Thursday night is as busy as it always is on Ladies Night at Merlotte's. Jason is in the corner, telling some random woman about his high school football career. I shake my head.
"Sook", Lafayette says. He's sitting at the bar, not standing behind it. And Holly is sitting next to him.
"Lafayette, I appreciate you wantin to help, but I need to know before I even sit down, I'm not here to learn spells and have drinks with the girls. Do you have information for me? Be honest." I can't say the words.
"I think I do", he says, and my heart gallops. Stop. "Sit down, Sookie, sit down."
"Yeah, sit down", Holly echoes.
"Drink something", he insists.
"Gin and tonic", I tell Terry. Terry has no idea how to tend bar, and I can't believe he's standing there. Apparently Lafayette is supposed to be the bartender tonight, but he's taking an hour or two – off.
"Go ahead", I say.
"Drank first", he insists. Fine, I'm drinking. Terry hands me…something, it's in the ball park, and I take a swig.
"Sook, I know it's painful but I have to ask you how he died. For the record."
"By his own hand", I repeat, taking another swig.
"Suicides usually can't be summoned. There's some kind of cosmic punishment for that."
Good to know. "But you said this happened because of a blood sacrifice?" he asks.
"Yes, I brought information". I pull out a book about Viking lore. "The name of the sacrifice he took part in is the Blót.""
I planned to talk about this in abstracts. Like describing a movie I saw. But it's not a movie I'm seeing in my mind.
"Take it slow", Laf says. "Why did he die? It matters."
"He sacrificed himself to save his son. A life for a life. To make E.J. "real", I guess you could say. He knew I wouldn't leave without my baby, so he saved both our lives. And he saved his village, saved them from a war that killed them all. The only other time a King sacrificed himself, the village was blessed for a hundred years."
"This is Eric Northman?" Holly asks, skepticism in her voice.
"He didn't mean to hurt anyone that night at the Moon Goddess Emporium", I insist, but I can hear the bullshit detector going off in my own head.
Laf holds up a hand to stop her.
"We were dreaming together", I go on, "And it was sooo real. You have no idea what it was like. I was there for over two years. About a week here."
His mouth is hanging open and Holly is just staring.
"So you were in this dream together?" he asks.
"Yes. When I got there, I met Eric as a human, as a Viking. He had no idea who I was."
Lafayette quirks an eyebrow.
"I knew who I was, but he didn't. And we were together, and it was…paradise. I didn't ever want to wake up. We got married and then I got pregnant with E.J."
"In a dream….?" Lafayette asks, dripping with sarcasm. "You were pregnant with that baby I see with my own eyes – in a dream?"
"Yes. Then Eric fell asleep and took over his body so to speak, and he was the real Eric, or the Eric I know I guess you could say. We were so happy. No cares, sleeping in front of a roaring fire, we were so absorbed in each other, there was no room for anything but each other, and our baby, and love….it didn't matter what we didn't have. We didn't miss anything. There was no world outside that…it was like a fantasy that never ended."
"Damn that sounds nice", Lafayette says.
"It was." I wipe away a tear.
"What happened next?"
Holly is hanging on this tale like my Gran hung on her "stories", soap operas she just HAD to tune into everyday.
"Eric was away for six months for expansion. What the Vikings did…"
"You mean rape and pillage?" Holly asks.
"Not now, Holly", Laf advises. Smart too. "So he comes back, and it's baby makes three."
"Yes."
"So then what?"
"I forgot about myself. I forgot there was another world. But our bodies were still lying there on the bed. Eric could go on that way forever, but I was slowly dying of neglect. I was starting to die of thirst."
"Oh God!" Holly exclaims.
"But I knew our son wasn't real, he was a figment of our imaginations. I refused to wake up because I'd lose him. He only had life as long as I didn't wake up from my dream. I found myself prepared to die for my child. But…I should have known Eric had the whole thing planned out, he's never left anything to chance. So he performed the Blót sacrifice, which you can see in the book, and he died, for his son, and for me, and for everyone."
"Interesting."
"Interesting how, Lafayette?! I just spilled my guts to you. What is "interesting?"
"There's lots of kinds of blood sacrifices, Sook. Marnie participated in one. She wanted possession for power and to kill. Not exactly the purest of motives. Motive doesn't have anything to do with success. But, it might have some other kind of significance. Dying accidentally while performing a blood sacrifice – I don't know how that's classified by the spirit world – other than stupid. But dying to save someone else is not suicide, Sook, it's something different…."
"He died for his son, Lafayette, surely that doesn't count against him?" I wipe away a tear.
"I think it will make a difference", he says.
"So you're saying we may have a chance?"
"I'm saying we may have a chance", he says, and I allow my innards to flutter for the first time.
Lafayette picks up the book. "Thank you for bringin this, this is great, it'll help. I have to ask you, Sook – how did he kill himself? I'm sorry, but I gotta know what kinda corpse I'm dealin with." My husband is not a corpse, he was my husband.
"Not any kind you'd want to see, Lafayette. He took a knife and slashed through the brachial artery in his upper arm to start the flow", I say, squeezing my eyes shut, "But he didn't get the chance to bleed to death. He wanted to go fast…because I was standing there watching. He stood on the dry wood of a longship, dropped a torch, and burned to death. That only took seconds. Cremation is the only way to go to Valhalla."
"Oh God I'm gonna be sick", Holly jumps up and runs to the ladies room.
Laf is studying the pictures in the books, with his face screwed up in horror. "Dayum, white people is crazy."
"Nevermind that, can you help?"
He looks back at the book."So, I can give you a definite maybe."
I roll my eyes.
"The blood sacrifice angle is tricky because it didn't really happen. At least not in this world."
"Excuse me?" I ask. It happened, I was there.
"This dream magic thing is interesting though. It gave me an idea. So…you were dreaming, then Eric fell asleep and joined you in the dream. Was it different after that?"
"Completely different. We recognized each other for one thing. But, more than that, Eric started recognizing people, places, things, stuff people said. We were reliving history. His history. We even saw f*cking Russell Edgington…"
Lafayette jumps at that.
"We figured you can't change history. But we did, Eric did, he changed everything when he chose to die as a human. He never met Godric, he never became a vampire…"
Laf holds up his hand.
"You CANNOT change reality girlfriend, you cannot change history, that's impossible. You dreamed the whole damn thing. What I think happened is that when Eric came into the dream as Eric, his imagination filled in the details with stuff that happened in his life. It wasn't purely imagination for him, he lived it, so he knew what happened next. He controlled the dream from then on, and you went along for the ride. The good news is that nothing actually changed as far as reality is concerned, the bad news is when a dream is over, it's over, and yours is over."
"If we didn't change reality, how do you explain my two year old?" I insist.
"I dunno, girlfriend, I think his survival is part of Eric's sacrifice. Dayum, you guys messed things all up, I don't even know how you did it! Probably couldn't repeat it again in a thousand years no matter how hard you tried."
"So that's it then?" I ask. "Eric is never comin back?" I wipe away a tear. Up and down these hopes.
"Hear me out", he says. "The Dream Magic angle might work better, but it's a longshot. I can't change reality, and I can't change your dream. It had a beginning, a middle, and an end, and it's over and done with. But…I might be able to give you a new dream. I could put you under the way he did, easy as pie. But it's finding the right place. You would have to wind up at the EXACT right place, at the EXACT right moment, and Sook, this worked so well because Eric knew where he was going. I ain't never been to Sweden, and lookin at this f*ckin book, I ain't never goin. If I just think of tall blondes, hell you could wind up in Kansas or a strip club in Miami."
Even now he can make me laugh.
"I know where I'm going, I spent two years there."
"You sho?" he raises an eyebrow. "'Cause I ain't responsible if you end up in Istanbul, or Disneyland, or somewheres."
"He'll lead me, I know he will." Lafayette looks at me like I'm some kind of crazy religious convert.
"So when do we get started!" I cry. Oh god, even the slightest chance….
"This is gonna take some preparation. I'm not going to guess at this. People have gone mad from this shit, Sookie. Terrible things can happen. Honestly, I don't want to do it at all."
"But you will. Please Lafayette, if there's a chance…."
Holly comes back looking pale.
"You meet me at my place tomorrow around 7, okay?" he says.
"Yes."
The next evening, I'm there at 7 on the nose. I wrung my hands all day from nervousness. And dropped enough plates to make Sam think I'd lost it.
"Sook, are you SURE?"
"Lafayette, I've spent two years crying over my husband. Usually every day. I have a toddler, who has never met his father, but has already asked for his Daddy. Someone just killed E.J.'s kitten and purposely left it on my doorstep."
"What?!"
"Yeah! Someone is trying to make a point, but they f*cked with the wrong woman this time."
"Well I'm glad to hear some fire in your voice. Who the hell would kill a kitten? This world is all f*cked up."
"Someone was obviously trying to make a point."
"Who?" he asks.
"My son is two years old. He can't have any enemies."
"You sho? I can thinka one right now – Miss Swynford De Beaufort."
"Pam is a bitch and a piece of work…"
"Go on which your bad self. Tell it how it is."
"A bitch", I repeat, "But not a kitten murderer. I don't see it. It's been years, and I haven't heard a peep. I don't think she would consider E.J. an enemy. If she does, I'll stake her if she sets foot on my property."
"I don't know why my cousin don't find some way to help you out…"
"You're wastin your time with that, Lafayette. Tara is Pam's progeny, and now her lover. It is possible to disobey your maker if you try hard enough, but you can ask Pam herself if you want to know if it's a fun experience or not. Her relationship with Eric was never the same. And Tara is so young, she couldn't begin to question her maker. It's not her fault, Lafayette, just let it go."
"You know a helluva lot more about this than I'd ever want to. Who else? Bill?" he asks.
"I thought about that. The timing is right, he saw the kitten when he dropped by just the other evening. But still – kitten killing to make a point? I don't think so."
"He dropped by?"
"Yes, Lafayette." Sigh. "He came to give us his sympathies. And make me feel guilty that my son doesn't have a father."
"Was he offering?"
"I couldn't even tell you. He was acting…weird."
"Two possible culprits if you ask me", Lafayette says.
"I also have to consider it could be someone else, someone I don't know. Or worse, someone I do. A lot of people in this town don't like my son, don't trust him. I can hear their nasty thoughts. They might be stalking us, or worse, they might mean us harm. It might be somebody I see in Merlotte's every day."
"Sook, do you really think so?"
"If we learned anything from Renee Lenier, it's always the last person you suspect."
"Damn, you're depressin me, girl."
"Let's get goin now."
"Oh Sook. We're doin this a little at a time, understand me?"
"Understood."
"Okay, we're going five minutes this time. You tell me all about a place you want to go, describe it down to the closet detail, so I can really see it. It will be a test to see if you can describe it well and if I can picture it well. I'll send you there. You'll sleep, you try to change something, and I'll wake you up in five minutes, and tell me what you saw", he says.
"Lafayette is this really necessary? If there's a chance I can get Eric back, I want to get going."
"It's my way, or no way, Sook."
"Fine", I growl.
"Without the attitude, girl." I roll my eyes.
"Maybe a cabin I went to as a child with Jason, Momma, and Daddy…"
"No. One thing I forgot to mention is that there's a good chance you'll see yourself. That would freak a kid out."
"Then let's go back to last night, at the bar. We both have a clear image of it."
"Okay…."
I lie down on his sofa.
"I'm not at all tired, you can…." I start.
"Don't worry about that", he says, "Close your eyes." He warms his hands up like he's about to give me a massage or perform surgery or something.
I close my eyes and try to relax. "I'm thinking about the bar last night", he says, "When you sat down on the barstool. Let yourself go, Sookie, everything is fine, everything is safe, let yourself go…."
I blink and there I am, at Merlottes last night. Yes! There's Jason chatting up the woman. Can't let him see me twice. There's Lafayette and Holly. Terry is handing me the gin and tonic.
"Drank first", Lafayette orders. There I am – taking a gulp from the glass. Is that what my hair looks like from the back?
I hear us chattering back and forth. I see myself pull out the book I brought. I see Holly gag and run to the rest room.
Good a time as any. I follow her, and she goes into a stall and shuts the door. I go into the stall next to her.
"There's no toilet paper over here, could you hand me some? Like…a roll?", I ask.
"Sure", she says, "I work here and I can tell you if there's no paper, somebody is gonna be in big trouble for not keepin up the bathroom."
She hands me the roll under wall between us.
"Thank you!", I say, take the roll, put it on the back of the seat, and then run for it.
I can feel myself being pulled awake. I have to obey Lafayette on this, so I grudgingly allow him to.
I open my eyes to find him standing over me.
"How did it go?" he asks, and he looks scared.
"Great. I saw the whole thing, it was completely real. But we gotta go check with Holly. I handed her some toilet paper."
"You did what?" he asks, his face screwed up in disgust.
"Oh never mind, let's go."
I drive entirely too fast to Merlottes.
"Holly? Holly Holly!"
"What's on fire?" Holly asks, coming out with a coffee pot, "What's wrong with you, Sookie?"
"I have to ask you a question. When you left to go to the restroom last night…."
"Yeah, sorry about that, Sookie, a witch needs to have a stronger stomach than that."
"It's not a problem. What I want to know is – when you went to the restroom, did you talk to anybody else while you were in there?"
"Huh?"
"THINK Holly, did anyone ask you for anything?"
"Now that you mention it, yeah! Somebody in the stall next to me told me there was no toilet paper, and to pass a roll. But I double checked and there was plenty."
"Thanks Holly", I say, running past her into the bathroom. In the stall I was in last night, the roll I put on the back of the seat is sitting exactly where I put it.
"Lafayette!"
He pushes the ladies room door open. "Is we seriously standin here lookin at a toilet?"
"Do you see the roll of toilet paper on the back of the toilet?"
"What?"
"Do you see it there?"
"I don't see anything, Sookie." He stops and turns his head to me. "Do you?"
"Yes. I changed things just the way Eric and I did. But it didn't change for you", I say. "Why?"
"I don't know, Sookie. I wish you'd slow down", he bemoans.
"If it's a matter of opinion whether the paper roll moved, is it a matter of opinion whether Eric is dead?!"
He shakes his head and rubs his temples. "Sook, it's not a matter of opinion. This dream state thinga ma jig seems to create two different realities."
"We're practicing every night…"
"Once a week", he says.
"Twice a week."
"Okay, twice a week", he says, "Sookie, I don't know what kind effect it could have on a person being sent back and forth like this. I want to practice this, but we can't do it too much."
"Laf, none of that matters…"
"I won't risk hurtin you, Sookie, not for him, or anybody else, you got me?" he insists.
"I got you."
"I need to do some more research on this. Drinks tomorrow?" he asks. "After work, we'll take a table."
I leap into Lafayette's arms.
"Girlfriend, it's toilet paper, not bringing back the dead", he says, returning my hug. "I sent you back in time like Eric did, I still don't know if I can send you back into a dream. We don't know anything at this point. Now can we get the hell out of the baffroom? You couldn't think of somethin less nasty?"
"Tomorrow", I say, wiping a tear. Please, please, please…