Xander hadn't considered bad and after all these years these traits had come to be a part of him…he didn't want them to be taken away. These traits alone wouldn't have done much to help him be extraordinary anyway, but then he had picked a soldier costume for Halloween.

Nothing crazy, nothing that in a normal town would have done anything to him, but this was Sunnydale. That particular Halloween they had been turned into whatever costume they were wearing, so he had gotten a download of all things Soldier of fortune. That curse had been broken too, but just as with the Hyena things linger on in him. It was strange, because he was the only one who had retained anything. The others hadn't kept anything from their costumes.

As with the Hyena the traits he kept aren't that special when you looked at them, a soldier mindset, weapons knowledge, knowing how to survive in the wild and a bit of the strength from that as well. When combined with his lingering Hyena traits though it was very slightly more than a normal human was equipped with. He wasn't Slayer strong, he was slightly stronger than the average body builder he thought, but it was something. It certainly made facing super strong vampires with nothing but a wooden stake a bit less daunting.

That along with all the experiences he had from fighting alongside Buffy, he was stretched, squished, and vaguely Xander shaped. However, he didn't feel quite like he was normal old Xander anymore. He didn't feel like the boy that had grown up with Willow and was generally seen more as a comic relief than anything. He tried to be their Xander shaped friend still, but Xander admitted he wasn't quite ordinary Xander anymore.

Then of course there was Harry, Harry who was beautiful, who made him feel special, who had taken him on the adventure he had only thought he could dream about. Harry who had kissed him and shattered all Xander's beliefs about himself with a simple little drunken kiss. Harry who had changed him once more from thinking he was 'normal straight Xander', to very confused but very attracted Xander who was in a sort of relationship with another guy.

Never in a million years before Harry had come into his life had Xander thought he would ever get into a relationship with another man. But it had happened and Xander was surprisingly okay with the craziness of it. Harry was kind, he actually saw Xander, the normal but not quite normal Xander. Harry thought he was extraordinary…had told him as much. Harry who was willing to pack up his life in England and move down to Sunnydale for Xander.

Harry who was by far probably the wealthiest person he had ever meant, but was humble and generous in a way Xander had never thought a person could be. Harry who showered Xander with a gentle affection that Xander had never experienced in his entire life and who Xander was sure he was well on the way to falling in love with. He cast his eyes to the other Scoobies, and felt suddenly very nervous. He didn't know how to tell them and ironically he thought this might be what it was like for a normal person coming out to their parents.

Xander's parents were drunks, borderline abusive, cold people and he wasn't frightened about telling them he was going out with a guy. His friends though, they were like his true family and he was very nervous to tell them about Harry. Mostly because they only knew the Xander shaped friend who was seeming very straight. Buffy knew he had a crush on her once upon a time, they knew him in his relationship with stuck up Cordilla, who lost his virginity to Faith, who had kissed Willow.

This revelation would probably as hard for them as it had been at first for him, because if he was honest it had taken him weeks to admit to himself that he wanted Harry. It would probably take them just as long to get used to the idea of him with a guy. Xander discretely fingered the cell phone in his pocket, he wanted to call and talk to Harry. He restrained himself though…but it was still tempting.

A.N.: Chapter 2 done! Lol setting some things up this chapter and giving some background to new readers who have no clue on all things Buffy! This is set in the beginning of season four, and changes will gradually be made. More action will be coming next chapter, Harry will be back! Lol Read & review please! ^-^ It certainly motivates me to write more and update sooner!