STEAMING SHADOWS AND DARK CROSSINGS IN THE SOUL
I feel so different right now it's been so long since I've felt this way, I feel that rush of love and spender which is almost child like. Like a giddy teenager whose heart is beating to fast for them to handle. It's such a wonderful feeling and it's made me realize just how much my life has changed in these past few days. Gabrielle loves me and that makes me so happy on so many levels, I understand now why all those times in the past she acted the way she did. She's terrified of loving again due to the past tragedies in her life and I can understand that. After my late husband betrayed me I wasn't as open to love again, betrayal always has a bitter after taste. My betrayals though have been nothing compared to Gabrielle's and I accept that this might take some time. When you open your heart to someone after closing it for a long time you're always a little unsure and apprehensive, I hope I can still those worries in time. I won't lie for the first time in a long time I've started thinking of all those things we can do together, it's been so long since I spent time with a partner. I remember all those things I used to do with my late husband and I want to do them with Gabrielle.
I want us to see plays and have fun and go places together, I remember her telling me a long time ago that she wanted to travel before her life took a dark turn and there are so many places I could take her. I know that she hates gladiatorial games but I bet she would enjoy watching the chariot racing. I need to ask her what she likes to do for fun I'm sure there's a lot more that she likes to do other than carving. I have just finished signing the documents that I needed to sign for the day it took a lot longer I wanted it to but I had a few days to catch up on. I've also sent out the official scrolls to the Corinthian diplomats that I have a new partner and that her name is Gabrielle. I know it may seem too early to say this but I don't care. I have not told them that she is a werewolf that can wait until the more formal meeting which will happen in winter. I need to plan that event in perfect detail and ensure that everything is in place. Because when that happens everything has to run perfectly and I have to protect Gabrielle as I know a few of the diplomats will not take this well and there will no doubt be some sort of fall out. The last thing I want is for a fight to start up and I know a few of them may try to hurt her because they lost people that they loved and I will have to stop them the moment they start up.
Xena shook her head clearing her thoughts as she walked through the hall it was late in at night and she could see the stars in the sky through the window close by. She had been told that Gabrielle had been seen walking the corridors in werewolf form and now she was trying to find her. She knew that she'd gone to the study to see Chara and Phrixus as she had wanted to carry on teaching him the language. She'd entered the study but she hadn't been there. She turned the corridor catching sight of Gabrielle she was inside the throne room in werewolf form on her hind legs looking at something. She walked through the open double doors, seeing that she wasn't really paying any attention she was looking at two large paintings which were hanging on one of the walls side by side. She felt a warm smile form as she moved towards the younger woman who was clearly very lost in her own thoughts as she carried on staring at the painting. She looked at both of the beautiful paintings as she spoke. "I had those paintings done some years ago, do you like them?" Gabrielle turned sharply watching as the taller woman came in to view she turned back to one of the paintings which was a stunning portrait of the woman she'd seen in the gardens when she'd left that night. She was in the same white robes and her piecing light blue eyes echoed out through the painting making it come alive.
Directly opposite it was painting which showing a well muscled man with short black hair which was going white in places he had a thick black beard and was grinning smugly, he was dressed in decorative clothing and had dark blue eyes. She turned back to the painting of the woman raising her clawed hand. "Their both beautiful paintings they also look Roman judging by the intense details." Xena came to stand opposite her. "That's correct they were both created by a painter from Herculaneum." Gabrielle felt her eyes drift up to the painting of the woman. "That's Cyrene." Xena stared at her for a long moment not knowing quite what to say, she had been intending to surprise her by saying these paintings were of her mother and father. She had never even told Gabrielle her mother's real name yet she had just said it. She felt her eyes dart as she tried to recompose herself. "How…did you know her name Gabrielle?" Gabrielle carried on staring at the painting. "I saw her in the garden I was just surprised to see her painting here, she must be very important to you." Xena put her hands together feeling unsure of her next words as she spoke them. "These pictures are of my parents the man on the right is my father Atrius." She paused before speaking. "The woman in the left painting is my mother Cyrene." Gabrielle turned sharply feeling all her happiness faded away in an instant as she felt her whole body tense. Why did this always happen to her? She loathed and despised having this curse!
The woman she'd talked to clearly wasn't alive she was dead but at the time she hadn't realized it because her touch had felt so real. She had spent most of her life as werewolf being laughed at for seeing ghosts, people had called her crazy, stupid and insane as well as the idiot who talked to herself. It was one of the reasons that she'd become so detached from other werewolves during her youth. Even in werewolf culture seeing the dead was not considered a good thing you were considered to be cursed or a lunatic if you saw dead people and she no longer told people that she could see the dead because of this. The problem was that when it happened she didn't realize she was talking to ghosts, they could touch her, talk to her even give her directions. It felt frustrating as she had no control over this curse and she hadn't been born with it ether which only made it hurt all the more. She didn't expect Xena to believe her who would believe her any way? She was a cursed werewolf who saw dead people from time to time and had no means or power to block them out. She lowered her gaze to the floor hoping that she could find some way to get out of this conversation it wasn't like the other woman would take her seriously. No one else had ever done so, the few she had told had laughed at her and despite that this woman loved her she wouldn't hold it against her for doing the same thing.
Xena turned seeing that the smile had faced away from the younger woman's face and she could see a very troubled and conflicted look in her eyes. Gods she hated seeing her do this even in this form, she seemed to do it when something was hurting her feelings in some way. She was about to say something only to stop as something which had made no sense before started to make sense to her. The guards at the door had said that Gabrielle was talking to someone who wasn't there, they had said that she was high on opium and she though that wasn't true as she was only smoking colts foot root it had seemed odd to her at the time. Now thought this was starting to make sense and she could draw up only one conclusion which was that Gabrielle could see the dead. In truth if it had been a week ago she would have laughed at that notion but after she had seen Damokles in her dream it had all felt so real to her on every level. She didn't want to even question or laugh at Gabrielle over ghosts visiting her and talking to her due to her own experience. She could understand why someone wouldn't want to admit to seeing ghosts it was considered a bad omen even a curse. Though her dream had been anything but a curse she now knew that Gabrielle had a son, though she had not found the right moment to bring that up with her as it was clearly her personal secret and she was being silent to protect her child.
She eyed the guards at both doors making a signal which caused them to leave closing the doors behind them, she wanted this conversation to be completely private and between them. She watched as Gabrielle went down on all fours walked in to the centre of the room the dishearten look was still on her face. She put her hands behind her back speaking softly. "Do you believe in ghosts Gabrielle?" Gabrielle turned eyeing the other woman for a long moment unable to stop the words which she knew weren't true even as she spoke it. "No." Xena moved a step closer to her she knew the younger woman wasn't telling the truth she could see it on her eyes. "They clearly believe in you though." Gabrielle shook her mane not wanting to meet her gaze feeling her teeth grind together. "Fine I saw something but it was a hallucination I had been smoking opium at the time!" Xena shook her head sadly the younger woman was now being defensive, she clearly didn't want to admit to the truth and now she felt the need to make up a story, one which wasn't even true. She watched as the other woman ran her clawed hand across the marbled floor the dark look was still in her eyes. "You weren't smoking opium that night Gabrielle you left your opium on the table and you had not opened that bag in a long while."
Gabrielle eased herself on to her hind legs as she turned to face the other woman she realized now that there was no getting out of this it was clear that the other woman knew the truth, which she hated to admit. She felt her clawed hand form a fist as she spoke. "You know werewolves consider seeing the dead to be very bad, culturally you're considered a social outcast if you can see the dead, because in werewolf belief you're not meant to see the dead, because werewolf souls are not meant to leave their bodies until the Eternal Breath Of Fire ceremony. Yet I'm very unlucky I get to see the ghosts of werewolves as well as the ghosts of people who have died. It wasn't enough that Aphrodite abounded me in my youth but after I was bitten I started seeing dead people during my training." She felt a sneer form. "I don't even know what they want! They just show up out of no where and start talking to me." She felt her body tense as she met the other woman's intense gaze which hadn't left her own. "It's not very amusing when you're looking at the skinned alive body of a dead werewolf and he suddenly starts speaking to you!" She breathed in trying to control her anger as a memory flashed through her mind. "Also you can't speak to anyone because no one believes you, so instead they call you a liar!"
8
Gabrielle walked through the forest outside the Grand City she just wanted to get away from Adrienne. The other woman was bickering at her over the jobs she hadn't done and how she hadn't displayed herself in public this week. She hated her so much yet she knew now that she was trapped and that she couldn't escape her. She pushed her clawed foot in to the ground she knew she had another mission coming up in which she would have to dress up in the armour of a Northern Rebel so they'd take the blame. No doubt they intended to send her out to kill innocent people again rumour had it that they had already sent a letter to the Northern Rebels and had made it out to look as though the Empress had sent it just so they could antagonise them. She knew the bastards were planning something but she had become very accustom to closing her ears to Adrienne's lies. Instead she preferred listening to the whispers of the warriors around her as they were more truthful, there was large plan afoot and she had a gut feeling that she was going to be a part of it. She wouldn't lie to herself, she wanted her life to end and she wanted her death to be in battle. She couldn't cope with this pain any longer she was now twenty four and all she wanted was to fight warriors again. She wanted to fight in a real battle once more not kill helpless villages she wanted to die the noble death so another Horn Hind could be born in her place.
She carried on walking through the dark forest only to stop as she caught sight of something close by one of the streams opposite was red with blood. She followed it adjusting her uncomfortable golden armour which she hated wearing following the bloody stream only to stop as a body came in to view it was lying on its side. All the fur and skin had been taken off all she could see now was blood and muscle it was the body of a very young werewolf who was about nineteen. She put a hand to her snout as she got closer feeling the pain tear at her heart, so many werewolves were dying now and she had no power or control to do anything about it. Clearly this was one who had died during a mission he'd no doubt been hung up by his heels while he had still been alive then skinned. Clearly the skinning had ended and he had been saved only to later die from shock from his horrific wounds. Bodies like his were being brought in now daily they were placed above ground ready for burial as werewolves didn't burn bodies, it drew far to much attention, instead they were buried deep in the ground. No doubt this was someone's son maybe he had been turned in his younger years like her but had not survived the training period.
She felt a tear trickle down her face as she got down on to her knees closing his open eyes with her clawed hand. Gods she couldn't stop this and she had no power to end this, she took in a deep breath what could she do against such reckless hate? She had spoken with the Imperial Council and it didn't matter what she said her words fell up on deaf ears she realized now why the Crescent Hind had just given up. They were manipulating lying people and she couldn't trust them, she had no one turn to and she didn't trust anyone ether despite there loyalty to her. She was not a king she was figure head she was only there to make the Imperial Council look good while she did their dirty work. The people cheered her believing that she was guiding them when in truth she had no power at all, she was just a puppet. She wanted to over throw them but she had no allies or friends anywhere in sight and it deeply frustrated her. Nothing she said mattered to anyone not even to Adrienne who just used her for sex and she did the same back because it was the only time she felt anything the truth was that no one loved her. She was also beginning to see the truth in Adrienne's words no body really loved anybody. She put her clawed hands on her face feeling the tears as they started to fall, so much for her dreams of being a great Horn Hind and believing she could change everything.
"Don't feel bad for me…towards the end I didn't feel much."
Gabrielle turned sharply watching as a small black furred werewolf came in to view he was sitting on the floor opposite watching her in his werewolf form. She blinked wiping away her tears tensing painfully realizing instantly that she was talking to a ghost. The very ghost whose body she was looking at right now. Though she couldn't understand why his soul had left his body as his death ceremony hadn't been performed. She turned away from him she hated it when ghosts spoke to her, why couldn't they just leave her alone, what had she ever done in her life to deserve this curse? People around her thought that she was crazy when she spoke to someone else who wasn't even there. She'd spoken to humans, werewolves and even some of the other none human races, they never asked her to do anything they just spoke to her and no one else could see them so they assumed that she was insane, drunk, high or just talking to herself. This curse was one of the reason that as a young werewolf she'd become such a loner, because others had laughed at her and called her insane because she'd spoken to other dead werewolves in the city. They'd been builders who had died in the tunnels and were just walking around. She breathed in painfully. "Why do you people torment me so, what did I ever do to deserve this?"
The young werewolf blinked in surprise as he spoke. "If it makes you feel any better I find it comforting that you can see me. I mean no one else can and I just went to my parent's house but it was deeply depressing there, they are crying over my death." Gabrielle shook her head. "Don't you wish that you were free and in the afterlife and not here right now looking at your dead body?" The young werewolf felt a smile form. "The gods want me here so I'm here, for now." He paused. "I never knew you were this depressed, I mean your Horn Hind I thought you'd be happy you are the king." Gabrielle lowered her gaze. "Being king isn't all its cracked up to be..." The young werewolf put his hands together as his grey eyes flickered. "Well I might have been full blood but I still think you were better than the old cranky bastard who was here last." Gabrielle looked at the ground. "Why would you even think that? I'm no better than him, I'm no leader I'm a failure who can't change anything." The black furred werewolf stood up. "Well at least you're trying which is more than I can say for him, before I died I loved another werewolf but I could never be with her because she's was half blood. She may not love anyone else for a long time to come but I hope when she does she can love who ever she wants to regardless of their blood."
Gabrielle felt her hand form a fist. "Keep dreaming." The young werewolf gave her a cold look. "You know your just plain depressing I expected more from you Golden Hind." Gabrielle felt a sneer form. "So sorry to disappoint you, what can I say apart from that I'm sick of having dead people talk to me!" She watched as he turned away from her his calm voice hitting the air. "You know one day you're going to have to face up to the truth. Ghosts talk to you and you can talk to ghosts and you what you have is a gift not a curse. I'm dead and I'm not asking anything of you but to speak to you and for me it's nice to have someone who can see me and who I can speak to." Gabrielle looked at his dead body for a long moment before looking at him. "How can this not be a curse, please explain that to me? Your dead it's not like you understand the problem with seeing dead people! When they talk to you everyone around you thinks you're crazy or insane. They tell you that you're a lair just because you can see something which they can't." She stood up slowly. "The fact that I see you people like you caused me loose friends in my youth and I can't stand it, I wish I couldn't see you at all!"
"Gabrielle!"
Gabrielle turned sharply watching as Adrienne came in to view she was leaning against a tree, she felt her body tense in panic. The other woman raised her clawed hand as she spoke in a cold tone. "Talking to someone?" Gabrielle looked away from her. "No, no one." Adrienne moved forward watching as she moved away. She could see the slight fear in her eyes she loved seeing that, it meant that she was in control. "You know Gabrielle you're not a very good liar." She raised a clawed finger. "So tell me who were you talking to?" Gabrielle tensed trying to keep her fear under control. She didn't want to be hit again by this woman what she had experienced a few days ago had been brutal. She had been left bleeding and bruised and it was for no more than answering back and not doing what the other woman wanted. She now truly regretted allowing this woman in to her bed, she wished that she could turn back the time and reject her. She was controlling and unkind and it was only on rare occasions that she could answer back without getting hit. She was a great warrior yet out of sight of everyone she was just a punch bag for this cruel bitch.
She breathed in regaining controlling of her nerve. "A ghost..." Adrienne didn't think as she put her clawed hand on her arm she sneered pushed her claws in watching as the blood started to run free staining the other woman's beautiful golden fur. She leaned closer seeing her wince in pain as she spoke making sure the venom in her voice was clear as day. "A ghost you don't really expect me to believe that do you? It okay though you can lie all you want Gabrielle but always remember that I'm watching you. I know where you go every day so you can't hide anything from me and if I ever find you in the arms of another you will suffer for it, you belong to me and only me." She eased out her tongue licking her ear in a slow movement. "You and I are always going to be together." She pulled her hand out her arm easing up her bloody claws to her jaws licking the blood of them enjoying the sweet taste. "Now be a good and go down to the long walk way, you know that today is when you let the people see you and maybe afterwards we can have some fun in bed." Gabrielle tensed painful as she put her hand on her bleeding arm she wished she could be dead right now, anything to get out of this nightmare which had become her life.
8
Xena breathed in sharply hearing the bitterness and sadness in Gabrielle's tone, what she had said was tearing at her heart. It wasn't just the sadness of the memory but it was clear that at this point in the other woman's life Adrienne had begun to abuse her. Both physically and mentally, she couldn't imagine what that must have been like for Gabrielle but it was clear that it had been soul destroying she could see it in her eyes. Her not saying that she saw ghosts made even more sense now. It was clear that she had been treated badly and mocked when ever she did. Even now she fully expected to be mocked which was why her behaviour was so defensive, it was strange as in this moment it was like she was looking at the colder Gabrielle once more. It seemed that when something hurt the younger woman's feelings or brought back bad memories it could cause her to turn cold in a heart beat. She moved towards her coming to a stop in front of her seeing the uncertainty in her eyes. "It's difficult to see something and have no one believe you." Gabrielle felt her gaze dart as she looked at the taller woman. "Why aren't you laughing at me, I just said that I can see ghosts?" Xena eased up her hand putting it on her furry chest stroking gently. "I'm not laughing at you Gabrielle because I believe you."
She kept her hand on her chest. "You want to know the truth? No one knows my mothers name in the palace, all of the palace staff recalls her and my father as they visited a lot before her death but I kept both of their names secret to protect them. Both were even given fake names and classed as nobles so no one would bring them any harm. No one was ever told their real names but you recognised that painting and you knew my mothers real name and I've never told you what she looked like or her name and that tells me that you saw what you saw. The night that you left the palace you saw my mother in the gardens." She paused before speaking again unable to stop her next question. "Was she doing well?" Gabrielle blinked in surprise. "Yes she was well…I couldn't tell that she was a ghost, she told me not to leave the palace because things would work out." Xena felt a sad smile form that sounded like her mother talking. She had always preferred not to have conflict and she believed everything could be resolved through talking. Her mother was the one who had taught her about talking to others, it was from her that she'd learnt to talk and negotiate rather than drawing her sword. Her mothers greatest belief was that a sword should not be unsheathed unless absolutely necessary and only as a last resort. Her father had agreed with her view but he believed that a sword was still necessary even in peace time because your enemies needed to see that you weren't weak.
She breathed in deeply putting her hand under Gabrielle lower jaw using it to raise her head so their eyes met once more. "Did she say anything else?" Gabrielle felt her eyes dart she had not expected the conversation to go this way she had expected Xena to laugh at her just like everyone did. Yet she could see in her eyes that she taking every word she was saying seriously, she felt her anger slowly start to fade away as she spoke in a calmer tone. "She said that this is her home and that everything that matters to her is here." Xena looked up as the words hit home she felt the sudden rush of emotion hit her hard she knew those words her mother had said them to her on her death bed. She unable to stop the tears as it ran down her face. She eased up her other hand wiping them away as she turned to the other woman she had never told anyone about those words yet this woman had said them and she didn't even know her mother. She didn't think as she wrapped her arms around huge neck refusing to let go as she spoke in a soft whisper. "I'm sorry that your people see your gift as a curse and have mocked and laughed at you through out your life, believe me it's not a curse Gabrielle, what you have is a beautiful gift."
Gabrielle eased up a clawed hand putting it on the other woman's back. "I've never seen it that way." Xena eased up her hand running it through her soft mane. "Maybe one day you will." Gabrielle breathed in as the other woman hand moved stroking her snout. "I doubt that." Xena carried on stroking her face gently. "Promise me something Gabrielle." Gabrielle looked up slowly this was the first time Xena had asked her to promise anything and it seemed strange. "Anything." Xena moved her fingers running them down her neck. "Don't make up stories about yourself again which are not true, honesty is one of your finest qualities and you shouldn't hide it from anyone, least of all me." She felt the other clawed hand move to her back she had to admit she was curious she wanted to know where the other woman liked to be touched in this form. She kept her hands in place enjoying the silky feel of the thick fur. "Would you like to come to my room? We can lie down together on the bed." Gabrielle eyed her clawed hands as she stepped away from the other woman who moved her hands to her chest once more. "I'm not in human form." Xena carefully took hold of her clawed hand. "I don't care I want to be with you right now."
Gabrielle felt the older woman's other hand gently stroke her face once more and she realized that she was powerless to say no. She loved this woman and though it felt strange to her even now she admired her so much in this moment for not laughing at her and believing in her when others in past hadn't. She eased up her head feeling the other woman's hand remain on her face she eased up her clawed one putting it gently over hers. "I would like that very much." Xena moved forward kissing the side of her face very gently. "Come on." She moved up her other clawed hand up putting it on the other woman's face very gently before speaking. "Thank you for not laughing at me or mocking me over what I told you." Xena felt a wide smile form. "I'm not Adrienne Gabrielle I would never treat you that way, I will never mock you or abuse you or tell you that you're a liar. I know I've already said this but I'm sorry that I ever called you a stupid when we last argued. You are not stupid you are also not an animal or a monster and you never will be in my eyes. You're the woman I love and I won't let anyone ever treat you that way again as long as I live."
End of part 90
Silvermoonlight
Thank you everyone for your kinds reviews, follows and favs they are greatly appreciated.
The concept of Gabrielle seeing ghosts came about from the idea of her original gift in the series which is premonition being distorted after becoming a werewolf and also transforming in to something else along with her body.