Sorry for the late update! I've been staying with family for the past 4 weeks and it's really annoying trying to update on mobile. I'm flying back home in exactly one week so updates should be running smoothly again very soon. I just ordered the Pipboy edition yesterday from Best Buy and they might still have some if any of you are looking.

Chapter 16

I slammed the door behind me as I chased Boone out into the open wastes. He stopped in his tracks once he knew that Joshua would not hear us. He slowly turned around to face me.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing with him?" Boone spat through gritted teeth.

I Instinctively wrapped my arms around myself. "He's changed, Boone. He wouldn't hurt a fly now... I changed that." As I spoke, the more I heard myself. I sounded like a stupid teenage girl.

Boone choked out a laugh and glared at me. "People like him don't fucking change! He's a murderer... a rapist!"

Tears welled in my eyes as he yelled at me. "No!" I shouted. "He wouldn't hurt me."

He shook his head and swore under his breath. He lifted his sunglasses up and grabbed me, pulling me closer. "You are such a naive little girl."

I struggled in his grasp that only tightened. A pathetic whimper escaped me. Tears flowed freely now and I choked on the air. "Boone, please just stop... Let go of me!" I pleaded.

Boone was getting closer and his grip grew tighter. Everything seemed to stand still when his lips pressed to mine gently. I didn't kiss him back... but I didn't pull away. Boone broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine.

"I'm sorry, Addie. I want what is best for you and that animal in there will never see you as a human being." Boone's voice was husky and slightly muffled as he buried his face into my hair. His arms wrapped around me. "I missed you."

Everything was so confusing and made everything more difficult. I had been certain when I broke things off with Boone before leaving. We were both too broken to be good for each other. He would go days without speaking to me and I always knew I would never be Carla. I had pushed him away too when I told him about my daughter. To this day, I don't know why.

I squeezed my eyes shut tight. "Boone, I'm not Carla."

His embrace loosened and his body sagged slightly. "I know."

"Then why do you do this to us? I left because I gave up. I left the note on your desk when you were asleep and I ran away to Zion. I wanted somewhere nice... a peaceful place to do what I was there to do."

Boone pulled back and held me at arms length. His gaze was piercing and somewhat unsettling. "What were you there to do?"

I looked away. "You know what I was going to do."

He shook me slightly. "I want to hear you say it," He growled.

The hurt look in his eyes said it all. He wasn't just broken, he was no longer able to be fixed. "I... I was going to kill myself."

He let go off me and threw his face into his hands. Everything he was doing confused me. "Why would you do something like? That's the fucking easy way out!"

This day had started off well and only got so much worse. "I felt like I was going to be eaten alive by everything! I lost my fucking little girl and I never felt good enough for you!" I shouted.

Boone straightened out and pressed a finger into my chest. "Don't you try to fucking pin your problems on me."

I pushed his hand away and glared. "Joshua was there for me. He held me when I cried for my baby girl. What did you ever do when I felt like hell?"

It was his turn to look away. "You wouldn't look at me. You would fucking drink your whiskey and pass out. You wouldn't even look at me when I let you crawl on top of me."

"Addie, I-"

"No, don't. It's my turn to be angry!" I could barely hear myself through the rushing blood in my ears. "You didn't look at me because I'm not fucking Carla. You fucked me and pretended I was her. Do you know how sick that is?"

Boone stared at the ground in defeat. "I don't know what you want me to say... I'm leaving now. You can do whatever you want."

I shook my head. "Just go."

He shouldered his pack and turned away quietly. His loud footsteps made my heart sink even lower. He looked over his shoulder one last time. "I hope you find her."

My heart stopped completely. "Boone, wait."

He stopped but didn't turn to look at me. "What could you possibly have to say now?"

I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his bulky pack. "You're not a bad guy, Boone. We were both angry and I want you to know I don't want to leave on a bad conversation." He was silent, listening to my words. "Before you go, I want you to know that every time meant something to me, even if they didn't to you."

His fingers found mine and laced into my hand. "I'm sorry for everything I put you through and I really just want you to be happy."

I nodded but he probably couldn't feel through the pack. "I know."

We stood there for several minutes, watching the time go by. He still smelled the same. Whiskey and gun powder. That smell often put me to sleep, but I never woke up to it.

"Be safe, Boone. Or else I'll have to hunt you down and let Cass beat the shit out of you."

He chuckled softly. "I will. You be careful out here and around him, Addie. I don't trust him but he seems to have treated you right so far."

We let go reluctantly and waved goodbye. He looked back once he was at the road and I could feel his heated gaze. This would be the last time I saw him again for a while. Maybe forever.