I don't want to wake now. I don't want to wake ever. I never thought I would have a baby, not his baby, and I don't want another man's.
I wake in the morning, and immediately know he's gone. I sit up straight and gasp. Was his being here a dream? How did I lose him that fast? I scramble to get up to search for him, but he comes through the door.
He's dressed and he's clearly been out already for a few hours. He sits down next to me, and strokes my bare skin with his cold hands. I shiver.
He leans down and kisses my shoulder. "You make me so proud. My mother told me everything you've done, and I've made sure everyone knows how smart and brave you are."
I've never begged for validation, maybe because I knew I'd never get it. Everyone made fun of, judged, or feared me. But I bask in his appreciation, like the warm sun.
"Good morning, my little Viking", he says and pulls me up. He throws my dress to me and I pull it over my head, and manage to get the back closed. I gasp as he scoops me up and carries me out the door, and all the way to the throne room to the big wooden table.
"Sit down", he says. Frieda comes in with food and water. "You need to keep up your strength", he says. I accept the bread, vegetables, and pieces of roasted duck.
The King walks in and sits down. "Frieda! Breakfast!" She scampers away.
The room is charged. It feels like the air right before a Louisiana thunderstorm. The kind that knocks down trees, that washes away cars on flooded bridges.
"I have to go and work. Much needs to be repaired in the village before we get too much snow. Stay here and rest, min kärlek", Eric kisses me on the cheek and turns away. His hands are shaking.
"She rests quite a bit. Had you married Lena, your wife would have understood hardship", Ulfrick says.
Hey, wait a dam n second…
Eric spins around to face him. Never in my life have I seen that look on his face. If he were my Eric, his fangs would be out. And someone would probably be dead.
"Do not speak to me old man, unless it is to abdicate the throne!" Eric roars.
"I am not only your father, but your King, and you address me as such, boy!" the King screams back.
I make a move to get up. This is between them.
"Stay and eat your breakfast, Sookie", Eric orders in a voice that brooks no nonsense.
"We were finished months ago! And what do you do? Wait for months more for no reason at all!" Eric accuses.
"Expansion…"
"You knew we couldn't!", Eric yells back. "We raided the Irish coast, and what do you do? Stay and drink, play dice with the other men while our women and children starve! If we had been home any later…."
He swallows hard. "I could have lost my wife because of you. You're unfit to rule."
I didn't see Vallandra come in, but I hear her. "Stop this at once! You both have strong personalities and so you fight. But you love each other! Eric, apologize to your father. We were fine."
"You were not fine! I walked in on my wife too tired to get firewood; she collapsed in my arms."
I feel a bit guilty. I clearly started this fight, but I hadn't exaggerated. However well we did in the summer, was how bad we were doing in the winter. We couldn't fish, I was unable to make the trip anymore, and most women would not attempt it. Crops were long dead. I suppose with time I could have learned to hunt, but I wouldn't have mastered it any time soon. Those bow strings were so tight and hard to pull back. It required upper body strength I didn't have. I couldn't have fed the village for long. We would have starved to death in the snow.
"Son, this crown isn't yours yet!" Ulfrick shouts. But there's shame in his voice.
Eric spins around. "Don't make me choose, old man! Don't make me choose, for YOUR sake." He storms out.
I look up and there is fierce hatred in the King's eyes and he's looking right at me. Vallandra puts her arm around me.
"Come now, Sookie, come with me." I stand and allow her to guide me out of the room and into my bedroom Eric and I sleep in. It seems like the safest place to hang out.
I can feel her nervousness. She's angry, but mostly worried, and shaking.
"Vallandra, are you all right?" She doesn't answer.
"I'm sorry for the part I played in all of this", I say. "I don't want them to fight. I lost my own dad and I would love to talk to him again one more time. I don't wanna come between them."
"Sookie", she starts, "I have something to explain to you. Something the King didn't share with Eric, because Eric pounced on him the minute he was up this morning."
Why did this not make me feel good?
"It's the Danes", she starts. "We have bigger problems than the two of them quarreling, but if they continue fighting with each other, nothing can save us. We're in danger. Ulfrick saw evidence of them all over the coast. They raided and went home. Their population must be growing. They may go south in the summer, but when the ice comes, they can't. They always, always want more. They'll come here instead."
Adrenaline shoots through my veins. "Are they strong? Strong enough to take on the village?" I ask.
"Much stronger than that. We have to make treaties with our neighbors and fast. We have to promise to come to each other's aid and stand together. We've lost King Olaf because Eric did not marry Lena. Maybe he'll believe we forgot", she says, hopelessly.
There had been a good reason for Eric to marry Lena, but ultimately Ulfrick had chosen his son's happiness. I hated him less. But it hurt me that my coming may hurt the village.
"Our neighbors should stand by us", she says, "With a sitting King, and a grown Crown Prince who can take the throne at any time, our family is a force. It would be much better if we had more sons….Ulfrick never admonished me that we couldn't have more children no matter how hard we tried, and we tried for years. His haunted eyes told a different tale however, a tale of fear that we would lose our only son. It happens every day. Agna was a last minute miracle as my ability to be a mother faded away. I'm grateful he didn't have more sons with another woman. Though now I think he should have."
She wipes away a tear.
She's grateful he didn't cheat on her? Another time and place, Sookie, another time and place.
"I pray to Odin that you fill a nursery with grandsons; that will only make us stronger", she goes on. "Ulfrick preferred Lena because she's a Viking and knows our ways, she's a King's daughter, and brings an alliance, and because she's his own choice. He's stubborn. He didn't see you coming."
I didn't see me coming either. Wake up, Sookie, before just being here destroys the village.
"They can't be at each other's throats", she says. "Please don't tell Eric this. His father needs to be the one to explain it to him."
There were too many lies in our past. "Please have them talk today, Vallandra. I don't keep secrets from my husband."
She nods with a smile.
"You're worthy of him, Sookie. But I think they're too angry with each other to even be in the same room." She looks me over. "You need a new dress, my dear."
"I'll try to calm him down. What's his favorite food?" I ask. It's sad I don't know this. We spent twice as much time apart as we did together.
"Other than pastries, black cod with honey sauce. That's why he's so eager to go catch some when I want it. That boy can't resist anything sweet."
Perfect. I earned my stings to get it. "I'll send the blacksmith to see if he can catch anything. It will be a nice long walk in the snow. That's what he gets for tattling on us."She laughs.
Miraculously, he comes back with several fish, and I spend the next couple of hours crafting lunch before Eric comes in out of the cold.
"You're eating too fast", I admonish as we sit alone at the big table. "I know you're upset. But you need to talk to your father. Your mother told me it's an emergency that has nothing to do with you fighting about me."
"We're not fighting about you", Eric says, reaching out to take my hand.
"You are so. Your mother told me it's an emergency, Eric. Please."
He takes a deep breath. "Okay, I'll find out what the emergency is. I promise."
That night, in the dark of our bedroom, we're sitting together on our pallet and he pulls me onto his lap.
"What are you going to do?" I ask. "Meet them on the shore?"
"I'm not talking about war. Not with you." And here comes the chauvinism.
"I'm smart and capable, Eric. I can help…."
"That's not the point. Angels shouldn't have to worry about what happens on the ground." He pulls me closer. My heart is going to burst. For now, I let it go.
He rubs my belly in circles and kisses my cheek. "How long until our little one arrives?" he asks.
"About two and half months."
"Has the baby kicked?" he asks.
"Ooooh yes", I start, but stop. He looks…broken hearted. He missed it.
"Happens all the time, I'm sure you'll feel the baby kick plenty of times", I say him, and he's smiling again.
"You'll tell me right? You'll come get me wherever I am?"
I reach up quickly and kiss him, hard. "I will find you."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Is this our punishment?", he asks suddenly. "You're my angel, but you're married to the Devil. That's what they call me. They don't even know my name. That is my name." In our world, they call you "the Viking", I think. His reputation precedes him.
He sounds so sad. This Eric is a trained killer, but he doesn't like it. It's torturing him right now to think about. Something happened to him. He became a vampire of course, but something else destroyed his conscience and humanity. But I don't want to think about any of it. Not about his future or his past. Not about the victims or the victors of wars.
Not when he's cuddling me and kissing me and calling me "min kärlek" over and over with a desperate love, nuzzling my neck, my breasts. Or when he's calling me "min kvianna" with a desperate lust that makes me ache for him.
"My baby", he says, rubbing my belly.
I tip up his chin and kiss him slowly, "My baby."
"A term of endearment for your people", he says.
He settles me on his lap facing away from him and he's cupping me with a huge hand. I gasp as he pushes a big, long finger inside me, and I ride it, slowly. Then he pushes another finger inside me. I gasp. His hands are as big as everything else. With his right hand, he pumps his fingers inside me and he wraps his left arm, long and muscled, around my middle and holds me in place. "That's my girl, come for me, min liten mamma." My little mother. I come hard, screaming. It's so good, so hard, so good….oh God. "That's it, give it all to me", he moans as I clench around his fingers. He leans into me, hard as a rock. "Again?" he asks, kissing my cheek. I inhale his familiar scent and rock on his fingers again.
Later, he's not sleeping, he cuddles me close. "I'm sorry to keep you up", he says.
"Don't be sorry."
"I love you. You and our baby. Mother and Agna. That's all that matters."
I press my forehead against his, and he's shaking. "I would kill for you, I would die for you", he swears.
"Promise me you won't", I say, but he says nothing.
"Whatever happens, I know this isn't the life you're used to, I know you have every reason to leave the village as others have….just, please, don't leave me when I'm not looking. Have faith in me to protect you. Never let me go."
Tears stream down my face. My love for him and lust for him are desperate. My need to reassure him is overwhelming. "Never", I whisper and he pulls me close. I just wrap my legs around his waist and wait for the desperation of my feelings for him to ebb so I can function. I take his face in my hands. "You've been mine for longer than you could ever imagine."
And then something changes. The feel of the air. A gust a wind. Something. "Sleep, min kärlek", he says, and tucks my head under his chin.