And I'm Saying Goodbye

I melt into his warm embrace, drowning in the music.

"Clary," Sebastian whispers against my ear. "I love you."

I look into his eyes, wondering if he realizes that he's changed too. Wondering if he wants to kiss me right now. I stand on my tiptoes, my lips nearing his. The roar of the music and my own blood consumes me, making me move closer.

Sebastian grabs my waist, slamming his lips down on mine. Reflexively, I close my eyes, knotting my hands in his hair. Trey could be watching... Derek could be watching... But I really don't care.

His hand reaches the hem of my dress, slowly hitching it up.

"Maybe not right now," I whisper against his lips anyways.

He nods, pulling slightly away from me.

"You're not afraid of me, right?"

"Of course I'm not. I trust you."

"I'll stay with you the whole time, okay?"

I smile, resting my head against his shoulder. I made the right decision, right? I love him, and he loves me. So there's no problem.

"Okay."

"Did Isabelle did your makeup? I'm starting to like her," he murmers quietly.

"Well, I'm glad I don't look stupid."

"You don't. You look like you."

"Sometimes, I wonder... When did you start loving me? For real?"

"You don't doubt my love, right? I really do love you."

"That's not what I meant. I was talking about when you started loving me for real. Either as a brother or a lover."

"Everyone loves, Clary. Even demons. They just don't know how to show it. People are selfish, so they want to leave a mark of their love. That's what I was trying to do. Prove it to you."

"You mean you loved me from the start?"

"The first time we met, in Idris, I thought I did. But I'm beginning to think that there was never a start. I just love you, and I know it every seconds. There was never a start."

"I don't understand."

"You will, soon."

"I don't want to. I just want to dance."

"Do you want some drink?" He asks, pulling slightly away from me.

I nod.

"Let me get you some."

"I'll go with you."

"No, stay here. You might get lost in this kind of crowd."

I watch him leave, walking through the crowd gracefully.

I don't know if I already am in love with him, but I know one thing for sure. If not, I'm very dangerously close to falling for him. I know it's wrong. He's Sebastian. But he must've changed. Even the way he talks, the way he eats, the way he holds himself.

Just then, someone bumps into me.

"Oh, I'm really sorry, I just-" he stops, looking at my face for the first time.

"Trey," I acknowledge him carefully.

"Clary," he replies, his shoulders stiffened up. "I'm sorry."

He turns to leave, but stops in the last moment.

"I saw you dancing with him."

"What?" I sputter.

Didn't Sebastian tell me that he used glamour?

"Noel. I guess you really lied to me when you said you actually care about me, huh?"

"Trey, I didn't-"

"Don't. We're not together anyways. I just wanted to make it clear that I won't get fooled by your innocence anymore."

"Wait, Trey! I know that I made a really big mistake, but you don't get to say those things about me!"

"Oh, so I'm the bad guy now?"

"Everyone makes mistake!"

"But they don't beg for forgiveness and try to escape the consequences."

"I'm not trying to escape-"

"Then stop talking to me! We're over, and I don't want to see you anymore."

"Trey," Derek interrupts, walking toward us. "You can stop now."

"I'm the one who stopped. She's the one who didn't."

"Just go outside for some fresh air. It's really hot in here."

Trey glares at him for a second, but leaves to my surprise.

"Look, I know that you don't want to lose him, but you really need to let him go."

"I just wanted to be friends-"

"He still loves you, Clary. Don't you get it? He doesn't want to see you anymore because you hurt him when he does."

"I love him."

"I know you do. But you need to say goodbye to people you love sometimes."

I know he's hinking about the girl he loves.

"Was it hard?"

"Very. But sometimes, you can smile over the memories, not cry."

"I don't think that can happen to me. I mean, you've had like what. Hundreds years to get over her, and I'm not immortal like you."

"A, I'm not that old. It's been only eighty four years since I've fallen. B, you will, I promise. I should go back to Trey now. Have fun, and call me when you need me."

I nod, watching him walk away. Then, I realize that Sebastian is still not back. Maybe he just got lost. But as minutes pass, I get nervous. Did something happen? He didn't... No, of course he didn't do anything. Have a little faith in him, Clary.

I decide to start looking for him. When I can't find him anywhere inside, I start to wonder if he's somewhere else in the school. So I get out of he room, walking around the school.

"You promised! You fucking promised!" Says a hushed whisper.

Lucas. I follow his voice down the school corridor to a storage area. The door is closed, and I'm pretty sure it's locked, although I have no intention to open it.

"Things happen, okay? I'm sorry that this had to happen-"

"No, you are going to perform the ceremony with your dear sister before I contact the Clave."

"Lucas-"

Then, I hear a yelp. Surprised, I bang on the door, screaming Sebastian's name. The door opens quickly, revealing Sebastian and Lucas.

"Clarissa," Sebastian smirks, holding his arm carefully.

Then, I see demon ichor dripping down Lucas's blade. No, no he didn't.

"Sebastian?" I ask carefully.

"Shall we start?" Lucas asks him.

I start backing away from them.

"Oh, come on, sister. You're not afraid of your own brother, are you?" He slowly approaches me with a smirk on his lips.

And that's when I start running. I run my way back to the room full of crowd. The people in there will slow them down. Pushing people out of my way, I proceed to the back door that Sebastian probably doesn't know that it exists.

Tears run down my face. It hurts just to think of him. I guess there's nothing such as a happily ever after.

I see that they've catched up on me, so I push a table behind me, spilling the plastic cups and the drink. People start screaming loudly, but I have no time to think of them.

When I finally reach the door, I open it quickly, running as fast as I can. I throw my heels away, shivering in the cold as my feet sink into the snow. Sebastian comes out right behind me, looking as steady as ever. But I'm not. I'm exhausted, breathing loudly.

He lunges himself toward me, pinning me against the snow. I gasp, trying to get him off me, but he's too heavy and strong.

"Sebastian, please," I beg, hot tears running down my cold cheeks.

"Please what, Clarissa?" He asks, smirking.

Lucas, running toward us, throws a blade at Sebastian and he catches it.

"Don't worry, this will be fast," he whispers. "After this, you'll be the most powerful demon ever. You'll rule by my side, sister."

"You don't want to do this. Lucas poisoned you with more demon blood. You love me, don't you?"

"Of course I do. That's why I'm doing this. Lucas," he orders.

Then, to my surprise, Lucas plunges his blade into his heart, letting the scarlet liquid pour on the white snow. Why?

"What-"

"He'll live, as soon as we finish this."

"Sebastian, listen. This is not you. Do you hear me?"

"Don't be scared. This will be over soon."

He brings down his blade toward me face, but I tilt my head, dodging it. I throw a punch on his mouth, but he doesn't move. Dark blood drips from his lips and onto my face.

I dig my nails into his flesh, making him yelp in pain. But still no.

"Stop moving!" He hisses.

I grab his arm with the blade, fighting back.

"Sebastian," I cry out. "Please stop! You're not going to do this! You love me, remember? Remember when we watched Home Alone together?"

His eyes go wild, scaring me. I don't know if this is working, or if it's affecting it badly.

"Please. Listen to me. We don't hurt each other. We protect each other."

"I am protecting you!"

"Sebastian, please. I know you're still here with me. I won't give up on you."

I can see his grip on the blade loosening a bit.

"You don't have to do this. You don't need to burn down the world. We can have a happy ending without it."

Just then, the door to the cafeteria opens with Derek standing there with a sword.

"Clary!" He yells, running toward me.

Sebastian growls, trying to plunge the blade into my heart. But Derek pushes him off me, tackling him onto the ground.

"Derek, it's no use! He won't die!" I scream, scrambling up to my feet.

Sebastian swings his blade randomly, landing on Derek's shoulder. I gasp. Derek gasps. Sebastian gasps.

"Derek..." I whisper.

Fire-yes, fire-comes out of his wound.

Sebastian flinches away from him, pushing Derek off him. Derek grabs his sword more tightly, standing up.

"So angel boy does have some fire, huh?" He asks, breathing roughly.

Sebastian tries to remain calm, but I can see anxiety in his eyes. Just then, he lunges onto me, my head hitting the ground hard. Derek runs toward me, but Sebastian throws one of his blade at him, it landing on his stomach.

"Derek?" I scream. "Derek!"

He doesn't answer, collapsing on the ground. Although I know that he won't die, it feels devastating to know that no one will fight with you anymore.

"So how shall we do this, dear sister? You choose."

Tears streaming down my face, I just keep shaking my head.

"It's okay. Don't cry. You will be happy with me, I promise."

"Sebastian, please don't do this."

Then, I see it on the corner of my eyes. Derek moving slightly. He blinks a few times, his hand hovering over his sword.

"We can rule the world, Clarissa."

Derek places the tip of the weapon on his wound.

"You can have whatever you want."

He reaches out to hand me the sword, and I grab it, careful to keep my eyes fixed on Sebastian's.

"Power. And me."

Derek gives me a look that says continue.

But I don't. I can't. Because I'm too selfish. I don't want him to die. And because of me, he world will burn down to ashes. Please notice the sword in my hand, Sebastian. Notice it so it won't be my fault that the world has come to its end. So I won't feel any guilt as you sit on your throne. But he doesn't. And I need to do it.

Derek frowns, probably wondering why I'm not stabbing Sebastian already.

I slowly shake my head.

"And you will be my queen, ruling beside me. I don't care about Lucas. I never did. Only you and me. I planned this whole thing for you."

My hand let go of the sword. Surely, if I die, I would not go to heaven. I caused the end of the world.

"Sebastian, you don't have to do this," I try for the last time. "You will still have me even if you stop this. Please don't."

"Shh, this will be over soon. Close your eyes, dear sister. I love you and I-" he suddenly gasps, dropping the blade on the snow,

"Sebastian?" I whisper as flame consumes his body.

Derek stands over his body, the sword in his hand.

"Clary, are you okay?" He asks, but I don't give him an inch of attention.

"Sebastian!" I scream, falling down on my knees beside him.

The fire possesses his body, and all I'm doing is watching in horror. I choke his name, trying to wake up and escape from this nightmare.

Surely, this can't be true. But how do you explain the limp body of his, lying on the thick snow?

My hand search for his face as the fire dies out.

"Sebastian?" I ask, not bothering to wipe the tears on my face.

"Clary," he replies hoarsely.

Green. His eyes are green just like mine. Just like in the dreams. But he doesn't hug me. He doesn't kiss me. He doesn't laugh.

"You're going to be fine," I whisper.

"I know, Clary," he says, inhaling shakily.

"You're going to live. I know you can."

"Of course, I will. I love you, don't I?"

I sob louder at this. How I finally realized this. It wasn't Sebastian or Jonathan. It was Sebastian and Jonathan. It was all in his heart. All along, he loved me. He just didn't know how to express it. And I just realized it. Just when he's lying on the ground.

"You love me... Demons..." I gasp. "Demons don't love. You had Nephilim blood in your veins that made you love. You have enough of good in you."

He doesn't answer, but I can see tears shining in his eyes.

"Shh, don't cry. Why cry when you are going to be so happy now?" I soothe him, brushing my hair back.

But I know that I am crying the most myself.

I bring his head on my lap, kissing his forehead.

"I love you," I finally say it. "I love you so much. I loved you all along. Eye color doesn't matter. I love the intelligent you, I love the broken you, I love the loosened you, I love the caring you, I love every single forms of you. And even if you turn into a complete demon, I'll still love you."

"Clary," he whispers, caressing my hand that's resting on his cheek.

"You're going to live, Sebastian."

"Jonathan. That's my name."

"Jonathan. You're going to live. I know that you have enough good in you to feel all the emotions."

"Maybe I can," he says.

"Of course you can. I know it. Trust me."

His breathing becomes more labored, and I begin to panic. No, have faith in him. He can do this. I know he can.

"I think... I think even if I die-"

"You're not going to die," I say stubbornly.

"If I die, I will never regret loving you. I will never regret dying like this because I loved you. I will die thousand times if that's what it takes."

"Don't talk like that," I shake my head. "Why won't you believe me?"

"I do, Clary. I do."

"As soon as you start feeling better, how about we go to Taki's? I just really want to grab some coffee."

He nods, smiling.

"And then... Then, we can play in the snow a bit. I know it sounds immature, but I really want to do it. I'm going to totally beat you with my snowball skills."

"And then, we can make ourselves some hot chocolate?"

"Yes," I smile at the thought. "That sounds wonderful."

"With marshmallows."

"With marshmallows. And then... Then..." My voice breaks into pieces. "I want that. I want that so bad."

"We're going to have it. I swear we will."

I nod fiercely, grabbing at his face.

"Tell me when you start feeling better, okay?"

"I already am feeling better."

"Good, good. You ready to go to Taki's?"

He just smiles up at me.

"Are you?" I ask again.

He nods slowly.

"I love you so much," he says, breathing in and out. In and out. In and out.

I bury my face in the crook of his neck, the salty liquid streaming down his skin. I inhale his scent deeply.

"Promise to try, will you?" I beg, ignoring all my previous comments.

"Of course, I will."

"Promise me."

"Okay."

"For real?"

"I promise."

Only epilogue is left now... Please don't kill me though. Hope you enjoyed...?