The One with the Wrong Flight
Scene opens in Mike and Phoebe's bedroom. Mike nudges Phoebe awake.
Mike: Wake up Honey.
Phoebe: What's the point? I already missed a trip to London and now Cardiff.
Mike: We'll work something out. I promise.
Phoebe: NO, I am going to Cardiff and no Fetus is going to stop me.
Mike: Well we have no tickets.
Phoebe: Well get some.
Mike: Okay, I'll drive out to the airport but they might all be sold out so no promises.
Phoebe throws a pillow at him.
Phoebe: You better get them. I hardly go to England.
Mike: Cardiff is in Wales?
Mike walks out to get a cab.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Scene opens at the airport. Joey, Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Ross are sitting down at the bench.
Joey: I can't wait! I already was Dr. Drake Ramoray, now I can be Dr. Who.
Chandler: Yeah cause a time travelling spaceman really has time to work in a hospital.
Joey: Hey! The nurses look really fit, why wouldn't he go there.
Monica: I bet Chandler wants me to be a nurse.
Chandler: One word. No.
Monica: Why not? I could be a nurse!
Chandler: What about CPR?
Monica: I get your point.
Phoebe and Mike enter.
Rachel: Since when were you two coming?
Mike: Since I got tickets this morning.
Phoebe: I'm finally going to England.
Ross: Cardiff is in Wales?
Mike: Don't, just don't.
Airport Staff: To go to your flight to Great Britain, please make your way to the plane now.
Joey: That's us.
They all go to the plane. Scene ends and opens on the plane. Joey, Chandler and Monica are sitting in one row with Ross and Rachel in front and Phoebe and Mike behind.
Joey: Here we go.
Chandler: Yep.
Joey: I should have taken pilot lessons otherwise I can't fly the TARDIS.
Chandler: I don't think you actually fly it, Joe.
Monica: Geeks.
Joey, Chandler and Ross: Oi.
Monica: Oh so I'm against all three of you?
Chandler: Apparently the Fish and Chips in Britain are really good.
Rachel: Yeah big deal. Last time I came to Britain Ross said my name at the altar.
Ross: By accident.
Rachel: Well why did you want to marry her anyway?
Ross: Because we were on a break.
Rachel: Ugh, I'm sick of you always saying that and teaching Emma now, next thing she'll be teaching Jack and Erica that.
Ross: You're the one who said we're on a break!
Phoebe: Ross, shut up. I'm trying to get to sleep.
Rachel: Yes Ross. Do shut up. We're through!
Rachel walks off.
Ross: Rachel, please!
Ross walks after.
Monica: I gotta sort this out.
Monica walks after. Chandler follows.
Joey: Where's everyone gone?
Air stewardess comes.
Joey: Hey, how you doin'.
Scene ends and opens in the plane corridor.
Ross: Rachel!
Rachel: SHUT UP ROSS.
Ross: Rachel, just listen!
Rachel: Why?!
Ross: Remember when you came to my door?
Rachel: Yes, last week.
Ross: I said I would not let you go again.
Rachel: Then let's not do this.
Ross: You sure?
Rachel: Yes.
They kiss deeply. Monica and Chandler enter.
Monica: We need to sort this out. You can't keep doing this.
Ross: Err, Mon. We sorted it out.
Monica: Awh, I had a color-coded plan on how you two would get back together.
Rachel: Really?
Monica: Yes.
Chandler: Why color-coded?
Monica: Husband, shut up.
They all go back to their seats. Scene ends and opens in the airport. The gang are all standing in a row.
Mike: Why does that sign say "Welcome to London"?
Phoebe: We're in London? Yay! Finally.
Joey: But the audition is meant to be in Cardiff!
Chandler: Actually, remembering what happened, the man said to Great Britain, no particular city.
Monica: Stupid airports.
Ross: How about we go back to America.
Joey: Yeah, London freaks me out.
Monica: No! Me and Chandler want to go back to where we first got together.
Everybody looks at Monica.
Monica: What?
Joey: Is that a hot dog stand.
Monica: I'll go find a hotel.
Scene ends and opens at the stand.
Joey is at the front of the queue.
Joey: Can I have a ho-
Man: I know what you want. Just sign here.
Joey signs the paper and films the form.
Man: Show me some ID.
Joey shows.
Man: There in the van.
Joey gets in the van when it drives off. Scene ends and opens in a hotel room. Monica is sitting on the bed with Chandler. Chandlers phone rings.
Chandler: Hello?
Chandler: How did they rip you off?
Chandler: Ok, I'll tell Monica.
Chandler puts his phone away.
Monica: What happened?
Chandler: Joey accidentally joined the army.
Monica: WHAT? WHERE IS HE?
Chandler: At some fort.
Ross enters.
Ross: What happened?
Chandler: Joey joined the army.
Ross: Oh my god.
Monica: We have to see a lawyer.
Chandler: Why? Joey's Joey. He'll be fine.
Monica: He won't have Huggsy. And there are strict orders!
Chandler: Oh my god that poor man.
Ross: Are you saying we've been here half an hour and have already lost Joey.
Rachel comes in.
Rachel: We lost Joey? Where?
Ross: He joined the army.
Mike and Phoebe enter.
Phoebe: Who joined the army?
Rachel: Joey.
Mike: That idiot.
Monica: Right, I'm going to go and call a lawyer.
Scene ends and opens at the lawyers office.
Lawyer: So you're saying your friend accidentally joined the army?
Ross: Yes.
Lawyer: How does that work?
Monica: He thought it was a hot dog stand.
Lawyer: Hopefully it will comfort you knowing there are no hot dogs in the army.
Monica: Yes, we knew that.
Lawyer: Did your friend know?
Ross: No.
Lawyer: I would go over there and help you but in this country there is such thing as a contract. Your friend signed a 2 week contract confirming that he would be in the army. Then there is the problem of him maybe officially being a British citizen so would need to get a new passport.
Monica: Oh
Ross: Well, at least he'll be free in two weeks time.
Monica: What if he signs on to another contract.
Lawyer: Then he will be stuck in the army.
Monica looks at the lawyer.
Monica: Shut up
Ross: Monica, I think you should calm down. This is Joey we're talking about.
Monica: Well Joey is always hooking up with girls, set fire to his bed, turned the power off the entire apartment and more.
Lawyer: Wait, he's that much of a dimwit?
Monica: Yes.
Lawyer: Hm
Scene changes to Phoebe and Mike's hotel room. Phoebe is looking at a pregnancy test.
Mike: What does it say?
Phoebe: I would rather keep it a secret.
Mike: Well, someone's going to notice in nine months if you have a baby or not.
Phoebe: I've already had triplets Mike. You know that.
Mike: Just tell me Phoebe.
Phoebe: Why?
Mike: Because I'm the father if it is positive.
Phoebe: How can you be sure?
Mike: Are you saying you slept with other men?
Phoebe: No, I'm just saying you can't be so sure it's yours.
Mike: You spoke like it was positive then!
Phoebe: WHAT? No I didn't.
Mike: Tell me the truth Pheebs.
Phoebe: Ok It's –
The phone rings. Mike picks it up.
Mike: Joey?
Mike: You're going AWOL with a girl you've known ten minutes?
Mike: Come back to the hotel Joey.
Mike: Okay. Bye.
Mike puts the phone down.
Phoebe: Let me guess. Joey is coming back with a girl.
Mike: Correct. But is it positive or negative.
Phoebe: It's –
Joey and a Korean tall long dark haired model enter.
Joey: Heyy, how you doin.
Mike: JOEY! STOP INTERUPTING.
Joey: Sorry, anyway this is my new girlfriend Kerry.
Phoebe: Nice to meet you.
Kerry: Hii.
Joey: I need to go home quickly!
Mike: Well, Monica and Ross are at the lawyers.
Kerry: Joey, I got the passports.
Joey: Oh cool.
They kiss quickly. Then leave. Scene ends and changes to the London tube.
Monica: Joey just called. He said he's on the next flight to New York.
Ross: What? He's an idiot.
Monica: We should call Rachel and Chandler.
Ross: What about Phoebe and Mike?
Monica: They're already on the flight.
Ross: Okay.
Scene ends and opens in a museum with Rachel and Chandler.
Chandler: Well this is fun.
Rachel: Tell me about it.
Chandler's phone goes.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Okay, I'll meet you at the airport. Bye honey.
Chandler: Joey's on the plane. Let's go.
Scene ends and opens in Dino Apartment. Kerry is moving into Joey's bedroom. Ross and Rachel are pampering Emma. Joey is preparing a new recliner for Kerry.
Kerry: Thanks for letting me move in here guys.
Rachel: No problem.
Ross: So what do you do?
Kerry: Oh I'm a model.
Ross: Ooo
Rachel: Shut up Ross. And Kerry, want me to set up an account on our computer for you.
Kerry: Yes please.
Scene closes and opens at Central Perk. Ross and Rachel are on the sofa. Phoebe and Mike are on the arm chair and Joey is on the end chair with Kerry.
Kerry: Wow this place is so cool.
Agreements are replied to her.
Kerry: Is Gunther hiring anyone?
Ross: You have to go up and ask him.
She kisses Joey quickly.
Mike: Not bad for someone you find in the army, Joey.
Phoebe: Mike!
Ross: Oh yeah, was your pregnancy test positive?
Mike: It wa-
Joey: A HOT DOG STAND
Everyone: JOEY!
Joey: What?
Rachel: Last time you went to a hot dog stand you ended up in the army. You are now being looked for in Britain.
Joey: Good job I put my home as Italy.
End credits roll.
Credits Scene
Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler is painting the wall.
Monica: Please get a bit off that paint wrong!
Chandler: No.
Monica: Why?
Chandler: Because then I have to paint it again.
Monica: But I need something to clean!
Chandler: Ok here's the paint brush.
Chandler walks off.
Monica: But I don't know how to paint!
Chandler: Don't care.
Monica: CHANDLER!