Another short one today sorry - but never fear! There are a few longer chapters on their way! Thankyou so much for the follows!
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6. Ilos
The ship is quiet.
Tangible suspense hangs in the air of the Normandy, seeping into the cracks, running through the power conduits, flickering in the unmanned stations. Ilos is looming on the horizon, its shadow falling across the bridge regardless of the fact it's hours away. Arianna stirs and her eyes flicker open, vividly green even in their half-awake state.
She smiles.
It's completely ridiculous, she knows, that she can smile at this particular moment. It's unfathomable that she's filled with warmth that's not purely nervous energy. Flashes of last night leap one by one into the forefront of her mind, like frames in an old-earth movie.
"Don't you think we're a little past titles?"
"If I didn't think you were doing the right thing, I wouldn't be here."
"If things don't go well, I want you to know; I've enjoyed serving under you."
The commander presses her face into the pillow to suppress laughter as she remembers Kaidan's voice and sheepish facial expression. You went with that one?, she thinks, smooth.
"You're still hesitating?"
"…I mean the regs against fraternization seem kinda petty now."
"I think about losing you and I can't stand it."
"You and I, we, are important right now."
"Stay here tonight Kaidan."
A small, insistent, red light begins flashing out of the corner of her eye and she sighs. Her alarm clock is finely tuned to her visual cortex Alliance implants, soundless and stealthy. Half an hour until this is all over. She turns her head and her smile widens inexplicably. She feels like a kid in a candy store, a thrill at their clandestine little secret. Kaidan's face is so close to her own that she can almost feel his breath on her forehead. She looks up, taking in his features, his expression peaceful, innocent, contented.
"Kaidan?"
His brow furrows and he buries his face further into the pillow, groaning slightly. She files the fact that he's clearly not a morning person away for later.
"Come on, we need to go."
"You, are the worst person, in the entire world." He mumbles, his voice muffled but it's definitely laced with wry good humour and not a little bit of fondness.
"I try." She replies in French, sitting up, the covers around her chest.
There's a flurry of movement, so sudden that she doesn't see it coming. Kaidan's fingers close around her upper arm and then he's somehow, Shepard doesn't quiet see how, manages to flip her around so she's crushed to his chest, arms circling her waist. She laughs against his cheek, her black hair falling across his face.
"Seriously Kaidan, we have to go."
He sighs, "I know."
Neither of them moves.
It's almost like they're hoping, beyond hope, that if they ignore Ilos, it'll cease to be. Like the Captain's cabin is outside of the space-time-continuum.
"Commander, 15 minutes out from the relay."
She squeezes her eyes shut as tightly as she can and her fists clench. She must stay strong, stay together, if not for the crew then for herself. They look at her and see hard, fierce, capable, unflappable Commander Shepard.
Well, she thinks, most of them.
How Kaidan has managed to look past her shield and see her, she will never understand. How he's managed to be a soldier the minute he steps foot in the Mako, never questioning, always trusting and always following orders, but also be her friend and confidant when they're off duty. It's like he's able to flick a switch in his brain. She's come to trust him completely, she realizes with a start, and it's been a long time since someone has wormed their way in through her tightly controlled mask. Not since Mindoir.
The minute she realizes she truly loves him she doesn't say anything. It's been creeping up on her so stealthily she really doesn't know what to do with it. All of that time on the ship in between missions, talking, playing poker, stealing ice-cream, laughing, crying…
"We need to go." He whispers into her hair, his voice low and sad.
She takes a breath and slowly and carefully, puts her revelation into a box, tucking it away in the corner of her mind. It would need to be dealt with later, but right now, the Mu Relay was looming.
And then they're both dressed in their Alliance uniforms, standing near the door to her cabin. They are both aware that the minute they set foot outside, this moment is over. He leans over and kisses her, softly, his hands on the sides of her neck.
"To be continued." She murmurs as the doors slide shut behind him.
The ship is quiet.
You heard the commander.