Summary: warning – extreme depression. Sookie continues to slide deeper into depression to hit rock bottom. Meanwhile, witnessing her downhill spiral, against his better judgment, Lafayette decides it may be time to resurrect the brujo inside.
Two dollars. It's the lunch shift. The dinner shift has bigger tips, but I can't take the dinner shift most of the time. Terry is off today, and watching E.J., but I can't ask too much.
The only person I've let into my life at all is Lafayette. He may have hated Eric, but that disappeared the minute he saw my face. He understands loss. Right now he and Holly are staring at me, studying me like a fly under a glass.
I head over to my table that just walked in.
"Shit." I just hope she didn't hear me.
"Hi Portia. Can I get you a cappuccino?"
"Oh God, no, I know better than to try that again. A sweet tea is fine."
"Comin right up. Do you know what you'd like?" I ask. The Merlotte's menu is not exactly complicated, and most of the town has it memorized, though Portia is not a regular visitor.
"I think I'll risk the red beans and rice", she says, handing me her menu.
I let out a deep breath and go give Lafayette her order. I have no reason to be angry with her. Despite the fact that paying her expensive bills didn't get me an inch closer to finding out who bought my house. That mystery solved itself. Despite the fact that she dated Bill. Maybe she still is. But I don't care who he dates.
It's shameful to admit, but being around Portia Bellefleur makes me feel bad about myself. She's still young, beautiful, smart, well educated, a lawyer. Her family is proud of her. She's rich. Her whole life is ahead of her. Compared to Portia, I'm a statistic. A poor single woman with a baby, in a shit job. E.J. would be better off with Jason, he'd have a male role model who's family.
Lafayette and Holly are still staring.
I wander over to them. "Is there somethin green on my face?"
"There's circles under your eyes, Sook", Lafayette complains.
Holly holds up a vial. "Liquid sleeping pill", she says, her arms crossed with irritation. Considering I screamed at her the last time she came to me with help, I don't blame her for looking at me like that.
"I have a toddler, guys, he runs me around, and keeps me up, it's no big deal." They look at each other.
"Cut it out!" I yell, but take the vial from her. "Thank you."
"She's just gonna throw it out", I hear Holly moan.
I know she's just trying to help. But her Wicca does nothing but remind me of a very big confused angel who couldn't remember anything but the sea. "Kiss me and I promise to be happy."
The sea, where we sent his family on their journey, where I fished for months to feed the village….where he burned right in front of my eyes.
And just like that, the pain is back, full force, like a truck on my shoulders, and I slide to the floor with the weight of it.
"Sookie!" Sam is pulling me to my feet. Customers are watching. "Maybe you should go home."
"I can't", I cry, "I have to take care of my son. I need the money."
"I'll give you the money."
People are staring at me. Not having my powers had been paradise. Now that my telepathy is back, so is the full force of other people's hatred. I could hear them thinking.
"Crazy as a bed bug."
"Where'd that baby come from? She ain't married. Trash is as trash does."
"Look at her. Her grandmother is dead, half the girls in the town died, all she can think about is that bloodsucker."
"Do we need to worry about that kid of hers? Who knows what it can do? IT. Because we don't know what such a thing is capable of."
"It ain't natural."
From Portia: "That poor girl. I feel bad for that child, being born without a father is being born with one strike against him."
My head is spinning.
"I don't want your handouts! Now, all of you, just shut the fuck up!" I scream, and hear their taunts following me.
I run from the room and out the back door.
"Sookie!"
"Sam, I'm sorry, Arlene can take my table…."
"Sookie, I'm worried about you. It's been two years, and you haven't recovered at all. I think you need….some help."
"The only thing I need is my baby, and the only thing I want is my husband", I whisper.
"Eric is dead!", he pronounces.
I didn't even know I did it until red bloomed on Sam's cheek. I smacked him.
"I'm so sorry Sam!"
"Get yourself together, Sookie, and don't come back until you have." He points to my car.
"Please Sam, don't send me home, I'm beggin you. For E.J."
He sighs. "Get back to work. Another outburst like that, and you're going home."
I dust myself off, and go back in, to the bar to get the sweet tea.
Lafayette leans over and looks at me.
"What?" I back away.
"Your eyes are…black. Sookie, it's been a long time. I know the pain you was in at first, but usually, it gets better with time. You only seem to be gettin worse. You ain't gonna leave that baby alone now is you?"
"Of course not", I say, stepping back.
"Arlene and Terry is havin a party this weekend. You bring E.J. here, we'll talk."
Hmmm. Maybe it would shut everyone up, and let E.J. have some fun.
That evening, I'm home, and exhausted.
E.J. is running around, he's wound up like a top. Dinner isn't made, and there aren't any clean clothes. The washer broke again. The only thing that works around here is me. I sit down at the kitchen table, my head hanging down. I'm bone aching tired.
I can hear my son pattering into the living room.
I've got a good repair man, but it's just more money. I reach into my purse, and into my wallet, to get his number. The little vial is sitting there, in the bottom of my purse. Holly's "liquid sleeping pill." I wonder how much it would take?
I think I know how Tara felt when Eggs died, only this is a thousand times worse. I lost my husband and the father of my child. I roll it around in my hands. Maybe. When E.J. is with Jason. He'd forget me in a month or so.
A crash. I drop the vial, and jump up. "E.J.?" There's one of Gran's crystal bowls, one the ones I told him over and over not to touch, smashed into pieces on the floor. His little mouth hangs up guiltily.
"Dammit E.J.! How many times do I have to tell you? Now get out of here, you're gonna get cut." I shoo him away. "I need a broom and a dust pan, then the vacuum."
He starts to walk to me through the glass. "Hungry", he says.
"No! Go over there!" He tries to come closer, but I hold up my hands to keep him away. "No! Go away! I don't want to see you right now." And I run out of the living room. I need to cool off.
He wails. "Mommauuhhh!" I look around the corner at him. I've never seen him so frantic, his red face is screwed up in terror. I left him. "Momma! Momma!" He sits on the floor, too near the glass. He's crying so hard, he can barely breathe.
I drop everything and sweep him up in my arms. "Oh my God, my sweet baby, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!"
He buries his face in my hair, gasping. "Momma, Momma."
"Momma will never leave you. Never, ever, ever."
I put him down, but he won't let me move, his arms around my legs. "We're gonna get your baby gate."
And I do what I should have done in the first place, tired or not, and get his baby gate out of the closet, keep him in the kitchen, and clean up the glass.
I take a deep breath. And pour Holly's concoction down the sink.
I have instant rice. And chicken breasts. A little cream of mushroom soup, and I'll have a quick casserole he'll eat. He puts his arms up in the air and I pick him up and hug him. His face is bright red, hot, and stained with tears.
"Help", he says, wiping his face.
"You can help. You already help more than you know."
Laf POV
Why is everybody lyin' to me today? I look into that girl's eyes and I see death. A black shadow is startin to follow her around. She ain't gonna make it. Normally, no matter how she woulda begged me, no matter how much I want Jesus back, I would never mess with this shit again. But I ain't gonna allow her to die from grief. To think I didn't do it for my own love. But I'm doing it for Eric fucking Northman, and I still hates that muthafucka, dead or alive. He still haunts my nightmares occasionally. But it's not for him, it's for Sook. I can never repay her for what she's done for me, and especially for Tara. I'm the one who forced her to turn her best friend. And I don't understand why my damn cousin won't get her damn girlfriend to pony up for that child.
When she told me what happened, it sounded like he glamoured her, but Sookie can't be glamoured. You don't have to be a vampire to do what he did. I found a couple of books I didn't know I had, and a couple I outright stole from Marnie."Dream Magic" and "The History of Ritualistic Blood Sacrifice" I look into the mirror behind the bar and concentrate hard. I open my eyes, and there he is. The face that terrified my black ass when Jesus looked that way. I can seem to turn it on or off.
Lord help us all.