"We gain strength, and courage, by each experience

In which we really stop to look fear in the face…

We must do that which we think we cannot."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Chapter 4: Harsh Light of Day

~Harry~

Harry was sitting in the living room on his surprisingly comfortable brown leather couch and sorting through pictures from the road trip he had taken with Xander. There were more than he had thought, and he was truthfully a little overwhelmed. Xander came down from his room yawning and stretching like a cat temporarily distracting Harry. Blushing Harry tried to turn his eyes back to the pictures but his concentration was shot.

"Morning," Xander said plopping down next to Harry on the couch.

"Morning," Harry said flipping through the pictures and finding a very rare sight. Xander had snapped a picture of him kissing Harry's cheek making Harry blush pink while in the background there was a wall of water. Niagara falls had been awe inspiring. Xander took the picture from his loose grasp putting his arm around Harry's shoulders as he did.

"This is a nice one," Xander said teasingly.

"Yeah I think I'll frame it and put it my room," Harry said snatching it back stomping down the urge to blush…he was blushing too much already.

"So what are your plans for today?" Xander asked.

"I was going to go shopping for some food, and some little things we still need for the house. I wanted to get a better Washer and dryer set," Harry said absentmindedly. "What about you?" Harry asked turning his attention back to Xander.

"Giles called earlier said he wanted to hire me to help him organize his library," Xander said.

"Sounds like we both have a full day," Harry began, "I was thinking that we could invite your friends over tonight sometime, I'd like to meet them," Harry said smiling.

Xander suddenly looked very nervous and Harry kept his face carefully open bracing himself for bad news. "Well…uhhh…the thing is…that…well…okay here is the thing…until you I hadn't even looked at another guy in that way and well…uhh I haven't really worked up the courage to tell them…about…us." Xander said wincing as he closed his eyes as if he was expecting a blow.

Harry kept a firm hold on his temper, he forced himself to see it from Xander's position and his anger slowly died. It was natural for Xander to be nervous about announcing their…whatever it was between them…to the world. Harry remembered how it had taken a while to come to terms with his orientation after his time in captivity. His childhood had been spent watching everyone around him obsessing with being normal and that had left its scars on him.

Being a poof hadn't exactly been in Harry's preconceived notion of 'normal' so he had taken a while to come to terms with it. He didn't need to push Xander into doing anything he wasn't ready for and he needed to be understanding. Harry smiled and grabbed Xander's hand, "That's alright Xander," he said as Xander opened his eyes in surprise, "I'll just be your roommate and friend; I would like to meet your friends though."

Xander looked confused for a moment before he nodded, "Yeah, I'll invite them over, I have a bunch of souvenirs I need to give them anyways," he said smiling.

"Great! Then I'll make a big dinner tonight," Harry said smiling.

Xander smiled at him and kissed him lightly, "I better get going, Giles is expecting me soon."

"If you wait a tick I'll drop you off on my way into town." Harry said moving to grab his keys, wallet and shoes.

"Thanks, you're really too good to me," Xander said teasingly.

Harry winked at him, "That's just because you're such a sexy chancer." He said.

Xander smiled, "I hope being a chancer is a good thing?" he said sardonically. Sometimes Harry forgot that Yankees didn't have the same slang.

Harry smirked, "It is for me," he said as he sauntered out the door Xander grinning stupidly at him from behind.

~Xander~

Xander looked at Giles' books in frustration, he couldn't concentrate and it was making organizing his books an impossible task at the moment. He was relieved that Harry hadn't been upset with him about not telling his friends about them yet but at the moment he felt like an absolute asshole. Harry was so sweet and understanding. Xander knew he had hurt Harry by being such a coward and not owning up to the fact he was in a gay relationship to his friends.

"Ahh, I don't get your crazy system," Xander groaned.

Giles took the book from him and put it quickly away, "It's called the Alphabet," Giles said sarcastically.

"Would you look at that," Xander said jokingly to cover up his mistake. The door opened behind them drawing their attention to the entrance and Xander was mildly surprised to see Anya walk through the door. He hadn't seen her since their mutual pity date to prom.

"You should lock your door," she said lightly to Giles.

"Believe me I am kicking myself," Giles replied in posh tones.

"Anya, last time I saw you, you were fleeing in terror, how did that work out for ya?" Xander asked to back Giles up.

"I need to talk to Xander," Anya said pausing for a moment, when Giles didn't leave she sneered lightly, "go away." When Giles didn't move Anya huffed and grabbed Xander's hand, "Xander come with me," she said as she pulled him outside.

"Willow said you're working here," Anya said lightly.

"Yeah I needed some money," Xander began before Anya interrupted him.

"So where is our relationship going?" She demanded.

"Our what? Our who?" Xander asked genuinely confused.

"Relationship, What kind do we have and what is it progressing toward?" Anya asked matter of factly.

Xander felt completely blind sighted and he suddenly wondered why all the crazy demon chicks seemed to be attracted to him. "I…uhhh…you think we have a relationship?" Xander asked incredulously.

"We went to the prom," Anya said smiling sweetly.

"Yeah on our one and only date, second date called by giant snake, plus there is the whole you used to be a man killing demon thing. Which to be fair is as much my issue as it is yours, but that doesn't mean we're in a relationship Anya. In fact we're barely acquaintances." Xander explained slowly. Have to be gentle when rejecting the crazy ones, because the last thing Xander wanted was to be kidnapped and almost raped by a woman again.

"I can't stop thinking about you, sometimes in my dreams you're all naked," Anya said advancing on him with wide eyes.

Xander was getting more uncomfortable by the minute, his crazy stalker alarm blaring in his mind and he joked to distract her, "Really? You know if I'm at the checkout line at the Walmart I had that same one." He chuckled nervously.

"So I can assume a standing Friday night date and a mutual recognition of prom night as our dating anniversary?" Anya said smiling widely.

Xander felt a moment of panic; he would have to be blunt because he wouldn't risk his fragile relationship with Harry over a crazy girl, "Anya! Slow down! In fact come to a screeching halt! See these things kind of have to develop on their own, and right now I'm not interested in pursuing anything with you. I'm already seeing someone and don't want to risk that," Xander said slowly.

"So you don't want to have intercourse with me?" Anya asked confused.

"No, I want to go back to sorting books with Giles and forget this ever happened," Xander said scooting towards the safety of Giles' apartment.

"But I don't understand," Anya said confusion scrunching up her face.

Xander almost felt bad and he patted her shoulder as he said, "It's simple, whatever it was that could have been between us ended on prom night. Now you need to move on and I need to get back to work." Xander said booking it back to Giles apartment before she could stop him. He closed and locked the door before she could possibly follow him.

"What was that all about?" Giles asked.

"Nothing," Xander squeaked picking up a stack of books. He would tell Harry about Anya tonight, explain the whole thing, because the last thing he needed was her to show up while Harry was around causing doubts. Xander sighed, why did demon women find him so attractive? Did he have a sign on his back that said come and get me?

Xander found out later that most of his friends were going to a frat party tonight and wouldn't be able to stop by to meet Harry. Luckily he caught Harry before he made dinner so it wasn't a complete disaster and they just rescheduled the whole thing for Monday night instead. When Xander had gotten home later that night and nervously explained about Anya, absent the whole man killing demon thing, Harry's reaction wasn't what he had been expecting.

Harry had the gall to fall to the ground laughing deep belly laughs hysterically. Xander was a bit upset about it honestly. It wasn't funny that he continued to be assaulted by crazy girls…okay maybe it was a little funny. Thinking about it Xander realized he had been almost raped by no less than three dangerous crazy women and was it any wonder he had developed some fear of the opposite sex? Maybe that was part of the reason he found dating Harry so comforting, and at least a small reason why Xander was so open to exploring a relationship with the same gender.

Then of course the next day Giles called to tell him about Buffy's run in with Spike, which was a bit unnerving. A couple days after that he called a full blown research session with the other scoobies…needless to say they were also put to work helping him organize his things. "Okay either I'm borrowing all your albums or I'm moving in," Oz said excitedly as he flipped through Giles' record collection.

"There are more important things than records right now," Giles said as he flipped through another book tiredly.

"More important than this one?" Oz said holding up an album.

Giles sat up a little straighter, "Ahh…well…I suppose an argument could be made for…" he said.

But Xander interrupted him when he unearthed something amazing, "Woah, Giles' has a TV! Everybody Giles has a TV! He's shallow like us!" Xander said putting the TV on display.

"I gotta admit I'm a little disappointed," Oz said jokingly.

"I…I…I…" Giles stuttered.

"Maybe it doesn't work it's like art!" Willow said desperately only to gasp and flinch when Xander turned it on.

"I…ummm…public television!" Giles defended. As a news report on a sink hole blared out at the room. "Come on everyone, we have vital work to do television is no gonna help us right now." Giles said only to startle when he actually paid attention to the report.

"Tunneling," Oz mused.

"Spike," Giles said seriously. "Come on, Xander, find Buffy and meet us there!"

Xander nodded and made for the door. Spike was bad news; he was a vampire Angel had made before he had been cursed with a soul. Spike was almost as bad as Angelus had been, and he had tried killing them all at least once. What Buffy and Giles thought was that Spike was after a stone that was said to take away vampires weaknesses. Basically meaning that they could go out in the sun, stakes to the heart wouldn't dust them, crosses and holy water would have no effect.

That was the worst possible thing that Spike could get his hands on, because even though Spike had been a real pest in the past he had been easily handled before. If he got his hands on this gem though Spike would be nearly unstoppable until they got the gem away from him. Buffy was in a major funk at the moment and Xander wanted to get to her quick to get her head in the game.

According to Willow, Buffy had been smooth talked by this guy Parker into sleeping with him and now Buffy was very upset that the guy hadn't called her after. Xander could understand why Buffy was so upset, before Parker she had only been with one other guy…Angel…and that hadn't ended well. Xander knew Buffy hadn't slept with him more than once, so this was only her second time having sex and it hadn't turned out well either.

However, Buffy had made the decision to sleep with Parker, without making Parker be clear on his intentions only assuming that her 'giving it up' meant it was leading into something more. Yeah, Xander was still going to deck the guy next time he saw him for messing with his friend but Buffy had to realize her part in this too. What was really upsetting is that Buffy seemed to be obsessed with getting into a relationship with someone, anyone really, to help her forget about Angel.

Well Xander knew from experience that it didn't work like that, you had to let go of that hurt on your own and come to terms with being okay alone before you put yourself out there again. If you just hopped from one relationship to the next you never gave yourself time to process all that baggage and let it go. However, Xander very much doubted that was what Buffy wanted to hear right now. Xander literally ran to Buffy's room but she wasn't there.

Turning around he saw Anya had snuck up behind him, "Xander! I was looking for you! You weren't in your musty basement," She said.

"Yeah I moved out, have you seen Buffy?" Xander said rushing her.

"No…about what you said before," Anya began.

Xander interrupted, "Anya I don't have time," he said running off. He rushed across campus trying to remember if Buffy had any classes today and where she might be now. When Xander finally found Buffy she was getting her ass handed to her by spike. Now he knew that he was really no match for a vampire, supernatural traits included, but he had to do something. He couldn't exactly watch his friend get killed without at least trying to help.

So he snuck up behind Spike, hoping the element of surprise would help him even if it was only a tiny bit. When he saw his chance he charged, now Xander was expecting to distract Spike until Buffy could get up, and maybe if he was lucky he wouldn't come away without any missing limbs. What Xander wasn't expecting was that when he charged Spike for his necklace Harry gave him to warm up and when he collided with Spike the vampire was thrown violently into a wall.

Buffy who had yelled at him to get away when she had seen him charging sat on the ground in stunned silence. "Xander…what the hell was that?!" she said as she got up.

Spike had managed to pick himself up, shaking his head and charged at Xander for revenge before Buffy could move to stop him. Again his necklace heated up, it was like Spike had slammed himself into an enforced steel wall and this time Buffy moved. She snapped his arm back ripping the ring with the gem off his finger and Spike high tailed it out of there before either of them could stop him. Buffy focused on him, "Xander, what. Hell. Was. That?" she said pointedly.

Xander shrugged sheepishly, pulling the necklace Harry gave him out from his shirt, "Ah, well I think it was this?" Xander said unsurely.

"And what is that and where did you get it from?" Buffy asked crossing her arms.

"Harry gave it to me," Xander started, when he saw the look on Buffy's face he shook his finger at her, "Hey, I know that look! It's not whatever horrible thing you are thinking!" Xander said defensively.

"Xander if you don't recall, I just dealt with a roommate that was trying to steal my soul. With your history, I think it's time I met your roommate…just to be safe." Buffy said decisively. She huffed at the look on his face, "I'll let you do the talking first but if I don't like what he has to say about that necklace…" Buffy said leaving it unsaid.

Xander sighed, and nodded trying not to feel panicked. He did have a history, and if Xander was honest he really wanted to know what the hell this necklace was…if it was more nefarious than Harry had made it out to be. It just sucked that the first time the gang would meet Harry would be through and interrogation.

Buffy stole his phone to round up the others than they all headed towards his new place and Xander didn't know what he dreaded more. The gang meeting, and scaring an innocent Harry away or finding out Harry wasn't all he had said he was. Xander shifted uncomfortably as he felt all eyes on him as he pulled out his keys, and opened the door. Walking in Buffy right behind him, followed by Willow, Oz, and Giles Xander didn't see Willow or Buffy tense up as they passed through the doors.

Harry was in the kitchen, making himself some tea when they came in and he looked up at them in surprise, "Hey Xander I wasn't expecting you home so early and with friends!" Harry said smiling. He walked towards them holding out his hand, he shook Buffy's, Willow's, Oz's and then Giles' hand while saying, "I'm Harry, Harry Potter, but just Harry please. It's nice to finally meet Xander's other friends!" He said smiling warmly.

Xander squirmed as Buffy looked at him expectedly, "Ah, that is…" Xander started gaining Harry's curious attention, "about the necklace you gave me…" Xander said before he noticed Harry tensing up.

"Are you alright?!" Harry asked eyes scanning Xander for injuries.

"Yeah…it's just…the necklace…Harry what is it really?" Xander asked.

Harry shifted from one foot to the other, eying his friends that were staring them down, "Xander maybe we should have this conversation in private." Harry said.

Buffy stepped up to him, "He's not going anywhere with you until you tell us what the hell that necklace is!" Buffy said moving to stand between Harry and Xander.

Harry eyes narrowed, "Listen here you bloody barmy bint, I don't want any barney but what I have to tell Xander is private! I don't need you mucking about while I do! So chivy on!" Harry said angrily.

"Wait what?" Buffy asked confused.

"I for goodness sake, he said he doesn't want any trouble and wants us to go," Giles said as he took off his glasses to clean them.

"Yeah well, I'm not going anywhere until you tell us what the hell that necklace is!" Buffy demanded glaring at Harry.

Harry glared right back, "Look, you little minger I don't know you, I don't owe you anything if I want to talk to Xander without you around its my right to do so! You're in my house; you shouldn't come barging in here making demands!" Harry said heatedly.

"Actually, Harry, I would feel better if you just told me with Buffy and the gang here," Xander said hesitantly chimed in.

Harry turned his glare on Xander, "Fine, might as well get this over with then! Before you expect me to go full monty too!" Harry bit out. He took a deep breath, "What do you want to know you berk?" he said.

"The necklace, what is it really? How did you make it?" Xander asked flinching.

"It's a protection charm, I told you it was a good luck charm so you wouldn't be freaked out," Harry said.

"You said someone back in England showed you how to make it," Xander said leadingly.

"Yeah, we spent some time locked up in a basement together," Harry bit out.

"Who was he?" Buffy demanded.

"I never asked," Harry bit out.

"What do you mean you never asked?" Buffy said suspiciously.

"I was a bit busy and distracted at the time," Harry said angrily.

"Doing what?" Buffy pressed.

Harry eyes narrowed, glowing a bit, he whipped around pulling his shirt up to reveal his mutilated back covered in scars, "Surviving," Harry said. Xander gasped, Willow covered her mouth grabbing on to Oz while Giles muttered 'oh dear' while cleaning his glasses again. "You happy now, I was kidnapped, I don't know by who so don't bother asking, and spent a few months chained to a wall being tortured. I wasn't the only one, a guy was locked up with me, he got me out, and told me how to make that," Harry said nodding to Xander's necklace.

Xander hissed, "I'm…I'm so sorry Harry," he began.

"Don't," Harry bit out. "Can we talk now without this inquisition? I want the rest of you people out…now." Harry said flatly. Buffy looked about to object to leaving but Xander shook his head and pushed them out the door. When they were gone he came back to find Harry standing stiffly by the fireplace.

"Look Harry, I'm sorry," Xander began.

"Don't." Harry said not turning to face him, "do you trust me so little you couldn't have come to talk to me about this alone. Did you have to bring your friends with you for back up?" Harry asked voice filled with pain.

"Harry…I…I don't know what to say to make this up to you but I'll do whatever it takes to make this better. All I can say is that I…I don't have a good history with relationships and when…well when the necklace was more than you said it was well…I got scared," Xander said turning Harry to face him gently.

"Did you have to be such a bloody prat about it?" Harry asked.

Xander cupped his face and looked into his eyes, "I'm sorry, I know it's not enough but I'll do whatever you need me to…to fix this…Harry I want to give us a real chance." He said desperately.

For a moment Harry just looked at Xander, and then he said, "Alright," he sighed.

"Do you want to tell me how you got those scars," Xander asked tentatively.

"Not at the moment Xander, honestly right now I need some space…I'm gonna go up to my room now…please don't follow me…I'll…I'll come find you later," Harry said stepping out from Xander's hands.

"Alright, I really am sorry Harry," Xander said to Harry's back as he left the room. Harry paused, gave a nod, and left him in the empty room. Xander sat down heavily on their couch and noticed that the pictures from their trip were still spread out on the coffee table with a half filled album next to them. He felt like an even bigger jerk.

Harry had done nothing but give Xander everything while Xander hadn't given Harry anything in return…only pain. He put his hands in his face, Xander knew he needed to tell Harry exactly why he had been so freaked and about the other part of his life. Slayers, demons, vampires and all before this thing they had fell apart at the seams. These secrets weren't his to give though, and he would need to clear it with Buffy first.

Looking up Xander made his way up to Harry's room, knocking lightly before he came in. Harry was sitting on his bed staring at a wall, Xander got down on his knee in front of him, "I'm not going to let you shut me out," he said as he took Harry's hands, "I promise to explain everything soon." Xander said. Harry just sighed at him.

Desperate Xander kissed Harry, hard on the mouth, putting everything he could into the kiss. His true feelings, his desire and his affection. Harry resisted at first, but slowly he gave in kissing Xander back. Xander leaned into Harry, laying him onto his bed gently, his kissing became soothing, questing, tender…and Harry whimpered kissing him back.

There was still so much they had to talk about, so many secrets they had to reveal to each other, but right at that moment none of that mattered. All that mattered was that they cared about each other, that they wanted to express that and everything else didn't matter as much as that next kiss. Slowly, Xander's hand touched the smooth skin of Harry's stomach as he held onto the boy as if Harry was his last lifeline to the world. Xander peppered Harry's face with kisses tenderly, before capturing his mouth again. Nothing matter in this moment but the two of them.

A.N.: O.O…oh my…well…I certainly wasn't expecting this when I started writing this morning. Lol please review and tell me your thoughts! Its nice even hearing just that you like it.