The phone is ringing. And I'm going to punch whoever it is. It's 7 am, and I was out like a light. Thankfully, E.J. is still sleeping.
I grab it at the fourth ring before the machine picks up. "'ello?"
"Sook, I think I figured it out." I can't believe it. After being sent back into dream after dream, I would always enter the dream as an independent observer. Unlike being literally sent back in time, I couldn't change anything, just watch.
Twenty minutes later, I'm slamming my fist into Jason's door. "Wake up!"
He throws open the door clad in nothing but a sheet, holding a Miller Lite pillow in front of his hoo haw. He's rubbing his eyes.
"What the fu…"
"Watch your language, I've got E.J."
"Punkle Jason", E.J. confirms.
"Do you have any idea what time it is? I gotta be up by 10, and then I gotta go to work, Sook, on the road crew, I can't watch him."
"You're gonna have to go in late. I'll make this as fast as possible. I'm skippin work too."
"Sook, come on, I don't know what you're doing, but you can't mess around with my work and my life like this, I could get fired for not showing up!" he yells.
"Oh bullshit, I'll give Andy a call and he won't let you be fired…he owes me big by now." Oh shit, did I just curse?
"Bullshits", E.J. repeats. Jason is awake enough to crack up laughing.
"Now go put on some pants."
He runs and comes back 30 seconds later with jeans on.
"Go with your Uncle Jason", I say, handing him to my brother.
"Sook, no!" Jason takes him though.
"I'll make it quick."
"Momma!" E.J. howls.
"Wanna make sloppy joes?" Jason asks.
He lets my son eat sloppy joes. Apparently at 7 in the morning.
But I gotta take my chance, and go. E.J. is smiling at the prospect of a sloppy joe.
"See ya! Thanks Jason!"
"Sook, wait!"
But I'm gone and driving. Jason will take good care of his nephew, whether he wants to right now or not. They have a great time together. I think they're about the same level of maturity.
I'm pounding on Laf's door.
"Lafayette!"
"Girl, when we're done here, I'm still gonna need my door", he complains, opening the door in a new silk kimono with a cigarillo in his mouth.
"What did you find out?" I ask.
"Sit."
I growl.
"I said sit", he demands and I sit.
"Okay. When Eric went back into his dream, the real Eric, the evil Eric…"
I frown.
"Okay, when the Eric we know went back, what he did is pretty much what you want to do. He wasn't a separate observer, or another Eric, because he inhabited a body, his own body. I think if I can send you back, your mind, anyway, and if you can inhabit the Sookie you were then, I think you can influence things."
My mouth falls open. "You really think so?" I can't stop smiling no matter how much I want to not hope.
"I think so. I'm a physical medium, I have experience being inhabited by people, whether I like it or not." He wrinkles up his nose.
"But those are ghosts, I'm not dead."
"Neither was Eric."
"You're right. Do you know how to do this?" I ask.
"I can send you into your body, yes. But this is dangerous, we have to practice…"
"Lafayette, I'm tired of practicing…"
"This could kill you, Sook, do you understand that? We've been pushing you into and ripping you out of one parallel universe after another over and over. You can't keep doing this."
"So show me how to do this once."
He groans. "Okay. The number one thing is to know exactly where you're going. That's why it was so easy for Eric. We don't want to concentrate on putting you in a dream, like we have been. We don't want a second Sookie who can't be seen or heard, we want you to enter your body as it is there already. Concentrate on a specific moment, a feeling. You want to get in touch with an emotion rather than placing yourself in a dream. Does that make any sense?"
"No."
"Not to me either."
"Let's just try it", I say.
I lie back on his sofa, and try to forget the sweet stink of his cigarillo.
"Tell me where you're going", he says.
"Back to the bar on that night."
"The night with the damn toilet paper?" he raises an eyebrow.
"Yes, keep still, Lafayette, and just do it."
"Just do it", he says, and I close my eyes.
Okay, concentrate on an emotion, hmmm. How about how funny it was to ask Holly for toilet paper.
I open my eyes and watch her head toward the bathroom.
"Holly? Holly!" But there I am, sitting on the barstool, and there she goes, unable to hear or see me.
No! This isn't working. There's no point staying in this dream and I shake myself awake.
"That was fast", Laf says.
"It didn't work." I swallow hard to get past the lump in my throat. This has to work. "When I entered the dream, I couldn't do anything but watch myself and Holly."
"You have to get inside yourself, Sook. Not watching yourself, you have step inside yourself."
"If I could do that don't you think I would?!"
"Sookie, I told you this is tough stuff and it might take a while or we may never figure it out…"
"No! I'll do it myself…Lafayette…please…" The harder I fight not to cry, the more tears stream down my cheeks, the scarier I sound. This isn't his fault. "Lafayette, please, I can't live without him."
"F*ckkkk", Laf moans. "Okay, do you know the moment modern Eric entered ancient Eric's body?"
"It was as we were falling asleep", I sniffle, "It felt like something happened, like a shock or a breeze, or something. I didn't know what it was, but I felt it."
"When did it happen?"
I wipe my eyes and smile. "Just days before E.J. was born. I was wrapped up in Eric's arms, warm and safe. His arms around me, his hand on my belly. The baby always quieted under that big, warm hand. We were just waiting for E.J., sleeping, cuddling, it was wonderful."
Lafayette sighs. "What emotion did you choose when you went back to our night at the bar?"
"How funny it was to trick Holly", I say, drying my eyes.
"Well that ain't nearly strong enough, Sook. Can you imagine why it was so easy for Eric to be drawn into himself? How much he wanted to experience that? That memory probably meant everything to Eric…" He clears his throat. I know this Eric is foreign to Lafayette. "You gotta do better than that, Sookie."
I could do this night and day, for days and weeks on end. Try to find a memory that moved me enough. Maybe Momma and Daddy's funeral. But I won't do it. I won't keep breaking my heart over and over and keep failing.
"Laf, I can't do this anymore", I say. "This is either going to work, or it isn't but I can't have my heart broken anymore or spend any more time away from my child."
"Sookie, we need to practice…"
"No!" I yell, "I've had enough of this! I want him back NOW. If he wakes up, he'll wake up where he fell asleep right? In our bed?"
He nods his head distantly.
"Please, Lafayette, please…"
He grudgingly follows me to my car.
I spend an hour describing the village, every single detail. The way the houses look, the people who live there, their names, descriptions, the walk to the Baltic Sea, the inside of the main house, the throne room, the small room where Eric and I slept.
"Do you think you can find it?" I ask. He nods his head.
"Sook, I still don't want you to do this."
I lie down on our bed, in my old bedroom, on my pink comforter. It's strange to be back here. After I woke up with a handful of ash, I never slept here again.
"God almighty, Sookie. Okay, you have half an hour. I'm not risking you. You got that? You have one half hour, and then I wake you up, with or without Eric."
"Okay", I confirm.
"I can see you ignoring me! But I can and will wake you up, Sook!"
"Just put me under." I snuggle down onto the bed and close my eyes. I know exactly the moment. The moment that will tear my heart out from fear, and compel me into my own body.
"Shit", Lafayette says. It's the last thing I hear from this world.
A deep breath. Snow, everywhere. I'm not used to the cold anymore, and I gasp with the shock. I allow myself one moment to look around and remember. It's like I never left. This place is as much my home as Bon Temps, a dream from which I never wanted to awaken, paradise in the Dark Ages.
"Majesty?"
"Ysgar?!" I throw my arms around him. Shaggy red beard, woolen clothes, furs wrapped around him, I'm even happy to have his stink back.
It worked! Thank you God, it worked!
I'm holding papers in my hand and one slips through my fingers. I pick it up.
Sookie mine,
I knew if I left this here you would find it. You're endlessly curious. By now, I am likely already gone. This is my last word to you. I can't bring myself to tell you good-bye, and if I did, I know you would never let me go. And I couldn't bear to leave. I'm taking part in a sacrifice called The Blót. Rest assured this is best for everyone…