INNOCENT BLOOD FOREVER SPILLING THROUGH MY CLAWED HANDS
She accepted me with out question, she wouldn't even take my sword despite that I offered it to her by Ouroboros everything feels strange in my head right now. It's been so long since I've been a relationship with anyone and I won't deny that I'm afraid it's been well over two years since I slept with anyone, what if I can't perform? Its not that I haven't had female lovers before but it's been even longer since a female lover made me feel good about myself. Sex with Adrienne was never about love it was about dominance, it was in part brutal and it occurs to me now that it been ages since I made compassionate and gentle love to a anyone the last person I made that kind of love to, was Damokles. I consider myself to be someone who knows what to do with both genders but right now I feel so unsure of myself. I didn't expect her to say what she did about the androphonomania massacre. I had no idea that those children had survived, I thought that they had all died. I remember my desperation to hide them I realized I had to do it after watching Adrienne tear a screaming child to ribbons in the first village we went to. I remember standing there and watched her and feeling powerless to do anything. That image has haunting my nightmares for so long and it was always my biggest regret that I didn't break her jaw for doing such a vile thing.
I have no stomach for killing children I've never been able to do it, I just can't bring myself to cause them harm them and the Imperial Council considers you weak if you can't kill human children. I want to talk to that boy I saved yet I'm so afraid of what he will say. Xena said that he spoke highly of me but I wonder how he will take to seeing me again. I wouldn't blame him for having some anger towards me after all it was my people who changed the course of his destiny. I have been looking at the letters on my desk and I can tell by the hand writing that the men and women writing these letters are unsure and slightly desperate. Their desperate to heard and desperate to be acknowledged these are from werewolves like those I met in that tavern. They are the forgotten sons and daughters, mothers and fathers who ran away from the underground cities well before my time, because they broke the rules. They have all been hiding in human form and living out secret lives in plain sight while always looking over their shoulder fearing that they could be found out and killed by both humans and those werewolves who are loyal to the Imperial Council. There is one thing I do know and that a half life is no life at all, if you can't live your life for whom and what you are then you are not living at all. As I look at these letters I realize that most are requests are about wanting to be heard as equal citizens and the desire to have a seat among the diplomatic council.
I realize that this request won't be easy and I know I'll have to do a lot to bring the good side of my race into the light but maybe I can start by making sure that all these werewolves are acknowledged in Corinth. After all these letters are all from Corinth only one is from Athens. Maybe I can ask Xena to create a civilian position which will give werewolves a voice until I can formally put a werewolf diplomat on the council. Maybe I can get around this by making this diplomat work for me in the beginning and then later have them join Xena's diplomats when things have settled down. I know I'm going to be asking a lot and I know it won't easy but I'm going to try. The Imperial Council has to realize that I'm not alone and that I have werewolves of Corinth on my side. Gabrielle leaned over taking her quill from her ink pot she slowly began to write notes on the scroll opposite. She carried on writing only to stop as hand came out of no where stopping her hand in mid motion. She turned realizing for the first time that Xena was standing directly behind her leaning over her desk. She felt her eyes dart she hadn't even heard the other woman come in to her room she felt the other woman's lips as they found her neck kissing her very gently.
She felt herself breathe in sharply as the other woman's hands moved down to her waist. Xena pulled away from the other woman's neck gently kissing her, she felt a smile form. "Hello." Gabrielle eyed her quill before meeting the other woman's intense gaze, why did she feel so uncertain of her self at this moment in time? She felt as though the other woman was once again staring in to her soul she breathed in deeply before speaking despite how small her voice sounded even to her own ears. "Hi." Xena eyed the other woman she who seemed very nervousness, though she was trying to hide it. She moved her hands up to her shoulders keeping them there trying to make her feel more at ease. "Sorry I should have knocked it's just." She paused trying to find the right words. "I thought you wouldn't mind me being here." Gabrielle looked up slightly feeling a smile form as she put down her quill taking the other woman's hand. "No I don't mind you being here." Xena eyed her letters. "What have your people been sending you?" Gabrielle felt her gaze drift to her notes. "There from the werewolves of Corinth they want both acknowledgement and a seat on the diplomatic council. I need to work it all out its going to be difficult and it's been a long time since I've done this I'm feeling very rusty."
Xena turned as she pulled up a chair sitting opposite the other woman as she took hold of her other hand. "I'm sure you'll be as sharp as ever soon enough and we can both work something out regarding this issue." She paused trying to find the right words to her next question. "What did you want to do…with the wagons? It's just their mounting up and soon they'll be more." Gabrielle eyed her for a long moment. "Do you have a map?" Xena turned pulling a scroll out of her belt. She carefully opened it she had, had a gut feeling that she'd need it and she had been correct. "This is a map of my Empire, you don't have to tell me where any of the werewolf cities are, just give me a location where I can send them." Gabrielle turned picking up her quill she carefully drew a black ring close to the city of Aetolia. "All the wagons should go here it's a highly patrolled area and the scouts will find them. Your warriors are not to go inside this circle under the laws of the Imperial Council it will cost them their lives." She eased up the quill again creating a heavy black dot opposite the city of Phokis. "The Grand City is just outside this city hidden in a deep valley, you'd never see it but if we ever have to go there I'll show you the entrance."
Xena turned the map over looking at it she had not expected Gabrielle to tell her this but she understood that her doing this was an act of deep trust and no doubt because they were now in a relationship. "Thank you Gabrielle, you didn't have to do this." Gabrielle moved her finger to the dot. "No I think I did, I've spent so long inside your palace I know every room, every corridor and all of the gardens yet you don't even know where I used live or how I came here to Corinth." Xena felt her smile widen. "How big is the Grand City?" Gabrielle put her quill down. "Two thirds the size of Corinth per level it's the oldest of all the cities as it was built during king Lycaon brutal reign which was before Corinth became a mayor city. The Emerald Hind was said to have come up with the idea of an underground city hidden from view of every one, so he could protect his people. The builders later designed his vision and built it, it took them five years just to create the first level and to create a concrete which could turn the walls solid. Back then werewolves didn't use the grinding jaw to create tunnels they had to use their clawed hands." Xena raised an eyebrow. "What is the grinding jaw?" Gabrielle pulled up a piece of scroll creating a small sketch. "It's like a large cylinder with a metal front around its edge are huge cutting teeth. Five werewolves in werewolf form have to push it forward, while two in human form turn the wheel handle to keep the front section moving but the teeth have to be changed because they break constantly."
She lowered her gaze sadly as she finished her sketch watching as the taller woman looked at it with fascination. "It's very common for people to die and the Imperial Council don't care about making the grinding jaw safer. As they consider the builders as lowest class in werewolf sociality, yet in my view their one of the important classes. With out them we'd have no homes as they do the most back breaking job of all and it's slow and very dangerous." Xena put the map down on the table as she took hold of her hand. "When you take back control of your kingdom you can change all this Gabrielle, these people won't have to die anymore just because the Imperial Council think they are a lower class." Gabrielle looked at her for a long moment. "I hope so." Xena eased up her hand putting it on her face stroking gentle. "I know you will." She looked up meeting her uncertain gaze. "I've seen your races armour and weapons their very strong, stronger than any bronze I've ever come across Iona tested Adrienne's bronze plate and she couldn't dent it, is that made from the same bronze as these teeth?" Gabrielle breathed in deeply. "Yes it is, though the stronger bronze was never intended for war. It was created by the smiths for the grinding jaw but later on they started to use it to create stronger weapons and armour."
Xena breathed in deeply she could see a very conflicted look in the younger woman's eyes. "You don't seem happy about that." Gabrielle shook her head. "No I'm not I think a warrior should be measured by their skill in battle, not their weapons and armour. I know though that many would not agree with me on this subject. It's always been heavily debated among the warrior class, may be I just feel differently because my first armour was tempered leather and I had to make do with it and try to survive. Even my swords weren't made of the special bronze they were normal and I survived. So to me this special bronze just doesn't have the same appeal though I know one day I may have to wear it. I have no armour as a king but I may need one regardless of feelings, because the Horn Hind has always worn a suite of arms to show their status. I refused to wear the golden armour that the Imperial Council had made for me, it never felt right." Xena moved closer to her. "What is right for you?" Gabrielle shook her head. "I don't know what's right for me I have never thought about it." Xena leaned forward gently kissing her lips before pulling back feeling the need to change the subject she knew that Gabrielle may not like this subject but she felt the need to know the whole story of what had happened during the androphonomania massacre. "Please tell me what happened during the androphonomania massacre."
Gabrielle turned sharply feeling the painful knot as it twisted in her chest she shook her head lowering her eyes to the floor. "No you don't want to know about that." Xena eased her hand down putting it under her chin using it to gently raise her head so their eyes met before moving it out from under her chin. "Yes Gabrielle I do want to know about this, you said that the Imperial Council offered you something, what did they offer you?" Gabrielle tensed painfully, the last thing she wanted was to relive this memories she'd spent most of her life trying to forget it. The truth was she couldn't forget it, it had always been in her nightmares. Maybe if she talked to the older woman about it she'd feel better in some way at least then some one else would know her pain. She'd never spoken to anyone about these events they'd remained locked away in her mind and had eaten away at her over the years. The truth was that she wanted release from them because they hurt so much. She breathed in deeply by Ouroboros this was going to be hard, she closed her eyes as the dark memory flashed in front of her eyes for a spit second. She slowly opened her eyes meeting Xena's as she felt a sad smile form. "I thought the Imperial Council would be true to their word and that I would get what I wanted. I thought I was going out there to fight a mayor battle against other warriors…it was never that kind of battle though…it was all about killing innocent people."
8
Gabrielle put the pipe to her mouth which she'd gotten from one of the dead bodies it was a small ivory pipe which wasn't thick but very thin at the neck leading to a small round end. She breathing in the opium trying to block out the screaming in her mind and the many innocent faces looking back at her, she had found it impossible to sleep since she'd been on this campaign. For three months she'd marched with Adrienne and the large warrior as they had slaughtering whole villages filled with innocent people. She just couldn't kill children she had found herself picking them up and taking them away from the slaughter. She had hid them where ever she could and how ever she could, there was no greater sin to her than killing a helpless child no matter what the race, she didn't know if any of these children had survived after she had hidden them she could only hope that they had. She had, had enough blood on her mouth at that point that no body had questioned her, she knew that she was deifying the Imperial Council's orders but she didn't care. She hated this, it felt like a never ending nightmare which she couldn't get away from. She breathed out the smoke from her pipe she could only block out her inner pain as well as the many innocent eyes which staring back at her with opium. She looked at the dried blood on her human hands a remainder of last nights slaughter. She adjusted her shirt not caring that there were blood stains on it. It had been a gift from Damokles along with the boots and trousers she was now wearing. She had wanted to get rid of them but she had never had the heart to do so, they were all she had left of him along with his ring which she was now wearing.
She breathed in watching as Adrienne walked in to her tent a smug smile on her face. She lowered her gaze hearing her self speak but in a tone that felt distant even to her own ears. "So this is it is it, we have to be less than human even though we are already inhuman? I have to be so inhuman and kill these people and for what? To appease those bastards on the council just so I can speak to them!" Adrienne eyed her adjusting her bloody armour. "Oh please are you having one of your moral moments again? I wish you'd stop with these there annoying." She took hold of the wine skin uncapping it then took a long drink before looking up. "Their worthless humans!" She raised her hand. "They are killing us they are skinning our race alive and turning us in to pelts and trophies." She felt a sneer form. "Our numbers are dropping, or haven't you heard? The Imperial Council is doing what's right for us as a race." Gabrielle breathed out the opium smoke. "Doing what is right for our race, please these people didn't skin our people this is just a slaughter. The Empress of Greece will only hate us even more for this she'll raise the price on our heads." Adrienne put the wine skin down. "Okay I know you're unhappy but it won't be much longer you've got one week or maybe two then we can go home. I know it's your birthday in two months time, you'll be twenty three."
Gabrielle eyed her in disgust. "I don't care about my birthday! I've never celebrated it since I was turned in to a werewolf so why should I start now?" Adrienne clicked her finger. "I know what you need, you need to have sex, I'm sure it's been a long while since you got laid, after all its no secret that you like both genders." She paused. "Speaking of which you have never have told me about the men and women you slept with prior to Damokles." Gabrielle ignored the high feeling in her head which was due to the drugs. "It's none of your business who I slept with before Damokles." Adrienne walked up to the other woman kneeling down in front of her she ignored the warmth of the open fire behind her as she turned to meet her cold gaze. "You know a beautiful woman like you shouldn't be alone at night." She moved her hand towards her scar which was something she'd always wanted to touch. "It's a sin of the gods." Gabrielle grabbed her hand before it could touch her face forcing it down watching as Adrienne winced painfully. She could hear the venom in her words as she spoke them. "I have no interest in sex for the sake of sex, I'm not like you." Adrienne laughed despite the pain she was finally she was getting somewhere with this woman who was always cold towards her. She wouldn't lie, when Gabrielle was being violent she found it a huge turn on, she was all rage and all focus she wanted to see what she was like in bed even more so when she was angry.
Clearly Damokles had no doubt preferred for her to lie on her back while he'd stuck his dick in and whispered sentimental rubbish in her ear. She on the other hand wanted to dominate, control and own her on every level the thought thrilled her so much because it would clearly take a very strong will to control Gabrielle's. She looked up slightly. "Tell me have you ever mixed pain with pleasure? I know Damokles probably made you lie on your back and play the bitch but I wouldn't do that to you, I'd let you be in charge, I'd give you sex like you've never had before." Gabrielle eyed her for a long moment feeling her teeth grind together. "What I had with Damokles is something you'll never understand." Adrienne smirked. "And yet it wasn't that special, because you're here now all alone, he never loved you to start with." She leaned closer. "You and I could have something really special if you wanted it." Gabrielle didn't think as she threw her pipe to one side then slammed the other woman in to the floor keeping a tight grip of her hand as her other found her throat. "Do not test me Adrienne." She leaned closer hating that the other woman was still smiling. "I know that every one thinks I'm a soft headed fool because I have morals but I do not like games, least of all yours." Adrienne didn't think as she shoved her knee between her legs feeling her let go of her hand more due to surprise than anything else. "This is not a game this is about your happiness I just want to make you feel good."
She shifted her knee. "I can give you great pleasure I can take away that pain you feel inside and unlike Damokles I won't leave you alone in the darkness I'll always be there for you." She kept her leg in place as she sat up moving her free hand over the edge of the other woman's collar she eased it up her neck and slowly up to her face. "You're such a beautiful woman, its little wonder that the gods made you Horn Hind." She leaned closer seeing her opportunity as she met her lips kissing them ignoring the other woman's surprise. She felt a slight response which got suddenly stronger she now had the other woman right where she wanted her. Gabrielle felt her eyes snap open, what in Ouroboros's name was she doing? She pulled away sharply from the other woman getting off her as she pulled her hand away from her throat. "Get out!" Adrienne smiled as she got up. "It's nice to have that feeling isn't it the sensation runs down your chest and then lower doesn't it? You must have been missing that." Gabrielle eyed her. "I said get out!" Adrienne felt her smug smile widen. "You'll want me to give you that feeling again it's only a matter of time and you know it."
8
Xena looked up feeling a painful knot twist in her stomach gods this was so tragic. It was clear by the younger woman's words that Adrienne had taken it up on herself to become forceful in her manipulations she had used sex as a means to get to under Gabrielle skin. Although at the time Gabrielle had been stronger and had been able to push her away. It was a cold manipulation of her heart which was still broken at this point due to loosing Damokles. The thing that made her feel even worse was that Gabrielle had kept the clothes Damokles had given to her she lowered her gaze feeling the pain hit home as she spoke. "The clothes Damokles gave you, were you wearing them that night with the royals?" Gabrielle looked down at the floor trying not to cry. "Yes." Xena put a hand on her face feeling the guilt hit home. "I'm so sorry…they mattered to you and I had you transform in them." Gabrielle shook her head sadly. "Please don't be sorry it was a long time ago and I've put it behind me." Xena breathed in as she put a hand on the other woman's shoulder. "I'll get you some clothes to replace them, I know they won't be the same or have the same meaning but it would mean a lot to me." Gabrielle breathed in deeply. "No you don't have to do that." Xena eased up her hand. "Please Gabrielle." Gabrielle stood up walking away from her chair. "You've given me everything I could ever want I don't want anything more from you Xena. I also don't hate you for what happened with the royals, I did for a long while…afterwards…but that was a long time ago."
She raised her hand. "I've forgiven you so please don't give me anything more, maybe it was for the better that those clothes were destroyed. I was clinging to the past and I needed that to happen so I could move on." Xena looked at her for a long painful moment. "That ivory pipe you kept it to remind, you didn't you?" Gabrielle put her hand in to her shirt pocket easing out the pipe she put it on the table next to her looking at it for a long painful moment. "Yes I keep it to always remind me that innocent life matters and that I will never take any ones life like that again. It's a symbol of a monster and I never want to be that monster again." Xena breathed in painfully. "Monsters don't try to save children Gabrielle." Gabrielle tensed painfully. "That doesn't change the fact that I took innocent lives and destroyed the lives of many families. All because I believed that my doing so would end the killing of human children in werewolf sociality. I was a fool I brought in to their lies because I so much wanted to believe them and doing so it caused me so much pain." Xena stood up pushing the chair to one side. "They manipulated you Gabrielle they set you up and like you said before if you didn't go through with it they would have humiliated you, you had to choose between the better of two evils."
Gabrielle put her fingers on the pipe. "Regardless it doesn't make it any better, those people are still dead and I can't bring them back the only legacy I have is that the children I hid did survive but even then it doesn't feel as though it's enough." Xena moved a step closer to the younger woman seeing her breath in sharply as she tried not to cry. She eased up her hand putting it on her face. "Why do you always try to stop yourself crying?" Gabrielle looked up painfully. "I don't cry because its show weakness, I'm a king I shouldn't be seen crying." Xena moved her face closer to the younger woman's. "There is no shame in crying Gabrielle it doesn't make you weak, it means your hearts beating with in your chest and you can feel and I know that you feel every thing, I see it in your eyes all the time. You should feel everything Gabrielle it's all right to feel there's no shame in letting it out, when you release the pain and cry it makes you feel better. You don't need to hide your feelings from me ether I don't see you as weak for crying, I love you." Gabrielle paused unable to control her emotions what ever barriers she had in this second just felt like they'd suddenly been torn down around her. It felt as though she was now completely exposed to the other woman and she couldn't hide her feelings from her. She closed her eyes feeling the tears as they ran down her face. "I see those innocent people faces in my dreams and it hurts so much because I want to bring them back and I can't."
Xena wrapped her arms around the younger woman pulling her close as she started to cry. "I know sweetheart." She kept hold of her closing her eyes as something Gabrielle had said painfully sunk in. She had never celebrated her birthday not since being turned in a werewolf, she had always had a birthday and her staff had even given her presents. Yet to imagine never having a birthday and never celebrating one was utterly heartbreaking. She tightened her grip around Gabrielle's waist as she cried even harder, she couldn't bring back her clothes the ones she destroyed and she would respect her wish but she would give her a birthday no matter what. She could find out when it was and celebrate it she could even make it a surprise and shower her with gifts. She didn't care if she spoilt her by making her happy, just doing so meant so much to her. Chara could tell her what the day of her birthday was as she had seen her birth record. This woman had, had such a horrible life and she knew that it was getting very hard for her to tell her story. It was clear to her now that she was talking about the truly dark chapter of her life and it would only get darker from now on and it wasn't going to be easy for her. She breathed in deeply as she slowly opened her eyes feeling a sense of purpose take over. She wanted to see this woman smile every day now that they were in a relationship together.
She also wanted to take things up a notch and make a decision which she had at first wanted to avoid due to the back lash but now she no longer cared. She'd let the council of Corinth know that she was in a relationship with Gabrielle come what may. It would help with Gabrielle's confidence if she knew that she was important to the palace and that her role mattered. She was now her consort and she deserved to be known to those who governed Corinth so they would respect her position. If she felt valued and important it would no doubt help her on her way to healing she was sure of it. She stepped back easing up her hand as she carefully wiped away the younger woman's tears watching as she gained control over her emotions although she could tell that unlike so many other times the hardened front just didn't seem to come up fully. Gabrielle breathed in she was still filled with painful emotions right now and they were difficult to deal with though the tears did take away some of the pain. She just wanted to be lead right now rather than make up her own mind at this moment in time as she felt safe and protected with the taller woman. Xena felt Gabrielle's grip around her hand tighten, she had papers to sign but she didn't care for them right now this was so much more important to her.
End of part 88
The Grinding Jaw mentioned is based on a real device known as a Tunnelling Shield or mole which was created by Sir Marc Isambard Brunel, and patented by him and Lord Cochrane in January 1818. It was used to create the first tunnels which made up the London Underground. Though I know the concept is a little off the wall, I thought as werewolves had more strength they would be able to push a huge heavy device like this around and turn its wheel and I know bronze isn't great hence why the teeth are always breaking.