Sev and the Stargazer

Severus had just about finished packing to go back to school on Tuesday, folding all of his clothes neatly in his trunk and making sure all his schoolbooks were placed securely in the bottom, along with his parchment, quills, ink, and his potions equipment. Now that Tobias was no longer hovering over his shoulder like a vengeful demon waiting to pounce, he could use Shrinking Charms to make everything fit into his trunk. This was also the first year that he had been able to purchase new books, and not secondhand ones, since Tobias was no longer leeching away all Eileen's paychecks. Now he could stop charming his book covers to look new because they actually were new. For once he didn't have secondhand robes either and he could stride proudly about with a brand-new cloak that billowed when he walked, instead of a tattered replica of a winding sheet that looked as if it had come off of a ghostly revival meeting.

It was a heady feeling, to finally stop looking like a charity case and just be like everyone else.

Almost.

He heard his mother greeting Richard downstairs and was reminded that not all changes were as good as some others. He was still wary of the professor, still feeling like a nervous kitten about to be gobbled by a lion if he relaxed his guard. It wasn't a rational feeling, since Dickon had never given him cause to fear him. But still, a part of Severus did fear him, for he was that worst of all creatures—an adult man. And one that was dating his mother. He kept waiting for the mask to fall, for the other shoe to drop, because he had never in his life known a decent male role model.

Dumbledore did not count, for Severus knew he manipulated people for his own ends, and even Mr. Evans, whom he respected as a decent employer and Lily's father, had not quite won the young boy's heart. For Henry still had the authority to forbid Lily to see him, and though he had never exercised that power, just knowing he could do so made Severus uneasy.

As for Dickon, Severus did not know what to expect, and that scared him. He wanted to believe that Eileen was right, that Richard Marsh was a decent person, he was certainly the antithesis of all Tobias had ever been. He's a good man, Sev. Trust me on that. Her words echoed in his head. I want to, Mum, but how can I when I don't even know what the hell a "good man" is? Is a good man someone who doesn't knock you around every day, only sometimes? Or doesn't call you a freak and a waste of space? I wish I knew, God help me. Because the last thing I need is another man trying to make me into someone I'm not.

He heaved a sigh and closed his trunk. He wanted his mother to be happy, and she seemed to be so with Dickon Marsh. And yet . . .a tiny corner of his mind was still quivering and whispering that you couldn't trust an adult man—wizard or Muggle.

"Sev! Dickon's here and it's time for dinner!" Eileen's voice floated up the stairs.

"All right, Mum!" he called back. "I'll be down in a minute."

He quickly tied his shoelace, then hurried down the stairs, managing to walk quietly despite his rush. That was a trick he'd mastered long ago, it had saved his neck more than once when Tobias was in a drunken stupor. Two more days till he went back to school. He wondered if Professor Marsh would be strict and show his true colors once he was away from Spinner's End. I could give two Knuts if he's a damn drill sergeant, so long as he doesn't pick on me and leaves me be. I just don't want him to single me out, for favors or anything. Because favoring a Slytherin, him in particular, was sure to bring the wrath of the Marauders down on him. And also draw the attention of Nott and Avery and the other Iron Mask Youths. Besides, Severus needed no favors from any teacher, he would get by on his own, same as always.

He poked his head around the doorframe just in time to see Richard sitting down at the table, where Eileen had placed a plate of ham and new potatoes in front of him with a side of sautéed mushroom and peas.

Severus's mouth was watering now, that was one of his favorite dinners, and the best part was that you could eat it the next day as well.

"Hello, Severus," Richard greeted him with a smile.

"Hello, sir." Severus replied, it was force of habit, to call an older male "sir", and even though Richard had told him not to, he still had not broken himself of that mannerism. He wasn't sure if he ever would. Tobias had beaten that into him at a young age and it felt strange to be allowed to address a grown man by his first name.

"Dickon, please." Richard reminded him gently. Then he changed the topic, seeing Severus flinch unconsciously, though he had not meant it as a rebuke. "Are you all ready for school in two days?"

"I am." Severus said politely.

"Good, I like students who are prepared and don't procrastinate," Richard said with a soft laugh.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "In other words, hand in my homework on time and don't be late for class."

"Just so," Richard said approvingly and Eileen smiled.

She noticed that while Severus was still hesitant about the older wizard, he enjoyed the other's compliments, probably because he had received almost none growing up with Tobias, who had always harped upon Severus's failures and ignored his successes. "Sev, wash up and then come and sit down."

"Yes, Mum." He went to the sink obediently and lathered his hands. Dirty hands at table were forbidden in his house, and had been for as long as he could remember.

Afterwards, he sat down and ate, enjoying his meal immensely, the way he never had when his father was at home. Then the food had stuck in his throat because of fear and apprehension and everything he ate tasted of ashes. Eileen had been silent and uncommunicative, if she had been home to eat with them, afraid of setting him off again. So different from the smiling, talkative woman that now sat across the table from him.

Maybe she was right, to trust Dickon. Maybe.

After they had all eaten heartily of the food and Eileen had given Dickon a portion of the leftovers to take home, which he gladly accepted, Severus went to wash the dishes, his usual chore after mealtimes. To his shock, Richard took a dishtowel and began to dry the dishes as Severus washed them.

Severus quickly turned and faced the sink to hide his gaping mouth. He's actually helping me with chores! I can't believe it. The sperm doner would have rather been shot than done that. Shot! He slanted a glance at Dickon out of the corner of his eye, and saw that the astronomer was drying the dishes with the ease of long practice. It was then that Severus recalled that Richard was a Muggleborn. So maybe that was why he did chores without magic so calmly.

Richard watched the youngster carefully, noting the instant of startled disbelief in Severus's dark eyes before he turned away to hide it. The stargazer was very observant, having trained himself long ago to spot stars that hid in the sky and remain watching for infinitesimal changes in the sky for hours. He had learned to look without really looking and so missed very little.

The lad's still as shy as rough-broken horse, or a whipped collie, Dickon thought sadly. He knew his assessment was probably right on the mark, given what little Eileen had told him about her ex-husband. She hadn't come right out and said he had beaten her and her son, but Richard Marsh was no fool. He recognized the signs. Her ex had been a bully and drunk, an abuser of children and wives. She was well rid of him. They both were. Poor kid could probably use a good abuse counselor, but I doubt he'd ever agree to see one. He's not used to trusting adults, except maybe his mother. And he sure as blazes doesn't trust me yet.

Then again, Severus barely knew him. But Dickon wanted to change that. He liked the boy and wanted to get to know him better, he sensed that here was a kindred spirit, a quiet, dedicated, knowledge-hungry mind eager to learn anything and everything with the right sort of encouragement. Eileen had told him how smart her son was, citing his Outstanding OWL scores as an example. She was quite proud of him, as well she should be. Richard couldn't wait to get him into his classroom. He had a feeling Severus would shine there. He had the patience and the intelligence to be a good astronomer.

He chewed slightly on his lower lip. There was going to be a meteor shower tonight, perhaps he could watch it together with Severus and Eileen and get to know the younger Snape better then.

Over their dessert, a strange gray owl flew in through the kitchen window bearing a letter for Eileen. She took it, fed the owl a treat, and opened it. Then she scowled after reading it.

"Bad news?" asked Dickon softly.

"Not really. Except that I'm going to beg your pardon for cancelling tonight's stargazing activity, Dickon. This is from my boss at St. Mungos—Dr. Palomar. He needs me to brew three cauldrons of burn salve for the hospital, there's been an emergency, a Muggleborn's house caught fire unexpectedly and the family is badly burned."

"That's terrible! Do they know what set the fire?" Dickon asked.

Eileen shook her head. "He didn't say, but I can think of one thing." She said darkly. "I apologize, Dickon, but this is one time I cannot refuse him."

"I would never expect you to, Eileen," he murmured, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. "Go, Severus and I will watch the star shower together. Right, Severus?"

Severus hesitated, uneasy about being left alone with Dickon, but he scolded himself sharply for being a wimpy baby, and said, "Sure, if you like, sir. How long will you be gone, Mum?"

"I ought to be back before midnight," Eileen answered. She patted Severus gently on the cheek and whispered, "Try and have some fun, Sev. Give him a chance."

"Okay, Mum," he replied, the response was for both of her conversations. He wasn't really afraid of Richard, it wasn't as though the man were an axe murderer or a follower of Voldemort.

Then Eileen summoned her black Potions Mistress robes, which she always wore when she brewed, because the black cloth was spelled to protect her from spills and other mishaps, and departed through the Floo to her lab in St. Mungos, leaving her son and Richard alone.

There was an awkward silence, until Richard cleared his throat and said, "Well, the meteor shower won't start until about an hour and a half from now—eight thirty-five, according to my calculations." He checked his watch, which was magically calibrated to note the exact position of the sun, moon, and constellations and planets. "Um . . .would you like to go flying until then?" Most boys were broom crazy at this age. He knew he had been, especially when he flew with his portable telescope.

Severus considered refusing. He didn't particularly like flying, since he was awkward on a broom compared to Regulus and James Potter. He didn't want to appear incompetent in front of Richard Marsh. He had always hated looking like a fool. But then he thought if he refused, Richard might think he was a know-it-all, only interested in books and potions. Suck it up, Sev! It's only a short flight and in the dark too, how bad can it be?

"I guess. Where shall we go? We can't fly here, it's a Muggle neighborhood."

"Hmm. Yes, you're right. Well, perhaps I could cast a charm upon us so we won't be seen. Most Muggles tonight will be too busy watching the meteors any way."

Reluctantly, Severus nodded, though inwardly he winced, recalling his first humiliating experience trying to mount a broomstick at school, it had refused to obey his mental commands, bucking until it threw him off. He could still recall how that snob Mary MacDonald had laughed and laughed at him, her and her snooty gaggle of Gryffindor geese. Later, though Lily had overheard Potter and his friends laughing about how they had hexed his broomstick, so it hadn't been his fault after all. Even so, he had not really enjoyed flying afterwards, even when Reg and he flew together.

But he had already said he would go, and he wouldn't back out now. He was not a coward, whatever the sperm doner, Black, and Pettigrew believed. He went and fetched his broom from the small closet where they kept their coats and followed Dickon outside into the middle of the backyard.

The astronomer quickly intoned a long-lasting Notice Me Not charm over them and mounted his broomstick with an ease that Severus envied fiercely. Clearly, Professor Marsh was a natural flyer, like James Potter and Regulus Black.

You can't have everything, Severus reminded himself. It's better to be able to brew complex potions than fly well anyhow. There are lots of good flyers in Hogwarts, but only a handful of good potion makers. He consoled himself with those words and then mounted his broom. He kicked off into the air, happy that it was dark so Richard would not see how bloody bad his form was.

But he had forgotten one thing. Marsh was a stargazer, and used to seeing in the dark.

Richard frowned inwardly, noting that Severus was stiff and hunched upon his broom, as if he were afraid of falling off. It came to him that perhaps Severus had a fear of heights or flying. He cast about for something to say to ease the tension and make the boy relax, and then it came to him. The boy loved potions, perhaps talking about them might make him relax. So he began by asking if Severus knew how to make a Clarity Potion, which was a favorite of any stargazing wizard, because it increased eyesight and perception in the drinker, enabling the wizard to see things more clearly from many kilometers away.

By the time Severus had finished talking about making a draft, he had relaxed a bit more. He flew in circles, doing his best to match Dickon's graceful form, but afraid he only ended up looking like an awkward skinny chicken tied to a pole.

Seeing him start to tense up again, Richard said casually, "Have you ever noticed, lad, that if you move your shoulders a bit back and sit up straighter, it makes for an easier flight through an area with a lot of wind swirls?"

"No, sir." Severus said, then tried to emulate the older wizard. "I don't fly much . . .it's a Muggle neighborhood."

"Of course. I never did either as a boy, unless it was late at night, after my mother and little brothers and sister had gone to bed. Jessica and Jared are twins and Edward's the second oldest."

"Do they have magic too?"

Richard shook his head. "Not the twins, but Ned does. When I first did accidental magic, my dad was quite startled."

Severus stiffened. "Was he mad?"

"Mad? Oh no. He was a scientist, specialized in astrophysics. Always wanted to be an astronaut. He looked at my magic as a sort of . . .psychic phenomenon. Always tried to figure out how I made it work, my mother used to say he was sure there was a logical explanation for it—altered brain waves or something. I don't really remember too much, since I was only seven when he died. The experimental aircraft he was piloting blew up, you see."

"That's too bad, sir."

"Yes, it was a hard time for us. I was little, but I still remember how my mother would just start crying over nothing sometimes. She really missed him and so did I. She told me that even though my dad was gone, he could still watch me from the stars, and look down upon me. Ever since, I was stargazing. At first, I did it because I wanted to see my dad in a star, but later I came to love the stars for their own sake. Stars are constant. They never leave and always are there for you."

"And they never hurt you either," Severus murmured.

Dickon heard, however. "No." He reached out a hand to touch Severus lightly upon the shoulder, sitting him up more.

Severus, not expecting anyone to be touching him, jerked back instinctively. The movement nearly caused him to fall.

Dickon did not release him, holding on to him firmly. "Easy there, lad. Relax. I won't do anything to hurt you."

Severus longed to fly himself headfirst into a tree, he was that embarrassed. "You know then? Mum told you?" he snapped.

"Some," Richard said softly. "The rest I could guess."

Severus felt a red flush climb up his cheekbones and he was grateful for the cover of night. "He was a bastard, excuse my language. But it's the truth."

Richard was nonplussed. "So I gathered. But Severus, not all men are like him. I am not like him." He removed his hand. The wild animal shyness was back in the brilliant eyes. He continued talking calmly. From what your mother told me, he had a nasty temper. I don't. He drank himself senseless. I don't."

"He hit her," Severus blurted before he could stop himself. "You going to tell me you don't do that either?"

"Look at me, please." The words were spoken quietly, but Severus knew a command when he heard one.

He lifted his chin and glared at the other wizard defiantly.

"I know you don't trust me. I can't blame you, you hardly know me. But I ask you to judge me by my actions, not his. Not because your mother asked you to, but because of my own merit. And I will tell you now, I have never lifted a hand to a woman or a child in anger. I swear by Merlin's sacred staff. And I never will."

"Sure, you say that now," Severus sneered. "But someday, when you're mad enough, you'll forget."

"No, Severus. I've never had much of a temper, but even if I did . . .anger can be controlled, can be mastered. It doesn't have to dominate you. A weak man allows his emotions to rule him, but a strong man harnesses them." He tapped his temple. "My mind rules me. Not my temper."

Severus still looked skeptical. He wanted to believe, he could hear the sincerity in the other's voice, see it in his eyes, but still . . .

Dickon sighed. "Give it time, lad. Rome wasn't built in a day either."

"She trusts you."

"Aye, and it took me months before she quit eyeing me like a rabid dog about to snap," admitted the astronomer wryly. "But that's all right. Good things come to those who wait. And we who watch the stars are the most patient of all, for the stars have nothing but time and never rush anywhere. Look up at the stars, Severus. All of them have their own story to tell, if you but take the time to listen. That's all any stargazer does, but that simple thing teaches us much about ourselves and others."

"Such as?"

"Such as the fact that you're awkward on a broom as a result of something that was done to you, not because you lack coordination," answered Dickon serenely. "No one who is clumsy can brew potions correctly. You tense up when you're nervous and when you're stiff you can't focus on handling the broom correctly. But that's easily remedied."

"How?"

"Close your eyes, lad, and take two deep breaths," Dickon instructed softly, walking the youngster through the first steps of meditation, coaxing him to relax.

Gradually, Severus did, and once that happened, he let Richard show him some maneuvers while gliding in lazy circles around the house.

It was strange, but being with the stargazer actually made him feel better. It seemed as though Dickon wanted to spend time with him, something that Tobias had never wanted, unless it was to bully Severus into fetching him another cold one, or to do some endless chore. Sometimes Eileen used to ask him to spend time with Severus when he was younger, but he had no interest in doing ordinary things with his freaky son, like going to cricket games or the cinema on the rare times he was sober. And eventually Sev had stopped hoping he would and accepted the fact that he would never be like other boys with their dads.

"You're doing very well, Severus," Dickon's voice floated to him from out of the night.

Severus hid a small smile. Those simple words caused an ember of pride to glow within him, even though his cynical mind told himself he was a fool for caring what Marsh thought of him. He turned his head then, looking over at the older wizard, who was sitting casually on his broom, and asked, "Aren't you getting bored, just flying in circles?" He was sure Marsh must be, after all, the wizard was an experienced flyer.

"No. Flying like this relaxes me," answered the other. "All you kids think you have to go at top speed like bats out of hell in order to call it flying, but sometimes it's good to just glide along and look at the earth and the sky. You see things you would otherwise miss that way." He lifted his arm and pointed off to the right. "Look there, Severus!"

Severus followed Dickon's hand, which seemed to glow with an eldritch light, and saw the first meteor streaking down towards the earth.

It was followed by another and yet another, until the sky seemed to be full of falling stars, and Severus did not know where to look first. Until Richard started pointing out how one meteor was green and the other was a brilliant blue, the coronas shifting hues formed as the stellar rocks burned up in the earth's atmosphere.

The two of them hovered silently amid the shower of celestial brilliance, and Severus saw that Dickon was grinning, a wild grin of pure delight, as the stars spun and danced about them, lighting up the midnight sky.

The meteors seemed so close, it was almost like he could reach out and catch one, but of course that was ridiculous. Still, he tried, flying hither and yon among the shooting stars, and Marsh joined in, playing a crazy game of tag, until they were both panting and breathless.

And still the shower continued.

"This will last for another three hours, it's the biggest shower we've had in over a hundred years," Dickon reported, grinning boyishly. "Can you feel the magic, Severus? Feel it flowing all around us?"

Severus watched the stars and felt a cold blazing fire flood his senses, pure and untamed. "Yes . . .I do. . . .it's like ice but at the same time hotter than any fire that we can make."

"Exactly. Celestial fire, the purest form of magic there is. Each time a star dies, its fire is released into the atmosphere. If we could learn to draw upon that power, it could change our world."

"Is that possible?"

"I don't know. But even a small spark of celestial fire could gift a wizard with magic beyond anything we have ever seen. The magic to heal and renew, to make light that will never go out, and put an end to the practice of blood magic." Then Professor Marsh sighed. "But no wizard has ever managed to draw upon and keep a star's innate magic. I can feel it, but I can't access it."

"And if you could? Would you be immortal?"

"In a way. If my theory is correct, those who could draw upon starfire might live as long as a star does. But nothing in the universe is immortal, Severus. Eventually everything must die. Even stars die. To try and change that is to upset the Balance, and then terrible things result."

"Like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

Dickon gave a short nod. "Yes. That one perverts the natural order of things, and in trying to be what he dreams, an immortal wizard, he has destroyed himself. Or will, eventually. But enough of such talk. It has no place here, not on this night of all nights. Tonight is an astronomer's dream, to watch the stars come down from heaven to play among us mere mortals. 'Tis a night that makes you glad that you're alive, doesn't it?"

Severus turned and met his gaze and for the first time he smiled, not a cautious half-smile, but a true smile of rare uninhibited delight that was reflected in his eyes and in the eyes of Richard Marsh as well. It was a shared joy, a high wild awe-inspiring feeling that made Severus want to laugh and never stop, and in that moment part of the icy fear within him melted away, and he realized that here was a man he could admire, maybe even like, perhaps eventually even be friends with.

His smile grew wider. "Yes, Dickon. It really does," he answered, thinking wistfully, It's too bad he really isn't my father, then maybe I wouldn't be such a screwed up mess.

Something of that longing must have shown upon his face, for Richard spied it, and reacting upon instinct, reached out and put a hand upon the slender shoulder.

This time, Severus did not flinch, and together they watched the stars, letting the music of the spheres fill them with peace, and Severus allowed himself to pretend for one glorious moment, that he had a father like everyone else, who cared just for him.

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I felt it was important to show how the relationship between Sev and Dickon is developing.

Next chapter will see all of them back at school, and the new term will bring many surprises and intrigues, as the war between Slytherin and Gryffindor heats up due to new attacks by the Death Eaters upon Muggles.