Disclaimer: The only part of Castle that I own is the TV on which I watch the show.

Dad and I were in the bathroom yesterday morning after Mom left for work. He had his elbows sticking out from his hips so I knew he was sort of at the end of his rope. That's an expression. He didn't have any rope. It means he really wanted me to do something, which was to go. Go pee.

"Okay, Eliot, here's the deal. I know this is only our third day of potty training, but if you sit on your potty until I count to a hundred, you can come with me to pick up Mom's Valentine's present."

"No."

"What if I tell you that Mom's present is at Harry Winston, a store I happen to know you love? Makes me proud to have a son with such incredible and discerning taste."

"No."

"What if I add ice cream to the deal?"

"No."

"What if it's ice cream at Serendipity?"

"Yah!"

"I swear you've been talking to your grandfather. You're such a little negotiator already. You gonna be a lawyer?"

"No."

"Is no your favorite word?"

"Yah."

I could see he wasn't at the end of his rope any more because he was trying not to laugh. "Oh boy, a prodigy in the 'no' department, too. You weren't supposed to be doing that for another six months."

"Hey, Scrapple, what's a prodigy?"

"Dunno."

"That's okay. Thanks for telling me to keep telling Dad no a bunch of times. It really worked."

"You're welcome. We dachshunds are crafty."

Dad put me on the potty and started counting to a hundred. It felt like it was taking a million years.

"Scrapple, do you know how count to a hundred? Is Dad putting in some extra numbers?"

"I can't count that high, but I'm pretty sure half isn't a number and he keeps saying it. Five, five and a half, six, six and a half. Like that."

"Well, I really want that ice cream, so I'll stay on this potty. It'll be worth it."

Dad finally said, "A hundred!" He lifted me off the potty and looked in. "Hmm, that's what I thought. Nothing. We'll try again later. Now, if you had gone, this is what we'd have done, okay? Watch me. I would have emptied your potty here into the toilet and then we would have flushed it. See? When you press down the handle, poof, like magic, the pee goes away."

"Way?"

"Yup, it all goes away."

"Ice!"

"Ice cream, right. Well, a deal's a deal, even if you didn't go in your potty. Serendipity it is, but not until after lunch and your nap."

Dad had to write for a while, so I played with blocks. I made a tower and Scrapple knocked it down and then I did it over and he did it over and I did it over and he did it over. I laughed every time.

"Hey, Scrapple?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you see that cool thing Dad did with the toilet? It's called flush. It makes the water go round and round. Have you ever flushed it?"

"Nope, can't reach. I like the sound though. It's gurgly. Reminds me of that fountain we get to play in in the park."

"I asked Docky why the fountain isn't on and he said it's because it's winter and it's too cold, that the water would freeze. I wonder why it doesn't freeze in the toilet?"

"Probably because it's indoors. It's nice and warm in here."

"Wouldn't it be funny if somebody put the toilet in the freezer?"

"You have great ideas, Eliot. You could be a dachshund."

"That would be fun. I could be a dachshund for a while and you could be a boy."

So after lunch and my nap Dad and I went to the jewelry store, Harry Winston, and waited in that special room. When the man came out with Mom's present he said hello and shook Dad's hand.

"You remember my son, Eliot, Mister Forrest? He helped me pick out earrings for my wife Christmas before last?"

The man still had that spooky laugh and was all nervous. "Uh, yes, the little lad has grown a lot. I do remember him very clearly."

"Yah!"

"Well, now, Mr. Castle. As we discussed, you wanted a ruby-and-diamond bracelet that resembled the cho—the necklace—that you bought at that time, and I think you'll find that we've managed almost a perfect match." He put it on a tray and Dad picked it up and turned it over and held it so the light made it all sparkly. I clapped!

"Eliot obviously approves, and so do I. It's beautiful. Thank you, Mister Forrest. I'm sure that my wife will be over the moon."

"Mom's going to the moon? Why? Isn't that far away? I don't want her to do that."

"I'll just get this put in a box for you. Would you like us to wrap it?"

"No, that's not necessary, thanks. Just the box in a small bag."

"Ice?"

Mister Forrest jumped a little when I said that and Dad laughed. "He's not referring to diamonds. He meant ice cream, which I promised him after we leave." Mister Forrest laughed but it sounded like he didn't mean it.

We took Mom's present and went to Serendipity which wasn't far away. We were glad because there's a lot of snow around and it gets stuck in the stroller wheels. Dad ordered us a Can't Say No Sundae, which is ice cream and pie and hot fudge sauce and a banana and whipped cream. He got most of it but I got ice cream and some banana and he took my picture and texted it to Mom. One bite later Dad's phone rang and there was Mom on face time.

"Hello, boys. Are you where I think you are?"

"Yah!"

"Castle?"

"Yes?"

"You must be celebrating a special occasion? Did something happen that I don't know about?"

"Ice!"

"Right. Yes. Um, I promised Eliot if he stayed on the potty while I counted to a hundred—which I did ultra slowly, Beckett, ultra, ultra slowly—we could go to Serendipity."

"Did you go potty, Eliot? Wow! That's amazing! No, wait. Wait, wait. Castle. I see your face. I also note that you made this extravagant promise if he stayed on the potty, not if he actually, you know, used it."

Dad didn't say anything, but he looked at me and whispered "uh-oh."

"Guh, Mom." I showed her my spoon.

"I'm sure it's good, sweet pea. But Castle? We will discuss this reward system of yours later. When I get home."

"Oh. Oh, okay. We have to go. Bye."

Then Dad looked at me and said, "I think Mom thinks I was giving you too big a treat for just sitting on the potty. Well, we had fun eating this, didn't we? And when we get home you can try the potty again."

"No."

Dad kind of groaned and shoved his hand in his hair. "Oh boy, I think I may have created a monster."

"There's no monster here, Dad. It's like before when you said there was a green-eyed monster but there wasn't a monster. I think you're just kidding me. Or maybe it's an expression."

When we got home Dad put me on the potty again but it was boring so I didn't do anything.

After that he decided that we needed to find a good hiding place for Mom's present because the next day was Valentine's Day and it would be a surprise. But just then Mom came in the door so Dad put it under the sofa which is a bad hiding place. She was taking off her coat and her boots and kissing us hello and then she said she wanted to talk to Dad so they went in the kitchen. That's when I got the idea of where to hide the present. So I did. She will never guess!

After we had dinner it was time for me to go to bed. Mom said, "Let's try you on the potty again."

"Up?"

"Upstairs? Yes, we'll try the potty upstairs in your bathroom." But I didn't need to go so I didn't. Mom said that was okay and we would try again tomorrow. I had my bath and a story and a song and after Mom and Dad left I looked through my crib.

"Hey, Scrapple. Did you see where I hid Mom's present?"

"Yes. That was good thinking, Eliot. Really smart."

"Thanks. I meant to tell EB and Obi but I forgot. Night."

"Night."

When I woke up Mom came in to get me and gave me a big kiss. "Good morning, my funny Valentine." And I was so happy because she thinks I'm funny and I love to be funny. I gave her a kiss right back. After she changed my diaper we went downstairs where I thought Dad would be in the kitchen but he wasn't. I could hear some banging and crashing around so I didn't know what was going on.

"Where's Dad, Eliot? He always has our breakfast ready doesn't he? He sounds like he's in our bedroom. Let's see."

He was! He was on the floor on his belly looking under the bed and Mom said, "Castle? What on earth are you doing?"

He pushed himself backwards so he could get out and then stand up. He was very messy and his hair was sticking out. He also looked very pale. "I can't find it." He sounded like he strangling.

"Are you all right? You don't look well."

"I can't find it. Oh, my God. It's just not possible."

"What?"

"Your Valentine's present. You came home earlier than I expected last night and I shoved it under the sofa. I swear I did. And it's not there. It's not anywhere."

Mom used her hand to make Dad's hair neater. "Don't worry. I'm sure it'll turn up."

"But I am worried. I didn't put through the insurance yet."

"My Valentine's present requires insurance? Castle!"

"Mom."

"Just a minute, sweet pea."

"Oh, come on, Beckett. You know by now I'm an extravagant guy. You're the love of my life. I'm not giving you flowers and chocolate for Valentine's Day. Besides, this year you deserve an over-the-top present."

"If you're calling it over-the-top, I'm not sure I can imagine. I don't need anything like that."

I patted her on the leg. "Mom. Mom."

She put her hand on my head. "Eliot, sweetie, please, just a minute."

"You may not need it, but you deserve it. You have a toddler. You're pregnant with twins. You deserve something special. If I can ever find it."

"DAH!"

"What, Eliot?"

"Cm. Dah." I pulled on his pants leg. "DAH!" I started to walk to the bathroom and then I turned around. "Dah! Mom!"

"What's going on?"

"What's going on?"

See? They said the same thing at the same time. They do it a lot. So I turned back around and walked to their bathroom and finally they followed me. When we got there I went to my potty and tried to pull up the lid but it was hard.

"Do you want to go potty, Eliot?" Dad was so excited!

"No." I tried to get the lid up again but I couldn't so I pointed. "Up."

Dad looked confused but he pulled the lid up on my potty and I got Mom's present out. "Mom!"

"Ewww!"

"Ewww!"

They said the same thing at the same time again but why were they mad? "Ewww" is not nice. I hid the present for them! It was a good surprise hiding place. Under the sofa where Dad put it wasn't. So I sat right down and cried. I pointed at the box. "Hi. Elyut hi."

And then Dad swooped down like a big bird and picked me right up and kissed me all over. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Yes! Hide! We were looking for a hiding place and you found one. Good boy."

He was still holding on to me and he said to Mom, "He must have taken it from under the sofa while we were talking in the kitchen last night. I had told him we needed a good hiding place."

"His potty is a good hiding place?"

"Well, Beckett, it's clean as can be. It's not like he's used it yet. So I think it was a great hiding place."

Then he and Mom laughed so hard I thought they'd never stop, so I laughed, too. After a while Mom said, "May I open this now? Maybe somewhere more romantic than pottyside?" Dad had put me down so she held my hand and we went to the kitchen. "You did a good job, Eliot. You really used your imagination. Next time not the potty, though, okay?"

"Kay."

Dad made us pancakes in the shape of hearts and Mom opened her present and said, "Ohhhhh, Castle!" And then she got up and kissed him so hard I thought he might fall over but he didn't.

It was a Happy Valentine's Day. I'll try to remember about the potty.

A/N A couple of readers complained that Eliot is too young for toilet training, and that Beckett is therefore not well versed in that area of childhood development. Eliot is a year and a half old, just shy of 18 months. Some toddlers are thoroughly trained by then or even younger, many are much older. There are no rules; every child is different. I potty trained a toddler when he was 16 months old and he has grown up to be strong, happy, friendly, successful, and un-neurotic. I don't pretend to know everything about child development, but neither should anyone else! Thank you.