I'm going away this weekend so it is likely that I'll miss a day of posting. I know you'll forgive me? Loved everyone's reactions to the last two chapters – thank you. I seriously have some amazing readers for this fic. Hope you'll stick with me xx

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"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."

- Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

22

We had dinner again the following night with Emmett at his place. Edward held Ben for a while before Em put him to bed. It was nice to see him with my nephew away from a hospital room. I got the impression that Edward felt the same. His job had made him a natural with kids, and I think Ben may have even recognized him. It was a welcome reminder of that little boy having so many people around him who cared.

Em headed to bed early given he had an early wake-up call from an unsettled little man this morning. He couldn't get him back down, so I got up and we took him for an early morning walk together. The suburbs were peaceful at that time; the fresh air felt good hitting my lungs. We didn't talk much. Both of us just enjoyed the simplicity of something at a time when life hadn't seemed to have much simplicity. I'd even woken feeling fresher than normal. Edward's kisses seemed to work as a natural sedative to my unsettled sleep and nightmares. I'd slept for five hours in one stretch, an improvement on my recent record of two.

I joined Edward on the couch, him with a red wine and me with a cup of tea. It was supposed to help me sleep, but I think I'd found a better holistic method for that. After last night, it didn't feel like I needed any polite distance between us. When I leaned in to him, he lifted an arm, tucking me against his chest. We were quiet for a while, enjoying the change that had allowed us to become closer, Coldplay on in the background. It was a big deal, and if Edward hadn't been there, the room would have been silent. I'd been avoiding music. As someone who loved the written word, lyrics were like candy to no me. Too many of them held potential to be a catalyst for a memory or more tears.

"This song – 'Yellow' – it always reminded me of her."

Talk about ripping off the Band-Aid. Edward kissed my head, his hand mindlessly brushing against my neck, my hair, the fabric of my top.

"Is it kooky and spiritual to feel like my sister had a hand to play in this? It is kooky and spiritual, oh man..." I laughed halfheartedly, embarrassed at myself.

Loss really did make you think of some things a bit differently than you may have before. After my grandmother died, I was convinced that she was inside the electric organ that Charlie kept from her belongings at our house. She used to play it religiously. Granddad would read or do puzzles while she played for a couple of hours a day. She had her own internal metronome. Emmett used to joke about Grandma Swan's syncopation and that you could never sing along to her Christmas carols because you'd have to pause mid-word or hold notes that weren't meant to be held. I smiled at the memory and hoped that memories of Rose would be so easy for me soon.

"It was the wrong place at the wrong time, but on the flip side, it was the right place at the right time." I sighed and shook my head. "I won't ever look at that night with even the faintest slant of positivity or thanks, aside from the fact that Ben survived, of course. Instead, I'm just going to be thankful for the time afterward, when you took a chance on me at the lowest point in my life."

We shifted so my legs were over his lap and we could see each other's faces. I sipped on my tea now that it was cooler. He was staring at me, to the point it would be unnerving if it weren't for the reverence in his eyes and the fact that I was more than happy to stare back.

"I haven't told you this yet, because there were bigger things that you needed to know. But it's started to grind on me that you haven't heard what I'm thinking every time I look at you…so I think it's an okay moment to tell you that you're the most crazy beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on, Bella. You seriously blow me away."

I took his glass and placed it with mine on the coffee table to free our hands. I hadn't made out on a couch since my early college days, and it was never like this. Never as good, never as real, never as important. We let words slip away for a while until the depth of the night crept into our awareness.

"Will you let me come to LA with you on Monday? I have the week off, and I don't want you to be alone," he whispered, his forehead pressed gently against mine.

I had wanted to ask him but didn't want to put him in an awkward position if he couldn't or didn't want to. Trust Edward to know what I wanted without me saying so.

"Are you sure? I only have to be there three days. They've condensed all of the script work in light of my recent…stuff. I'll be tied up all day but we'd have the evenings."

"Of course I'm sure."

"I'd really like that."

I moved in to kiss the smile that touched his lips. It sounded so adolescent, but it was my happy place. I was justified in using such a cliché when the rest of my places had been so dark and challenging. I broke away and looked at him again, stroking his cheek once with my hand. I had to keep checking that he was real.