Yo, I'm back from the dead.

Chapter 17

The door opened and closed in the next room and I heard Addie's head hit the door quietly. There had been something between them. I knew it was true, but that was the past.

"He's gone, Joshua." The pain in her voice was unbearable.

"Come see, Addie."

In a moment, she appeared in the room. She looked exhausted and sad. I patted the bed and she curled up next me.

"You don't have to worry about Boone. He's gone."

I ran my freshly bandaged fingers through her hair and wrapped the other arm around her. "You don't need to tell me about the two of you. I would rather not hear about it. What's important is that we made it."

She nodded, jostling the blanket slightly. "We won't see him again. I think we can start looking when you feel better. I don't want you to overdo it."

I turned my head and kissed her forehead. I wrapped both arms around her and squeezed tightly. "Let's just get some real rest while we're here. I haven't slept well since we left Zion."

She nuzzled into my neck and her fingers lightly grazed the other side of my neck. Her angel lips kissed my jaw. I was too tired for this. I cupped her face and looked her in the eyes. Her hair draped over our bodies and framed her face. Her cheeks were a light pink and her eyes were lidded heavily. She wanted to forget about Boone.

"We should get some rest," I whispered.

She looked away, ashamed of being caught in her attempt at forgetting the other man. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "It's not you."

She sighed, sitting up, and wiped her face. "Yeah, it is. It's about Boone and me."

I sat up to meet her and laid my head on her shoulder. "It is. But I'm trying to avoid either of us saying something wrong or it being taken the wrong way so I just want to sleep."

"No, I get it," she replied sadly.

When I woke up, Addie was gone. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. "Addie?"

There was no response. My body ached from the strain of the journey so far but I still forced myself out of bed. I leaned into the next room and it was empty. I was alone. Panic was beginning to set in. I swung the door open and looked into the dark Mojave night.

"You're up," Addie said on the ground and leaning against the wall with a cigarette dangling from her lips.

I could barely see her but the burning tip of the cigarette bobbed with her words. The ashes fluttering to the ground was mesmerizing.

"I was unaware that you smoked."

She snorted. "I found a pack in the room left by a doctor or something. I stopped but now is as a good a time as any to pick it back up. I highly doubt that these are what's going to kill me anyway."

I eased down to the ground next to her and crossed my legs. She held the cigarette out for me and I weighed my options. I had smoked before on occasion when life was stressful, but I hadn't smoked in years. I pinched the cigarette and took a long drag. The smoke burned my lungs in a bitter sweet, long missed way. I passed it back to her and blew out the stream of smoke.

"I miss my daughter," Addie said.

Of all the times she had talked about her daughter, this was the most heartbreaking. All the other times, she had been crying or tired. This time was so flat and emotionless. As if she missed her so much to the point that she couldn't feel anything else. As if she had finally broken for good.

"We'll find her, Addie. It's only a matter of time."

She flicked the cigarette and the tip erupted in a flurry of ashes and embers. The air was cool and dry in the night and in the distance, I could make out the howls of nightstalkers in the mountains. Addie took a sip of something and passed it to me as well. It was a bottle of scotch.

"Tonight must be pretty rough," I said, taking a swig of the burning alcohol.

She heaved a sigh and nodded curtly. "Yep."

I took a smaller sip of scotch and passed it back. She chugged the remaining liquid and chucked the bottle, shattering it on a rock. I leaned my head back and stared at the stars.

It wasn't nearly as nice as the night sky in Zion, unfiltered by light and civilization. I could barely make out the stars through the obnoxious light emanating off of Vegas. Addie leaned against me and sniffled.

She wasn't crying this time. She was just drunk.

"What did you ever see in me, Joshua?" She asked quietly. "I'm not fishing for compliments. I just seriously want to know what is desirable in a mess like me."

I rested my head on hers. "I saw the fire in you that burned around me during my fall. You had an air about you that gave me energy and through my life, I've learned to surround yourself with people that give you energy. You are beautiful, but it never really had much to do with your looks."

"Really?" She mumbled.

"Yes. Also, you needed me. I don't know any better feeling than being needed. It means I actually matter to someone. It means that I would be missed if I were to die this very moment... Plus, I have a weakness for those thighs you hate so much."

She laughed for a moment. "That's really depressing, Joshua."

I shook my head. "I don't think so. What the hell did you see in a roasted marshmallow like me?"

She snorted again, but this was a genuine laugh. "Marshmallow? I don't know. There's definitely something about you that really pulls me in. Like you said, I need you. I don't know why, but I always trusted you from the beginning. You make me feel human. Like I'm worth something. Also, you're voice really gets me going."

My chest puffed slightly in pride and I lowered my lips to her ear. "Like this," I whispered.

Her body shivered and she nodded wordlessly. I wouldn't sleep with her tonight. Not while she was drunk.

"I don't actually care about what you saw in me. It's best not to question miracles," I muttered as I pulled away.

She bit her lip. "Then why did you ask me?"

I grinned slightly. "I was just fishing for compliments."