The perfectness of the following quote came completely by chance after I'd finished writing, in case you were wondering! Have I hinted lately that I love your reviews? Xx

-x-x-x

"There once was a girl who found herself dead.

She peered over the ledge of heaven

and saw that back on earth

her sister missed her too much,

was way too sad,

so she crossed some paths

that would not have crossed,

took some moments in her hand

shook them up

and spilled them like dice

over the living world.

It worked.

The boy with the guitar collided

with her sister.

'There you go, Len,' she whispered. 'The rest is up to you.'"

- Jandy Nelson, The Sky Is Everywhere

20

Edward had a huge day in surgery on Monday, so it was Tuesday before I heard from him. He'd called on Sunday when I was with Alice to say goodnight when he finished his shift in the afternoon. He had a tough roster that week, the flip side of which meant he was getting a full seven days off soon. We'd been texting a lot, but when I saw his name on the caller display it surprised me how much I wanted to hear his voice. I felt awkward, but he clearly didn't, chatting to me casually. I could answer all his questions, until he asked me to meet him the following night. Despite my new will to let him in, I still stuttered over a response, until he cut me off.

"Bella, just meet me at the benches at Pike Place at seven p.m. I'll see you then."

Alice came over uninvited the next evening, made sure I was dressed, shoved my coat toward me and pushed me out the door. I was sitting on a wooden bench seat when Edward arrived with two cups of hot chocolate. We walked around and took in the view of the city lights reflecting across the water. I was once again surprised at how comfortable it was. We had finished our drinks and were back where we started from, leaning against the railing, when Edward pulled something out of his coat pocket and handed it to me.

"What is it?" I asked, feeling a little silly.

"What does it look like?" he said with a gentle smile.

"It looks like a heart-shaped box I guess."

"That's exactly what it is," Edward said, his smile spreading to his eyes.

"It has no lid and it's empty," I said, blushing from the embarrassment at missing something.

"Correct again."

I looked at him blankly, taking my bottom lip between my teeth.

"Bella, it is what it is. It's not hiding anything. It's not taking anything away. And it's not going anywhere you don't want it to. It's ready and willing to keep and look after something, if you want it to. If you want it to be yours, then it already is." And then he wasn't just talking about the box anymore. "It just needs to know."

He finished by placing the pad of his thumb against my lip and drawing it out from my teeth. He left his hand against my face, cupping my cheek and chin. I felt my eyes moisten knowing that, somehow, this man got me. Somehow he understood me and he understood my pain. More than that though, he could feel my fear, and while he may not fully understand that, he was ready and willing to attempt to adapt to it. He wanted to be what I needed. He wanted to be what I had convinced myself I didn't or shouldn't want.

"How did you know?" I stuttered quietly. He had stunned me.

"At the hospital when I gave you Rose's belongings. And a few things you've said since."

I just stared at it, dumbfounded.

"I've got the lid, if you ever want to seal it in, to keep forever," he whispered. He placed a delicate, chaste kiss on my forehead with his full, soft lips, and with that, he moved away into the cool Seattle night air.

I watched him until he faded into the distance, and then I brought my eyes back to my heart-shaped box. His words replayed in my head. I was the one who held it safely in my hands, and I would be the one who decided what to do with it. How he knew to dig so deep into me was baffling. He'd delved under the cover I had put up to protect both him and me and found things that even I had barely just figured out for myself. In a matter of months, I would gamble that he knew me better than I knew me.

I had unwittingly denied myself the capacity to form attachment beyond those who were vital to my survival. Seemingly strong marriages ended in pain and heartache, mothers moved away from daughters, grandparents showed you unfailing love then passed on all too soon. Someone who was so indelibly a part of you that you were absolutely convinced that they would never, ever leave you – not until you were both on your way out… Nothing was untouchable; nothing was safe. One third of you could be removed with the resounding final thud of your sister's heart. But I was stupid if I thought I wasn't already attached to Edward. Denial wouldn't change the feeling in my gut that was creeping closer and closer toward my heart.

This box I held, it contained the possibility of mending my missing piece. What it symbolized wasn't a replacement; it was just different and new. I didn't hate this at all. In fact, from deep inside me, I was aching to give myself over to it. Everything I had been stifling within me was bursting to be let free.